Want out of marriage

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I don't think getting revenge is any better than what he did to you. Some of the advice here is really childish. He cheated, people do that. You live, you learn. Getting revenge will only make you feel better temporarily. It doesn't heal the wound completely.

Take the legal advice people are giving, don't go and try to ruin his life. He's already ruined with his lying ways.

Always remember that you ARE the bigger person here.

And maybe get in to some counselling too, an event like this can be emotionally traumatizing. I am sorry it happened but work on healing yourself.

Second that. Wise words sister Sprailenes

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I don't think getting revenge is any better than what he did to you. Some of the advice here is really childish. He cheated, people do that. You live, you learn. Getting revenge will only make you feel better temporarily. It doesn't heal the wound completely.

I think saying "He cheated, people do that." Is minimalizing the situation. He did a lot more than cheat. From the looks of it, this man engaged in visa/marriage fraud and knowingly used an innocent individual in effort to come to the U.S. and gain a green card. I suppose it is a matter of semantics, but for me, there is a big difference between this and cheating.

[SterlingGirl 1]

That's a slight exaggeration, but there are essentially no ways for a male in Indiana to get any kind of "assistance" unless they are disabled on the job. Ergo, what would you even have to pay back, if the government actually made people pay it back?

Well, then, to answer your question - why NOT pull the green card? Whether he entered the country fully INTENDING to marry someone while screwing around, or looked at his surroundings and realized he could get a "better deal" than what he'd originally intended, the point is - he's pretty much abandoned the only reason he was here. "Obligations to USCIS" be damned - it's obvious he likely wouldn't even qualify for any benefits, so really, what's the issue?

If the conditions are removed, then yeah, I can see why there's nothing to be done. But if there IS a way that the process can be halted so that he won't benefit from a green card, I can't see why she shouldn't do that. She rearranged her entire life, spent all her money, and now this jacka$$ is screwing around on her like she doesn't even exist. Let HIM endure some hardship now - go restart your life where you came from, if that's how much you're going to value someone who made so many sacrifices for you. It's absolutely no less than he deserves. If it were me, it would most certainly be revenge, and I wouldn't have one problem admitting it. NO one would f*@# with me that way and get away with it.

Edited August 20, 2008 by SterlingGirl

[Sprailenes 47]

I don't think getting revenge is any better than what he did to you. Some of the advice here is really childish. He cheated, people do that. You live, you learn. Getting revenge will only make you feel better temporarily. It doesn't heal the wound completely.

I think saying "He cheated, people do that." Is minimalizing the situation. He did a lot more than cheat. From the looks of it, this man engaged in visa/marriage fraud and knowingly used an innocent individual in effort to come to the U.S. and gain a green card. I suppose it is a matter of semantics, but for me, there is a big difference between this and cheating.

I am not minimizing anything. I am not even saying that she shouldn't try and cancel the AOS.

I am saying that some of the advice here is really childish, like saying he works for bin laden or other forms of revenge that have nothing to do with canceling the AOS? Come on now.

I am telling her that it is not the end of the world, that people do cheat, she isn't alone, this isn't the first time this has happened, and she can move on with her dignity intact.

Edited August 21, 2008 by Sprailenes

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I don't think getting revenge is any better than what he did to you. Some of the advice here is really childish. He cheated, people do that. You live, you learn. Getting revenge will only make you feel better temporarily. It doesn't heal the wound completely.

I think saying "He cheated, people do that." Is minimalizing the situation. He did a lot more than cheat. From the looks of it, this man engaged in visa/marriage fraud and knowingly used an innocent individual in effort to come to the U.S. and gain a green card. I suppose it is a matter of semantics, but for me, there is a big difference between this and cheating.

I am not minimizing anything. I am not even saying that she shouldn't try and cancel the AOS.

I am saying that some of the advice here is really childish, like saying he works for bin laden or other forms of revenge that have nothing to do with canceling the AOS? Come on now.

I am telling her that it is not the end of the world, that people do cheat, she isn't alone, this isn't the first time this has happened, and she can move on with her dignity intact.

Ok, I agree with you then

But I do say rip that green card from his greedy little hands if you can!

More about EQUITY than revenge. He doesn't deserve it. Never did.

[*Maureen* 0]

Tammy, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

If he deliberately took advantage of her and all his intent was to gain entry into the USA, IMO i think these people should be held accountable for their actions by the authorities, they are committing a crime (no different than a con artist!). Pulling the green card from these people is a slap on the wrist, they should be thrown in prison! If this really would happen maybe these scammers would think twice before they pounce on the innocent victim.

[2manypapers 0]

Just wanted to say that I am very sorry that you are going through all of this. I know you must be heartbroken, I went through the same with my Husband. All you wish for is that it is not happening and unless someone has gone through the long process of sponsorship, it is difficult for them to really understand all the emotions that you are experiencing. Not only do you lose the person that you love, but you lose trust and question your own judgement so many areas. Try not to let that happen. You must remember that your love was a true gift and he threw away something precious. Sending you courage, do what you can to protect yourself. The posters here have given you good advice.

2manypapers

[tanyakaraman 0]

Not sure if this was already mentioned, but you can withdraw the affidavit of support at any time prior to the GC being issued, which it sounds like it has not been yet. I would do that ASAP. Maybe help him buy a ticket back to his home country...then work on patching up your heart/life/finances.

Best wishes & so sorry you're going thru this....

Tanya

[Ban Hammer 13,113]

[Koakland 0]

I am so so so sorry Tammy. What an awful thing to do to a person. I wish you all the best with this situation.

[bhajishah 4]

Brother didntdirectly hurt me. so I would not call it revenge.would call it justice. keep turning other check and see how bitter you really become. You call it childish. If i would call you a name it would be gullible and dancing with the dream fairies. ne way hope it works out to your satisfaction. move on and learn what how to trust. Im sure thats lost. thanks to the dishonorable brother.

[warriorprincess 0]

My heart goes out to you. You should consult a divorce and immigration lawyer. Carry all the evidence of his cheating with you. You deserve much better than that scum bag. Once a cheater, always a cheater. (F)

[Susita 175]

Hey my american ex did almost the same exact thing to me. Guess these scumbags come from all over the world huh?

I agree with the majority. Contact USCIS and try to pull your Affidavit of Support. I don't think you should have to be financially responsible for him after what he put you through. If he gets a greencard, so be it, but you shouldn't have to have anything to do with it.

Good thing you have all that proof from the spyware. Thats a +

[bhajishah 4]

UBL JOmo girl???? now thats one sick puppy. wow and coming rom you

[PeteUS325 0]

That's a slight exaggeration, but there are essentially no ways for a male in Indiana to get any kind of "assistance" unless they are disabled on the job. Ergo, what would you even have to pay back, if the government actually made people pay it back?

Well, then, to answer your question - why NOT pull the green card? Whether he entered the country fully INTENDING to marry someone while screwing around, or looked at his surroundings and realized he could get a "better deal" than what he'd originally intended, the point is - he's pretty much abandoned the only reason he was here. "Obligations to USCIS" be damned - it's obvious he likely wouldn't even qualify for any benefits, so really, what's the issue?

If the conditions are removed, then yeah, I can see why there's nothing to be done. But if there IS a way that the process can be halted so that he won't benefit from a green card, I can't see why she shouldn't do that. She rearranged her entire life, spent all her money, and now this jacka$$ is screwing around on her like she doesn't even exist. Let HIM endure some hardship now - go restart your life where you came from, if that's how much you're going to value someone who made so many sacrifices for you. It's absolutely no less than he deserves. If it were me, it would most certainly be revenge, and I wouldn't have one problem admitting it. NO one would f*@# with me that way and get away with it.

So to clarify, there is the initial AOS process after the spouse is entered into US (assuming on K1 visa). But this is a conditional one only. In about 2 years time the USC spouse has to apply for "Removal of Conditions" so the permanent GC can be issued. The key is timing. As long as the permanent GC has not been issued, I believe the USC can ask to terminate the process and get out of the financial responsibility come with the Affidavit of Support.