he yelled for 3 yrs, i hit, he punched me twice...

[giving_up 3]

Hello, I wrote something three years ago http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/82083-feeling-awful/page__p__1104627__fromsearch__1entry1104627 and I can tell you that things have been weird since then. My husband has weird mood swings, moments when he feels happy with me and the next moment he doesnt want to talk or watch our baby. Two days ago something happened, I had migraine and he had promised me he'd load the machine, he was in the kitchen, i went there with my baby in arms and I only told him "I thought you were going to help me with the dishes, baby" then suddenly he yells "I didnt, so what???" and he started yapping at me at how a friend had called him (to talk politics) and he had to be available because his "effing friend" needed him and his "effing" friend is a lawyer and would get him out of any "effing" problem, and said something like his friends were first and not our daughter, he said he's a good friend not a hypocrite like me, and that's when I hit him, he even had the chance to block me a bit, and the next thing I knew, my head was on the counter and he was punching me, on my face once, and once on my head. I don't know how I got to the bedroom and he pushed the door and told me I was lucky I had the baby in my arms because then I'd know who he really is. He kept telling me that I hit him and he never thought I'd do that.

My dear VJ friends, I've been emotionally and verbally abused by him for 3 years, have had him yelling at me for no reason, I've asked him many times to go to counseling and he says he has no problem, that if I think I have a problem, then I should go. I got desperate and called the police, they came and gave us a warning. He keeps acting like he's the victim, and I know he is too, but I've been victim for 3 yrs and just couldnt deal with it anymore. I do love him and that's why I've been suggesting the counseling, but he doesnt even want to talk, he says he's still in shock because someone who loves you doesnt call the cops on you. I told the police I was running out of resources to put pressure on him to go to counseling, thats all I wanted.

I made an appointment and will see a specialist next week. I'm still hurt physically and confused and very hurt emotionally too. I didn't come to this country for this, I thought I'd have a happy life with the man I loved, I never thought he'd be yelling at me and changing mood every week. Please keep us in your prayers.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

NOBODY deserves this treatment.

I'm not going to tell you what to do....but think about how long you want to stay in an environment (esp with the baby) like this.

[Scott and Mhay 57]

That is wrong...Have you gone to get any bruises documented?

[matrix2010 0]

This message is for giving_up, I would like to talk to you.... can you please reply to my email bebzgurl29@yahoo.com, I hope to hear from you soon.

I will wait your reply there.... take care always and your baby, be strong! I know it's hard, but you can do it!

Please reply okay........

Edited March 25, 2010 by matrix2010

[TBoneTX 43,157]

that's when I hit him

This relationship does NOT sound healthy. If anyone ever hit me, the relationship was immediately & permanently over -- in accordance with MY decisions and MY standards. Both of you are at fault, to greater or lesser degrees. Your choices are to change the situation or to get out of the situation. If this has been going on for so long, perhaps getting out is what you need to consider. Once you are out of the situation, you won't believe your feeling of relief, and you won't be able to believe that you stayed in the situation for so long. Submitted for your consideration.

[littlecrazyangel 1]

Divorce is the answer. It is not good for you to stay in that relationship and think about your baby. He/she deserves a better future. Your husband sounds like he's bipolar.Everybody deserves to be happy.

[Nagishkaw 510]

The OP is asking for prayers, not advice.

giving_up, consider it done.

[DanielParul 50]

You have your baby to think of besides yourself and a responsibility to provide your child a healthy and happy environment. You cannot do that till you are truly happy and in a safe and happy environment too.

[DerekJ 0]

While you should not have hit him (and he certainly shouldn't have pounded you), it sounds like you have a very dangerous situation on your hands. This is not healthy. You need to take steps now to protect yourself and your child. Just about every community has domestic violence shelters. Even if you don't take up residence there, they always have people you can consult with and resources to assist with legal issue. Please avail yourself of the help they can offer.

Derek

Edited March 25, 2010 by DerekJ

[Brunell&Rash 4]

Hello, I wrote something three years ago http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/82083-feeling-awful/page__p__1104627__fromsearch__1entry1104627 and I can tell you that things have been weird since then. My husband has weird mood swings, moments when he feels happy with me and the next moment he doesnt want to talk or watch our baby. Two days ago something happened, I had migraine and he had promised me he'd load the machine, he was in the kitchen, i went there with my baby in arms and I only told him "I thought you were going to help me with the dishes, baby" then suddenly he yells "I didnt, so what???" and he started yapping at me at how a friend had called him (to talk politics) and he had to be available because his "effing friend" needed him and his "effing" friend is a lawyer and would get him out of any "effing" problem, and said something like his friends were first and not our daughter, he said he's a good friend not a hypocrite like me, and that's when I hit him, he even had the chance to block me a bit, and the next thing I knew, my head was on the counter and he was punching me, on my face once, and once on my head. I don't know how I got to the bedroom and he pushed the door and told me I was lucky I had the baby in my arms because then I'd know who he really is. He kept telling me that I hit him and he never thought I'd do that.

My dear VJ friends, I've been emotionally and verbally abused by him for 3 years, have had him yelling at me for no reason, I've asked him many times to go to counseling and he says he has no problem, that if I think I have a problem, then I should go. I got desperate and called the police, they came and gave us a warning. He keeps acting like he's the victim, and I know he is too, but I've been victim for 3 yrs and just couldnt deal with it anymore. I do love him and that's why I've been suggesting the counseling, but he doesnt even want to talk, he says he's still in shock because someone who loves you doesnt call the cops on you. I told the police I was running out of resources to put pressure on him to go to counseling, thats all I wanted.

I made an appointment and will see a specialist next week. I'm still hurt physically and confused and very hurt emotionally too. I didn't come to this country for this, I thought I'd have a happy life with the man I loved, I never thought he'd be yelling at me and changing mood every week. Please keep us in your prayers.

There may be financial reasons that are holding you there with this husband as well as love. Your child is in danger, you are in danger. Had that child not been in your arms you might be dead right now. He has already told you that you have not seen "who he really is" I suspect he really is a monster. He's slammed your head and punched you in the head knowing you had a migraine. Trust me deep down he feels you wont leave. Inside he is positive you won't leave. If you have made any friends in the three years I suggest you leave while he is at work or out with friends never giving him any idea you are leaving don't even talk about it. Be about it. When he leaves pack up at least 2-3 weeks worth of clothes for you and baby, grab some cash so you will be fine. I am suspecting he controls the money though. You are a woman you know how to be sweet to get what you need from your husband. You need just 2-3 weeks to clear your mind and really decide what you need to do. When you are in the situation you are surrounded by him and his needs, wants and feelings. Away from him you can think about you and your baby and your needs. I'm not telling you to divorce....however am telling you to be smart. If he thinks you are not coming back I guarantee he will do anything to get you back and that means going to counseling. If you are serious about the counseling you cant start feeling bad for him when he's begging you to come back. You have to stand firm. Make him to make the counseling session appointment don't come back until you at least attend 1 session. remember Greater is he who is in you that he who is in the world. If God be for you who can be against you. Bye the way he does sound bipolar and may need medication to correct his behavior.

Men treat you how you invite them to treat you. If you can't be strong enough to leave for you....then do it for your child. The next time he decides to hit you while shes in your arms your child could be hit or killed. I worked in juvenile court as an attorney for almost 2 years...many children died in the arms of their mother as father was punching and beating mom and mistakenly hitting child.

Whatever you do.....DO NOT STAY AND KEEP ACCEPTING THIS BEHAVIOR. MAKE A MOVE NOW. I DID..GOT DIVORCED EARLY LAST YEAR FROM A MAN VERY SIMILAR IN BEHAVIOR TO YOUR HUSBAND ESPECIALLY WHEN HE DRANK. NOW THAT MAN HAS A CHILD ON THE WAY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND BEATING AND VERBALLY ABUSING HER.

iN THE NAME OF JESUS I COME AGAINST EVERY DEMONIC ASSIGNMENT AND ATTACK ON YOUR LIFE AND THAT OF YOUR CHILD. I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER IN JESUS NAME. HOLY SPIRIT LEAD THIS WOMAN AND CHILD WHERE YOU WILL HAVE THEM GO. STRENGTHEN HER, ENCOURAGE HER, INCREASE HER FINANCES, MAKE HER TO LOVE HERSELF AND HER CHILD MORE, GIVE HER SUPERNATURAL WISDOM ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. LET YOUR WILL BE DONE IN HER LIFE AND THE LIFE OF HER CHILD IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME I PRAY A HEDGE OF PROTECTION OVER HER AND HER CHILD..SEND YOUR MIGHTIEST ANGELS LORD TO ENCAMP AROUND HER LORD IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

[Brunell&Rash 4]

Hello, I wrote something three years ago http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/82083-feeling-awful/page__p__1104627__fromsearch__1entry1104627 and I can tell you that things have been weird since then. My husband has weird mood swings, moments when he feels happy with me and the next moment he doesnt want to talk or watch our baby. Two days ago something happened, I had migraine and he had promised me he'd load the machine, he was in the kitchen, i went there with my baby in arms and I only told him "I thought you were going to help me with the dishes, baby" then suddenly he yells "I didnt, so what???" and he started yapping at me at how a friend had called him (to talk politics) and he had to be available because his "effing friend" needed him and his "effing" friend is a lawyer and would get him out of any "effing" problem, and said something like his friends were first and not our daughter, he said he's a good friend not a hypocrite like me, and that's when I hit him, he even had the chance to block me a bit, and the next thing I knew, my head was on the counter and he was punching me, on my face once, and once on my head. I don't know how I got to the bedroom and he pushed the door and told me I was lucky I had the baby in my arms because then I'd know who he really is. He kept telling me that I hit him and he never thought I'd do that.

My dear VJ friends, I've been emotionally and verbally abused by him for 3 years, have had him yelling at me for no reason, I've asked him many times to go to counseling and he says he has no problem, that if I think I have a problem, then I should go. I got desperate and called the police, they came and gave us a warning. He keeps acting like he's the victim, and I know he is too, but I've been victim for 3 yrs and just couldnt deal with it anymore. I do love him and that's why I've been suggesting the counseling, but he doesnt even want to talk, he says he's still in shock because someone who loves you doesnt call the cops on you. I told the police I was running out of resources to put pressure on him to go to counseling, thats all I wanted.

I made an appointment and will see a specialist next week. I'm still hurt physically and confused and very hurt emotionally too. I didn't come to this country for this, I thought I'd have a happy life with the man I loved, I never thought he'd be yelling at me and changing mood every week. Please keep us in your prayers.

I WENT BACK AND READ YOUR POST FROM THREE YEARS AGO. GET OUT! STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM PERIOD! ABSOLUTELY NO SEX! MEN LIKE YOUR HUSBAND THINK EVERYTHING IS OKAY AS LONG AS YOU KEEP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. YOU CANNOT...CANNOT LET HIM BELIEVE AND THINK HE CAN BASH YOUR HEAD AND THEN HAVE SEX WITH YOU. YES WE ARE SUPPOSE TO BE SUBMISSIVE TO OUR HUSBANDS AND LOVE THEM, BUT THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO LOVE US AND NOT TREAT US HARSHLY...READ THE BIBLE BOOK OF EPHESIANS IF YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD TREAT YOU. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PLAN YOUR EXIT. IT MAY TAKE A MONTH, TWO MONTHS OR SIX TO LEAVE BUT MAKE SURE WHEN YOU GO THAT YOUR MIND IS MADE UP AND YOU ARE NOT TURNING BACK. IF YOU STILL LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE WITH HIM YOU PROBABLY WONT LEAVE EVEN AFTER THREE YEARS OF ABUSE..HITTING IS NOT THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE...VERBALLY YELLING, EMOTIONALLY ABUSE, ARE ALL FORMS OF ABUSE. MAKE UP YOUR MIND AS TO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU DAUGHTER NOT YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND!

[Rob and Jill 82]

You posted 3 years ago and you're posting again. That should tell you something. Find a way out and go. Just be prepared, if he doesn't want you to take your daughter back to your home country, he could cause problems that way :/. Be careful and be safe for yourself and your baby.

[STEPHnRIA 2]

I am praying that you will have the courage to get out... and fast.

[DARUMA07 25]

Our prayers are with you!!! PM my wife Ruchie if you would like to have someone to talk to.

[DeniseBill 4]

I'll tell you a short story.

There was a girl once, she fell in love with this guy, he told her he loved her, she was sold.

He started off with some slapping on the butt, just enough for it to hurt just a little. She asked him to stop, he slapped her in her face. For the next year the girl was sexually, verbally and physically abused. She got pregnant at some point, he punched her belly till she got a miscarriage. She thought he would change his behaviour. He went to see someone but dropped out because he thought he was too good for it. He stopped hitting the girl for a few weeks then started again. This happened at least 6 times, he promised to stop, he broke it. It eventually ended with the girl halfdead raped in the hospital. The guy got arrested and put to jail (for the rape, abuse and drugsdealing)

Clue of this story? It begins with something small, and it never stops. Once a animal tasted blood it wants it always.... He got turned on off the hitting, the abuse, the cries for help.

Don't let yourself get into a situation like this. Get out before it gets worse, cause it will. Look for help, look for counseling yourself. It helped that girl, and it will help you.

And don't worry, the girl is now happily married, left with memories that her new American husband washes away with just a look in her eyes.