K-1 Potential Problems

[sheenaspapi 18]

Oh boy, I here another abuse story coming on. It seems like your saying she was mentally abused because he made her buy furniture? I think there may need to be a little more evidence than that.

I feel sorry for her to go thru the whole process and then have to go back. Unfortunately, that is a risk that is taken and no different for the petitioner either...... Except he has already spent thousands on a relationship that didn't work out.

There is always the other side of the story too.

As far as the answers you didn't like, I thought they were to the point without fluff and correct. If she truly was abused, hire a power attorney. It will cost her more than she has already lost.

Oh boy, I here another abuse story coming on. It seems like your saying she was mentally abused because he made her buy furniture? I think there may need to be a little more evidence than that.

I feel sorry for her to go thru the whole process and then have to go back. Unfortunately, that is a risk that is taken and no different for the petitioner either...... Except he has already spent thousands on a relationship that didn't work out.

There is always the other side of the story too.

As far as the answers you didn't like, I thought they were to the point without fluff and correct. If she truly was abused, hire a power attorney. It will cost her more than she has already lost.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

jesus christ,he did not pull the abuse card.

how is abuse?he is using his right.his right to not marry the person at one point he THOUGHT is the one for him.

i suggest you google the definition of abuse.

a way out on the other hand ( more " productive" so to speak ) is to tell her to return the furniture,get her money back,and move out,and then wait and see if the petitioner will change his mind,worst case scenario she'll go back home.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

My wife's aunt just came here last week and all of the sudden the US petitioner changes. He's on the verge of just abandoning her and her daughter. He said he doesn't know what he wants to do after spending $$$ to bring her here. She paid about $3,000 for furniture as well. We hope this resolves, but if it doesn't what options would she have. Hire a high power Immigration Attorney?

Okay here are her options:

1. If they are not married... go home. Sorry but this is her only option.

2. If they are married then she can try VAWA but she would need proof of abuse.

Unfortunately in regards to the furniture, her selling all her possessions.. nothing can be done. If she has the receipts she can try returning them (she hasn't had them long so perhaps an option) otherwise put an ad in the paper or sell them to family members.

Unfortunately relationships are a risk. She just happened to choose one where there was a large risk.. just like MANY of us on VJ have. There are people who have kids involved in the situation, others who lose family members/friends over relationships. Yes your wife's aunt may need to start from scratch in her home country again, but it's better than some people.

---

In regards to posters though, you might get annoyed at rude posters so report them. Firing back in the manner you did solves nothing. In fact people are less likely the want to help you and your question might never get answered clearly as people tell you how rude you are rather than answering the qn at hand.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[candn 17]

In regards to posters though, you might get annoyed at rude posters so report them. Firing back in the manner you did solves nothing. In fact people are less likely the want to help you and your question might never get answered clearly as people tell you how rude you are rather than answering the qn at hand.

Once he started using the terms "ignorant" and "idiot", I was turned off. I don't think anyone was trying to be mean or disrespectful. I can't speak for this OP but it seems people come looking for what they want to hear and not what is needs to be heard. I don't know of any other ways than those presented for the aunt. I do agree with someone that suggested earlier about possible counseling BUT you never know.

Edited October 11, 2010 by candn

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I thought VAWA could only be used if a K-1 couple had already married and filed for AOS. Can it be used before filing for AOS?

Additionally, I-134's are virtually unenforceable.

VAWA can also be used by an abused spouse to adjust status without the sponsorship of their US citizen or LPR spouse. In fact, the primary reason for the immigration clause in the VAWA act was to allow an abused alien spouse to adjust status, especially in cases where withholding AOS was one of forms of abuse. It probably comes up more often on VJ in removal of conditions cases.

But as several others have stated, they have to be married before VAWA can be used. She may have several civil court remedies for her problems, including breach of marriage contract (remember the letters of intent?), but she could only collect damages. She can't force him to marry her.

[SirLancelot 1]

VAWA can also be used by an abused spouse to adjust status without the sponsorship of their US citizen or LPR spouse. In fact, the primary reason for the immigration clause in the VAWA act was to allow an abused alien spouse to adjust status, especially in cases where withholding AOS was one of forms of abuse. It probably comes up more often on VJ in removal of conditions cases.

But as several others have stated, they have to be married before VAWA can be used. She may have several civil court remedies for her problems, including breach of marriage contract (remember the letters of intent?), but she could only collect damages. She can't force him to marry her.

A letter of intent is not a contract. Actually, one can always try to argue that some agreement was a contract, and a letter of intent could very well be a contract if it meets all the requirement for a legal contract, but a letter of intent is not a contract if it is properly constructed as a letter of intent.

All contracts need 4 elements, 1) agreement, 2) consideration, 3) capacity and 4) legality, to be legally enforceable. If any one of the four elements is missing in the letter of intent, then it's not a legal contract.

[soulprovider915 4]

I read the whole thread and then the original post again. Maybe it's more of a personal situation that could be resolved through counseling. Perhaps the petitioner is stressed (this is probably common). Perhaps the immigrant is overbearing and trying to change everything in his house and his life "all at once" (Ecuatorianas can be that way). We can't know this from the original post, but it could well be what's behind the situation.

In that the immigration options are clear as others have posted them, I'd say that several good sit-down discussions with objective family members -- or with a counselor -- would be worth their weight in gold right now. "Hoping that it will resolve" without thorough communication (about feelings, expectations, etc.) bears low odds. The boon of the situation is that most of the 90-day period remains.

You hit the nail right on the head. My wife and I actually spoke to both of them this morning and gave them their "counseling". Both of them apologized to us (since I/We did all of their paperwork) and most important they apologized to each other. Just as you explained it had a lot to do with the extreme pressure that the sponsor gets when the foreign spouse gets here. My wife and I explained to both of them that this is a normal process, and found fault with both of their ways of thinking. Since you understand the culture from Ecuador, you know exactly how it goes. Her kid who came with her is doing well through all of this. Thanks for a great response!!

[Tahoma 2,291]

VAWA can also be used by an abused spouse to adjust status without the sponsorship of their US citizen or LPR spouse.

JVP...Thanks for the info.

[soulprovider915 4]

Oh boy, I here another abuse story coming on. It seems like your saying she was mentally abused because he made her buy furniture? I think there may need to be a little more evidence than that.

I feel sorry for her to go thru the whole process and then have to go back. Unfortunately, that is a risk that is taken and no different for the petitioner either...... Except he has already spent thousands on a relationship that didn't work out.

There is always the other side of the story too.

As far as the answers you didn't like, I thought they were to the point without fluff and correct. If she truly was abused, hire a power attorney. It will cost her more than she has already lost.

Oh boy, I here another abuse story coming on. It seems like your saying she was mentally abused because he made her buy furniture? I think there may need to be a little more evidence than that.

I feel sorry for her to go thru the whole process and then have to go back. Unfortunately, that is a risk that is taken and no different for the petitioner either...... Except he has already spent thousands on a relationship that didn't work out.

There is always the other side of the story too.

As far as the answers you didn't like, I thought they were to the point without fluff and correct. If she truly was abused, hire a power attorney. It will cost her more than she has already lost.

Well let me tell you something about responses. Read them a little closer, they aren't all straight and to the point, some are down right cold and ignorant. Truth is truth but opinion is opinion. Please read how I respond to intelligent answers. VJ is supposed to be about community and helping each other through the good and the bad. A little sincerity for people is always nice especially in a bad situation. If you have to say the truth say it in a sincere way.

[soulprovider915 4]

Once he started using the terms "ignorant" and "idiot", I was turned off. I don't think anyone was trying to be mean or disrespectful. I can't speak for this OP but it seems people come looking for what they want to hear and not what is needs to be heard. I don't know of any other ways than those presented for the aunt. I do agree with someone that suggested earlier about possible counseling BUT you never know.

If you don't think some of those responses aren't disrespectful and cold, I feel sorry for you. I came here to hear options and maybe loop holes. I'm way farther down the road than you and have helped at least 10 people with their paperwork to have a successful K-1 processing. Please read my kind responses to the people who told me the ugly truth in a sincere way.

Edited October 11, 2010 by soulprovider915

[newlyweds2010 208]

In any case I doubt that VAWA would apply under these circumstances.

[candn 17]

If you don't think some of those responses aren't disrespectful and cold, I feel sorry for you. I came here to hear options and maybe loop holes. I'm way farther down the road than you and have helped at least 10 people with their paperwork to have a successful K-1 processing. Please read my kind responses to the people who told me the ugly truth in a sincere way.

Don't feel sorry for me. I am not the one with the problem nor did I call anyone names. On another note, I am glad things worked out for your family.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

You hit the nail right on the head. My wife and I actually spoke to both of them this morning and gave them their "counseling". Both of them apologized to us (since I/We did all of their paperwork) and most important they apologized to each other. Just as you explained it had a lot to do with the extreme pressure that the sponsor gets when the foreign spouse gets here. My wife and I explained to both of them that this is a normal process, and found fault with both of their ways of thinking. Since you understand the culture from Ecuador, you know exactly how it goes. Her kid who came with her is doing well through all of this. Thanks for a great response!!

Okay, I can understand this point much better now. Perhaps the option to marry is not completely out of the question (if the 90 days have not ran out yet) and your wife's aunt and her fiance can still consider moving on with the marriage. Yes, they could have a lesson on cultural differences and the adjustments needed to become a "couple." If your aunt's fiance still does not want to marry, then a talk about paying for the furniture your aunt bought could take place. If he still would not want to pay for the furniture that she bought (that he would keep in his house, I assume), then she could attempt to sue him in small claims court... Having said this, the "clock" would still be ticking for her, and she would have to get married within the 90 days or exit the country.

Best wishes!

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

A letter of intent is not a contract. Actually, one can always try to argue that some agreement was a contract, and a letter of intent could very well be a contract if it meets all the requirement for a legal contract, but a letter of intent is not a contract if it is properly constructed as a letter of intent.

All contracts need 4 elements, 1) agreement, 2) consideration, 3) capacity and 4) legality, to be legally enforceable. If any one of the four elements is missing in the letter of intent, then it's not a legal contract.

Nope. A marriage contract is different from other contractual agreements. The fundamental elements are offer and acceptance, as long as both parties understand there was a clearly intended offer of marriage. A letter of intent constitutes an offer and promise of marriage, but a formal contract isn't required. A marriage contract could be as simple as a public proposal followed by acceptance of the proposal.

Suggest you do a google search of "Breach of Marriage Promise". The laws that cover it are separate from contract law.

[TBoneTX 43,423]

You hit the nail right on the head. My wife and I actually spoke to both of them this morning and gave them their "counseling". Both of them apologized to us (since I/We did all of their paperwork) and most important they apologized to each other. Just as you explained it had a lot to do with the extreme pressure that the sponsor gets when the foreign spouse gets here. My wife and I explained to both of them that this is a normal process, and found fault with both of their ways of thinking. Since you understand the culture from Ecuador, you know exactly how it goes. Her kid who came with her is doing well through all of this. Thanks for a great response!!

I'm very happy to read this, si man. Were all of you on the phone simultaneously? If so, good. For safety (because the other couple's agreement to bury the hatchet is "new" to them, and not yet natural), perhaps you & your wife could conduct other such telephonic caucuses on a regular basis, or have the other couple call in (individually or together) to express their feelings to you. It's wise that they practice their newfound ways of interrelating until those methods become more permanent, si man.

For the benefit of other participants in this thread, here's a bit on "understanding the Ecuadorian culture." Mrs. T-B. & I are close friends with another USC guy/Ecuatoriana K-1 immigrant couple (not VJ members). The instant when the Ecuatoriana hit the threshold of the guy's house, she made a beeline for his closet and began throwing out all of his shirts that she considered to be ugly, worn, or otherwise unacceptable to her. She also ordered him to remove his mooseheads & antlered deerheads from the walls of his den, and that having his friends over socially was no longer allowed. She prohibited him from going out in public (with her or alone) unless he met her standards for dress & appearance. She refused to learn to drive and ordered him to take her wherever she wanted to go. This is an example of behavior from an aggressive Ecuatoriana.

Obviously, the guy was stressed by all this -- sudden change that he was expected to accept without discussion. Obviously, too, it's awkward (often an understatement) to move into someone's house that's "his" and not "yours + his." In such circumstances, there are ways of achieving a mutual living situation wherein both feel a part of it, and there are ways that aren't so good.

Mrs. T-B. handled things far differently, mostly through persuasion and patience. Had she handled things as the Ecuatoriana above did, her shapely hindquarters would have been shipped one-way back to Ecuador long ago. As it stands now, I ended up weeding out my UGSs (Ugly Gringo Shirts) myself, sometimes in bunches or one at a time, and Mrs. T-B.'s goals have been achieved, sigh man. (The couple above is still together, si man.)

As the OP alludes, perhaps some understandings were reached, si man.

Edited October 11, 2010 by TBoneTX