My Fiancee is worried of my new job offer

[oscar12 23]

Well i thank God for everything he has done for me and my fiancee but truly for me,i think everything is happening so fast....i meet my fiancee 3 years ago and we became best friends later fall in love after over 8 months of talking daily on line and over the phone.on that period of time,she broke her legs and went through surgery and Thank God she finally recovered fully and i was there to support her and always cheer her up as much as i could, and she was so happy after her recovery,she visited me and we had good times and she met my family and she got to know more about me and all that..............And During my service year,she came visiting me the second time and we finally got engage and we decided to get married and i told her that we will get married but that i must finish my one year compulsory service to Nigeria (NYSC).she agreed and waited patiently and we still continue our yahoo chat and web cam and i understand with in myself that is just so hard to wait without having things moving and as much it was hard for me either to wait knowing how much we missed each other everyday that goes by....but we decided to wait and we keep waiting,Both my parents and her parents agreed with us for me to finish my service year before we finally get married,like we both decided,Her parents are both Nigerians but live in US....But we had a challenge,the Nigerian weather was too hard on her skin the two times she visited,so she was not able to stay long,but at any rate,we had fun and fun and fun....and Now,in Jan 2011,we decided to file k-1 visa for us to get married shortly after my arrival in the US knowing that i will be done with my service year in Feb 10,so we did file and we got our NOA1 in 8th of february,2011 and we were hoping that it will take like 4 to 5 months before the approval,we were approved in 3rd March 2011,That was just 23 days from Noa1 and As we drop this note,Our package is on its way to Nigerian Consulate from NVC...We were very happy and we thank our God for her blessing in us..Fortunately,now that am done with my service year,i got an offer letter to start working in one of the leading Nigerian banks that i served with to resume work next week..And i just told my fiancee about the good news and she was so mad about the offer letter,i just told her is just an offer that i never plan on staying back after the whole process is done with my visa,But she is just so worried and she is telling me not to accept the offer,i mean i don't know what to say..In me,i don't have any issues with me leaving the job behind and getting married to my fiancee shortly after my arrival in the US like we have always dreamt of becus i know i truly love her with all that i am and becus she was there for me when i was even still a student,she supported me,encourage me,waited patiently for me and i truly am willing to do whatever that will make her happy....i just want her to understand that i just needed to be working for now till we get everything done,then i will resign but she just want me NOT to accept the offer at this point...But my concern is that she is so worried with this new development of me getting an offer to start working at this point and she is worried that i might not be coming like we agreed on which i don't have plan whatsoever not to.....PLS how do i make her understand that i am still coming even as much as i have this offer,that i still love her and that we are getting married as soon as i arrive...Well anyway....i have called her parents and explain things to them and they agreed with what am saying,but right now ,she refuse to take calls from her parents and even discussing anything about that....pls advise,My Mom promise to talk to her today but i have not called her yet to know how the conversation went...PLS VJ,i never wanted to discuss this over here but is getting beyond me....she is calling me over and over and over again to know what i decided on doing.....pls urgent advice.....thanks....

Edited March 12, 2011 by Oscar12

[monyfer 27]

My fiance recently accepted a new job, which he will have to leave in a couple months once our visa was approved. I was a little worried that he might not want to come anymore since he has a new job, but he assures me he will and I believe him. It is hard to have a good job and to leave it to go to the US where you might not be able to get something good right away. Just try to reassure her and tell her this experience will help your future prospects for jobs in the US. Good luck!

[Rachel and Erico 1]

Hi Oscar12,

I can really relate to your situation, because my fiance in Nicaragua has had some recent developments in his life that have made me worried that he will not follow through with our decision for him to come to the United States on our k-1 visa. So, I guess you could say that I have found myself in the same fearful position/reaction that your fiance is having. Like you and your fiance, Erico and I have had some very difficult conversations about the issue. In these conversations, I expressed my fear that these developments in his life might make him not want to leave his country, and he assuaged my fears by reassuring me that he is still planning to come, and that his feelings and our decision have not changed, but that for now he still has to live in his country, make a living, and uphold his current, immediate financial and personal responsibilities. I felt much better after revealing my fears, and then hearing Erico's reassurances.

I think you should talk with your fiance and explain that taking this job *for now* will be good for you professionally and economically (I assume), and then explain that you love her very much and have absolutely no plans to stay in Nigeria once the visa comes through. Reassure her that you are committed to building a life with her in the United States and that your feelings have not changed. Explain that you'd like to take this job to make your remaining time in Nigeria more fulfilling and tolerable while you wait on the visa. So, I'm suggesting that you do everything you can to reassure your fiance that you are still committed to marrying her and immigrating to the U.S. She sounds very scared, and I think this is a normal response when we put so much on the line for one another; try to listen and understand her fears and reassure her in every way you can. Ask her what she needs to hear to feel reassured, and tell her those things. You may also need some reassurance that she will support you if you take this job temporarily; if you need reassurance, tell her what you need to hear and ask her to tell you those things.

Good luck. I know just what you're going through. Trusting one another can be difficult sometimes; I think sometimes I forget that just because Erico and I are engaged, doesn't mean we're not still building and strengthening our relationship and our trust. That process continues, and these sorts of conflicts and discussions are all a part of that process (as are the fun and easy times!).

Rachel

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

I COULDN'T READ THIS, I NEED ...PERIODS AND PARAGRAPHS. I didn't know when to take a paused, seriously. Help me out....

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Well i thank God for everything he has done for me and my fiancee but truly for me. i think everything is happening so fast....i meet my fiancee 3 years ago and we became best friends. later fall in love after over 8 months of talking daily on line and over the phone. .on that period of time,she broke her legs and went through surgery and Thank God she finally recovered fully and i was there to support her and always cheer her up as much as i could, and she was so happy

after her recovery,she visited me and we had good times and she met my family and she got to know more about me and all that..............And During my service year,she came visiting me the second time and we finally got engage.

and we decided to get married and i told her that we will get married but that i must finish my one year compulsory service to Nigeria (NYSC).she agreed and waited patiently and we still continue our yahoo chat and web cam and i understand with in myself that is just so hard to wait without having things moving and as much it was hard for me either to wait knowing how much we missed each other everyday that goes by....but we decided to wait and we keep waiting,Both my parents and her parents agreed with us for me to finish my service year before we finally get married,like we both decided

,Her parents are both Nigerians but live in US....But we had a challenge,the Nigerian weather was too hard on her skin the two times she visited,so she was not able to stay long,but at any rate,we had fun and fun and fun....and Now,in Jan 2011,we decided to file k-1 visa for us to get married shortly after my arrival in the US knowing that i will be done with my service year in Feb 10,so we did file and we got our NOA1 in 8th of february,2011 and we were hoping that it will take like 4 to 5 months before the approval,we were approved in 3rd March 2011,That was just 23 days from Noa1 and As we drop this note,Our package is on its way to Nigerian Consulate from NVC...We were very happy and we thank our God for her blessing in us..

Fortunately,now that am done with my service year,i got an offer letter to start working in one of the leading Nigerian banks that i served with to resume work next week..And i just told my fiancee about the good news and she was so mad about the offer letter,i just told her is just an offer that i never plan on staying back after the whole process is done with my visa,But she is just so worried and she is telling me not to accept the offer,i mean i don't know what to say..In me,i don't have any issues with me leaving the job behind and getting married to my fiancee shortly after my arrival in the US like we have always dreamt of becus i know i truly love her with all that i am and becus she was there for me when i was even still a student,she supported me,encourage me,waited patiently for me and i truly am willing to do whatever that will make her happy....i just want her to understand that i just needed to be working for now till we get everything done,then i will resign but she just want me NOT to accept the offer at this point..

.But my concern is that she is so worried with this new development of me getting an offer to start working at this point and she is worried that i might not be coming like we agreed on which i don't have plan whatsoever not to....

.PLS how do i make her understand that i am still coming even as much as i have this offer,that i still love her and that we are getting married as soon as i arrive...Well anyway....i have called her parents and explain things to them and they agreed with what am saying,but right now ,she refuse to take calls from her parents and even discussing anything about that....pls advise,My Mom promise to talk to her today but i have not called her yet to know how the conversation went...

PLS VJ,i never wanted to discuss this over here but is getting beyond me....she is calling me over and over and over again to know what i decided on doing.....pls urgent advice.....thanks....

Wait and see what your Mom's and her conversation leads to. She will turn around.

Edited March 12, 2011 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[dogspot 90]

my thoughts to you is to accept the position. You never know what snags your case will experience in the coming months and it's so important to be taking care of yourself in such cases. Sometimes people drop everything too soon, before the visa is granted, only to be disappointed with a long, unexpected wait.

My fiancee was recently promoted witht he company she works. It's exciting for her because it is allowing her to learn and grow a little more while waiting and keeping her mind occupied on other things other than this process. Personal growth is so important and shouldn't be compromised by this ridiculous process.

I understand your fiancee is nervous that you might be tempted to stay in Nigeria because of the new position. Try to convince her otherwise and let her know that it is important for you to keep your mind occupied and always learning/growing. Best of luck to you and conratulations both on your fast approval and the job offer.

Edited March 12, 2011 by dogspot

[KDOR 1]

You getting a job will not hinder the process or your relationship, it is just for you both to benefits. I am a Nigerian too and i know how it is to survive over there or anywhere around the world without a Job, When you guys begins the K-1 process the fees involves is about or over $1000, if you are working she would be able to save money to pay for the process rather than sends you some money. I was a Nigerian student in Malaysia when i met my wife and i abandoned my study after 2yrs to be with the woman i love. So let her know that the job you taken is not contractual, and that you could resign anytime you have to be with her and that it wont stop or even limit the communication between the two of you. The time you have both waited is so much, so the little time left for the K-1 process to go through and the two of you to be together is gonna be like the snap of a finger and it will be an happy ending.

[patient2010 93]

The best u can do is talk with her and ensure her u still love her and plan to follow through with the plan. You also need to tell her to trust u and beliebe ur a man of ur word. Just give her some time she will calm down and go along with everything.....Good luck!

[JoannaV 173]

Tell her that, other than supporting you, the rest of the money you earn working this new job will be for your new life together: any new visa-related expenses that arrive in Nigeria, maybe your flight costs, your wedding in America, and the setting-up of your home together. You want to do something during your remaining time spent waiting in Nigeria doing something that will benefit your new life with her.

[Emilylpl 1]

@lifesjourney. What is your problem???? Seriously dude! How rude!!!

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

With Lagos you can never be absolutely sure how an interview will go. They could put you on AP or deny you causing you to stay in Nigeria longer than either of you want. You do need to support yourself and it will be helpful if you have a little savings when you come. Your girlfriend needs to relax a little. It is probably visa stress but everything happens for a reason and this job offer means the two of you will have some spare money.

[JunLei09 2]

Well i thank God for everything he has done for me and my fiancee but truly for me,i think everything is happening so fast....i meet my fiancee 3 years ago and we became best friends later fall in love after over 8 months of talking daily on line and over the phone.on that period of time,she broke her legs and went through surgery and Thank God she finally recovered fully and i was there to support her and always cheer her up as much as i could, and she was so happy after her recovery,she visited me and we had good times and she met my family and she got to know more about me and all that..............And During my service year,she came visiting me the second time and we finally got engage and we decided to get married and i told her that we will get married but that i must finish my one year compulsory service to Nigeria (NYSC).she agreed and waited patiently and we still continue our yahoo chat and web cam and i understand with in myself that is just so hard to wait without having things moving and as much it was hard for me either to wait knowing how much we missed each other everyday that goes by....but we decided to wait and we keep waiting,Both my parents and her parents agreed with us for me to finish my service year before we finally get married,like we both decided,Her parents are both Nigerians but live in US....But we had a challenge,the Nigerian weather was too hard on her skin the two times she visited,so she was not able to stay long,but at any rate,we had fun and fun and fun....and Now,in Jan 2011,we decided to file k-1 visa for us to get married shortly after my arrival in the US knowing that i will be done with my service year in Feb 10,so we did file and we got our NOA1 in 8th of february,2011 and we were hoping that it will take like 4 to 5 months before the approval,we were approved in 3rd March 2011,That was just 23 days from Noa1 and As we drop this note,Our package is on its way to Nigerian Consulate from NVC...We were very happy and we thank our God for her blessing in us..Fortunately,now that am done with my service year,i got an offer letter to start working in one of the leading Nigerian banks that i served with to resume work next week..And i just told my fiancee about the good news and she was so mad about the offer letter,i just told her is just an offer that i never plan on staying back after the whole process is done with my visa,But she is just so worried and she is telling me not to accept the offer,i mean i don't know what to say..In me,i don't have any issues with me leaving the job behind and getting married to my fiancee shortly after my arrival in the US like we have always dreamt of becus i know i truly love her with all that i am and becus she was there for me when i was even still a student,she supported me,encourage me,waited patiently for me and i truly am willing to do whatever that will make her happy....i just want her to understand that i just needed to be working for now till we get everything done,then i will resign but she just want me NOT to accept the offer at this point...But my concern is that she is so worried with this new development of me getting an offer to start working at this point and she is worried that i might not be coming like we agreed on which i don't have plan whatsoever not to.....PLS how do i make her understand that i am still coming even as much as i have this offer,that i still love her and that we are getting married as soon as i arrive...Well anyway....i have called her parents and explain things to them and they agreed with what am saying,but right now ,she refuse to take calls from her parents and even discussing anything about that....pls advise,My Mom promise to talk to her today but i have not called her yet to know how the conversation went...PLS VJ,i never wanted to discuss this over here but is getting beyond me....she is calling me over and over and over again to know what i decided on doing.....pls urgent advice.....thanks....

You need to decide which is more important. You need to ask yourself, you can always get a job, can you always get someone like her?

[kenzie2 3]

You need to decide which is more important. You need to ask yourself, you can always get a job, can you always get someone like her?

Are u serious? The fact that he takes the job doesnt make him love her any less, Immigration is very unpredictable why should he sit around and wait on the process to be complete. Waiting is hard, if he has a job it will occupy his mind and his time, and he'll be earning a living at the same time. He should take the job

Edited March 13, 2011 by kenzie2

[Mariye & Ky 172]

Hi Oscar!

First let me say Congratulations on the very quick approval for your VJ!! Wonderful!!!

My fiance took a job working abroad from Turkey when we were just newly engaged and filing our K1 Visa. I was very anxious about it because he wouldn't even be in his own country to collect his documents we'd need for the NOA2. Not only that, since he would be working for a civilian contracting company for the US military, God only knows how that contract reads because it's not American and not as clear cut as one would think; sketchy if you ask me. They extended him since his completion date at end of Feb '11 for another month which I am still OK with.

But let me assure you after he left out for work I was fine with it. He needed to work and save money for our future as best as he could and the work in Turkey pales in comparison. I respect him for going because his assurance over and over to me was he was doing this for "us".

I think once all your parents talk with her, your fiance will know you're not locked into some 'forever stay in Nigeria contract', and you can terminate your position anytime you need to! Plus, the benefits of working are for yours and her future!

Best wishes to you both and God Bless,

Mari

[oscar12 23]

Well thank you good people of Vj,I really do appreciate the wonderful advice i get thru you guys...Well my Mom was able to talk to her and made her understand is just an offer to start working and here in Nigeria,that is just few out of thousands that have such opportunities to start working after going thru school and that besides that i have every right to resign whenever i want to..That is not a contract job that have a specific period of time that i must be working....and she also assured her that i really love her and am doing what ever i can to follow up on the visa process of coming to US and that we are getting married as soon as i arrive becus that's the family decision before we started the whole process at the beginning.i think she is much better now and VJ,i copied all this comments you guys made on here and forwarded to her email address to read and see what people thinks about the whole situation and believe me,i think it really help to calm her down....She called last night after reading all the comments and said is okay with me going on with the job,that she was just worried becus i was so happy with the job offer thing or whatever like she said,whereas is should be trying to get all the required documents ready for my visa interview and probably be getting ready to join her than been too excited with the job offer....Well thank you Vj friends,you guys are awesome and i am forever grateful for all the advice.....And also we are planning for our wedding probably July if things go well......Thank you and God bless you all :thumbs::thumbs:i will keep everyone posted as time goes by....

Edited March 13, 2011 by Oscar12