Who should pay for small temple wedding in the U.S.?

[Mr. Florida 11]

Hello to all the VJ members out there. I have a question for all the veterans out there who have either faced this situation or something similar to what I'm about to face.

At the time of this writing, we recently received our NOA2 and our K-1 petition is on its way to the U.S. Consulate in Mumbai, India. My fiancee who is from India and I are planning on what we should do after she arrives to the U.S. We have already planned ahead that we will return about a year later to India to complete our traditional, ceremony wedding in front of a priest with both our families in attendance.

However, after she arrives to the U.S. with her K-1 visa and we have our registry marriage at the court, our families were thinking if we should conduct a small, ceremony wedding in front of a priest at a local temple in my city before her family returns to India, mostly because both our families think it's auspicious to start a life with God's blessings and blessings from both families. We will still have our main traditional ceremony wedding a year later in India. Since it is customary for the girl's family to hold the ceremony wedding, obviously our situation is different since she and I live on other sides of the planet at the moment. My question is the following. Who should be responsible financially for the temple, ceremony wedding here in the U.S.? Is it me, my parents, or her parents? I will find it especially difficult to pay for the ceremony wedding here as I am financially burdened from all directions with her visa, her future green card, my moving expenses since I recently moved to a new city for a new job, expenses for some basic furniture I need to buy before she arrives, etc. I am not unwilling to pay at all, but I need to know whose responsibility is this from a religious or cultural point of view. Who here has faced a situation like this and what solution did you come up with? I am very confused on this matter. Your opinions and experiences would be greatly appreciated and most enlightening to my situation. Thank you.

[Barbara J 115]

Hello to all the VJ members out there. I have a question for all the veterans out there who have either faced this situation or something similar to what I'm about to face.

At the time of this writing, we recently received our NOA2 and our K-1 petition is on its way to the U.S. Consulate in Mumbai, India. My fiancee who is from India and I are planning on what we should do after she arrives to the U.S. We have already planned ahead that we will return about a year later to India to complete our traditional, ceremony wedding in front of a priest with both our families in attendance.

However, after she arrives to the U.S. with her K-1 visa and we have our registry marriage at the court, our families were thinking if we should conduct a small, ceremony wedding in front of a priest at a local temple in my city before her family returns to India, mostly because both our families think it's auspicious to start a life with God's blessings and blessings from both families. We will still have our main traditional ceremony wedding a year later in India. Since it is customary for the girl's family to hold the ceremony wedding, obviously our situation is different since she and I live on other sides of the planet at the moment. My question is the following. Who should be responsible financially for the temple, ceremony wedding here in the U.S.? Is it me, my parents, or her parents? I will find it especially difficult to pay for the ceremony wedding here as I am financially burdened from all directions with her visa, her future green card, my moving expenses since I recently moved to a new city for a new job, expenses for some basic furniture I need to buy before she arrives, etc. I am not unwilling to pay at all, but I need to know whose responsibility is this from a religious or cultural point of view. Who here has faced a situation like this and what solution did you come up with? I am very confused on this matter. Your opinions and experiences would be greatly appreciated and most enlightening to my situation. Thank you.

If you want to save costs then get your marriage license and have a lovely civil ceremony in a park or little chapel somewhere with a minister. My husband had never had a religious touch to his previous marriages and I had already had the big white church wedding so we opted for a friend who was a minister and we had a beautiful ceremony in Orlando under a tree with prayers and all and we chose our own vows. Costs $250 for the park and I paid for the rest.(flowers, cake ) With all your expenses getting her here it is only fair that she should pay to contribute to the marriage here in the US. Just my thoughts.

Edited February 15, 2011 by Barbara J

[Mr. Florida 11]

To clarify furthermore, I am paying for her visa and her eventual green card, but her parents are paying for their and her plane tickets.

[Ontarkie 13,915]

My thoughts are if her parents are paying for a big traditional wedding later it would be rude to have them pay for the first one. Now since money is tight you can just do like the other post said and have a very small simple wedding outside or even at your parents house with a minister/priest so you can get the blessing to please both families. Your family may want to help out if you explain to them how hard it would be to pay for anything bigger then that. Something small like that would be the best bet in this situation. Again just my thoughts but I would not ask her family to pay since they are doing a big wedding later.

[Mr. Florida 11]

Okay, thank you for your thoughts. I needed some clarification since I've never been married before and I'm not sure what needs to be done in a situation like this.

[Harsh_77 716]

To clarify furthermore, I am paying for her visa and her eventual green card, but her parents are paying for their and her plane tickets.

Dude you are not paying for anybody, she is your future wife - it sounds like you are forced to pay for her immigration cosst.

[Harsh_77 716]

Be honest to her, her parents and your parents and let them know the situation is tight at the moment and spending that extra money on temple ceremony would be burden to you. I dont know how much it would cost you to have small temple ceremony, but I am guessing atleast $600-800, if you wish to save them be honest to both families and go from there.

I am sure your parents nor her parents would want to burden you with extra expense and they would understand the situation.

Good Luck dude.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Dude you are not paying for anybody, she is your future wife - it sounds like you are forced to pay for her immigration cosst.

I didn't take it that way at all. But it DOES bear mentioning because the OP is talking about the amount of money he has spent already, is going to be spending, and how it's made him a little financially strained which is why he's asking about who pays for this "little wedding". I personally paid for the Aus side of my process (except for the visa fee, he sent me money for that), and my fiance paid the US side. I paid for my flight and wedding dress. He paid for the actual wedding (well I think I helped out with bits and pieces.. it was a while ago now).

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OP - it's completely up to you and your fiancee what you want to do. If your fiancee doesn't want a ceremony in the US, or doesn't think it's necessary then don't worry about it. My in-laws changed a lot about the wedding I actually want and I do regret that so make sure you talk to her about it. As a side note - As I said before Tony paid for our US wedding but I want something in Australia when he and I are eventually able to go there. It's likely my family would pay the majority, and Tony and I would help out with it. It would hardly be expensive, just a gathering of friends.

You've got to remember you're planning (I hope) on only getting married once. There's nothing wrong with making it special, but going broke by doing so is pointless. I doubt it would be expensive and it would be a nice move I think and her parents would probably appreciate it.

[Myopia 93]

Culturally I would say that it is your parents responsibility as I think that the Indian ceremony is probably going to be huge and very elaborate as per the Hindu tradition (I am assuming you are Hindu)

You can have a very simple ceremony but if they are paying for flights etc its obvious that everyone is spending money and you want to create good feelings amongst everyone.

[Darnell 8,478]

You should pay for temple, for that day.

Good Luck !

[TBoneTX 43,048]

This whole thread is probably now moot, in light of the locked thread that was started by this same OP in the K-1 Case Reports subforum.