visa application

[panamania79 2]

Thanks all that answered my last question. We had the interview set up for tomorrow (the 28th) and last tuesday she ended our relationship. My question is... Can I file a new application for a different woman right away? or is there a waiting period? I started to write to a woman in the phillipines instead of the Ukraine, and I will probably go over there in the begining of april to meet her if it works out. Please let me know if there is some amount of time that must pass by, so that I can let her know if we feel that our relationship is headding that way. thanks again for the help last time!

jerome

[jerome 0]

Thanks all!

especially thanks Laura and Nick.

I know that I should take time for myself, I understand this, and I thought about taking time, but I jumped into talking with a woman, not in search for a used car, but in search for the happiness I had with Iryna. I did and still do love her, but she has made her choice, and I am not angry with her for her choice. I have been honest people with Sheirmane, she knows that I just got out of a relationship, I was very blunt, and quite frankly i am surprised that she still wanted to write me. I am going to take my time. I do want to go to the philippines this year for a vacation, and for myself, I planned a trip for the philippines for last year, but when I started to write to Iryna, I went to the Ukraine to meet her. For all of you that are waiting, I know the wait is worth it, I can tell all of you thanks, and I mean it. I am going fast, and I need time for myself, but I also do not want doubts. If I step back now, I will always have doubts. I am sure all of you can understand what I am saying. I ask any of you when you wrote the first letter, to ask yourself did you have doubts. I am sure there are thousands of people that had doubts, and today they are still alone but all of you kept writing, you all fought through your doubts, and if I stop now and wait, I will always have doubts, as I will always have doubts of what I could have done different with Iryna, but I can honestly say that I am not the type of person that will ever hold one person to the other I can tell you all I am a honest and sincere man, and you can believe, or choose not to believe me, but Sheirmane to me is just that Sheirmane, she is not Iryna, and never will be, and I would not ever want her to be like Iryna, this does not mean I say that Iryna is a bad person, she was a wonderful and is a wonderful woman, I have wished her the best, and she has done the same for me, I never wanted a trophy wife, I never wanted a submissive woman, but a equal partner, one that I can grow old with one I can defend, one i can hug, when she is sad, and one that would hug me when I am sad. This I know is what I want, and honestly I will not find it by waiting. I do hope that it is not to soon, as I do not want to hurt any one, and I know that my intentions are honorable and sincere. Please feel as you want, and I do know that there are men that do not take this seriously, and that they make it harder for others. Just have faith that all people are not the same. thanks everyone, for your negative post, and your supporting post. good luck with all and god bless. I hope all goes well and fast for all of you and that you will not have to endure the pain that I have gone though the last few weeks

god bless Jerome

[MissYoko 4]

You know Jerome the way you wrote the post was a bit bad and all the bad reactions are normal.

Even we dont know your story, be honest, you would react in the same way reading that kind of post.

I dont think that peeps was judging you, we was just in choc.

And yes like said Laura & Nick, now take your time...

Yoko

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Yes, everyone is different and books should not be judged by the cover. What shocked me was the quickness you moved from engaged to, "Oh what the fuk, NEXT!" In came off worse than buying a used car.

Let me share a bit of my story. In 2005, my fiancée changed her mind right before the interview. This was after an almost two year relationship. She flat out told me, "I can't do it." She even made the suggestion, "Maybe you should find different woman." But, rather than give up and holler NEXT! I examined the situation. I flew to her at my nearest convenience. I discovered a woman very frightened. Scared of such a big move and lacking needed support from her family. I found a woman very much in love with me but requiring more time to do this right. A woman that never meant those words, "Find another". A woman concerned I would not understand her life situation. I told her, it's okay. It will be all right. Rather than give up, I saw a challenge. I asked her to tell me how I could help. She only said, "TIME". After a year more, I decided to take a more aggressive approach. I chose to give up everything here and live with her in Russia. We used that period to be a true family and not the typical visiting tourist that many can only do. I lived with her like a Russian. I even managed to fool many who never suspected me as being an American. After another year, we both decided that life would be better in America than struggling to live in Russia. Thus, I returned and, began her paperwork for the second time. Now she completely looks forward to arriving here and has full support of her family. I gave everyone time to know me and witness our love at work. She has had too many men in her life that wanted too much too soon and gave up on her. She wants a man for life and another short term superficial individual. Fighting for her, if you will, was exactly what she wanted.

I don't know your exact situation and we are all different. For me, quitting was never an acceptable option.

[dbears 1]

"A remarriage has one of the same partners who were present in your last marriage. Most people don’t take the time to evaluate WHAT went wrong. They just assume the problem was the WHO. Unfortunately that’s not the case. It’s important to look at what happened to cause the marriage to deteriorate. While it’s tempting to assume that your ex-spouse was the problem, they weren’t 100% responsible. Without taking time to look at YOUR part in the marriage’s demise, you are destined to repeat the similar, if not the same, mistakes."

i am one of those who threw the stone. i know didn't have the right. so, i am sorry if i was judgmental.

i got that quote on one of the remarriage site my fiance and i frequents to help us in our journey... he's been married in the past and i have been in a common law union several years ago so there is indeed a great need for us to be prepared for our upcoming marriage... we both love each other so much and we are doing everything we could to make it work even before it starts.. even if it meant agonizing long period of waiting.

i know that quote is about remarriage issue and remarriage may not apply to you yet.. but i think the concept here applies to anybody who is or has been in a serious romantic relationship... much more to those who have been engaged.

i agree with those who said you should take time out for yourself.. to ponder and to heal.. going to the philippines and meeting this filipina in just a few months after you got to know her.. and just after your engagement ended will only cloud your better judgment... talk with her if you want to but don't do it thinking "this might be it or she could be the one" right off... give it some time and you will be grateful that you did... we all need and want to love and be loved in return.. but pls don't allow yourself to be in love with the IDEA of being in love... aim for the real thing.

if you can take time, try reading some of the sad stories on the "effects of major family changes on immigration benefits" forum.. who knows you might learn something from their stories... and it might help you evaluate things better.

good luck to you. And God bless.

[CBR 0]

Yes, everyone is different and books should not be judged by the cover. What shocked me was the quickness you moved from engaged to, "Oh what the fuk, NEXT!" In came off worse than buying a used car.

Let me share a bit of my story. In 2005, my fiancée changed her mind right before the interview. This was after an almost two year relationship. She flat out told me, "I can't do it." She even made the suggestion, "Maybe you should find different woman." But, rather than give up and holler NEXT! I examined the situation. I flew to her at my nearest convenience. I discovered a woman very frightened. Scared of such a big move and lacking needed support from her family. I found a woman very much in love with me but requiring more time to do this right. A woman that never meant those words, "Find another". A woman concerned I would not understand her life situation. I told her, it's okay. It will be all right. Rather than give up, I saw a challenge. I asked her to tell me how I could help. She only said, "TIME". After a year more, I decided to take a more aggressive approach. I chose to give up everything here and live with her in Russia. We used that period to be a true family and not the typical visiting tourist that many can only do. I lived with her like a Russian. I even managed to fool many who never suspected me as being an American. After another year, we both decided that life would be better in America than struggling to live in Russia. Thus, I returned and, began her paperwork for the second time. Now she completely looks forward to arriving here and has full support of her family. I gave everyone time to know me and witness our love at work. She has had too many men in her life that wanted too much too soon and gave up on her. She wants a man for life and another short term superficial individual. Fighting for her, if you will, was exactly what she wanted.

I don't know your exact situation and we are all different. For me, quitting was never an acceptable option.

That is so touching. I just had to comment. And what a wonderful story of love you have to tell your grandkids some day!

True love is something you can't just give up on. When you have it, you know it and you don't just let it slip away. Maybe in the case of the OP it wasn't and that's perhaps why it was easy to move on right away without any mourning period. Sad, but it happens.

[DerekJ 0]

Jerome,

I was probably the harshest but as someone just mentioned, your post did leave a very bad taste in the mouth. Please do take your time and we will all be here for support when you need it.

Derek

[CBR 0]

pls don't allow yourself to be in love with the IDEA of being in love... aim for the real thing.

good luck to you. And God bless.

Excellent

[dbears 1]

Yes, everyone is different and books should not be judged by the cover. What shocked me was the quickness you moved from engaged to, "Oh what the fuk, NEXT!" In came off worse than buying a used car.

Let me share a bit of my story. In 2005, my fiancée changed her mind right before the interview. This was after an almost two year relationship. She flat out told me, "I can't do it." She even made the suggestion, "Maybe you should find different woman." But, rather than give up and holler NEXT! I examined the situation. I flew to her at my nearest convenience. I discovered a woman very frightened. Scared of such a big move and lacking needed support from her family. I found a woman very much in love with me but requiring more time to do this right. A woman that never meant those words, "Find another". A woman concerned I would not understand her life situation. I told her, it's okay. It will be all right. Rather than give up, I saw a challenge. I asked her to tell me how I could help. She only said, "TIME". After a year more, I decided to take a more aggressive approach. I chose to give up everything here and live with her in Russia. We used that period to be a true family and not the typical visiting tourist that many can only do. I lived with her like a Russian. I even managed to fool many who never suspected me as being an American. After another year, we both decided that life would be better in America than struggling to live in Russia. Thus, I returned and, began her paperwork for the second time. Now she completely looks forward to arriving here and has full support of her family. I gave everyone time to know me and witness our love at work. She has had too many men in her life that wanted too much too soon and gave up on her. She wants a man for life and another short term superficial individual. Fighting for her, if you will, was exactly what she wanted.

I don't know your exact situation and we are all different. For me, quitting was never an acceptable option.

KUDOS TO YOU!!! i am like your girl in some way but i never tried ending my relationship with my man.. i was just did so many dilly-dallying to prolong the inevitability of going to america... i love my guy so much but all the horror stories of kids firing guns at their classmates in schools and those scantily clad teenagers in hollywood movies and MTV, and those stories of abductions right across the victims house just terrifies me... and although there are stories of terrorism here in the philippines, at least we have not heard of children firing guns in schools yet.. i have two kids and i am just frightened for them and i also don't want them to grow up like those MTV teeners...

my fiance had to assure me over and over again. he visited here twice, then he kept sending me pictures from his family where kids from different race have been adopted by one of his cousin and pictures of his hometown during fairs, showing people dressed in just the same way people here dress, not like MTV people at all .. and also it helped that i started communicating with his mom and his daughter.

we've known each other since 2005, got engaged june 2007 and we are just about ready to send in K1 application this coming wednesday... why it took so long,, that was thanks to me ... i am very proud and thankful for my guy for never giving up on me and i love him and respect him so much more because of that...

[jerome 0]

Thanks for everyone that keeps replying.

thanks Yoko, Tiger, dbears,CBR,and Derekj.

For some time I have tried to fight with the ideas, and one of you might have hit on a point that I was trying to hide, but all of you struck home, you all made me realize some of my faults of speaking without thinking, look at my post woo hoo good one Jerome, but the most recent point was one of you said maybe it wasn't true love, and that i should find true love and not "the idea" of love. About 5 months back, all was good, we were in a video chat, and all at once she looked at me and started to cry, and the chat ended. I asked and asked what was wrong, and it took time for her to talk, and she could never explain what was wrong, but just that "it didn't feel right" such as now. But even before this happened, I had my doubts, about her being able to leave for America, and when I sit back and think it was that we only had 10 days together, and almost 2 years of writing and she simply got scared, but maybe I can simply move on because I know that all we had was 10 days of fun with only "the idea" of what we were about to do, but I do believe that I want to find true love, and that I might not have had it with Iryna, and that she never had it with me. It was a very fast relationship from hello how are you one week to I love you the next. I promise all of you I am taking my time, and that I am using my past to help me with my future. Heck before I went there my friends worried, and did not want me to get hurt, I kept saying "don't worry, if it doesn't work out I had one hell of a vacation!" Maybe I was trying to fool myself, but even if it was not true love then, I know deep down inside I do want love, after all who doesn't? I have had my fair share of bad relationships, heck my ex wife is in prison, please don't ask about that... This time I know what I am getting into, or at least I am fooling myself into thinking I do, but I know that time heals all wounds, and eventually you will find the one that god wants you to find. I can just say that I do believe I am on the right path, and trust me if you all read the first letter I sent to Sheirmane, you would know that when she did reply I was amazed, I did not hold punches, and I was a bit of a ####, but I was true and honest, and she was the same with me. We might wait for my trip, I have time, maybe April, maybe July, maybe never. Any way, what ever happens, before we even talk about marriage, we will talk about why we want this, and why we love each other, because I do not want to make it harder for anyone, and I don't want to go through the visa process again, but I will do what ever it takes to find true love. I write to Sheirmane as a friend, and my intentions are good and honest, we have both fear, and mistrust, and we have talked we are going to take it day by day, and in 6 months who knows.

thanks again for all that read, and all that reply, and do not worry, I am the idiot that posted without thinking, maybe I wont make the same mistake again.

thanks again!!

Jerome

I know it now sounds like I am trying to make me believe that what I am doing is the right thing to do, or that I am asking for your blessing, maybe I am, maybe not, I really don't know for sure either, all of your replies struck a chord in me, but I am going to continue the path that I have chosen, and I am sure god will guide me the rest of the way, and please ad your replies, I read them all

[Gringita/Morenito 0]

Yes, everyone is different and books should not be judged by the cover. What shocked me was the quickness you moved from engaged to, "Oh what the fuk, NEXT!" In came off worse than buying a used car.

Let me share a bit of my story. In 2005, my fiancée changed her mind right before the interview. This was after an almost two year relationship. She flat out told me, "I can't do it." She even made the suggestion, "Maybe you should find different woman." But, rather than give up and holler NEXT! I examined the situation. I flew to her at my nearest convenience. I discovered a woman very frightened. Scared of such a big move and lacking needed support from her family. I found a woman very much in love with me but requiring more time to do this right. A woman that never meant those words, "Find another". A woman concerned I would not understand her life situation. I told her, it's okay. It will be all right. Rather than give up, I saw a challenge. I asked her to tell me how I could help. She only said, "TIME". After a year more, I decided to take a more aggressive approach. I chose to give up everything here and live with her in Russia. We used that period to be a true family and not the typical visiting tourist that many can only do. I lived with her like a Russian. I even managed to fool many who never suspected me as being an American. After another year, we both decided that life would be better in America than struggling to live in Russia. Thus, I returned and, began her paperwork for the second time. Now she completely looks forward to arriving here and has full support of her family. I gave everyone time to know me and witness our love at work. She has had too many men in her life that wanted too much too soon and gave up on her. She wants a man for life and another short term superficial individual. Fighting for her, if you will, was exactly what she wanted.

I don't know your exact situation and we are all different. For me, quitting was never an acceptable option.

What an impressive love you have. That type of fighting for love will honor your marriage in a way that many only dream of. I wish you both a long happy marriage!!!!!

[Gringita/Morenito 0]

Thanks for everyone that keeps replying.

thanks Yoko, Tiger, dbears,CBR,and Derekj.

For some time I have tried to fight with the ideas, and one of you might have hit on a point that I was trying to hide, but all of you struck home, you all made me realize some of my faults of speaking without thinking, look at my post woo hoo good one Jerome, but the most recent point was one of you said maybe it wasn't true love, and that i should find true love and not "the idea" of love. About 5 months back, all was good, we were in a video chat, and all at once she looked at me and started to cry, and the chat ended. I asked and asked what was wrong, and it took time for her to talk, and she could never explain what was wrong, but just that "it didn't feel right" such as now. But even before this happened, I had my doubts, about her being able to leave for America, and when I sit back and think it was that we only had 10 days together, and almost 2 years of writing and she simply got scared, but maybe I can simply move on because I know that all we had was 10 days of fun with only "the idea" of what we were about to do, but I do believe that I want to find true love, and that I might not have had it with Iryna, and that she never had it with me. It was a very fast relationship from hello how are you one week to I love you the next. I promise all of you I am taking my time, and that I am using my past to help me with my future. Heck before I went there my friends worried, and did not want me to get hurt, I kept saying "don't worry, if it doesn't work out I had one hell of a vacation!" Maybe I was trying to fool myself, but even if it was not true love then, I know deep down inside I do want love, after all who doesn't? I have had my fair share of bad relationships, heck my ex wife is in prison, please don't ask about that... This time I know what I am getting into, or at least I am fooling myself into thinking I do, but I know that time heals all wounds, and eventually you will find the one that god wants you to find. I can just say that I do believe I am on the right path, and trust me if you all read the first letter I sent to Sheirmane, you would know that when she did reply I was amazed, I did not hold punches, and I was a bit of a ####, but I was true and honest, and she was the same with me. We might wait for my trip, I have time, maybe April, maybe July, maybe never. Any way, what ever happens, before we even talk about marriage, we will talk about why we want this, and why we love each other, because I do not want to make it harder for anyone, and I don't want to go through the visa process again, but I will do what ever it takes to find true love. I write to Sheirmane as a friend, and my intentions are good and honest, we have both fear, and mistrust, and we have talked we are going to take it day by day, and in 6 months who knows.

thanks again for all that read, and all that reply, and do not worry, I am the idiot that posted without thinking, maybe I wont make the same mistake again.

thanks again!!

Jerome

I know it now sounds like I am trying to make me believe that what I am doing is the right thing to do, or that I am asking for your blessing, maybe I am, maybe not, I really don't know for sure either, all of your replies struck a chord in me, but I am going to continue the path that I have chosen, and I am sure god will guide me the rest of the way, and please ad your replies, I read them all

Jerome,

From reading through post 1 to now my mind has bounced a million places. I can easily identify with every post on this thread and opinions can change. In the end, we come to VJ for a sense of support. I hope you get that. Not all will agree with me or with others or your decisions. I can understand why you say maybe you are seeking a blessing, most of us like to do what is right in the eyes of others. But sometimes we must do we know is right for us. There is some very good advise listed above, I am a firm believer in the counsel of many (just make sure the counsel is wise and not rooted in anger or heat of the moment words). Take a little time to think about everything that has happened in the last week or so.

Looking at some of the responses here the word that comes up the most for people trying to imagine themselves in the same situation is devestated. I know I would be too. I would be many other things as well, offended, hurt, angry. At least initially. Those things are common at the end of a relationship. So common there is a word for the actions many people take, rebound.

I hope for great things for you Jerome. But please, as others have cautioned take time for you. God bless...

Sam

[DavidsPrincess 1]

if I had only seen my fiance for 10 days out of 2 years, I'd definitely have some doubts as well. Says a lot by how easily you gave up on her/the relationship about how hard you're willing to work for "love"

Edited January 29, 2008 by DavidsPrincess

[David_n_Amber 3]

I think im going to stray off of the "good luck in whatever you choose" comments...

You invested 2 of your years in this relationship and only seen her a handful of DAYS...you claim you loved and still love her. Hell, i bet even last week you guys were still "gung-ho" about this interview before she cut it off. And now here you are on VJ asking for help in regards the application for this new prospect of a life partner. I have a couple of questions.

1) how do you just start writing someone? do you find their address and name out of some random phone book, in your case, Filipino, and just start writing them letters "hello, i am from USA i can offer you a better life here, nice to meet you"??????

2) If you loved this previous woman so much from before, why didnt either one of you invest more time into spending time with each other?

3) You had to of just started "writing" to this woman from the Philippines and you're already questioning what the rules are for submitting new applications for fiances? Jumping the gun much? Like dbears said earlier... "pls don't allow yourself to be in love with the IDEA of being in love... aim for the real thing."... A womans mind can be changed if you show that you are truly and genuinely caring of her needs. Why not go to your ukranian fiance's place and show her how much you really love her instead of just saying it. Show it. Actions speak so much louder than words. I understand you want to respect her decision etc etc, but seriously.. if you still love her then MAN UP, quit dilly daddling around and meeting and writing letters to women you dont even know.. fight for her. Kazan' Tiger is a GREAT example of manning-up. He fought for the women he TRULY loved and he won.. Jumping ship and saying "screw it, who is next?" because shes throwing a trantrum (probably more nervous than anything else) doesn't look the best on you and your commitment to "love"

Im sorry if this post offends you, but i just felt like commenting on the situation.

Edited January 29, 2008 by David_n_Amber

[Jeraly 4]

I think the best advice I have seen here is to take time for you... You always say that the following relationship isn't a rebound... I've done the same (*many* times ) but it was only really when I told myself that sod it - I am not going to jump from relationship to relationship trying to find "the one", I was going to be single and proud and wait until I found someone who deserved me, that I realised what love was.

My OH and I have known each other for six years (just over). We met, tried to have a relationship, failed, gave up, lost contact, exchanged occasional e-mails, started talking more... all over a period of four years. At first I refused to love him - I fought against it, I warned myself that we had tried it before and that it didn't work. I warned myself about how we were going to be together without just rushing into a wedding for the sake of being together in a relationship I was skeptical about at best. I warned myself that we would have to cope with 5500 miles distance, not see each other for months at a time... hell - when I was warning myself we hadn't even met. We didn't know if we would hit it off in person...

Jeremy booked a flight to see me and I was freaking. As it happens we did hit it off, we did make a go of it and we did work through things. In a previous relationship I ended up suffering from clinical depression because I could only see my boyfriend once every week!! This process and situation has helped us both grow and develop.

Anyway - you can read most of our story on our website. I guess what I am trying to say is that it took me vowing to remain single and truly meaning it to actually take a step back and realise what *I* wanted out of life and my life partner. Our relationship was on *our* terms where neither one of us would back down about what we wanted. We just happened to want the same things

Please take some time for you - make new friends by all means but don't get yourself into a situation where you keep repeating past behaviours because you don't know how to break the cycle - took me a while to figure it out but I think everyone is capable of getting there

Good luck