How to Prevent an international Abduction

[huskerbuffed 0]

First let me start by saying that I love my husband dearly. He is a member of the United States military (which is how he was able to get his citizenship so quickly) and has a great job. We have been married about a year and a half and have a 7 month old son. My husband is from Nepal. Nepal is not apart of the Hague Convention that pertains to international parental abductions. It seems like my husband has talked about taking the baby to meet his family from the moment he was born.

I am okay with this. I want my son to know his family and his heritage. However, I am by nature a worry wort (hey at least I am honest). I see and read all of these stories about international abductions and I do not want to lose my son. My husband has threatened divorce "because I don't trust him" if I do not allow him (well us- he wants me to go as well, which I am fine with) to take our son to Nepal.

Here is my dilemma if we get the baby a passport than either one of us can take the baby out of the country whenever we want. I feel like not getting the baby a passport is the best thing, but then, that just feels rude to say "hey you are foreign and I don't trust you not to do something stupid".

Nepal is also on the list of countries that the U.S. advices travellers to not go to.

I guess what I am really asking is if you all have any ideas on safeguards that I can put in place before I allow the baby to be taken out of the United States.

Does any of this matter anyways because my husband is a US citizen?

Please let me reiterate that I love my husband dearly, and I trust him 99.91%, but it is that .09% that encourages me to make sure I don't do something foolish, especially when it affects my son.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Firstly I think you mean "abduction" not adoption (in your subject heading).

As far as I can tell, your issues will lie with what will happen when you actually arrive in the foreign country. Your son has a US passport (well will) and will be able to travel BACK to the US without issue. I have an article here: http://www.sondur.com/Solo_Parent_Minor.htm in which it states that to LEAVE the US airports require a statement from the other parent (if it's one parent travelling) so him having a passport is okay, it's just whether your husband will fake your "letter of consent" one day.

Once he's in Nepal though, that's where your issue will be. Your son is a US citizen so if something ever happened you simply need to go to a US consulate as you are a "US citizen in trouble" and so is your son. What happens after that I'm not sure. I would think that your husband wouldn't risk anything because punishment in terms of Army is harsh.

I also have to be honest it never once (or at least not yet, I don't have kids yet) entered my head that my husband would take my child. The way I look at it is even if it didn't include another country the risk in such a big country as the US is still high for him to run away and hide with the kid. It's also just as likely that he'll file and win custody (it's happened before), or whatever. I think it's important to remember he loves you and your child. He's asking YOU to come too and that's a good sign I think.

If you're really concerned (like for yourself too), make sure you get ALL the contact information for his family/friends in Nepal. Get the address you'll be staying at. Give people your itinerary. Make sure your friends/family have recent photos of the both of you. Find the nearest consulate or contact details for that consulate near where you'll be.

Honestly though, this is a HUGE issue. You say you trust him but it's clear that you don't and I can't blame him for reacting the way he has. I cannot imagine how I would feel if my husband said "no you can never leave or take our child because you won't come back". Imagine how you would feel if he suddenly said you can't be alone with your son because you might leave him while he's at work and petition for custody. You would be appalled that he thought that way. Love is a risk and it's clear that you love your son greatly so the fear is a natural thing - but other bad stuff is just as likely (in fact more so) than your husband "stealing" your son while you are on holiday. It's a MASSIVE slap in the face for you to seriously think this is an issue. I know I would feel differently about my husband if he suggested it, and in fact if he was having such underhanded thoughts about me, my trust would lessen in him a bit too that it's something he's already considered...

I hope you feel better about it soon. Enjoy your trip to Nepal.

Edited January 7, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Dakine10 5,452]

First let me start by saying that I love my husband dearly. He is a member of the United States military (which is how he was able to get his citizenship so quickly) and has a great job. We have been married about a year and a half and have a 7 month old son. My husband is from Nepal. Nepal is not apart of the Hague Convention that pertains to international parental abductions. It seems like my husband has talked about taking the baby to meet his family from the moment he was born.

I am okay with this. I want my son to know his family and his heritage. However, I am by nature a worry wort (hey at least I am honest). I see and read all of these stories about international abductions and I do not want to lose my son. My husband has threatened divorce "because I don't trust him" if I do not allow him (well us- he wants me to go as well, which I am fine with) to take our son to Nepal.

Here is my dilemma if we get the baby a passport than either one of us can take the baby out of the country whenever we want. I feel like not getting the baby a passport is the best thing, but then, that just feels rude to say "hey you are foreign and I don't trust you not to do something stupid".

Nepal is also on the list of countries that the U.S. advices travellers to not go to.

I guess what I am really asking is if you all have any ideas on safeguards that I can put in place before I allow the baby to be taken out of the United States.

Does any of this matter anyways because my husband is a US citizen?

Please let me reiterate that I love my husband dearly, and I trust him 99.91%, but it is that .09% that encourages me to make sure I don't do something foolish, especially when it affects my son.

If a country is a party to the Hague convention, that means they have agreed to respect the laws of the other country in respect to child custody, abduction etc. Even when this is the case, as it was in the recent Goldman custody case between the USA and Brazil, it can still take years to get the child back.

When a country is not a party to the Hague convention, it basically means they will follow their own laws of child custody, abduction etc. In your case you would probably want to familiarize yourself with Nepal's laws on this matter.

Ie. is your child considered by them to be a citizen?, do they recognize both parents in child custody cases.

I'm not familiar with the Nepal laws, but the problem in the Brazil case, I believe, is that the Brazilian parent was able to go to Brazil on vacation with the child, obtain a divorce by herself, and the USC child was considered a citizen of Brazil by the Brazilian government, and somehow the mother got full custody after all this. It's somewhat more complicated than that, but really the USC father was unable to do much, and the US government did not get involved for years.

Not to scare you or anything, because it's common for parents to worry about, but it's rare that it actually happens. But most of the safeguards are designed to avoid taking the child out of the USA. Once they are gone, it's significantly more difficult to get them back.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

First of all, the peoples of Nepal have incredibly high ethical standards, most likely higher than any other ethnical group on the planet.

Secondly, I doubt that your husband, a US citizen and member of the US Troops, would kidnap his own child and take it away from his country, his wife, and the child's mother, but if you have any fear, even so slightly, that he's capable of such a horrendous crime, you should not only keep him away from the child, but also divorce him, as soon as possible.

Trust is the foundation of a marriage, and if you don't trust your husband with something so important as your own child, you have no base for a marriage.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Topic Title edited to correct misspelling

[CheeseQuavers 0]

Do you have any valid reasons to feel this way about your Husband? The trust in a marriage is really what holds a couple together, without it, marriages are highly unlikely to work. Being together begins to become a battle of who's doing what, when, where etc and you're constantly spying and you'll end up always having this niggling feeling in the back of your mind about each other. I would seek marital advice or counselling.

Could you not have some of his family members over to visit you instead? I understand the cost involved on their part may be a bit much, but I would certainly think this could be a great compromise at least while the child is young and is totally dependant upon you. Maybe, you could even help fund their trip out here?

The only other option would to never let the child out of your sight/hands while you are there. I can understand why someone would feel this way, I was almost abducted as a child, its a scary thing.

[jundp 191]

There must be some reason you are worried your husband will do this?

I can't imagine being worried that my husband would kidnap our child if he were to go on vacation to Germany to visit his family...especially if he's said he wants me to go too.

It sounds like trust is the issue, not child custody laws. I'm quite confused.