Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

[kaffy 2]

My wife isn't willing to do what is required to get a job and has given up on the idea of going to work. She has threatened to leave, but adds if I send her family the amount she wants to send (which will put a strain on our budget), she won't leave. I feel if I give in, she'll get the idea that I can be manipulated to give her what she wants through threats or bribery. So it's important that I put a stop to this now.

Seriously?? If she's threatening to leave over money then it's clear what she married you for. Sorry dude but you got taken for a ride. I hope you do the right thing because this is no way to live

[chinese_mutt 11]

Seriously?? If she's threatening to leave over money then it's clear what she married you for. Sorry dude but you got taken for a ride. I hope you do the right thing because this is no way to live

The OP holds out hope... it is clear he's completely fallen for her.

It might take a huge debt before he realizes what she is up to.

[kaffy 2]

And the fraudsters win again.

[Jeff&Madz 0]

You need to pull the panties off and start wearing the pants.

If she don't change real fast, I would kick her to the curb so fast it would make her head swim. You know, I know, and she knows as an American Man in PI you can pick and choose whom you want over there

I wouldn't put up with her belly aching.

If you do find another mate, look for one from a middle class to upper class family, that way they won't always have thier hands out.....

And I agree!!!!!

Your wife is a disgrace to Filipino culture!

She was just here in the US for several months and is acting like a primadonna.

If she wants to send money, tell her go get a job, if she threatens to leave, let her, bringing ONLY what she brought with her from the Phil. Or send her a plane ticket back there..I think your marriage was doomed from the start since she married you for the wrong reason.

And the fraudsters win again.

I'm sorry but from reading all of these, I'm definitely sure that she married you for one reason alone... And you know and others know what it is....

I you really want to help, do not hand them fish but teach them ESP her how to fish.

[FortLaudy 10]

yet again, the foreigner is accused of fraud... I don't think so. Not saying I'm 100% sure that it's true in this case, but I think in many of these "old white man/young Asian wife" stereotypical cases, "agreements" are made... "I give you this, you give me that, me love you long time.." she probably held up her end of the bargain (we all know what that is) and he did not... so now it's falling apart. Because the foundation of this marriage is not conventional - love as westerners perceive it.

Is it immigration fraud through marriage and only the foreigner is to blame for the breakdown? not quite, just a "deal" gone bad... this guy seems to know what he got himself into, just now complaining about the larger amount he has to send... When you build your marriage on a foundation other than love, and on top of that marry someone from a completely different culture, age group, religion etc. this is what happens...

The OP still did not answer my question: Are you much older than her??

[Tahoma 2,291]

She doesn't have more than $400 to her name.......What can I or should I do?

Gilles...wake up! What's wrong with you? She has $400. Send it to her family. Ignore her tampo.

[chinese_mutt 11]

yet again, the foreigner is accused of fraud... I don't think so. Not saying I'm 100% sure that it's true in this case, but I think in many of these "old white man/young Asian wife" stereotypical cases, "agreements" are made... "I give you this, you give me that, me love you long time.." she probably held up her end of the bargain (we all know what that is) and he did not... so now it's falling apart. Because the foundation of this marriage is not conventional - love as westerners perceive it.

Is it immigration fraud through marriage and only the foreigner is to blame for the breakdown? not quite, just a "deal" gone bad... this guy seems to know what he got himself into, just now complaining about the larger amount he has to send... When you build your marriage on a foundation other than love, and on top of that marry someone from a completely different culture, age group, religion etc. this is what happens...

The OP still did not answer my question: Are you much older than her??

yeah yeah... whatever.

to make such a big deal about sending money and wants to send $1000 to me is fraudster.

I think if you read the post, SHE threatened to leave him if he won't give the money up. That's gold-digger to me.

Edited December 21, 2009 by chinese_mutt

[baron555 934]

yeah yeah... whatever.

to make such a big deal about sending money and wants to send $1000 to me is fraudster.

I think if you read the post, SHE threatened to leave him if he won't give the money up. That's gold-digger to me.

Yes but if they are still sharing the same bed, maybe she is just upholding her end of the deal.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

but I think in many of these "old white man/young Asian wife" stereotypical cases, "agreements" are made... "I give you this, you give me that, me love you long time.." she probably held up her end of the bargain (we all know what that is) and he did not... so now it's falling apart.

WOW, I almost can't believe I just read that load of Tripe!

I guess you'd consider me in an "Old White Man/Young Asian Wife" Marriage as I'm 39 & my Ph Wife is 24. I'll tell you there have been many "agreements" made in our marriage but none of them were "Arrangements to exchange sex for financial support to the family back home".

I would say that the first three words I quoted from your post should be rearranged to better describe your prejudiced thinking. Maybe "I Think using my Butt" would more accurately describe it because every thing that followed was the by-product of digestion & excretion of waste from said orifice.

In case you can't tell, I'm slightly offended at the stupid assumptions you've made and posted here.

My wife has never asked me to send money to any of her family. Even now what she does is if she notices that something around the house has gone unused for a long time she'll ask if we can include it in the BalakBayin Box we are preparing to send. Just last night while grocery shopping she asked if it was okay to buy a bar of Dove soap for her Mom, I was the one who said get the larger multi pack instead.

Further, even though I make a good salary she wants to work very much. I've tried explaining that the services, appointments & support our son (her's from previous relationship) will need due to his being deaf would make it difficult if not impossible currently.

There are several cultural reasons that make it common for young pinays to find true happiness with older "Kanos" which have nothing to do with selling their body to support their family.

[FortLaudy 10]

Dear "Bob 4 Anna". Hoorah to you! seems like you have a normal marriage... Now I don't know why you're offended, you're not the age of her father, nor "old" yet, so you don't quite qualify as that stereotype mate, sorry to inform you...

Also like I said, not every single one of these stereotypical relationships are "arranged" like that... unfortunately in many of those, however much you want to deny it, it is and anything but "normal" my friend... take a chill pill

[Jasman0717 8]

Thanks for the feedback. I tell her the amount that is the most which can comfortably fit into the budget and she gets upset, telling me that I'm cheap. She goes on and on about how other Filipinas she knows here had husbands who sent several thousand dollars a year (some of them are now in financially bad shape) and that I should be as generous as them. But if I gave that much money, we would be in financial ruin. What's wrong with asking my wife to go to work if she wants to supplement what I'm sending? I've asked her to go to work, but she insists that there are no jobs out there.

Claudeth seems to deal with the problem well. Of course, as Charles knows, she wants to spend any excess funds at Hello Kitty anyway. I think you have the answer, you need to take care of yourselves first before assuming financial responsibility for others. My business partner has now moved to Colorado so the chicken farm money is going to dry up so I have no idea what Claudeth's family is going to do in the future.

[FortLaudy 10]

Just last night while grocery shopping she asked if it was okay to buy a bar of Dove soap for her Mom, I was the one who said get the larger multi pack instead.

How sweet, she gets the multi pack bar soap for mom

I'm sorry, just seems sooooo absurd to me, wife having to ask the husband to buy an extra bar of soap... so she does not have enough access and freedom to your joint account to buy an extra bar of soap? She has to ask you??

I guess it's my "independant western" mind running away with this again, but dang... am I glad I can get in my own car, drive where the heck I want and buy my own damn soap, what a great feeling and something we should all be thankful for that aren't in that situation...

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

How sweet, she gets the multi pack bar soap for mom

I'm sorry, just seems sooooo absurd to me, wife having to ask the husband to buy an extra bar of soap... so she does not have enough access and freedom to your joint account to buy an extra bar of soap? She has to ask you??

####### do you have against Asian women marrying White Guys?

Where in my post did I say she had to ask for anything?

I said she asked and I replied to get a large multi pack, there is a big difference.

Why do you want to make it sound like she's subserviant to me? I think most people would have understood (especially in the context of a thread on sending money to support the filipino wife's family) that the point was my filipino wife makes no such demands of me and in fact asks before spending money on the family back home.

Of course my wife has equal access to our joint account just as she has since before we were married.

Again I'll ask why all of the hate towards Fil-Am relationships?

[trinket 30]

How sweet, she gets the multi pack bar soap for mom

I'm sorry, just seems sooooo absurd to me, wife having to ask the husband to buy an extra bar of soap... so she does not have enough access and freedom to your joint account to buy an extra bar of soap? She has to ask you??

I guess it's my "independant western" mind running away with this again, but dang... am I glad I can get in my own car, drive where the heck I want and buy my own damn soap, what a great feeling and something we should all be thankful for that aren't in that situation...

I think your response was a bit over the top. It's not always about submissive or dominant relationship if one spouse asks another before buying anything. For example my USC husband bought a book from amazon this weekend, but before buying it he actually waited to ask me if he should buy it or not, the book was only $6 including shipping.

Now in this case my husband is the bread earner, he didn't need to ask my opinion, but he did, and I do the same with almost everything. Now if I go out and buy something, I don't have to ask his permission for, but surely when I get home I do let him what all I shopped. It is about sharing.

[Dakine 26]

Claudeth seems to deal with the problem well. Of course, as Charles knows, she wants to spend any excess funds at Hello Kitty anyway. I think you have the answer, you need to take care of yourselves first before assuming financial responsibility for others. My business partner has now moved to Colorado so the chicken farm money is going to dry up so I have no idea what Claudeth's family is going to do in the future.

They survived before you came along and will do so if you can't help them anymore.