Financial support to my wife's family in the Philippines

[Gilles 4]

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you both been married and if she works? Is she aware of the bills (the amount) that you have to pay each month?

We married early this year, shortly after she arrived here on a K1 Visa. She does not work, but I know if she did, she'd do well, as she's dedicated, loyal and has lots of integrity. She's looked for work, but gives up too easily.

Well, you will need to explain to her about the amount of money you make and the amount you have to pay each month just to make sure you get electricity, food, gas... etc! She needs to sit down with you when you write checks to pay all those and make her see that if you send money (whatever amount she asks for) some things need to be sacrificed.

She isn't interested in knowing the details of the budget. I've told her there how much is left over after we pay expenses and save for a rainy day, but she doesn't seem to comprehend. She seems to want money out of thin air and calls me stingy for not providing something I can't provide. She says other Filipina brides husbands send far more to the Philippines than we do and that they make less than I do. This annoys me, as she doesn't seem to understand that not all American men have precisely the same financial situation. Furthermore, some of these other American/Filipina couples are in financial disarray - apparently because the husband tries to be too nice to his wife's family, destroying their own finances in the process.

Before I came to the US, I gave money to my mother every month. So, when I moved here, I explained to my mom that I won't be able to send money home until I get a job. She understands and I also explained to my husband that whatever I make, small part of it will be sent home. But of course, I put my family here in the US as my priority.

I agree with you and believe that you handled this appropriately.

I hope you will work this issue out with your wife.

Thanks for the positive words & encouragement

[Gilles 4]

Luckily I worked hard all my life and have enough income to take care of my MIL and FIL. They don't have a pot to piss in. It's mine! I bought them a "house" and we pay for EVERYTHING.

Sh!t could "hit the fan" tho if their medical problems increase. I adopted their granddaughter and she is numero uno when it comes to money priorities.

I don't know what's going to happen when they go thru the dieing process. As we all do! Hopefully it's short and sweet and not costly.

Did your Filipina wife send some of her own money - perhaps money she earned through getting a job? Or was it all yours which you sent?

[Gilles 4]

We got a phone call at 12:30am this morning crying for money. I transferred money to their ATM account so they could pay the electric bill. I just wish they wouldn't call at such hours, it took me two hours to get back to sleep and I had to get up for work at 6. Ugh, I am tired and sleepy

What I don't understand is if they could survive without their daughter & son in-law's financial assistance prior to your wife coming to the US, then why do they need your help now? They shouldn't up their standard of living to the additional amount you send, but should use it for appropriate things like seeing that your wife's siblings can go to college or certain medical needs can be taken care of. Then after your wife's sister/brother(s) finish school and get jobs, they'll be better off.

[George&Hazel 1]

Not positive how made it this far without the conversation about money. There are essentially two classes of people there. Those that wealthy, and those that are dirt poor. My advice is to spend as much time as possible helping her understand the concept of middle class.

So far as her calling you stingy. Yeah it is meant to insult you into action. In the end you must do what is best for your family. Yeah her family is your family. Nothing says you must support them while they lounge around all day every day. Especially those old enough to work. They can drive a motorbike if nothing else. They understand better than most that life is not fair, and there is no easy ticket in life.

As said before. If they want more money now than when your wife was there. Help her understand they are taking advantage of her. That immediate family then extended family for priorities. If they are out buying new shoes or buying things that do not matter such as cigarettes then you will never make enough money. Have learned the painful lesson that many when they have pesos in their pocket it burns a hole in their pocket. Help them learn budgets etc. It is not unreasonable to make them save receipts and keep a ledger of all expenses.

[Dakine 26]

Luckily I worked hard all my life and have enough income to take care of my MIL and FIL. They don't have a pot to piss in. It's mine! I bought them a "house" and we pay for EVERYTHING.

Sh!t could "hit the fan" tho if their medical problems increase. I adopted their granddaughter and she is numero uno when it comes to money priorities.

I don't know what's going to happen when they go thru the dieing process. As we all do! Hopefully it's short and sweet and not costly.

Did your Filipina wife send some of her own money - perhaps money she earned through getting a job? Or was it all yours which you sent?

My wife supported them completely on her own before I came along. Now we both support them. Any extra money goes to the family. MIL and FIL are over 75.

We also help as much as possible with the nieces and nephews schooling. Also just helped out getting a sis in law her CNA certificate and her going to Hongkong for 2 years as a caregiver. Hoping to get her to Canada after a couple years and then she can bring her hubby and 2 kids.

Backup petitions for both BIL ans sis in law to US also. That takes over 22 years tho.

Main thing we do now is keep the kids supplied with flouride, vitamins and keep the PC working for schooling for them.

We have 4 houses total and the entire family lives in them rent free also. They are all together on 2 lots side by side.

"Houses" aren't much. !2 x 18 [2 story] hollow block with GI roofing.

[tallcoolone 102]

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

You need to pull the panties off and start wearing the pants.

If she don't change real fast, I would kick her to the curb so fast it would make her head swim. You know, I know, and she knows as an American Man in PI you can pick and choose whom you want over there

I wouldn't put up with her belly aching.

If you do find another mate, look for one from a middle class to upper class family, that way they won't always have thier hands out.....

[sachinky 464]

I'm not from the PI but I don't understand this -- is this considered to be normal? Do all American men married to Pinay women send money back to the PI on a regular basis? Surely your wife's family survived before you came along? Why are you expected to give them a weekly allowance all of a sudden? ESPECIALLY when you're not a millionaire and it is to your own financial detriment. I'm shocked that your wife would behave in such a childish and petulant manner. Why can't she get a job? If you are you "cheap" if you don't help out, I'd say she's lazy and irresponsible.

I mean it's one thing to send money if there's an emergency or a shortage of funds all of a sudden in a dire situation or Christmas gifts and such-- that's a different thing. I get that. But this is absolutely ridiculous. I would NEVER except my husband to be obligated for my family's upkeep. Ensure she understands how much you make and what your cost of living is--bills, gas, rent, etc. People arriving from poorer countries often have NO idea how HIGH the cost of living is in the U.S. or what the real value of a $ is. $20,000 per annum probably sounds like a ton of money to them.

Money doesn't grow on trees. Things like this make me extremely angry.

Sorry if I butted in where I don't belong.

Edited December 17, 2009 by sachinky

[pnrmbr975 1]

I'm not from the PI but I don't understand this -- is this considered to be normal? Do all American men married to Pinay women send money back to the PI on a regular basis?

I can only speak for myself and my wife, I'm married to a Pinay. We never send money to her family back in PI, we give gifts (rare) or cards on special occasions only like birthdays. And her family never asked for money or insinuated the thought at all. And no, my wife thinks it's not normal to support the family back in PI but it is a common occurrence there.

Edited December 17, 2009 by pnrmbr975

[ladyinpink 1]

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

i am pilipina but i never send money to my family in pinas

i dont married my husband to send money my family in pinas

i have my own bills to pay my parent never ask money to me

if ever need money for emergency i well help.

tell your wife you are not pecking the money on the tree

ask your wife she married you to provide money to her parent in pinas?

poor husband i feel so sory to you

good luck

[baron555 934]

My wife arrived earlier this year from the Philippines and we've gladly sent some money to her family on a few occasions. Now she wants to send amounts that don't fit comfortably into our budget. If I give in, we'll be in financial ruins and if I don't, my wife raises a stink about it. I see this as a serious problem. Has anyone had similar issues - and perhaps some good resolutions?

Yes this is a serious problem. Maybe she married you for your money for her family? You need to protect your assets and then assert that your family, she and you, come first above anyone else's family, like her parents.

Protect your money now.

[tallcoolone 102]

I'm not from the PI but I don't understand this -- is this considered to be normal? Do all American men married to Pinay women send money back to the PI on a regular basis? Surely your wife's family survived before you came along? Why are you expected to give them a weekly allowance all of a sudden?

Money doesn't grow on trees. Things like this make me extremely angry.

Sorry if I butted in where I don't belong.

There is a code in PI, that family members should go off and work abroad and send money home.

$200 per month is big money in PI, that's a good salary per month in PI. So sending a little home each month is not a big deal for most.

I bet you a lot of people whom are married to Pinays send money home, but on the other hand wife usually works and makes the money to send home.

So I would say it is fairly common to send money back to PI.

[Dakine 26]

I'm not from the PI but I don't understand this -- is this considered to be normal? Do all American men married to Pinay women send money back to the PI on a regular basis? Surely your wife's family survived before you came along? Why are you expected to give them a weekly allowance all of a sudden? ESPECIALLY when you're not a millionaire and it is to your own financial detriment. I'm shocked that your wife would behave in such a childish and petulant manner. Why can't she get a job? If you are you "cheap" if you don't help out, I'd say she's lazy and irresponsible.

I mean it's one thing to send money if there's an emergency or a shortage of funds all of a sudden in a dire situation or Christmas gifts and such-- that's a different thing. I get that. But this is absolutely ridiculous. I would NEVER except my husband to be obligated for my family's upkeep. Ensure she understands how much you make and what your cost of living is--bills, gas, rent, etc. People arriving from poorer countries often have NO idea how HIGH the cost of living is in the U.S. or what the real value of a $ is. $20,000 per annum probably sounds like a ton of money to them.

Money doesn't grow on trees. Things like this make me extremely angry.

Sorry if I butted in where I don't belong.

When I married I didn't have any family of my own I now have a unreal filipino wife and family that I help out any way I can.

[Ted46 2]

Wives come and go, their debt stays with you. Don't overextend yourself financially.

Edited December 18, 2009 by Ted46

[mariposang_gala 1]

Filipina here...

It is common to filipina sending money to their parents..

But in my case i usually send money when its needed..

My parent know the deal once i got married it will be totally different (when i was single my salary always on their hand)

I told them that once i start working i will help them...but not my sibling that is different story(im the youngest)I send gifts and balikbayan box but thats it...

As of now,i really really really love to work but have no option consider that im 7 months pregnant with 2 year old daughter...

Im just sooo thankful to my husband for understanding about the situation..and yes,200 is big enough to support a family..

I promise my parent that when everthing is ok and i start working i will help them as best as i can...With my own money...

To the OP

you need to talk to your wife..

If she tell you the same story again about her filipina friend sending money like this or that tell her its not her..and if she want to send money work her a$$ off...

It is just annoying for me to hear when someone saying she cant find work(just because she dont like it)...the question is,IS shes really looking...

We're in recession for god sake...This is not the right time for her to be picky...

Edited December 18, 2009 by mariposang_gala

[chinese_mutt 11]

if she's dedicated how come she gave up looking for work easily?

if she's loyal, sounds to me her loyalty does not lie with you.

Are you sure she did not marry you for your money? OR You did not misrepresent yourself when you visited her in the Philippines and made everybody believe you are rich?

How much was she 'alledgedly' supporting her parents before she met you, perhaps you can send half the amount while she is jobless and then tell her she can send the other half once she gets the job. Salary in PI is not that high, after taxes that might be around $300 only. That means you only need to send $150/month while she is jobless. I know of some of friends of mine in PI who lives and make do with $200/month, that includes rent, utilities, food, and a little entertainment. If they own a house then they will survive with $150/month.

In Asia you are at the least indebted to help your parent-in-laws (mother and father), the extended family is only bonus if you have extra money.

In the end, getting in debt so that the family in the Philippines can live in luxury is a BIG NO NO!!! If you finally go broke, honestly... do you think she'll stay with you?? After all she's only been here less than a year and she's already throwing tantrums about money. Think with your big head not the small one down below.