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[coria1988 0]

Well, I know some things I just don't want them to be true and push them away.

He often wants things done his way (well I sometimes do too =p) and if I cry sometimes he tells me that I just want to make him feel guilty instead of realizing that I am sad...

He is not that open to compromise as I am. Either his way or no way.

So I will try not to contact him no more until he contacts me and even then I try to wait a day or two until I reply...

If he will tell me that he still wants me at the end...oh well...then I will think about the whole situation again and will try not to go back to him like it is so easy to get me back. And if I decide to go the States what I prolly would do, I do not know if we should marry right away. Maybe I should just get a hotel room (oh well, he would have to pay it LOL). I don't have that much money, but if he wanted me there I think he would pay it...

So I will wait and see what happens...

And it is not that I did not think about what you guys wrote on here. I just do think that he does not have another woman but him acting so weird...who would know? Just him...

Well, I took your advice and also wrote him that if he still loved me a little bit right now that he should let me celebrate christmas with him (I would stay in a hotel and he could stay in the barracks, so we could be together but still apart). Guess what his answer mail was? His reply to that was the following:

I am not getting black mailed by you with this

I told you what the plan was so no I don't want you to come here in dec

ok it going to be real busy and I need my time alone ok

and in another mail he wrote me that: I told you I want time on my own right now didn't I

It upset me to hear such hard words...

Well I will just leave him for now and see what the future will bring...

[himher 634]

Being a soldier doesn't make you a man. That boy's coming off as an immature jerk.

Well, I know some things I just don't want them to be true and push them away.

He often wants things done his way (well I sometimes do too =p) and if I cry sometimes he tells me that I just want to make him feel guilty instead of realizing that I am sad...

He is not that open to compromise as I am. Either his way or no way.

So I will try not to contact him no more until he contacts me and even then I try to wait a day or two until I reply...

If he will tell me that he still wants me at the end...oh well...then I will think about the whole situation again and will try not to go back to him like it is so easy to get me back. And if I decide to go the States what I prolly would do, I do not know if we should marry right away. Maybe I should just get a hotel room (oh well, he would have to pay it LOL). I don't have that much money, but if he wanted me there I think he would pay it...

So I will wait and see what happens...

And it is not that I did not think about what you guys wrote on here. I just do think that he does not have another woman but him acting so weird...who would know? Just him...

Well, I took your advice and also wrote him that if he still loved me a little bit right now that he should let me celebrate christmas with him (I would stay in a hotel and he could stay in the barracks, so we could be together but still apart). Guess what his answer mail was? His reply to that was the following:

I am not getting black mailed by you with this

I told you what the plan was so no I don't want you to come here in dec

ok it going to be real busy and I need my time alone ok

and in another mail he wrote me that: I told you I want time on my own right now didn't I

It upset me to hear such hard words...

Well I will just leave him for now and see what the future will bring...

[Ban Hammer 12,901]

i just don't get why he's taken this sudden turn towards being cold and his lack of enthusiasm towards seeing/being with the beneficiary.

[NYGirl 0]

Well, I know some things I just don't want them to be true and push them away.

He often wants things done his way (well I sometimes do too =p) and if I cry sometimes he tells me that I just want to make him feel guilty instead of realizing that I am sad...

He is not that open to compromise as I am. Either his way or no way.

So I will try not to contact him no more until he contacts me and even then I try to wait a day or two until I reply...

If he will tell me that he still wants me at the end...oh well...then I will think about the whole situation again and will try not to go back to him like it is so easy to get me back. And if I decide to go the States what I prolly would do, I do not know if we should marry right away. Maybe I should just get a hotel room (oh well, he would have to pay it LOL). I don't have that much money, but if he wanted me there I think he would pay it...

So I will wait and see what happens...

And it is not that I did not think about what you guys wrote on here. I just do think that he does not have another woman but him acting so weird...who would know? Just him...

Well, I took your advice and also wrote him that if he still loved me a little bit right now that he should let me celebrate christmas with him (I would stay in a hotel and he could stay in the barracks, so we could be together but still apart). Guess what his answer mail was? His reply to that was the following:

I am not getting black mailed by you with this

I told you what the plan was so no I don't want you to come here in dec

ok it going to be real busy and I need my time alone ok

and in another mail he wrote me that: I told you I want time on my own right now didn't I

It upset me to hear such hard words...

Well I will just leave him for now and see what the future will bring...

Coria,

Reading those few words that your fiance wrote to you made me angry, I can only imagine how it made you feel. I don't mean to be rough with you but I think it's time for you to forget the whole thing. If he's confused about his feelings and you offered to come over and spend holidays together, well maybe it would be a good thing to spend some time together and for him to acknowledge his feelings...either he has them for you or he doesn't. The way he replied back to you does sound like he has someone else. Like god forbid you will come over and bother him. There is nothing to think about. He's not the right man for you and I am sure you didn't deserved it. Just open your eyes and face the reality. It's better now while you are still "home" than if you would move half a world away and found it out even the harder way once you guys lived together. I know it's easier to say things than to do it, but please take off your pink glasses and see the "real" thing that he's doing to you. Someone who is confused about his feelings would probably do want to spend some time together to test his/her feelings and to see how it feels to be together again. He's straight to the point and even gave you a "specific date" when he'll let you know. How in the world does a normal person know which date would be the date he's sure of his feelings? Most likely he's waiting for some kind of answer from someone else and by Jan 2 he'll know for sure what to do with you.

Sorry honey, just take care of yourself. Go out with friends and try to realx a bit.

Edited November 20, 2008 by NYGirl

[Cdnwmn 0]

Well, I know some things I just don't want them to be true and push them away.

He often wants things done his way (well I sometimes do too =p) and if I cry sometimes he tells me that I just want to make him feel guilty instead of realizing that I am sad...

He is not that open to compromise as I am. Either his way or no way.

So I will try not to contact him no more until he contacts me and even then I try to wait a day or two until I reply...

If he will tell me that he still wants me at the end...oh well...then I will think about the whole situation again and will try not to go back to him like it is so easy to get me back. And if I decide to go the States what I prolly would do, I do not know if we should marry right away. Maybe I should just get a hotel room (oh well, he would have to pay it LOL). I don't have that much money, but if he wanted me there I think he would pay it...

So I will wait and see what happens...

And it is not that I did not think about what you guys wrote on here. I just do think that he does not have another woman but him acting so weird...who would know? Just him...

Well, I took your advice and also wrote him that if he still loved me a little bit right now that he should let me celebrate christmas with him (I would stay in a hotel and he could stay in the barracks, so we could be together but still apart). Guess what his answer mail was? His reply to that was the following:

I am not getting black mailed by you with this

I told you what the plan was so no I don't want you to come here in dec

ok it going to be real busy and I need my time alone ok

and in another mail he wrote me that: I told you I want time on my own right now didn't I

It upset me to hear such hard words...

Well I will just leave him for now and see what the future will bring...

Coria,

Reading those few words that your fiance wrote to you made me angry, I can only imagine how it made you feel. I don't mean to be rough with you but I think it's time for you to forget the whole thing. If he's confused about his feelings and you offered to come over and spend holidays together, well maybe it would be a good thing to spend some time together and for him to acknowledge his feelings...either he has them for you or he doesn't. The way he replied back to you does sound like he has someone else. Like god forbid you will come over and bother him. There is nothing to think about. He's not the right man for you and I am sure you didn't deserved it. Just open your eyes and face the reality. It's better now while you are still "home" than if you would move half a world away and found it out even the harder way once you guys lived together. I know it's easier to say things than to do it, but please take off your pink glasses and see the "real" thing that he's doing to you. Someone who is confused about his feelings would probably do want to spend some time together to test his/her feelings and to see how it feels to be together again. He's straight to the point and even gave you a "specific date" when he'll let you know. How in the world does a normal person know which date would be the date he's sure of his feelings? Most likely he's waiting for some kind of answer from someone else and by Jan 2 he'll know for sure what to do with you.

Sorry honey, just take care of yourself. Go out with friends and try to realx a bit.

I agree with what was said above.

[coria1988 0]

But which other girl would want a guy who is still engaged and still has his fiancé in Germany?

[wowswift 3]

Some girls either don't care if they're engaged or don't know that he is.

This guy seems so weird to me. I can't rly say what his deal is, if there is someone else, or if he is just confused. Seems like he wants to postpone anything, and for him to leave you hanging is just a terrible thing to do in my eyes. I guess at least he set a date, but like the others above said, after your last email exchange with him, I would've just went off on him there lol.

[Cham 3]

But which other girl would want a guy who is still engaged and still has his fiancé in Germany?

sweetie wow is right. trust me. My sons ex girlfriend was sleeping with my husband for a year before I caught them in the act..I felt sooo betrayed and stupid for not knowing. There are girls out there who do not care...those types of trampy women make me SICK but what makes me sicker is the man who does have someone and screws around with another (or if it is a woman who is engaged)

Men lie, women lie. If he is he wont come out and tell her Oh before I sleep with you I have a fiance. I dated a guy who lied to me said he was divorced and I found out he was with someone..I ended it FAST ..

BUT not all people are like this sweetie and HOPEFULLY this is not the case of your man BUT from what you posted it is to fishy and sounds like there is a good chance this is the case.

He wont come out and tell you because he is not ready to tell you OR maybe your a sideline dish so he can have fun for a tad or or or..there are so many reasons why...BUT they way he is treating you reminds me of my exes

JUST BE SAFE and be prepared ...HUGS

HUGS

meri

[DanielParul 50]

But which other girl would want a guy who is still engaged and still has his fiancé in Germany?

What he doesn't tell, they don't know

[Ban Hammer 12,901]

But which other girl would want a guy who is still engaged and still has his fiancé in Germany?

What he doesn't tell, they don't know

[LikeALadybug 2]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this but I do not understand why you still want to marry this guy? I understand you still love him, that doesn't just go away overnight but why would you move to a foreign country that you are a little nervous about anyway to be with someone who obviously disregards your feelings. I am sure he is under a lot of pressure being in the situation he is in, but that does not give him a free pass to be mean to you. And what's with the date? I would demand to know now if it was me but of course we all deal with things differently.

What is certain is, he is not being fair to you and you should not allow him to treat you that way. None of us knows what is going on in his head and the whole thing could be blown out of proportion which gives you even more reasons to demand an answer now. He cannot expect you to sit around for several weeks before he has an answer and expect you not to run wild with it!

If he refuses to give you an answer I hope you reconsider this guy as a future husband - maybe you should both just back off a little and wait with getting married, it sounds as if he still needs to figure out what he really wants.

[coria1988 0]

You know...if I decided to be with him, I would not know any other way but marrying him to be able to stay in the States with him. The army stationed him there and he was not able to stay in Germany back then. And without the marriage I also would not be able to stay with him longer than three months...Plus we would have to pay the apartment our own...

[Cham 3]

You know...if I decided to be with him, I would not know any other way but marrying him to be able to stay in the States with him. The army stationed him there and he was not able to stay in Germany back then. And without the marriage I also would not be able to stay with him longer than three months...Plus we would have to pay the apartment our own...

Sweetie if a man makes you cry like your man has to you, why would you want to honestly marry someone who has done this to you??? Yes you can love him all you want, BUT it has to be returned 10 fold as well. It is purely obvious he does not want you with him at this time. WHo knows what the future will hold. Just do not marry someone JUST to be with them girl.

To not marry someone who you love but makes you feel like everything is your fault or cry. This is signs of abuse.

What he is doing is MENTAL abuse

Abusers have stock answers when challenged. He might answer with:

"What's wrong with you, making such a big deal out of nothing.

"Come on, honey, I was drunk .....

"Honey, I love you but sometimes you..."

"You are always trying to blackmail me into..."

"I had a bad day at work ..."

"You're not really going to bring this up again, are you? This is getting old."

"I was upset with my ex,"

"You know I didn't mean anything I said. I'm the one who loves you more than anyone else in the world loves you--remember."

"This is only for your own good"

Then you start blaming yourself:

"Well he would not be uspet, if I did not do this to him."

"I wonder if there is anything I can do differently so I do not upset him."

"Well it is my fault because I did this to him or said this to him."

Emotional abuse can take the form of:

Extramarital affairs

Provocative behavior with opposite sex

Humiliation and put-downs

Hypercriticism

Refusal to communicate

Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice

Unreasonable jealousy

Extreme moodiness

"I love you but..."

"If you don't shape up, I will..."

Domination and control

Withdrawal of affection

Read this and tell me if YOU do not fit this profile sweetie. I am sorry he did this..I walked in your shoes a few times and remember YOU are NOT alone!!! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Zayd 0]

Coria,

I understand you are upset but you need to listen. If you go to the US for the holidays then need to go back to Germany, you will need to RESTART your visa process from the beginning as you will be ABANDONING your K1 by leaving the country. Make sure you know what you are doing when you come here. Also check how long your K1 is valid. You must enter the US before it expires.

[Zee Bee 61]

Coria I have been reading your story and I feel for you. This is a hard situation to be in.

A lot of people have given you some great advice on here.

You say that he wants time to figure things out. In this whole process we are fighting to be together. You are lucky enough to have a visa and HE wants YOU to sit back and wait until HE has made a decision about YOUR lives? I would at least think that both of you would be able to discuss what is going on.

"I need space" is a stupid excuse IMO.

You went through this process, got your visa and planned to make a life together. The least he could do is tell you WHY he needs the space. You have come too far for vague ramblings.

He is not only being immature but he is also taking you for granted. My dear, he is a lucky man to have someone like you to put up with his load of BS. If his eyes are not opened by now to the kind of woman that you are then he is not worth his weight in salt.

My advice: dump him. You will find someone else who will treat you with the love AND respect that you deserve.