Cold Feet after approval

[VetsWife328 7]

OK Guys,

I have a maybe odd question here.........

James and I are having some problems since we got approved and it's not looking good for us......

To explain a little,

due to his never ending divorce we had to wait from March 2006 until October 2007 to be able to put the papers in with the CSC........

We spent most of that time except for one month apart and the stress level on both sides was extremly high.Then when we were finally able to put the papers in,three weeks after I have been to the US to see him for 10 days we were fine pretty much until we got approved on Feb 28th ,2008.

The Consulate in Frankfurt was processing our case extremly fast and from returning Packet 3 to the Interview we had very little time.......my son became sick in the meantime and MY stress level was way beyond nice.So I guess all that stress effected and changed me temporarily.........We ended up hardly talking to each other and when we did it was about papers and bills.

Then we booked a flight for the end of April,but I didn't receive my Visa in time and I told him I needed more time to move.......Well,that was all it took and he had a major blow up......

As of right now things really don't look good for us,but I will be flying out in two week (with a return flight for 5 weeks later) and give it a shot.

Both James and me have been living alone (well me with my son) for many years and it seems that he's got cold feet since he told our best friends in the US how worried he is about us lasting.We never spent much time (at one time) together,the longest we have pysically lived together was 30 days.JAmes had a very bad marriage and his ex never even moved to Germany with him when he was sent here on military orders.........

We did last three years so far,even though we have been apart most of the time.

My question is how many of you have experienced something similar?? And what's your opinion on James being able to overcome his doubts and fear?

And on a side note just to clear it up-

there's NO other person involved.We never cheated on each other.

NAT

[Nessa 23]

no

no problems

not at all

[Fandango 1,440]

D and I had a huge separation which lasted 18 mos. I don't think that the separation is what did us in, and tbh I'll never publicly speak of our troubles and the whys and wherefores, but I think while you're apart for so long, it's much easier to over romanticize every aspect of every little thing.

The cold feet I think is quite normal...this next step is a big one for both of you. I'm not saying it's the wrong step at all, but after all the years of hassle, to get the 'green light' is different!

I would try not to overthink things too much at this point...you both have fought so hard to be together, and now it's all coming to fruition! Give it a shot...you may find that the 'cold feet' is just a little hesitation at what seems like a monumental task of moving country and uprooting yourself and your boy, and for him, having your transition be as easy as poss. There's a lot of stress, I'm sure! But you two love each other, so don't lose sight of that!

Good luck and congrats!

[*JG* 2]

OK Guys,

I have a maybe odd question here.........

James and I are having some problems since we got approved and it's not looking good for us......

To explain a little,

due to his never ending divorce we had to wait from March 2006 until October 2007 to be able to put the papers in with the CSC........

We spent most of that time except for one month apart and the stress level on both sides was extremly high.Then when we were finally able to put the papers in,three weeks after I have been to the US to see him for 10 days we were fine pretty much until we got approved on Feb 28th ,2008.

The Consulate in Frankfurt was processing our case extremly fast and from returning Packet 3 to the Interview we had very little time.......my son became sick in the meantime and MY stress level was way beyond nice.So I guess all that stress effected and changed me temporarily.........We ended up hardly talking to each other and when we did it was about papers and bills.

Then we booked a flight for the end of April,but I didn't receive my Visa in time and I told him I needed more time to move.......Well,that was all it took and he had a major blow up......

As of right now things really don't look good for us,but I will be flying out in two week (with a return flight for 5 weeks later) and give it a shot.

Both James and me have been living alone (well me with my son) for many years and it seems that he's got cold feet since he told our best friends in the US how worried he is about us lasting.We never spent much time (at one time) together,the longest we have pysically lived together was 30 days.JAmes had a very bad marriage and his ex never even moved to Germany with him when he was sent here on military orders.........

We did last three years so far,even though we have been apart most of the time.

My question is how many of you have experienced something similar?? And what's your opinion on James being able to overcome his doubts and fear?

And on a side note just to clear it up-

there's NO other person involved.We never cheated on each other.

NAT

It's normal. This process is extremely grueling.

You can do this and be really happy together. Remember what brought you together. Focus on how much you love and respect each other. Really look at what is hampering moving on. Communicate.....communicate.....communicate.

[Scott & Lai 12]

OK Guys,

I have a maybe odd question here.........

James and I are having some problems since we got approved and it's not looking good for us......

To explain a little,

due to his never ending divorce we had to wait from March 2006 until October 2007 to be able to put the papers in with the CSC........

We spent most of that time except for one month apart and the stress level on both sides was extremly high.Then when we were finally able to put the papers in,three weeks after I have been to the US to see him for 10 days we were fine pretty much until we got approved on Feb 28th ,2008.

The Consulate in Frankfurt was processing our case extremly fast and from returning Packet 3 to the Interview we had very little time.......my son became sick in the meantime and MY stress level was way beyond nice.So I guess all that stress effected and changed me temporarily.........We ended up hardly talking to each other and when we did it was about papers and bills.

Then we booked a flight for the end of April,but I didn't receive my Visa in time and I told him I needed more time to move.......Well,that was all it took and he had a major blow up......

As of right now things really don't look good for us,but I will be flying out in two week (with a return flight for 5 weeks later) and give it a shot.

Both James and me have been living alone (well me with my son) for many years and it seems that he's got cold feet since he told our best friends in the US how worried he is about us lasting.We never spent much time (at one time) together,the longest we have pysically lived together was 30 days.JAmes had a very bad marriage and his ex never even moved to Germany with him when he was sent here on military orders.........

We did last three years so far,even though we have been apart most of the time.

My question is how many of you have experienced something similar?? And what's your opinion on James being able to overcome his doubts and fear?

And on a side note just to clear it up-

there's NO other person involved.We never cheated on each other.

NAT

No cold feet

We waited four months after becoming formally engaged (which was five months after deciding we would marry) to send in the petition, so Lai could visit me first.

By the time of the interview, we had been apart for eleven months.

I really can't add much to the advice that has already been given. One thing I did note, though, is that you said you have booked a flight here with a return flight in five weeks. The K-1 visa will not allow you to leave the U.S. until you either have your Advanced Parole or you have received your conditional Green Card. If you do leave before receiving either of those, you will not be able to come back without getting another visa. If you are thinking of using that five weeks to determine if things are going to work, I really don't think that's enough time.

[Zee Bee 61]

Once we decided to get married the point of contention was where we would live. It took a little less than 6 months for us to decide (rather for him to change his mind) that we should try living here first and if he does not like it we would move back to Ghana.

After that no cold feet or regrets. I saw him 9 months before our interview and we will have been separated for exactly 1 year before I see him again.

I say wait to see what happens once you get here. As we all know, this process is stressful and people handle it in very different ways. Once you have that behind you and do not have to count days until you are separated again it may alleviate some of the anxiousness you have had through the process. Just give it some time to sink in.

Good luck

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

no cold feet

[Cassie 8]

No cold feet.

We began working on the paperwork the next day after we were engaged (we had talked about it before he popped the question so we were kind of prepared).

While we were waiting for the I-129f to be approved and the interview at the consulate, the longest time we were apart was a month and a half.

[Welshcookie 17]

I really can't add much to the advice that has already been given. One thing I did note, though, is that you said you have booked a flight here with a return flight in five weeks. The K-1 visa will not allow you to leave the U.S. until you either have your Advanced Parole or you have received your conditional Green Card. If you do leave before receiving either of those, you will not be able to come back without getting another visa. If you are thinking of using that five weeks to determine if things are going to work, I really don't think that's enough time.

Nat I've been following your progress over the years and you've had a pretty rough time of it. I seriously would not give a 5 week time limit on this....you guys are going to learn a lot about one another and have to adjust to finally becoming a couple and making a life together. Separation has not been easy for either of you during this process, but now is the time to put all the heart ache, disappointments, issues behind you and focus on the this stage of your relationship.

I also was a single parent for many years before I moved in with Chris and it took a good year before we even began to live in harmony, it was a rough year! Suddenly becoming a 'partnership' after years of independence takes some adjustment...and I didn't even have to deal with learning to live in a whole new country.

I really hope you give yourselves more time...and wish you all the very best (F)

Have a safe trip!

[chri'stina 190]

no cold feet

Had to wait about 3 months after being officially engaged to send in paperwork(I needed a job, etc). We knew we wanted to marry each other awhile before that though.

At the time of interview we had been apart 9 months or so.

Sorry you are going through a rough time.

Edited May 22, 2008 by stina&suj

[VetsWife328 7]

Welshcookie:

Right now I have to admit that he doesn't want to see me........and the reason why I still am flying overthere is because I would never be able to live with not having tried.I would not be able to move on with my life.You know some of the stuff that happened in the past.....and right now there is a HUGE amount of pain on my part,lost trust......if you have to fight as hard as I fought for three years there comes the point were you ask yourself whether there is anything left to fight for.And that's why I fly out.It either works or it doesn't and I will see it in his eyes the moment I see him....... my heart will tell me whether the fight was simply too long and too hard........This entire process and on top of that the special situation we were in for years ,can kill the love you feel for each other.

But as I said,I HAVE to at least go and see what's left ,if anything.........It makes me very very sad that it's come to this........and the 5 weeks may not be a lot of time,but due to me keeping my apartment here in case it really is over,I don't have more time.And the thing is that if we still love each other,if he still loves me,then I will be able to tell and he will realize that what he's doing is BS........Either way it goes,I will be able to move on with my life.With or without him by my side.

Nat

[Welshcookie 17]

Oh Nat i'm sorry to read all that....I hope it all works out well for you I really do...Take care

[DakotaK1 1]

Neither of us had cold feet,we could not wait to be together forever.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

getting there.

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

No neither one of us got cold feet.

We sent our petition 2 months after we get married.

6-9 months.