my fiances first week in america...,.

[rukus2009 5]

has not gone too smoothly, i think she is missing home a lot. she has a lot of family and an 8 year old sone that she left behind. her english is not very good and there are times when i can not get her to say anything, she will totally shut down and not say a word after me asking her question after question. seems like nothing here pleases her, i took her to a couple of thai resturaunts to try and make her feel a little more comfortable and when she takes tge first bite all i see is look of disssapointment.

yesterday we were able to take a little road trip and she appeared to enjoy herself, last night we made plans to shop for a cell phone and some thai basil but this morning she wlas in shut down mode again and is sleeping, she will probably sleep all day. she was dead set on a samsung phone and i tried to persuade her into a different brand which may halve angered her, im still trying to figure her and her emotions out.

we have known each other for 1 1/2 years now and traveled together 2 times for a total of 1 1/2 months together and i have never seen her in this way. she has always been happy and joyous and that is the reason i fell for her, it breaks my heart seeing her in this way. this way she acts makes me feel as though she doesnt want to be here or with me and i can not marry someone in this state and im seriously having second thoughts at this moment

the other day she was shut down also but skyped with her friend and that made her feel a lot better, same friend 9s coming here this sunday on a work visa and will stay with us for 1 month, im hoping this will have some kind of calming effect on her and i can get the friend to tell her how i feel as her english is pretty good. her friend has asked me several times if i understand her feelings and i am understanding them more everyday but it feels like she can not understand my feelings.

can she overcome this? am i expecting too much too soon?

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Why is her 8 year son not coming with her to US?

One couple on VJ recommended this book to learn more about thai-western relationships and the cultural differences

The name of the book is "Thailand Fever"

The authors webpage: http://thailandfever.com/

The link on Amazon: http://www.amazon.co.../dp/1887521488/

Edited March 10, 2016 by Merrytooth

[rukus2009 5]

we agreed to bring him here within 4 years, when we first started talking of her coming to america her idea was to have her mother keep the son for the 4 years, my concern was his non english skills and schooling here

i will look into this book

[tomyka81 95]

Hurry and bring her son. She is depressed. I couldn't imagine being separate from my kid. At eight it will be easy for him to learn English by watching cartoons. If finances are an issue for not bringing the son just yet, you two sit down and make a plan of action to get him here within a year. That way she is learning English and working toward something. Don't give up just because she is sad. One trial of life and live is being able to love someone when they are unlovable. She misses stuff. Imagine being somewhere stuck indefinitely, can't speak the language, can't drive, can't work, the food isn't good, your only love is working all the time..... Just be patient, she will do better

[waitingstill21 44]

we agreed to bring him here within 4 years, when we first started talking of her coming to america her idea was to have her mother keep the son for the 4 years, my concern was his non english skills and schooling here

i will look into this book

I am sure its very hard and probably somewhat depressing for her to have left her son behind and with her limited English not really being able to talk about how she feels also has to be very hard. Have you looked into her taking English classes? Also with the end of the school year not too far away why not bring him at the end or close too so he has the summer here to work on his English I am sure that is something they could even do together and even though its not getting him here next week it will be something for her to look forward too.

I really hope you are able to work through this with her it can be a very hard transition that requires patience.

[rukus2009 5]

i just talked with her, a one way conversation but i told her i will bring her son fast and while she did not say anything she nodded her head yes when i asked if it will make yer happy. she nodded again when i asked if she wants to stay here and i bring her son fast. i think it was a big mistake not bringing him now but it really was her plan to bring him after and let him stay with the mother.

does anyone know if she can use her thailand passport to go back to thailand and reenter with the k1 visa or do we need to get a usa passport and what kind of timeframe are we looking at to get the us passport.

[waitingstill21 44]

That's great hopefully it helps her adjust. She can't get a us passport until she is a citizen and will need advance parol to be able to leave and come back.

[tomyka81 95]

i just talked with her, a one way conversation but i told her i will bring her son fast and while she did not say anything she nodded her head yes when i asked if it will make yer happy. she nodded again when i asked if she wants to stay here and i bring her son fast. i think it was a big mistake not bringing him now but it really was her plan to bring him after and let him stay with the mother.

does anyone know if she can use her thailand passport to go back to thailand and reenter with the k1 visa or do we need to get a usa passport and what kind of timeframe are we looking at to get the us passport.

It will be ok. I know sometimes our foreign loved ones try to think for us. That is very frustrating. Sometimes they try to agree to things that they know they don't want in an effort to make it easy for us. They, sometimes do not realize, how much we really love them and will do for them. You seem like a very good person and like you love her a lot. I wish you the best. Just remember to love her even when she is unlovable. The longer she is separated and the more idle time she has, the worse she is going to get. But remember that you love her for a reason even when she will make it hard for you to see it at times. Eventually she will understand (if she doesn't already) how you are feeling. In her mind, you are working, can get around, have family in this country, etc etc. so in her mind she can't understand why her being sad is making you sad. But love her anyway. TRust me, me and my fiance are apart right now and it is very difficult and frustrating, but I have to love him when he is unlovable and brooding (as he calls it). These are our lifetime marriages.......

[ExPatty 502]

It's a tremendous case of culture shock going from Asia to the US. Time should temper it, and I agree the faster her son can come over the better.

[yuna628 9,528]

i just talked with her, a one way conversation but i told her i will bring her son fast and while she did not say anything she nodded her head yes when i asked if it will make yer happy. she nodded again when i asked if she wants to stay here and i bring her son fast. i think it was a big mistake not bringing him now but it really was her plan to bring him after and let him stay with the mother.

does anyone know if she can use her thailand passport to go back to thailand and reenter with the k1 visa or do we need to get a usa passport and what kind of timeframe are we looking at to get the us passport.

K1 is one time use only. Once you use it that's it. There are some odd chances to get a K1 revalidated, but only in very certain circumstances. The typical procedure is to use the K1>marry> adjust status (file for an EAD + AP)> once the AP is granted she can return back home if she wishes and re-enter the US without problems while the green card is still in progress. Otherwise, if she left without using the K1 she would have to start completely over. If she marries you without adjusting status and leaves the US, she cannot re-enter to live with you, without obtaining a spousal visa.

Your fiancé has just had a major change in her life. Asia isn't like the US, and I'm sure her feelings of home were strong. It's hard for anyone to leave everything they know and love behind. Even my husband gets homesick. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, afterall she left everything behind for you. But a mother's bond with her child is one of the most strongest.. she's most likely dealing with some intense sadness and depression. Food here.. even if it says it's Thai won't be like the true comfort of home. All you can do is listen to her, don't push her too hard, don't nag her. Be there to comfort her. Time and becoming more comfortable in her surroundings is the only thing that is going to help. Getting her more confident in English speaking, finding things for her to do, doing things together you enjoy, even planning your wedding. It's not going to be easy... love is not the thing that will heal this.. it's part of it, but not everything that will fix it.

[Gregory&Dyn 113]

Try to get her involved in the local Thai community. Consider Thai-based charities, or local businesses. If you don't know where to start, ask some of the folks at a local Thai restaurant (or Asian grocery) how your wife can get involved in the community. It will provide her with a sense of belonging, allow her to communicate with others in her own language, and hopefully. allow her to hold on to her culture and heritage. I'm sure she feels like she left it all behind. Poor girl :-(

She may also want to consider volunteering. Doing so will give her a sense of purpose and it will keep her mind and body busy and productive. Its always nice to work toward something productive.

[gradtaai 8]

Its taken me a while to reply to this. I have been married to a Thai for 5 years, and had one relationship with a Thai before, so I think I understand what you are going though. Thai women that have lived in a village for most their life are not good at expressing themselves. "mai bpen rai"" it doesn't matter " is a big part of their culture. Maybe getting the book mentioned above ( Its written in both English and Thai) is a good idea. My wife isn't so bad anymore, but the woman I was with before would just sit and look at me with a blank expression when I was trying to get some information about her feeling,

When I am back in the states, I talk to a lot of Thais. I always ask them how it is like living there. Most always mention that they miss their close family and friends. But none of them prefer to move back. They tell me the first year is pretty hard for them. I worry a lot about how my wife will do when we move there, but she has friends now living in Austria and Finland. They talk or sms using the Line app everyday, and I am sure that will continue when we move there. Get her the phone, see if she knows about Line. She is lonely and needs to have friends to talk to, her friend coming should help a lot. Use the time to get both of them used to living in America.

[Georgia16 2,858]

we agreed to bring him here within 4 years, when we first started talking of her coming to america her idea was to have her mother keep the son for the 4 years, my concern was his non english skills and schooling here

i will look into this book

I'm bringing my son how is 10 he does not really speak English he can answer a few questions but thats about it.

He will go to school when we get there and they will test them and support them with the English so no concerns for me I know they will learn it very fast.

The smaller then better actually.

[madtownguy 164]

I would just relax a little man. You're talking about a huge huge transition. The son could be part of the problem, but their culture it isn't odd to be away from kids like that. I'm assuming you've been married before, could be a bad assumption. But you do know women will hold anything you do wrong against you for the entire span of your relationships. So to analyze if pushing for a different phone made her upset, well you will know someday in a fight. My wife got mad I got her a flip phone before she got to the U.S. so she would have a phone that works the second she landed. I'm sure you will get things figured out, just remember not everyone can uproot and move to another country. It will take years to acclimate, but if things are off and you don't feel right don't get married. The English thing I think is a mistake, I have been in your shoes before with girls I've dated and the allure wore off really quickly for me when you can't talk with each other. Not saying it won't work, but that is a really tough combination you through into the mix of a relationship. Hopefully all will work out for the best, any relationship only requires two things to be successful. Two people trying to make it work.

[Unidentified 2,930]

we agreed to bring him here within 4 years, when we first started talking of her coming to america her idea was to have her mother keep the son for the 4 years, my concern was his non english skills and schooling here

i will look into this book

The sooner he comes to the US and is exposed to English the easier it will be for him to learn English. The longer you wait the more he will have to catch up to when he gets here.