he yelled for 3 yrs, i hit, he punched me twice...

[Calypso 464]

You really should give up and if your parents would welcome you back, you could choose to stay with them. Try looking up support groups for women in your locale, especially the ones from your own country. You are not supposed to tolerate a lifetime of abuse. Besides, you don't want to bruise yourself more physically and psychologically until you start despising life. You also won't want your baby to grow up unhealthy in all aspects.

I don't know if even in cases like this, you still ought to get your husband's consent just so you could keep your baby but as much as possible, find ways to protect yourself. What if he'd do worse if you tell him you are leaving? It doesn't matter whether you love that monster or not. I'm sure you will not like your baby to grow up seeing your misery or for her to suffer the same. After all, this is not merely physical.

God bless you and your baby.

[TracyTN 237]

Moving thread from 'moving here' forum to 'effects of family changes' forum.

[Fandango 1,439]

You are in my prayers, giving_up.

And DeniseBill....what an inspiration you are to others in this same situation.

Brunell&Rash....that was a beautiful prayer. I recited it again for the OP.

[leonsgal70 3]

I just read your circumstances and my heart sulked for you. I am sure you are feeling very isolated and alone. You are reaching out for help which is a BIG step! Know that you are not the first that has ever gone through this and you will not be the last. I will not even try to offer advice as I am not in your situation, but I am sure you have many tears and are struggling with 'failure'. As far as any guilt, do not blame yourself. My prayers are with you, your child and your husband.

Encouragement

[sugarapple 1]

Hello, I wrote something three years ago http://www.visajourn...1entry1104627 and I can tell you that things have been weird since then. My husband has weird mood swings, moments when he feels happy with me and the next moment he doesnt want to talk or watch our baby. Two days ago something happened, I had migraine and he had promised me he'd load the machine, he was in the kitchen, i went there with my baby in arms and I only told him "I thought you were going to help me with the dishes, baby" then suddenly he yells "I didnt, so what???" and he started yapping at me at how a friend had called him (to talk politics) and he had to be available because his "effing friend" needed him and his "effing" friend is a lawyer and would get him out of any "effing" problem, and said something like his friends were first and not our daughter, he said he's a good friend not a hypocrite like me, and that's when I hit him, he even had the chance to block me a bit, and the next thing I knew, my head was on the counter and he was punching me, on my face once, and once on my head. I don't know how I got to the bedroom and he pushed the door and told me I was lucky I had the baby in my arms because then I'd know who he really is. He kept telling me that I hit him and he never thought I'd do that.

My dear VJ friends, I've been emotionally and verbally abused by him for 3 years, have had him yelling at me for no reason, I've asked him many times to go to counseling and he says he has no problem, that if I think I have a problem, then I should go. I got desperate and called the police, they came and gave us a warning. He keeps acting like he's the victim, and I know he is too, but I've been victim for 3 yrs and just couldnt deal with it anymore. I do love him and that's why I've been suggesting the counseling, but he doesnt even want to talk, he says he's still in shock because someone who loves you doesnt call the cops on you. I told the police I was running out of resources to put pressure on him to go to counseling, thats all I wanted.

I made an appointment and will see a specialist next week. I'm still hurt physically and confused and very hurt emotionally too. I didn't come to this country for this, I thought I'd have a happy life with the man I loved, I never thought he'd be yelling at me and changing mood every week. Please keep us in your prayers.

Baby gurl I will tell you like it is...It does not matter how many times he you it could be once it could ten times he is not to lay on hand you especially they way he did. He is NOT THE VICTIM you ARE THE VICTIM dont be confused..you need to decide what matters to you and should be one you your life and yor child..keep in touch and stay safe.

[Darnell 8,478]

hey giving_up - any news?

[maherforever 8]

You are in my prayers, giving_up.

And DeniseBill....what an inspiration you are to others in this same situation.

Brunell&Rash....that was a beautiful prayer. I recited it again for the OP.

iN THE NAME OF JESUS I COME AGAINST EVERY DEMONIC ASSIGNMENT AND ATTACK ON YOUR LIFE AND THAT OF YOUR CHILD. I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER IN JESUS NAME. HOLY SPIRIT LEAD THIS WOMAN AND CHILD WHERE YOU WILL HAVE THEM GO. STRENGTHEN HER, ENCOURAGE HER, INCREASE HER FINANCES, MAKE HER TO LOVE HERSELF AND HER CHILD MORE, GIVE HER SUPERNATURAL WISDOM ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. LET YOUR WILL BE DONE IN HER LIFE AND THE LIFE OF HER CHILD IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME I PRAY A HEDGE OF PROTECTION OVER HER AND HER CHILD..SEND YOUR MIGHTIEST ANGELS LORD TO ENCAMP AROUND HER LORD IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

All I can say is AMEN,AMEN,AMEN

May the Lord protect you and your daugther and restore your life and renew your heart.

Maher

[giving_up 3]

I want to thank everybody so much for their replies and prayers. Praying is what keeps my life going. We've been to counseling twice but he doesn't think it's necessary because he says our baby is his only interest. The therapist asked us if we love each other and I said I love him, he said he doesn't know, he can't tell right now. He says I hit him and that wasn't enough for me, but I "called the cops on" him. I think I should have never had to be put in a position to do that, but I just couldn't take the abuse anymore, I was desperate, he doesn't understand this, neither does his family. The way his family has put things to me is like, I asked for it (him punching me), I always asked his family for help because I didn't know what to do with his behavior and now they act like everything is my fault. His sister even told me she has some things she doesn't like about me, like the fact that I was supposed to visit her more since I got here and spend an entire day with her and she was so upset telling me all this like it did something terrible. I asked her what I did wrong and she raised her voice and said "nothing! that's just the way you are! we have to accept you!!" and this made me feel even worse, I still apologized to her for something i didn't know i was supposed to do... imagine that. Anyway, the therapist told me that my huaband is an abuser who's not likely to change and that's up to me if i want to live a life of mistreat. She says i can sue him because he gave me HPV and apparently suggests that i divorce him. We have another meeting with her next week, we'll see how it goes.

Thanks again everybody, and sorry for this long post. May God bless us all...

[giving_up 3]

iN THE NAME OF JESUS I COME AGAINST EVERY DEMONIC ASSIGNMENT AND ATTACK ON YOUR LIFE AND THAT OF YOUR CHILD. I PLEAD THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER IN JESUS NAME. HOLY SPIRIT LEAD THIS WOMAN AND CHILD WHERE YOU WILL HAVE THEM GO. STRENGTHEN HER, ENCOURAGE HER, INCREASE HER FINANCES, MAKE HER TO LOVE HERSELF AND HER CHILD MORE, GIVE HER SUPERNATURAL WISDOM ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. LET YOUR WILL BE DONE IN HER LIFE AND THE LIFE OF HER CHILD IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME I PRAY A HEDGE OF PROTECTION OVER HER AND HER CHILD..SEND YOUR MIGHTIEST ANGELS LORD TO ENCAMP AROUND HER LORD IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

Thank you so much for your beautiful prayer. It made me cry the first time I read it, please keep praying for us, I know God is listening..

[Old Dominion 26]

Are you paying attention to God's instructions for you???

[DainandVicky 4]

While you should not have hit him (and he certainly shouldn't have pounded you), it sounds like you have a very dangerous situation on your hands. This is not healthy. You need to take steps now to protect yourself and your child. Just about every community has domestic violence shelters. Even if you don't take up residence there, they always have people you can consult with and resources to assist with legal issue. Please avail yourself of the help they can offer.

Derek

This is very good advice.

The other thing you have to ask yourself is do you really love someone who would do this to you? Or are you just scared to be on your own?

You need to leave, find a friend to stay with or rent a cheap room, or go to a battered woman's shelter as this person has recommended. This is not a healthy situation for any of you. Counseling is likely not going to fix this, and even if it does it should be done from a distance. Whenever a relationship devolves to physical violence there's very little chance of it ever becoming a healthy relationship again in the future, according to statistics. Either way you both need space away from each other at this time, and some time to think what to do next.

I'm not a fan of divorce but there's 2 things that would make a divorce the better alternative in my mind: cheating and physical abuse.

Yes, you should not have hit him. But since childhood he's heard in school and from everyone that it's not OK to hit a girl under any circumstances. I had a crazy ex-gf one time that hit me right square in the jaw, and hard. All I did was grab her wrists and make her sit down until she relaxed, then left. I did not continue seeing her after that incident. This should have been his proper response.

[giving_up 3]

The other thing you have to ask yourself is do you really love someone who would do this to you? Or are you just scared to be on your own?

Yes, I'm very scared of being on my own in a country where I don't know anybody, where I don't have any family or friends. If this had happened in my country I would have left him already, and if we do get a divorce now, law says I can't go take the baby with me to my home country. I came here because and for him, I never wanted to live here, now he says all I wanted was the greencard, I wanted it because that's what we needed to be together. Again, I'm very afraid to start from zero all by myself. I've always been my parents' little girl and always had people doing things for me, my health is not okay and that's why I'm so scared. Right now things seem to be better with him, but I can tell he's not interested in counseling, we have another session this week and if he doesn't go then I will have a conversation with him and tell him what will happen next. I'm really all confused, never thought this would happen to me....

[summersurf 10]

Yes, I'm very scared of being on my own in a country where I don't know anybody, where I don't have any family or friends. If this had happened in my country I would have left him already, and if we do get a divorce now, law says I can't go take the baby with me to my home country. I came here because and for him, I never wanted to live here, now he says all I wanted was the greencard, I wanted it because that's what we needed to be together. Again, I'm very afraid to start from zero all by myself. I've always been my parents' little girl and always had people doing things for me, my health is not okay and that's why I'm so scared. Right now things seem to be better with him, but I can tell he's not interested in counseling, we have another session this week and if he doesn't go then I will have a conversation with him and tell him what will happen next. I'm really all confused, never thought this would happen to me....

I am very sorry to know this happenned to you....Must be very difficult for you, could never imagine what i would do if the same thing happenned to me...one thing though, my mom couldn't be happier to have her little girl back into her arms again back home

I'm keeping you and your baby in my prayers, wish i could hug you both now

-Carol-

Edited April 27, 2010 by summersurf

[summersurf 10]

hi, its me again, i just read the story you posted 3 years ago... it made me awfully sad... its been 3 LONG YEARS and how could you put up with him? How has he been treating you in those 3 years? And you guys even have a baby now......

I really hope things would change to the better for you both....

Carol

[Created 6]

The other thing you have to ask yourself is do you really love someone who would do this to you? Or are you just scared to be on your own?

Yes, I'm very scared of being on my own in a country where I don't know anybody, where I don't have any family or friends. If this had happened in my country I would have left him already, and if we do get a divorce now, law says I can't go take the baby with me to my home country. I came here because and for him, I never wanted to live here, now he says all I wanted was the greencard, I wanted it because that's what we needed to be together. Again, I'm very afraid to start from zero all by myself. I've always been my parents' little girl and always had people doing things for me, my health is not okay and that's why I'm so scared. Right now things seem to be better with him, but I can tell he's not interested in counseling, we have another session this week and if he doesn't go then I will have a conversation with him and tell him what will happen next. I'm really all confused, never thought this would happen to me....

Hey, I'm so sorry you've landed in this position. You must seek help......You can't do it on your own......the system will protect you. You need to start living life from a differenc perspecitve...........you are a survivor of domestic violence........not a victim. You know that you must leave him, you're just procrastinating the enevitable, you don't have any friends, because that's the way he wants you - isolated and helpless. Find out where the local shelters are for women of domestic violence - you could start with the YWCA - maybe the counsler can help you with that. If you need help to find the resources that you need.........IM me, I will help you get in contact with them. You will be ok. Your emotional wounds will heal. You will get over the shock of the treatment you have suffered. There are organizations set up in this country to help you, they understand that you are not familiar with the resources out there to help you.

He is totally selfish. He does not love you, and if he says tht he does, what kind of love is it that strips down to this? He is trying to use emotional blackmain to justify his actions. Keeping his abuse behind closed doors, so that he will not have to answer to anyone.

Please also consider what message this is sending to your daughter. You will be ok. If you choose to stay in the US, you will begin to enjoy life again, you will experience new things meet new people, have fun and laughter with your daugher, enjoy being with her and doing new things together.

He will not change, 99% do not. Move on, and shed the guilt trip he's tring to put on you....... I know, because I've been there.

The other thing you have to ask yourself is do you really love someone who would do this to you? Or are you just scared to be on your own?

Yes, I'm very scared of being on my own in a country where I don't know anybody, where I don't have any family or friends. If this had happened in my country I would have left him already, and if we do get a divorce now, law says I can't go take the baby with me to my home country. I came here because and for him, I never wanted to live here, now he says all I wanted was the greencard, I wanted it because that's what we needed to be together. Again, I'm very afraid to start from zero all by myself. I've always been my parents' little girl and always had people doing things for me, my health is not okay and that's why I'm so scared. Right now things seem to be better with him, but I can tell he's not interested in counseling, we have another session this week and if he doesn't go then I will have a conversation with him and tell him what will happen next. I'm really all confused, never thought this would happen to me....

Hey, I'm so sorry you've landed in this position. You must seek help......You can't do it on your own......the system will protect you. You need to start living life from a differenc perspecitve...........you are a survivor of domestic violence........not a victim. You know that you must leave him, you're just procrastinating the enevitable, you don't have any friends, because that's the way he wants you - isolated and helpless. Find out where the local shelters are for women of domestic violence - you could start with the YWCA - maybe the counsler can help you with that. If you need help to find the resources that you need.........IM me, I will help you get in contact with them. You will be ok. Your emotional wounds will heal. You will get over the shock of the treatment you have suffered. There are organizations set up in this country to help you, they understand that you are not familiar with the resources out there to help you.

He is totally selfish. He does not love you, and if he says tht he does, what kind of love is it that strips down to this? He is trying to use emotional blackmain to justify his actions. Keeping his abuse behind closed doors, so that he will not have to answer to anyone.

Please also consider what message this is sending to your daughter. You will be ok. If you choose to stay in the US, you will begin to enjoy life again, you will experience new things meet new people, have fun and laughter with your daugher, enjoy being with her and doing new things together.

He will not change, 99% do not. Move on, and shed the guilt trip he's tring to put on you....... I know, because I've been there.