Cultural problem with your spouse, anyone?

[caybee 21]

When my husband first arrived, I also felt (and acted) territorial about the kitchen. I'd also been on my own for a while. I wanted to do the cooking, maybe secretly thought I'd do a better job. He'd jump in when I was cooking and start changing stuff! When I would wash dishes, there were times he'd almost push me out of the way so he could wash them. I felt almost defensive -- until I came to my senses -- okay, my husband is in the kitchen demanding his fair share of the work, and I'm pushing him away.

My husband needed to feel like it was his home too. He likes to cook, and it turns out he's a better cook than I am. MUCH better. I did get over myself in time. Now, one or the other of us will cook, or sometimes we'll cook together.

So my own take on it is it may just be an adjustment issue that will resolve itself in time, although you may need to discuss it with him as my husband did with me. As Steven said, ask him straight out if he likes your cooking. If he'll agree to the two of you cooking together sometimes, let him direct the project a few times, and observe, and learn his preferences. I can certainly understand you wanting to cook for him; it's part of your tradition to express your love to your husband this way, and it's difficult when it isn't accepted as readily as it would be back home. Give it some time, and I'll bet you'll find a happy compromise.

[AlHayatZween 2]

I'm not going to eat shite food because he is lame and doesn't want to eat something good. He prefers microwave ####### anyways. It's what he grew up with and what he's used to. One day he will get really fat and I will laugh at his misfortune

:lol:

If my husband cooked and handled paying all the bills, i would permanently be doing the happy dance.

To address the OP, sounds like you guys are still adjusting. Talk to him about it... give it some time. i'm sure your a good cook. Sometimes it just takes a while to get used to new situations.

[Mrs.J06 4]

Claudeth, being Filipino, is sometimes difficult to understand what she says. If I ask her how much she spent she will say '50 plus'. That can mean anything from 51 to 100. It gets really scary when she says 300 plus

Sometimes I will ask her a simple yes or now question and I will get an answer like 'yes, a little bit but not so much'.

I don't think that's a Filipino issue, it's a male/female issue! Happens to us all the time, too.

To the OP, I know my husband doesn't like my cooking much. He doesn't eat any read meat and is generally extremely picky so he does most of the cooking. Doesn't bother me in the least. I'm much less picky and I generally like what he cooks. When he travels I cook "my food" and enjoy it.

I wouldn't see it as a sign of being "unappreciated", I think that's taking it too far. He's picky, he likes to cook, let him cook.

Make your native food for your community and the people who appreciate it but don't fret too much over what your hubby does and does not eat.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Claudeth, being Filipino, is sometimes difficult to understand what she says. If I ask her how much she spent she will say '50 plus'. That can mean anything from 51 to 100. It gets really scary when she says 300 plus

Sometimes I will ask her a simple yes or now question and I will get an answer like 'yes, a little bit but not so much'.

LOL...Both Jinky and my 7 yr. old step son will respond with "it's fine," if I ask them if they want something - but what they mean is they are declining my offer. Her sisters who live and work in Ireland, however, actually speak with a bit of an Irish lilt. They're both nurses and so by default, they are constantly speaking in English, while Jinky still speaks a great deal in Bisaya even at work.

Edited December 10, 2008 by Mister Fancypants

[Caladan 19]

So, this doesn't seem like it's about the cooking as much as it is a way for you to show love for your husband and have that love acknowledged. And maybe for him, it's just a matter of being set in his ways, or wanting to feel like he's still his own person. Or maybe he feels weird having you cook for him.

For example, C. and I had a fairly typical newlywed adjustment period in most respects, but it seriously took me several months to feel like I didn't have to be a hostess or keep him entertained, because he moved into my place, and it felt a bit like he was a guest even though he wasn't, if that makes sense. Maybe your husband feels awkward having you cook because it feels like he's not being a good host.

I'd first ask him whether he honestly enjoys your cooking. If he does, maybe it's the sort of thing the two of you can do together. Maybe you make a side-dish while he cooks a main dish, or maybe you teach him how to make Indonesian-style meals. Or you take over making desserts.

[Kamaboko 0]

So, this doesn't seem like it's about the cooking as much as it is a way for you to show love for your husband and have that love acknowledged. And maybe for him, it's just a matter of being set in his ways, or wanting to feel like he's still his own person. Or maybe he feels weird having you cook for him.

For example, C. and I had a fairly typical newlywed adjustment period in most respects, but it seriously took me several months to feel like I didn't have to be a hostess or keep him entertained, because he moved into my place, and it felt a bit like he was a guest even though he wasn't, if that makes sense. Maybe your husband feels awkward having you cook because it feels like he's not being a good host.

I'd first ask him whether he honestly enjoys your cooking. If he does, maybe it's the sort of thing the two of you can do together. Maybe you make a side-dish while he cooks a main dish, or maybe you teach him how to make Indonesian-style meals. Or you take over making desserts.

Hi everyone,

I'm sooo excited to get all of the responses.

Btw, Last night when he was working I called him if he wanted to eat some chicken dish or anything when he got home -as I was making dinner for myself and would cooked more if he intended to eat when he got home. Anyways, he said no since he wanted to go straight to bed. When he arrived, he suddenly asked me if I cared for some seafood stir-fry or spaghetti, and I told him -with grumpy look- that I thought he did not want to eat late dinner. I guess he was a bit hungry. I don't understand. Since I already had big meal He decided to microwave some pita bread and fry some veggie burger. If I said yes, he would have cooked me big portion of stir fry or spaghetti. And I tell you what, since I arrived here, I've gained 6 kg's or about 13 pounds. He doesn't like me starting to get fat (I weigh 120 pounds now) but keeps spoiling me by cooking me big meal; or maybe I am not the who doesn't get used to North America's food portion LOL.

While he was eating last night I started asking him if he likes my cooking, and he said yes. I told him I felt unappreciated since he had never taken my favour regarding preparing meal. He told me that it's only my feeling, then later agreed on me preparing dinner one of these days. Oh well, we'll see.

[SpiritAlight 1]

Make a date.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Hi everyone,

I'm sooo excited to get all of the responses.

Btw, Last night when he was working I called him if he wanted to eat some chicken dish or anything when he got home -as I was making dinner for myself and would cooked more if he intended to eat when he got home. Anyways, he said no since he wanted to go straight to bed. When he arrived, he suddenly asked me if I cared for some seafood stir-fry or spaghetti, and I told him -with grumpy look- that I thought he did not want to eat late dinner. I guess he was a bit hungry. I don't understand. Since I already had big meal He decided to microwave some pita bread and fry some veggie burger. If I said yes, he would have cooked me big portion of stir fry or spaghetti. And I tell you what, since I arrived here, I've gained 6 kg's or about 13 pounds. He doesn't like me starting to get fat (I weigh 120 pounds now) but keeps spoiling me by cooking me big meal; or maybe I am not the who doesn't get used to North America's food portion LOL.

While he was eating last night I started asking him if he likes my cooking, and he said yes. I told him I felt unappreciated since he had never taken my favour regarding preparing meal. He told me that it's only my feeling, then later agreed on me preparing dinner one of these days. Oh well, we'll see.

Sounds to me like he's just very accustomed to eating what he wants, which is a bit rude, but he probably isn't intentionally being rude. Both my wife and I came from families where sitting down together and sharing a meal was really important and a routine. Maybe his way of preparing his own food even when you've cooked goes back to his family life growing up, but in any case, I would be assertive and tell him that it really means a lot to you to maintain that tradition for you two as a couple, and then maybe have a few nights of leftovers or whatever he wants. You could try and plan ahead - tell him you're cooking on Thursday night if he agrees and that you expect the two of you to sit down and share the meal together.

[nick-maricel 0]

My husband also did everything around the house before I came here, cooking, bills, laundry etc.. at first he's the one who's cooking because I'm still adjusting to my new environment and food. He had this schedule for every dinner, like for monday, we have mexican food, tuesday-asian, wednesday-whatever, thursday-italian, friday-fish, saturday-pizza time, sunday-grill, but sometimes we go out too for dinner.. Before he didn't had rice for the tuesday-asian sched, so I suggested that I want rice for our asian, and sometimes I insisted on cooking and he eat the food though. We're now adjusted to it, maybe all you need to do is to talk with your husband since people here are straight forward, just be ready with his answers, if he's gonna tell you that he doesn't like your cooking etc.. just talk with him and tell him what you feel..

[Danno 1,228]

The good news (from what I gather) is this is this might be the only problem you two are having.

That should be something to be thankful for as we have all heard of couples whose love seemed to blossom more when an ocean separated them.

I hear that your interest is not just "to" cook but rather to have a husband who enjoys it.

This may or may never happen but I hope this one area does not begin to sour everything.

We must accept the differences in our partner, even if we can't make logic out of them.

It's great you started having a conversation with him about this, sometimes these subjects are hard to bring up if your personality is not used to it.

If I were you, I would take that small conversation you 2 had and embellish on it a little.

Act like you understood the conversation to mean even more than was said.

With a happy tone in your voice, tell him how you are glad he understands how you like to cook for you two....... while realizing how much he enjoys cooking too.

Then with a positive tone, suggest, that you plan and cook 1 or 2 means a week (hey ya gotta start somewhere).

I think the key is to somehow have a agreed upon day, such as on weekends (or what ever) less the old habit of him heading for the kitchen every night lives on.

Keep Positive when addressing this to him, it's much harder to resist a smile or humor.

Edited December 11, 2008 by Danno

[Ban Hammer 12,840]

sometimes i ask sanita a question,. and 3 days later she is still talking..i just grunt at her these days.,..i get paid to listen to people and don't like to bring my work home with me...