Do couples give up too quickly?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I did say no i think everyone still tries and then usually tries some more but with each case being different its hard to generalize. Years ago the family unit did represent more, women werent working and would often stay together because of need. Now times change fortunately in this area and women no longer need to stay say in an abusive marriage but i still think most try their best in their individual situations. Marriage has no written guarantees.

[Fandango 1,439]

From a general standpoint, it does appear that relationships are disposable....

HOWEVER

You can only save a relationship if both people are willing to seek help and to compromise and to give due consideration to the other person's needs. I don't think you can say that people give up too easily unless you've lived through whatever they've had to live through. Of course you shouldn't walk out after the first argument, but there comes a point sometimes where you recognise that it's never going to get any better than it is and you have to make a decision about whether you can live with that or not.

I think it's very sad if two people stay together merely out of a sense of obligation and make each other unhappy for the rest of their lives.

It's one of the reasons that I think maintaining a relationship at a distance can be a good thing sometimes because really all you can do is talk and you have time to learn a lot of both good and bad things about each other before you make a final commitment.

ITA

[almaty 19]

I don't care about other couples.

brother arijit, you missed your calling..you should ahve been a psychologist

[rebeccajo 14]

Being separated and 'talking' - 'learning' about each other - doesn't guarantee success of the relationship. Talk is one thing - action is another. Somebody can talk till the cows come home about what they are, who they are, etc. The proof is in the pudding - what they are REALLY like in day to day life. The two can be very different things.

[ForeverAmen 0]

I think some people are not willing to put in the effort to make their marriage work. But on the other hand ... it takes 'two' willing individuals. So if one person wants it, and the other does not - you are between a rock and a hard place.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

This is very true. This was the biggest reasons I moved to Russia for a year and lived, as a real family (not a tourist) with my fiancée and her children. Sure we could talk and e-mail up a storm, but... We needed a practical examination. We both passed with high marks.

Being separated and 'talking' - 'learning' about each other - doesn't guarantee success of the relationship. Talk is one thing - action is another. Somebody can talk till the cows come home about what they are, who they are, etc. The proof is in the pudding - what they are REALLY like in day to day life. The two can be very different things.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Being separated and 'talking' - 'learning' about each other - doesn't guarantee success of the relationship. Talk is one thing - action is another. Somebody can talk till the cows come home about what they are, who they are, etc. The proof is in the pudding - what they are REALLY like in day to day life. The two can be very different things.

Agreed. I have fallen short of my words many, many times.

[rebeccajo 14]

Being separated and 'talking' - 'learning' about each other - doesn't guarantee success of the relationship. Talk is one thing - action is another. Somebody can talk till the cows come home about what they are, who they are, etc. The proof is in the pudding - what they are REALLY like in day to day life. The two can be very different things.

Agreed. I have fallen short of my words many, many times.

Awww.

[*JG* 2]

I know two women who were having troubles with their husbands and are now separated. Neither one was married more than 5 years. It seems to me that they just gave up...

Do people still fight to stay married?

I often ask others who want to walk away from their significant other...."have you done all you can do to save this relationship, before you walk away?" Most respond by saying they are tired or they give up.

I guess it has to be determine how much they really value their marriage, if they are they are willing to stay for better or worse.

I think it depends on what the "for worse" part actually is.

It's not up to me to say what is someone else's breaking point.

[Yaads 0]

You can only save a relationship if both people are willing to seek help and to compromise and to give due consideration to the other person's needs. I don't think you can say that people give up too easily unless you've lived through whatever they've had to live through. Of course you shouldn't walk out after the first argument, but there comes a point sometimes where you recognise that it's never going to get any better than it is and you have to make a decision about whether you can live with that or not.

I think it's very sad if two people stay together merely out of a sense of obligation and make each other unhappy for the rest of their lives.

It's one of the reasons that I think maintaining a relationship at a distance can be a good thing sometimes because really all you can do is talk and you have time to learn a lot of both good and bad things about each other before you make a final commitment.

ITA

I agree as well. There are too many variables to say if a person gives up too quickly or not. Lots of things come into play...are both willing to work on things, do both acknowledge there is a problem, are both motivated to change, is there abuse going on, cheating etc. Too many variables to say what is too quick. As someone else said...I can't judge another person's breaking point. So in my eyes while some may give up too quickly I also think some don't give up quickly enough. It is always going to be a matter of personal opinion.

[snowfrostedlashes 0]

In a nutshell, I tried to "make it work" with my ex-husband. However, when you try to sit down and talk to someone about the problems you're having and all he does is sit on the couch watching TV, eating chips, and ignoring you, it's very difficult to make it work. Especially when he makes no effort at hunting down a job, would never consider taking a minimum-wage job because he considers it "beneath him," and can't help out around the apartment because he's "sick" all the time.

I don't know about you guys, but I wanted to be a partner to my husband. I never wanted to be his f##king mother. That's not a relationship, that's a disaster.

O_O I understand what you mean, completely. I wish I'd had the sense to leave after two years rather than feeling guilty because I hadn't really loved my ex enough to begin with and toughing it out for NINE years. You totally did the right thing, because that kind of situation really does get worse the longer it goes on. ~ Hannah

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I voted yes.Nowadays people think that couples are disposable.It's like "ok if I don't like this one,I'll just get another one."

I am not sure what is really wrong with that attitude. Just what is the benefit of staying in a bad relationship or marriage?

[Sister Fracas 5]

Fight to stay married. I don't think you should fight to stay married. You either are supposed to be married or you aren't. Fighting for what isn't meant to be won't change anything. More like delaying the inevitable.

I think it's very sad if two people stay together merely out of a sense of obligation and make each other unhappy for the rest of their lives.

I agree with both of these sentiments. Perhaps it's more that some people get married too quickly than they abandoned marriages too quickly. For every marriage that ends where there wasn't one of those deal breakers that most of us agree on (cheating, abuse, etc), maybe those people really just didn't know the other person well enough. Maybe one or both of them presented themselves as they wanted the other to believe they were, but not actually how they were, just to find that special person they wanted to believe would be the one they'd spend the rest of their life with. They weren't the right person in the first place. And loving someone is not the same as being in love with and wanting to commit to another person. So if it's not working, and you know it really isn't meant to be, why try to save something that never was there in the first place? Maybe I'm too idealistic, but if it's the right person, you'll make it through the rough spots.

Edited January 22, 2008 by Sister Fracas

[Alex+R 0]

For every marriage that ends where there wasn't one of those deal breakers that most of us agree on (cheating, abuse, etc), maybe those people really just didn't know the other person well enough. Maybe one or both of them presented themselves as they wanted the other to believe they were, but not actually how they were, just to find that special person they wanted to believe would be the one they'd spend the rest of their life with. They weren't the right person in the first place. And loving someone is not the same as being in love with and wanting to commit to another person. So if it's not working, and you know it really isn't meant to be, why try to save something that never was there in the first place? Maybe I'm too idealistic, but if it's the right person, you'll make it through the rough spots.

I don't know. People certainly are known for changing a lot. I think you need to know that the person is basically good on the inside, but there's no guarantee of what could happen later.

Sometimes people make even little changes that can drive a serious wedge in the relationship. My SO is the right person now, but if he one day became wealthy and didn't want to be charitable, or if he got into hunting, or if he started drinking a lot, each of those examples really would change and harm our relationship.

If he completely changed, like he found Jesus and became a missionary or something, I feel pretty certain our relationship would end. I know he feels the same way, too.

That's why I don't like phrases like "that's just the way I am"; personalities are not fixed in place.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I don't know. People certainly are known for changing a lot. I think you need to know that the person is basically good on the inside, but there's no guarantee of what could happen later.

Sometimes people make even little changes that can drive a serious wedge in the relationship. My SO is the right person now, but if he one day became wealthy and didn't want to be charitable, or if he got into hunting, or if he started drinking a lot, each of those examples really would change and harm our relationship.

If he completely changed, like he found Jesus and became a missionary or something, I feel pretty certain our relationship would end. I know he feels the same way, too.

That's why I don't like phrases like "that's just the way I am"; personalities are not fixed in place.

yeah, I get what you are saying, just giving one possibility. But also it's another reason not to beat an already dead horse of a relationship even more by trying to stay together.