Cultural problem with your spouse, anyone?

[Kamaboko 0]

Hi All,

Just wondering, if you guys have problems with you spouse -who was a single for a long time before marrying you, such as: he/she seems to be kind of individual so that he/she is the one who cooks most of the time, handles all the bills, and so on.

If you do, what seems to be the further implication of it on your marriage? E.g: do you feel less appreciated since he/she most likely won't enjoy what you cook and not willing to eat it (since it's probably not his style and that he's been cooking all his life), or did he ever blame you if some bill is missing (since it's probably your fault for you're the one who sometimes picks the mails), and stuff?

My hubby has been cooking all his life and he likes to stick with it. But sometimes I feel less appreciated since he won't sacrifice one dinner time to only eat my food. Even if he eats it, he will still cook something. On the other hand, I have always eaten what he cooks and take the difference in our cooking style gladly.

I'd be very happy if you could participate a bit in this topic

Cheers

[Peikko 1,575]

Um, have you told your partner how you feel about it? If he doesn't like the food from your region though, it doesn't say anything about your abilities as a cook, but all about your husband's palette. He probably doesn't understand why it upsets you - but, I don't know.

However, I would request to be included in the financial dealings - we all need to have knowledge of where the money comes and goes and come to a mutually acceptable financial arrangement is a must.

[Kamaboko 0]

Um, have you told your partner how you feel about it? If he doesn't like the food from your region though, it doesn't say anything about your abilities as a cook, but all about your husband's palette. He probably doesn't understand why it upsets you - but, I don't know.

He loves Indonesian food (Especially the sea food, Ayam goreng, and nasi goreng). He even loved those Indonesian food we had when we went to Amsterdam (Dutch used to be Indo's colony for over 350 yrs in the past). So, I don't know what's wrong. I think he seems to like Indonesian food cooked at restaurants or hotels.

I have a small Indonesian community here who has a regular meeting every other week, and they seem to like my food (the meeting is potluck style).

When I asked him why, that he said that 'he's been cooking all his life and he likes it'. I really don't mind it, but I'd be very happy if he will also eat my food and show a bit appreciation. I don't think he's going to change. When I think about it, sometimes I feel sad. I do not have motivation to try new recipes either since he will not be too interested. It's different cause people back home loves to be taken care of by their wives and usually wife's big cooking fan.

Anyways, thanks a lot for your response, and I might try asking that to him once again, though I am not sure the answer will be different next time.

[payxibka 10,044]

does he do the grocery shopping and all the laundry too? If so be happy!!!

[Kamaboko 0]

does he do the grocery shopping and all the laundry too? If so be happy!!!

I told him that I would do all laundry but sometimes he likes to intervene too. We do grocery shopping together though since it's the deal (if I had not told him it upset me when he went by himself, he would have just done it by himself).

[Imua 0]

Um, have you told your partner how you feel about it? If he doesn't like the food from your region though, it doesn't say anything about your abilities as a cook, but all about your husband's palette. He probably doesn't understand why it upsets you - but, I don't know.

He loves Indonesian food (Especially the sea food, Ayam goreng, and nasi goreng). He even loved those Indonesian food we had when we went to Amsterdam (Dutch used to be Indo's colony for over 350 yrs in the past). So, I don't know what's wrong. I think he seems to like Indonesian food cooked at restaurants or hotels.

I have a small Indonesian community here who has a regular meeting every other week, and they seem to like my food (the meeting is potluck style).

When I asked him why, that he said that 'he's been cooking all his life and he likes it'. I really don't mind it, but I'd be very happy if he will also eat my food and show a bit appreciation. I don't think he's going to change. When I think about it, sometimes I feel sad. I do not have motivation to try new recipes either since he will not be too interested. It's different cause people back home loves to be taken care of by their wives and usually wife's big cooking fan.

Anyways, thanks a lot for your response, and I might try asking that to him once again, though I am not sure the answer will be different next time.

Sad... Regardless of if he's been cooking all his life he should see that cooking for your spouse is one more way of showing your love and be appreciative that he has a wife who wants to cook for him. I am lucky that Govi knows how to cook and he has said at least until he finds a job that he will do a lot of cooking for us - he even knows how to make roti I am looking forward to some yummy Nepali food cooked with love.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

When I asked him why, that he said that 'he's been cooking all his life and he likes it'. I really don't mind it, but I'd be very happy if he will also eat my food and show a bit appreciation. I don't think he's going to change. When I think about it, sometimes I feel sad. I do not have motivation to try new recipes either since he will not be too interested. It's different cause people back home loves to be taken care of by their wives and usually wife's big cooking fan.

How would you rate your cooking, honestly? If he likes to cook, and he likes Indonesian food at restaurants but doesn't seem enthused about eating what you cook, maybe he just doesn't like the way you cook? If you like to cook but know you could improve, I'd suggest taking a cooking class at your local college or try to pick up tips from the cooking shows.

[Sprailenes 47]

Maybe you're a bad cook.

[Kamaboko 0]

Um, have you told your partner how you feel about it? If he doesn't like the food from your region though, it doesn't say anything about your abilities as a cook, but all about your husband's palette. He probably doesn't understand why it upsets you - but, I don't know.

He loves Indonesian food (Especially the sea food, Ayam goreng, and nasi goreng). He even loved those Indonesian food we had when we went to Amsterdam (Dutch used to be Indo's colony for over 350 yrs in the past). So, I don't know what's wrong. I think he seems to like Indonesian food cooked at restaurants or hotels.

I have a small Indonesian community here who has a regular meeting every other week, and they seem to like my food (the meeting is potluck style).

When I asked him why, that he said that 'he's been cooking all his life and he likes it'. I really don't mind it, but I'd be very happy if he will also eat my food and show a bit appreciation. I don't think he's going to change. When I think about it, sometimes I feel sad. I do not have motivation to try new recipes either since he will not be too interested. It's different cause people back home loves to be taken care of by their wives and usually wife's big cooking fan.

Anyways, thanks a lot for your response, and I might try asking that to him once again, though I am not sure the answer will be different next time.

Sad... Regardless of if he's been cooking all his life he should see that cooking for your spouse is one more way of showing your love and be appreciative that he has a wife who wants to cook for him. I am lucky that Govi knows how to cook and he has said at least until he finds a job that he will do a lot of cooking for us - he even knows how to make roti I am looking forward to some yummy Nepali food cooked with love.

Oh That's a very sweet of you. I am sure he's very pleased that you're looking forward to it!

[Kamaboko 0]

Um, have you told your partner how you feel about it? If he doesn't like the food from your region though, it doesn't say anything about your abilities as a cook, but all about your husband's palette. He probably doesn't understand why it upsets you - but, I don't know.

He loves Indonesian food (Especially the sea food, Ayam goreng, and nasi goreng). He even loved those Indonesian food we had when we went to Amsterdam (Dutch used to be Indo's colony for over 350 yrs in the past). So, I don't know what's wrong. I think he seems to like Indonesian food cooked at restaurants or hotels.

I have a small Indonesian community here who has a regular meeting every other week, and they seem to like my food (the meeting is potluck style).

When I asked him why, that he said that 'he's been cooking all his life and he likes it'. I really don't mind it, but I'd be very happy if he will also eat my food and show a bit appreciation. I don't think he's going to change. When I think about it, sometimes I feel sad. I do not have motivation to try new recipes either since he will not be too interested. It's different cause people back home loves to be taken care of by their wives and usually wife's big cooking fan.

Anyways, thanks a lot for your response, and I might try asking that to him once again, though I am not sure the answer will be different next time.

Sad... Regardless of if he's been cooking all his life he should see that cooking for your spouse is one more way of showing your love and be appreciative that he has a wife who wants to cook for him. I am lucky that Govi knows how to cook and he has said at least until he finds a job that he will do a lot of cooking for us - he even knows how to make roti I am looking forward to some yummy Nepali food cooked with love.

Oh That's a very sweet of you. I am sure he's very pleased that you're looking forward to it!

Hm, I don't think I am a bad cook since other people can enjoy my cooking (the people of Indonesian community here). Anyways, he doesn't seem to always enjoy what people bring too in this meeting. To me, it's delicious and sometimes more than what you can get at restaurants.

What I feel comfortable is that he doesn't seem to be too interested in my cooking. I myself am interested in any new food he cooks. However, I am not sure if it's people's attitude here. But back home, it's always nice to be nice to your spouse''s cooking (even goes with 'no matter how good or bad his/her cooking is').

[Peikko 1,575]

Are you saying that your husband likes 'westernized' Indonesian cooking? If so, then that is a palette issue and that seems to be the case as you are saying he likes 'restaurant food' but not the pot luck home cooked foods.

I guess what needs to be identified is how much this is an issue about the food itself and how much it is an issue about who does the cooking.

[Kamaboko 0]

Um, have you told your partner how you feel about it? If he doesn't like the food from your region though, it doesn't say anything about your abilities as a cook, but all about your husband's palette. He probably doesn't understand why it upsets you - but, I don't know.

He loves Indonesian food (Especially the sea food, Ayam goreng, and nasi goreng). He even loved those Indonesian food we had when we went to Amsterdam (Dutch used to be Indo's colony for over 350 yrs in the past). So, I don't know what's wrong. I think he seems to like Indonesian food cooked at restaurants or hotels.

I have a small Indonesian community here who has a regular meeting every other week, and they seem to like my food (the meeting is potluck style).

When I asked him why, that he said that 'he's been cooking all his life and he likes it'. I really don't mind it, but I'd be very happy if he will also eat my food and show a bit appreciation. I don't think he's going to change. When I think about it, sometimes I feel sad. I do not have motivation to try new recipes either since he will not be too interested. It's different cause people back home loves to be taken care of by their wives and usually wife's big cooking fan.

Anyways, thanks a lot for your response, and I might try asking that to him once again, though I am not sure the answer will be different next time.

Sad... Regardless of if he's been cooking all his life he should see that cooking for your spouse is one more way of showing your love and be appreciative that he has a wife who wants to cook for him. I am lucky that Govi knows how to cook and he has said at least until he finds a job that he will do a lot of cooking for us - he even knows how to make roti I am looking forward to some yummy Nepali food cooked with love.

Oh That's a very sweet of you. I am sure he's very pleased that you're looking forward to it!

Hm, I don't think I am a bad cook since other people can enjoy my cooking (the people of Indonesian community here). Anyways, he doesn't seem to always enjoy what people bring too in this meeting. To me, it's delicious and sometimes more than what you can get at restaurants.

What I feel uncomfortable is that he doesn't seem to be too interested in my cooking. I myself am interested in any new food he cooks. However, I am not sure if it's people's attitude here. But back home, it's always nice to be nice to your spouse''s cooking (even goes with 'no matter how good or bad his/her cooking is').

[Kamaboko 0]

Are you saying that your husband likes 'westernized' Indonesian cooking? If so, then that is a palette issue and that seems to be the case as you are saying he likes 'restaurant food' but not the pot luck home cooked foods.

I guess what needs to be identified is how much this is an issue about the food itself and how much it is an issue about who does the cooking.

I would not say he likes westernised food since we picked carefully those restaurants we went to in Amsterdam, both were very authentic and far from westernised (the owners are Indonesians). He also loved those food he ate in Indonesia too, from all his visits (even ayam goreng dish he ate in small food stall on street bank). But I think I will ask him why he doesn't like my cooking. However, he's not very expressive, and I can foretell he will say (I have been cooking all his life thing), but let's hope it will be something different. My conclusion for now is that he doesn't get used to having things done by other people.

[Nessa 23]

I don't see how's that a cultural problem? i thought every marriage is the same when it comes to one doing the cooking, the other doing the bills. it's one of those things that you discuss before getting married. For example, i like to cook, charles doesn;t cook, he knows i'lll be doing the cooking. I hate banking, he does the bills.

as for him not eating your cooking, there's a communication problem there. You can ask him what would he like for u to do different, if it's the seasoning or what. does he never weat out? is his food the only thing he eats? you can always cook only for ourself and let him cook for himself.

[Amby 490]

I would tell him he's SOL and he can figure out how to make his own damn food if he has no clue what to change or what he wants. You're not his maid. If he doesn't like your cooking he can cook for himself or starve.