Happy Endings In Sub Sarahan

[evanscholly 1]

My Hubby arrived Nov. 28, we got married Dec 6th in my church, had a little ceremony and we started our marriage journey. It has really been a roller coster journey so far. Being single for so long, no kids, one gets used to his/her independence and there were alot of head butting moments but through prayers and the scriptures we are weathering through them all. Like every couples we have our good days and our bad days but the good days out weighs the bad ones. As someone earlier wrote, my husband is used to getting up in the morning and going to work but the four months plus he had to be at home was really stressful on our marriage.

I thank God he finally got 2 part time jobs now and he is relishing in the fact that he can go out to work and earn money to take care of the family gives him a much needed spring in his steps. We still have a few challenges here and there but we are more than able to get through them. I can sincerely say when I wake up in the morning and I see him next to me, I feel so happy and it makes the whole journey worthwhile. So for everyone waiting, there is light at the end of the tunnel, keep your chin up and your eyes fixed on God because He will make everything beautiful in His time.

[boo boo 1]

Hello Everyone,

I have not been on VJ in forever, so I wanted to say hi and share alittle about my story. My husband and I have been married now for over 3 years. When we filed for a fiancee visa, it took about 9 months before it was approved. My hubby is now an LPN and he will be a RN within a year. When I met him, he was going to college in Amsterdam and he received his Master's degree, but when he moved here he decided to change fields.

Shortly after he moved here, he encouraged me to go to school and be whatever I wanted to be...I have received my Associates since then and now I am a Junior at UCF. I go to school FT and currently my husband is the bread winner and he has been so supportive towards me going to college, I feel really Blessed to say the least.

Even after being married for what seems like eternity....we still have cultural differences. He does not eat American food, I eat only afew Nigerian dishes...he does not have a romantic bone in his body (although he does call me honey bunny) and I have always been a romantic at heart. I do love my husband and even though we do have our differences and sometimes bump heads...I avoid heated arguements to the best of my ability, I don't sweat the small stuff...and I think that is what has kept this marriage together...I simply hate drama and I avoid it by all means. If my husband does something that bother's me or upset's me...I usually express my feelings in a civilized manner..and I think he listens to me and understands my concerns.

He went home to Nigeria after not being there for over 5 years recently...he had the opportunity to stay there for about 5 weeks (I had class)....and during our little break away from each other it made us appreciate each other a little better. Before he left, he set up a US number on my cell and saved it and when I called that number, it would automatically go straight to him in Nigeria...and he had me call him every single day while he was a way

He may not be very romantic, but I can see that he does have a heart of gold. Marriage with someone who has many differences with you is difficult, but if you have patience and always remember there WILL be differences, you can make it through whatever comes your way. I show my husband on a daily basis the love I have for him, I let him know that I will always be his biggest fan, and I always try to make him laugh...I think he knows that his happiness means alot to me and I know that he will always want whats best for me and my children.

I'm sorry for rambling on and on....I wish everyone the best on your journey. Unfortunately, I do not come on VJ anymore because my journey is 100% completed and school keeps me busy..on top of my family. Take care and God Bless EVERYONE I am on Facebook, if anyone wants to add me (I am friends on FB with other VJ members) my name is Crystal Haupert or email is crystal_haupert@yahoo.com

[Pman's Wife 0]

Awww boo boo,

Your story is very heartwarming. I'm so glad things are going well for you.

It seems like even after the visa journey, there are other forums on here for the veterans, but I guess you're set.

All the best and thanks for sharing your story.

[Cheyemo 8]

I'm sorry for rambling on and on....I wish everyone the best on your journey. Unfortunately, I do not come on VJ anymore because my journey is 100% completed and school keeps me busy..on top of my family. Take care and God Bless EVERYONE I am on Facebook, if anyone wants to add me (I am friends on FB with other VJ members) my name is Crystal Haupert or email is crystal_haupert@yahoo.com

Your story is heartwarming! Is your husband not planning on becoming a citizen? I ask because you said you are 100% done.

[Perseverance 1]

as far as I am concerned...there are not any....

[Cheyemo 8]

as far as I am concerned...there are not any....

No happy endings? I'm sorry to hear that.

[dana0402 0]

We are still a work in progress so I can't say we have a "happy ending" as yet. In my mind we are still "new" in the marriage game. My husband arrived in the US in January of '07. We've been married for a little over three years now. Our first year was very difficult and stressful for a number of reasons including his adjustment to the US, our adjustment to living together, his bouts of homesickness, work-related stress for me, etc. None of this came as a surprise because it just made sense that it would not be easy to integrate our lives with all of the outside factors that we were dealing with. Luckily we have always had great communication, so over time we were able to compromise and try to understand the other's perspective. We have a come a long way in our marriage and I have nothing else to attribute that to but the grace of God and a wonderful support system. So overall I would say that we are happy. I don't have any regrets about the marriage and even if it doesn't work for us in the end, I am still glad that I took the chance. I have learned a great deal about myself through his immigration here and our marriage, and I think I am a better person for it. Hopefully 5-10 years down the road, we are still a work in progress.

I feel like I wrote this post myself!! I can totally relate. My husband arrived in May '07 and we've had the same ups and downs. I do think happy endings are possible though

[reeses16 8]

Very often folks forget this marriage issue (and the problems that often arise therein) are not exclusive to those that marry outside their race or tribe.

Understanding therefore that marriage by itself is a work in progress as so many have already alluded to in earlier posts is critical.

I have found that the key to simplifying this work-in-progress is to amplify the positives and downplay the negatives.

I agree with the excerpts from Masterpiece's post. Early in our marriage when I would share my frustrations (mostly about cooking!) with a friend, one day she brilliantly said, "Mom has the same complaints about my dad- a White man from Kentucky!" And I realized that a lot of the things I thought were "cultural adjustments" were just the adjustments that 2 independent, never married people go through in a marriage. However, I do agree that somethings that come up are culturally based.

Also great advice...down play the negatives in the sense that things that are not important in the long term do not grow into large problems, and amplify the positives.

[Cheyemo 8]

I'm so glad to have read these posts! OMG, it was what I was looking for when I came online to VJ. Thank you, thank you for your replies, you have reduced my anxieties greatly with all your stories. I know several people who have been married to African husbands and not one has been healthy and all but one I know of has ended in divorce and even that one has major problems. My husband and I have been married 2 yrs, known each other 3 yrs come July 7th, and he has been in the states for 7 months now. The communication issues have been the hardest for me. My job requires me to be a talker, and I do love to talk. I find so much in life interesting and what to share it with my husband. Now he calls himself "a man short of words" which is true except when he's on the phone with his Nigerian friends and family lol!!! We are learning each other and learning to compromise in an agreeable way. I love Nigerian food, it's what we mostly eat at home but I love to go out to dinner too and he just doesn't like much American food so we compromise by my eating a meal and his drinking a couple beers He is so bored waiting for his AOS interview which is coming soon and sometimes his temper gets short and I try to be understanding cuz I know it's hard for a proud man like him to sit at home all day while I'm working. He likes to go hang out with his African friends, he has a close friend a few blocks from us who is from Ghana...I call him his girlfriend cuz he gets so excited to go "play" with him....but I thank God he has him for company. A couple times I have gotten irritated with his wanting to go play with his friends and he said once, "You get to have fun at work" and I was like ???? But I see his point. We have our ups and downs but we agree we have our way of working them out. Seeing so many marriages fail or having problems around us puts a lot of pressure on us and gives me fears but he is always here to calm me down and listens to my anxieties even when he can't figure out why I think about these things....We love each other, we both are far from our families so understand the loneliness but we have plans and those plans will eventually bring us closer to our families.....It's been a rough trip so far....the visa process...long distance relationship...and now being newlyweds but married 2 yrs...but it is SO WORTH IT!!! Thanks for giving me a place to tell my story, it's great to see the similarities we all share! I'm seriously thinking of starting a Facebook group for happy married African/other race marriages and I hope if I do some of you will get on board and share your stories there.

TMI59, I get excited to read posts like yours. I hope you keep sharing. There actually is a facebook group, specific to Nigerian men that a lady started called the Real Housewives of Naija. There isn't that much activity but it's a nice group. I hope you see you there!

[S&ET 2]

I hope one day i can come back and talk about our Happy endings we still at NVC

Edited June 26, 2010 by S&ET

[Mr. K 8]

I look forward to contributing next year.

I wish to read more success stories posted here as well. There have been sooo many topics lately (in other forums) about how "it didn't work out".

Edited June 26, 2010 by Mr. K

[Kanyiri 0]

It's been a while since I've been here. My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years now. We have two sons and we are doing well. What has always helped us is the fact that I lived in Ghana for two years before we were married. It is imperative for each person in the marriage to understand where the other is coming from.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

We are still doing great so I thought I would give this topic a bump so we can give encouragement to those out there still in line.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

added from a separate post from moon68

Sorry it is has been a very long time since I have posted here on VJ but I do read the boards once in while. Just thought I wouild stop in and say HI to all the oldtimers and new ones. My husband and I have been married since april 2006 and he arrived here in the states in march of 2008. Since he has been here he has been working and taking good care of me.......Sad to say we have miscarraid 3 times. lost all three of our babies......However things are good now....we have been through alot together and our relationship only seems to get stronger every day........words can not express how much I love my husband and how much he loves me......We may be done with the visajourney however we are still on the journey of life togehter and it is a happy one. I cant say it is a happy ending because our love story is still being written......everyday we fill new pages up with many happy memories. And yes even when things are so sad and hard to deal with that is when we are at our best.....We dont turn away from one another we turn to each other for our strength.....We talk to each other listen to each other and respect each other...... Most importent we pray to our God Jehovah together.......When Jehovah is in a marrige and you are guided by his love then your marrige will be an everlasting one.........I hope that everyone here new or old VJ'ers find them selves as happy as we are......I will check back in soon, as my Husband is planning a trip to go back to Nigeria in march to visit his family.......will let you know how that turns out......byeee for now ...

Edited October 3, 2010 by NigeriaorBust

[Tamikuti7 0]

Wow, this is an awesome topic!!

I met my husband in early 2004, and we were married in Jan 2005. The first two years were serious business! We both had to do alot of adjusting!! He is a sweet guy, and hasn't changed much since I've met him. We have 1.9(lol) children together.( I'm due in Nov) He's not very traditional, but insists the children have Yoruba names. I always laugh when we discuss girls names because I told him if it has about 10 letters, it won't fly. He is starting to miss Nigeria, we have been planning on moving there within the next couple of years. Moving to Nigerias won't bother me one bit, we have tons of support there, and it would be great for the kids to know their g-mom alot better. Sadly,quite a few of my friends who were married around the same time as us have divorced or are in the process of getting one. This topic really made me smile, and breathe a sigh of relief!! Good luck to everyone. I'll be sure to stop by more often!