age difference

[DairyFarmer 1]

Apparently he bought a shirt as well!!!

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Well, hush my mouth! There you go, I guess I am not following the right threads.

I will say this and then run from this thread for fear of being killed in a cyber drive-by shooting. And mind you, personally I couldn't care less about such things and wish everyone only happiness. End of disclaimer.

I lived in Eastern Europe, the culture and realtionships between men and women are completely different than here and other "English based cultures" and much different even than western European cultures. I also lived in UK and Canada. Not in the military but actually living, working and renting flats with everyone else. There is NO women's liberation. Or very little, though some small amounts seem to be creeping in, very small amounts. For example, women can BY LAW be paid less than men for the same jobs. In their culture it is VERY unusual for the man in a couple to be older than the woman, men are frequently elder by a LOT. Women consider men 10 years older ideal, 20 years older is just as good. And it is not only the women that will not consider younger men, it is the men that will not consider older women (or taller women, you almost never see a couple where the woman is taller than the man) This is not a fad, not a passing trend. The men in Ukraine have such a strong cultural need to "be a man" there are many cases of them being killed while crossing the steet because looking both ways is not "manly". There is a nearly 20 year gap in the life expectancy of men and women because of all these "manly acts". I contend it is another reason women prefer older men. An man in his 40s or 50s has already survived his "manly years" LOL But you have to understand it is much more than a "social norm". A woman who marries a younger man can lose the respect of her family and friends and that is also a strong cultural influence, the man will also suffer the same consequence.

I cannot comment about Egypt, or other middle eastern countries. But if this is a "problem" in those consulates I can only say the culture goes deeper and is more powerful than eastern Europe. Despite the culture in Ukraine I cannot possibly imagine the consulate rejecting a visa for this reason. They may think the couple is crazy, but they would approve the visa if all else was correct.

My caution is this. If you are a woman, older than your foreign fiance, and he is from a culture where this kind of thing is a big "taboo", be very careful. He is going against very strong, ingrained from birth, cultural rules. I hope, really, it is because none of that is important to him and he is deeply in love with you and you live happily ever after.

As for cultural acceptance of women older than men marriage in Egypt... it is just like culture in the Ukraine, maybe x3. My family was truly concerned that my husband is 2 years younger than me. They told me that EVERYONE KNOWS that the man MUST be at LEAST 7 years older than the woman if it's going to be a lasting marriage.

Don't know about Ukraine, but the other issue (main one in my mind) is that Egyptians have no faith in a marriage that from the beginning has no plans for children, when the man doesn't already have a score of them. Even though my husband has 3 children and we are in the age neighborhood of 50 and I have a 21 year old son, I was admonished to at least TRY to have one with him. If the man doesn't have children, then it would be nearly impossible to convince the average Egyptian that the man would chose to enter a marriage where he will not have children.

Inheritance from the husband's estate, for the widow, is minimal. (1/6th) So having sons to inherit the majority of the father's estate, and then support the widow is their form of Social Security. If there are no children, the other 5/6th's of the estate goes to other family members who may not be willing to support the widow very generously, especially if she is foreign. (of course that is assuming that they live in Egypt, unlikely if they are wanting to come here...)

And step-kids DO NOT COUNT. Step-parenting for any reason but total necessity in Egypt is RARE. When a couple divorce and remarry the children stays with the one who hasn't remarried. If both remarry the children are often sent to live with the grandparents. The "Wicked Step Parent" notion is alive and well and being considered by the courts.

Even though it is a conservative culture divorce is allowed and becoming quite common. It is a "stain" on the woman typically to be divorced, not so much on the man. And if the man divorces a foreigner, it's like Oxy Clean... doesn't leave a trace.

I think older American women marrying younger men should see if this was their preference in their own culture. How many 50+ year old Egyptian women did a 25 year old man seek out for marriage, before giving up and starting to look for an American 50+ year old woman out of desperation to marry an older woman. If this happened to him, then maybe he really is hooked on cougars! However I think there are plenty of 50+ year old women in Egypt needing the support and companionship of a husband, so I don't know if this would happen. And I have NEVER seen an Egyptian/Egyptian marriage where the woman was even 10 years older than the man.

It's definately not a culture that is accepting of this type of relationship, but it is very common to see this on groups such as VJ. VERY COMMON.

Personally I don't care who marries who if both parties are adults and intentions are transparent. I just keep hearing things from the women that make me think that transparent intentions are not always involved. However, like my Mom said, "Love is blind, but the neighbors ain't..."

[Todd&Dani 0]

Damn, the more I read the threads on here the more I start to worry. Dani is 14 years older than me. I am 34 and she is 48. "fits a common fraud profile..." Great.... Two hits in 2 days.

Concerned,

Todd & Dani

[caybee 21]

so.............

I am a Naturalized USC ( from Canada ) I am 38

and my husband is German and 27.

you think that 11 years in age difference will be a problem at the AOS interview?!

Now I am scared... Our relationship is genuine and wonderful!

I don't think 11 years will catch much scrutiny at all, especially with your common interests, even working together. Just get your paperwork and other proof together, and enjoy your marriage!

[Ban Hammer 14,295]

Apparently he bought a shirt as well!!!

snag!

[pushbrk 13,627]

Damn, the more I read the threads on here the more I start to worry. Dani is 14 years older than me. I am 34 and she is 48. "fits a common fraud profile..." Great.... Two hits in 2 days.

Concerned,

Todd & Dani

There's more to the profile than reverse age difference. A big part of the profile has to do with the cultural taboo combined with multiple factors related to the country of origin for the beneficiary. For instance, marrying your French cousin's adopted daughter fits no fraud profile because the beneficiary doesn't need to go to any extraordinary efforts to enter the US legally.

[caybee 21]

Damn, the more I read the threads on here the more I start to worry. Dani is 14 years older than me. I am 34 and she is 48. "fits a common fraud profile..." Great.... Two hits in 2 days.

Concerned,

Todd & Dani

A large age difference can be ONE red flag. Cultural and religious differences are others. They're going to look at the relationship in its entirety, and one red flag (or even several, as in our case) will not necessarily cause you any trouble whatsoever. I know of several couples on VJ and elsewhere where the woman is 15, 20, or more years older than the man and who have had little or no trouble convincing USCIS and DOS that their relationships are bona fide. It's important to know what the red flags are so you can address them if they happen to be mentioned, but put the bulk of your energy into collecting your proof and strengthening your new marriage, and live your life as a normal, loving couple. You'll be fine.

[EtherealVocalist 0]

so.............

I am a Naturalized USC ( from Canada ) I am 38

and my husband is German and 27.

you think that 11 years in age difference will be a problem at the AOS interview?!

Now I am scared... Our relationship is genuine and wonderful!

I don't think 11 years will catch much scrutiny at all, especially with your common interests, even working together. Just get your paperwork and other proof together, and enjoy your marriage!

Thanks much!!! He's the love of my life!!! I cannot fathom my existence without him by my side! He's my partner in crime!

[cassi9879 20]

Benny's 21 years older than me and there haven't been any problems so far.

[KimandRuss 0]

As mentioned above, this has everything to do with the Embassy/Consulate you'll be dealing with at interview. A search on VJ of this topic will bring you more posts than you can read. If the age difference is considered culturally 'taboo' and/or if you are dealing with a higher fraud Country who is looking for anything to add extra scrutiny at interview stage, then your best bet is to prepare your best for an uphill battle. But, for most, this isn't going to be a problem.

FWIW... I am 9 years older than Russell and it wasn't a problem at all in NZ... but that's NZ.

[M.O 6]

so.............

I am a Naturalized USC ( from Canada ) I am 38

and my husband is German and 27.

you think that 11 years in age difference will be a problem at the AOS interview?!

Now I am scared... Our relationship is genuine and wonderful!

I don't think 11 years will catch much scrutiny at all, especially with your common interests, even working together. Just get your paperwork and other proof together, and enjoy your marriage!

Thanks much!!! He's the love of my life!!! I cannot fathom my existence without him by my side! He's my partner in crime!

No wont be any problem as long as you love eachother and everything is for real...

We have 12 year difference and was no problem with my visa... i fall in love with my husband over and over every day of my life and thats wonderful...

Good luck

[KimandRuss 0]

No wont be any problem as long as you love eachother and everything is for real...

We have 12 year difference and was no problem with my visa... i fall in love with my husband over and over every day of my life and thats wonderful...

Good luck

It's very important to remember that we are posting with people from all over the world and although most of us can get through this without a hitch, what some people experience at interview stage is pure hell. To say it wont be a problem (especially in places like the Middle East) is just not an accurate assumption.

Some folks from Middle Eastern Countries get put in AP for years. There are home visits, there are interviews with friends, neighbors....etc. Getting a visa in China or HCMC (just to name a couple) is almost always an uphill battle and huge fight all the way.... it's not all as cut and dry for everybody.

[jundp 191]

so.............

I am a Naturalized USC ( from Canada ) I am 38

and my husband is German and 27.

you think that 11 years in age difference will be a problem at the AOS interview?!

Now I am scared... Our relationship is genuine and wonderful!

I can only speak to my experience, but I am almost 11 years older than my German husband and the issue of age never came up -- not at his interview in Frankfurt, not at our AOS interview, not even with his family or mine. No one cared except for me for a while

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Damn, the more I read the threads on here the more I start to worry. Dani is 14 years older than me. I am 34 and she is 48. "fits a common fraud profile..." Great.... Two hits in 2 days.

Concerned,

Todd & Dani

I note your fiancee is from Canada. It is very much more common and there is virtually NO social sitgma (other than raunchy jokes) in this arrangement in our culture, our culture USA, being closely the same as Canada. (I know the Canadians will now object, but there really isn't much difference)

My concern is when a man comes from a culture that holds this to be a terrible taboo, and from a high fraud country. Canada is neither. For what its worth I have 4 brothers, two are married to women older than them. I have 3 sisters, one is married to a man younger than her. It really is not so unusual here. I think there is more social stigma here to the fact my wife is 12 years younger than me, a pretty big age gap in the USA, though it is no big problem. My father was 15 years older than my mother. So you can imagine in my family it doesn't raise many eyebrows.

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

so.............

I am a Naturalized USC ( from Canada ) I am 38

and my husband is German and 27.

you think that 11 years in age difference will be a problem at the AOS interview?!

Now I am scared... Our relationship is genuine and wonderful!

Do you?

Germany is not a high fraud country and has no cultural taboos against this arrangement, except maybe mild eyebrow raising. Your fiancee could get on any plane and enter the USA under the VWP, he is not doing it to get into the USA.