Do couples give up too quickly?

[tmma 467]

How could anyone know for sure if another couple has "given up too quickly"?

We are not them.

We don't know what their relationship is really like or what it is even based on, let alone what each of them expect or need. We don't know what they can live with/without or how much stress/separation/whatever THEIR relationship; or THEY as individuals can handle.

How can an outsider to the relationship really say they "gave up too quickly"....and KNOW that they actually did?

IMO an individual can only answer honestly for themselves; with regards to their own relationship.

People do what's right/comfortable for THEM.

[Sister Fracas 5]

How could anyone know for sure if another couple has "given up too quickly"?

We are not them.

We don't know what their relationship is really like or what it is even based on, let alone what each of them expect or need. We don't know what they can live with/without or how much stress/separation/whatever THEIR relationship; or THEY as individuals can handle.

How can an outsider to the relationship really say they "gave up too quickly"....and KNOW that they actually did?

IMO an individual can only answer honestly for themselves; with regards to their own relationship.

People do what's right/comfortable for THEM.

and really...to hell with what anyone else thinks of what they've done or not done! Actually, Troll's answer (who cares about other couples) may be the best... hehehe

Edited January 22, 2008 by Sister Fracas

[*JG* 2]

How could anyone know for sure if another couple has "given up too quickly"?

We are not them.

We don't know what their relationship is really like or what it is even based on, let alone what each of them expect or need. We don't know what they can live with/without or how much stress/separation/whatever THEIR relationship; or THEY as individuals can handle.

How can an outsider to the relationship really say they "gave up too quickly"....and KNOW that they actually did?

IMO an individual can only answer honestly for themselves; with regards to their own relationship.

People do what's right/comfortable for THEM.

Well, I wouldn't say that is what I think 100%. There are some people I've seen stick it out who should've given it up long ago.

[Nessa 23]

It's pretty obvious couples don't try as hard as they did 80 years ago, otherwise the divorce rate wouldn't be so high, but then again, life is different nowadays. I don't know much about marriage, I know it's for life. Many people get married for the wrong reasons. Why get married?

My thoughts about marriage are the same as tattoos: if you ever had 1 doubt, even for a second, it's because you're not supposed to do it.

Edited January 22, 2008 by Nessa

[natasha peter 0]

nice thread by thoughtful vj ppl,ppl who give up quick on a relationship like marriage are actually relationship junkies ( as when rough patch strikes they need shelter so avoid) ,ones who fail to owe responsibilty or have psychological error in their system or persona,

i agree to everyone here.love begetts love ------easy rule.

[Emancipation 2]

This is my second marriage and the first one I left because of physical abuse.. even with the extremes in that relationship - i still waited almost 3 years to divorce him because I wanted to make sure I did absolutely everything I could.. I went to counseling, I went to marraige couselling (alone cause he didn't bother to show up).. i gave him time to get help..etc. etc. and when I knew I did everything I could.. I filed for a divorce.. I don't have regrets and I don't lose sleep at nights wondering what "might have been".. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

[Sister Fracas 5]

It's pretty obvious couples don't try as hard as they did 80 years ago, otherwise the divorce rate wouldn't be so high, but then again, life is different nowadays. I don't know much about marriage, I know it's for life. Many people get married for the wrong reasons. Why get married?

My thoughts about marriage are the same as tattoos: if you ever had 1 doubt, even for a second, it's because you're not supposed to do it.

But I wouldn't want a marraige like my grandparents that lasted over 50 years, but my grandfather was horrible to my grandmother and she would have never thought to leave him. You just didn't do it then; most people stayed together no matter what. That's not living, just staying together because the church or your family says you stay together.

[Nessa 23]

It's pretty obvious couples don't try as hard as they did 80 years ago, otherwise the divorce rate wouldn't be so high, but then again, life is different nowadays. I don't know much about marriage, I know it's for life. Many people get married for the wrong reasons. Why get married?

My thoughts about marriage are the same as tattoos: if you ever had 1 doubt, even for a second, it's because you're not supposed to do it.

But I wouldn't want a marraige like my grandparents that lasted over 50 years, but my grandfather was horrible to my grandmother and she would have never thought to leave him. You just didn't do it then; most people stayed together no matter what. That's not living, just staying together because the church or your family says you stay together.

I wouldn't want a marriage like that either. But I think the world is different now. It's normal and people accept easily divorce.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Last time I read my resume, nowhere did it say: "I AM QUALIFIED TO JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE'S RELATIONSHIPS AND WHETHER THEY TRY HARD ENOUGH TO 'SAVE' THEIR MARRIAGES" -- in summary, I don't see it as any of my business.

[KarenCee 3]

I think it depends on what the "for worse" part actually is.

It's not up to me to say what is someone else's breaking point.

Exactly. My breaking point came when my ex hit me in front of my daughter. I gave my first marriage 20 years. Once the abuse started, I didn't hesitate...my life and that of my daughter's meant a hell of a lot more to me than worrying if I was "giving up too quickly".

This is my second marriage and the first one I left because of physical abuse.. even with the extremes in that relationship - i still waited almost 3 years to divorce him because I wanted to make sure I did absolutely everything I could.. I went to counseling, I went to marraige couselling (alone cause he didn't bother to show up).. i gave him time to get help..etc. etc. and when I knew I did everything I could.. I filed for a divorce.. I don't have regrets and I don't lose sleep at nights wondering what "might have been".. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Whether this kind of thing happens 2 months or 2 years into a marriage...I can't see why someone would fight so hard to preserve a relationship like this just so they can say "I didn't give up so easy". Is physical harm (or mental) worth it just to save one's pride? IMHO of course.

With that said, I do think some couples give up easy...but that's just MY opinion and certainly not to be misconstrued as the gospel truth.

[CarolineM 0]

In today's instant gratification society, people treat S/Os like channels on the television. (click) We need a whole lot more commitment. I would fight for my relationship, any day, over giving up. Of course, there are breaking points, but the reasons some people break up are paltry.

I tend to agree - although I wonder if the percentages would be different in the immigration community vs. everyone else. I feel like from what I read here on Vj very often it's, "It didn't work out...I'm sending him/her back."

Who knows though.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

If two people come to agree that they should give up their relationship, it says something about their love from the start. Dontcha think??

[Krikit 1,163]

My thoughts about marriage are the same as tattoos: if you ever had 1 doubt, even for a second, it's because you're not supposed to do it.

Ahhhh, youth. It really is wasted on the young.

This is my second marriage and the first one I left because of physical abuse.. even with the extremes in that relationship - i still waited almost 3 years to divorce him because I wanted to make sure I did absolutely everything I could.. I went to counseling, I went to marraige couselling (alone cause he didn't bother to show up).. i gave him time to get help..etc. etc. and when I knew I did everything I could.. I filed for a divorce.. I don't have regrets and I don't lose sleep at nights wondering what "might have been".. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I am so glad you are out of that relationship, E. I am even more glad that you survived the 3 years while you went through your verification process. I am especially glad for the Kipster. He is truly heaven sent.

Exactly. My breaking point came when my ex hit me in front of my daughter. I gave my first marriage 20 years. Once the abuse started, I didn't hesitate...my life and that of my daughter's meant a hell of a lot more to me than worrying if I was "giving up too quickly".

That just makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. Thank God you left immediately. I imagine it would have been a different story if you hadn't.

If two people come to agree that they should give up their relationship, it says something about their love from the start. Dontcha think??

No, I don't think that. I think that people who agree on something as important as a relationship are intelligent and thoughtful. I think the crazy ones are those who aren't able to agree.

[Emancipation 2]

This is my second marriage and the first one I left because of physical abuse.. even with the extremes in that relationship - i still waited almost 3 years to divorce him because I wanted to make sure I did absolutely everything I could.. I went to counseling, I went to marraige couselling (alone cause he didn't bother to show up).. i gave him time to get help..etc. etc. and when I knew I did everything I could.. I filed for a divorce.. I don't have regrets and I don't lose sleep at nights wondering what "might have been".. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Whether this kind of thing happens 2 months or 2 years into a marriage...I can't see why someone would fight so hard to preserve a relationship like this just so they can say "I didn't give up so easy". Is physical harm (or mental) worth it just to save one's pride? IMHO of course.

No totally see your side Karen.. completely.. For me I knew i had every reason to walk away and never look back.. at the time though, i was a sick as well, having been mentally & verbally abused by him for 3 years, that I wasn't thinking 100% clearly. I could SEE that I needed to exit, and was taking all the steps I knew to be safe and apart from him, but for me personally I NEEDED to do everything I could do, even with an abuser as a husband, to know that I did everything I could on my end to make things better.. in the process I got better and I healed.. and I got to a place where I could open my heart up to another.... It was something I vowed to do for myself, so I could let go, and then I knew it was time to start divorce proceedings.. He certainly wasn't going to pay for them!

[Nessa 23]

My thoughts about marriage are the same as tattoos: if you ever had 1 doubt, even for a second, it's because you're not supposed to do it.

Ahhhh, youth. It really is wasted on the young.

so you think you should get married even if you have doubts, correct?