DavenRoxy

Darren, I haven't said much yet, but have read all of your threads this past month. As some have said, I think you have a serious lack of ability to express yourself as you mean to. At least, I HOPE that's what it is that's leading to all your woes.
But about the money... it's wonderful that you sent it. And I know full well money doesn't grow on trees. But you sent it. It's gone. The moment it left your bank, it was NO LONGER YOURS, and unless you sent a certain amount of money, with instructions on how to spend it, it's none of your business how it got spent. And since you brought it up first... if you didn't have the money just laying around to throw at the trip, then you could have saved LOT by staying in the US and working. Not only would you have completely eliminated all the SLEC and USEM drama, you would have saved all the costs of YOUR travel, plus you would have a paycheck this week. Not the smartest decision you could have made, considering your dire financial status now.
And another thing... why even mention the PHP160,000 that you have sent? Do you think it matters to anyone here? That is personal business, and you should know better than publish it publicly. And FWIW, considering the amount of time you were sending it, it really isn't all that much. More than they had before, and I am sure it was appreciated by Gretchen's family, but not an amount worthy of bragging about (or complaining about, depending on your point of view) on VJ. If you have it to send, and won't miss it, by all means, share away. But quit trying to make it sound like you are some sort of champ because you did. Most on here do. And even if they send less in total than you, I am sure it is a significant part of ALL their budgets, trying to help out another family halfway around the world.
I understand where you are coming from, saying Gretchen "is yours". While it is a foreign concept to many of us, my Asawa has told me that is how she feels about our relationship... she is "giving herself" to me; she "is mine". But bear in mind that it means more about fidelity, love, honor, and commitment than it does anything physical. As long as the respect, love, & fidelity are given back equally, you will be alright, in spite of how it may sound to some on here. I'm sure if I don't treat her as an equal, she will slap the (insert your favorite expletive here) out of me, and set me straight, or leave me for someone who WILL respect her.
As for the MIL part of it, you have been given some good advice thus far. Namely, like them or not, agree or not, they are now part of your family. And while Gretchen may love you, which I am sure she does, as much as she knows how, remember that she has been loving her mama for 100% of her life, and you only 3.5% of it. Blood/water was mentioned, and is very true. Respect her parents as much as you love Gretchen, and it will prolly work out ok for you. And to help sweet, young Gretchen understand the money situation, a monthly tally of your income and expenditures for the past few months, as well as the future, might help a lot. People who aren't used to the money that Americans "throw around" have virtually no grasp on what bills and such cost over here. A good example was when my fiancee and I were discussing plane fares... Our round trip for two from MNL to TAG is costing me a whole $178. Imagine her surprise to find out that a visit to my parents from Alaska will be more like $800 EACH. Absolutely no frame of reference to someone who has never traveled outside the PI.
Good luck to both of you, you're both gonna need it. And while this piece of advice may seem counter-intuitive, you may wish to seek advice from those that know you better than most on here.
Best wishes to you and Gretchen!

Darren, I haven't said much yet, but have read all of your threads this past month. As some have said, I think you have a serious lack of ability to express yourself as you mean to. At least, I HOPE that's what it is that's leading to all your woes.
But about the money... it's wonderful that you sent it. And I know full well money doesn't grow on trees. But you sent it. It's gone. The moment it left your bank, it was NO LONGER YOURS, and unless you sent a certain amount of money, with instructions on how to spend it, it's none of your business how it got spent. And since you brought it up first... if you didn't have the money just laying around to throw at the trip, then you could have saved LOT by staying in the US and working. Not only would you have completely eliminated all the SLEC and USEM drama, you would have saved all the costs of YOUR travel, plus you would have a paycheck this week. Not the smartest decision you could have made, considering your dire financial status now.
And another thing... why even mention the PHP160,000 that you have sent? Do you think it matters to anyone here? That is personal business, and you should know better than publish it publicly. And FWIW, considering the amount of time you were sending it, it really isn't all that much. More than they had before, and I am sure it was appreciated by Gretchen's family, but not an amount worthy of bragging about (or complaining about, depending on your point of view) on VJ. If you have it to send, and won't miss it, by all means, share away. But quit trying to make it sound like you are some sort of champ because you did. Most on here do. And even if they send less in total than you, I am sure it is a significant part of ALL their budgets, trying to help out another family halfway around the world.
I understand where you are coming from, saying Gretchen "is yours". While it is a foreign concept to many of us, my Asawa has told me that is how she feels about our relationship... she is "giving herself" to me; she "is mine". But bear in mind that it means more about fidelity, love, honor, and commitment than it does anything physical. As long as the respect, love, & fidelity are given back equally, you will be alright, in spite of how it may sound to some on here. I'm sure if I don't treat her as an equal, she will slap the (insert your favorite expletive here) out of me, and set me straight, or leave me for someone who WILL respect her.
As for the MIL part of it, you have been given some good advice thus far. Namely, like them or not, agree or not, they are now part of your family. And while Gretchen may love you, which I am sure she does, as much as she knows how, remember that she has been loving her mama for 100% of her life, and you only 3.5% of it. Blood/water was mentioned, and is very true. Respect her parents as much as you love Gretchen, and it will prolly work out ok for you. And to help sweet, young Gretchen understand the money situation, a monthly tally of your income and expenditures for the past few months, as well as the future, might help a lot. People who aren't used to the money that Americans "throw around" have virtually no grasp on what bills and such cost over here. A good example was when my fiancee and I were discussing plane fares... Our round trip for two from MNL to TAG is costing me a whole $178. Imagine her surprise to find out that a visit to my parents from Alaska will be more like $800 EACH. Absolutely no frame of reference to someone who has never traveled outside the PI.
Good luck to both of you, you're both gonna need it. And while this piece of advice may seem counter-intuitive, you may wish to seek advice from those that know you better than most on here.
Best wishes to you and Gretchen!

Darren, I haven't said much yet, but have read all of your threads this past month. As some have said, I think you have a serious lack of ability to express yourself as you mean to. At least, I HOPE that's what it is that's leading to all your woes.
But about the money... it's wonderful that you sent it. And I know full well money doesn't grow on trees. But you sent it. It's gone. The moment it left your bank, it was NO LONGER YOURS, and unless you sent a certain amount of money, with instructions on how to spend it, it's none of your business how it got spent. And since you brought it up first... if you didn't have the money just laying around to throw at the trip, then you could have saved LOT by staying in the US and working. Not only would you have completely eliminated all the SLEC and USEM drama, you would have saved all the costs of YOUR travel, plus you would have a paycheck this week. Not the smartest decision you could have made, considering your dire financial status now.
And another thing... why even mention the PHP160,000 that you have sent? Do you think it matters to anyone here? That is personal business, and you should know better than publish it publicly. And FWIW, considering the amount of time you were sending it, it really isn't all that much. More than they had before, and I am sure it was appreciated by Gretchen's family, but not an amount worthy of bragging about (or complaining about, depending on your point of view) on VJ. If you have it to send, and won't miss it, by all means, share away. But quit trying to make it sound like you are some sort of champ because you did. Most on here do. And even if they send less in total than you, I am sure it is a significant part of ALL their budgets, trying to help out another family halfway around the world.
I understand where you are coming from, saying Gretchen "is yours". While it is a foreign concept to many of us, my Asawa has told me that is how she feels about our relationship... she is "giving herself" to me; she "is mine". But bear in mind that it means more about fidelity, love, honor, and commitment than it does anything physical. As long as the respect, love, & fidelity are given back equally, you will be alright, in spite of how it may sound to some on here. I'm sure if I don't treat her as an equal, she will slap the (insert your favorite expletive here) out of me, and set me straight, or leave me for someone who WILL respect her.
As for the MIL part of it, you have been given some good advice thus far. Namely, like them or not, agree or not, they are now part of your family. And while Gretchen may love you, which I am sure she does, as much as she knows how, remember that she has been loving her mama for 100% of her life, and you only 3.5% of it. Blood/water was mentioned, and is very true. Respect her parents as much as you love Gretchen, and it will prolly work out ok for you. And to help sweet, young Gretchen understand the money situation, a monthly tally of your income and expenditures for the past few months, as well as the future, might help a lot. People who aren't used to the money that Americans "throw around" have virtually no grasp on what bills and such cost over here. A good example was when my fiancee and I were discussing plane fares... Our round trip for two from MNL to TAG is costing me a whole $178. Imagine her surprise to find out that a visit to my parents from Alaska will be more like $800 EACH. Absolutely no frame of reference to someone who has never traveled outside the PI.
Good luck to both of you, you're both gonna need it. And while this piece of advice may seem counter-intuitive, you may wish to seek advice from those that know you better than most on here.
Best wishes to you and Gretchen!

Darren, I haven't said much yet, but have read all of your threads this past month. As some have said, I think you have a serious lack of ability to express yourself as you mean to. At least, I HOPE that's what it is that's leading to all your woes.
But about the money... it's wonderful that you sent it. And I know full well money doesn't grow on trees. But you sent it. It's gone. The moment it left your bank, it was NO LONGER YOURS, and unless you sent a certain amount of money, with instructions on how to spend it, it's none of your business how it got spent. And since you brought it up first... if you didn't have the money just laying around to throw at the trip, then you could have saved LOT by staying in the US and working. Not only would you have completely eliminated all the SLEC and USEM drama, you would have saved all the costs of YOUR travel, plus you would have a paycheck this week. Not the smartest decision you could have made, considering your dire financial status now.
And another thing... why even mention the PHP160,000 that you have sent? Do you think it matters to anyone here? That is personal business, and you should know better than publish it publicly. And FWIW, considering the amount of time you were sending it, it really isn't all that much. More than they had before, and I am sure it was appreciated by Gretchen's family, but not an amount worthy of bragging about (or complaining about, depending on your point of view) on VJ. If you have it to send, and won't miss it, by all means, share away. But quit trying to make it sound like you are some sort of champ because you did. Most on here do. And even if they send less in total than you, I am sure it is a significant part of ALL their budgets, trying to help out another family halfway around the world.
I understand where you are coming from, saying Gretchen "is yours". While it is a foreign concept to many of us, my Asawa has told me that is how she feels about our relationship... she is "giving herself" to me; she "is mine". But bear in mind that it means more about fidelity, love, honor, and commitment than it does anything physical. As long as the respect, love, & fidelity are given back equally, you will be alright, in spite of how it may sound to some on here. I'm sure if I don't treat her as an equal, she will slap the (insert your favorite expletive here) out of me, and set me straight, or leave me for someone who WILL respect her.
As for the MIL part of it, you have been given some good advice thus far. Namely, like them or not, agree or not, they are now part of your family. And while Gretchen may love you, which I am sure she does, as much as she knows how, remember that she has been loving her mama for 100% of her life, and you only 3.5% of it. Blood/water was mentioned, and is very true. Respect her parents as much as you love Gretchen, and it will prolly work out ok for you. And to help sweet, young Gretchen understand the money situation, a monthly tally of your income and expenditures for the past few months, as well as the future, might help a lot. People who aren't used to the money that Americans "throw around" have virtually no grasp on what bills and such cost over here. A good example was when my fiancee and I were discussing plane fares... Our round trip for two from MNL to TAG is costing me a whole $178. Imagine her surprise to find out that a visit to my parents from Alaska will be more like $800 EACH. Absolutely no frame of reference to someone who has never traveled outside the PI.
Good luck to both of you, you're both gonna need it. And while this piece of advice may seem counter-intuitive, you may wish to seek advice from those that know you better than most on here.
Best wishes to you and Gretchen!

It's reliable, it's simple, it's fast. But.... it's not as cheap as it seems!!
Consider a $2,000 send of money. All it costs is $6, right? Well, almost... now consider that the going rate is 42.2php to the dollar. So $2,000 will be 84,400php from the bank. But Xoom only gives you 41.3php, or 82,600, meaning they gain 1,800php or $42.65, plus $6, or $48.65.
OTOH, if your fiancee has an ATM card drawn on your bank, typical fees are 200php per 10,000 drawn, so about the same 1,800php, minus the $6. My bank refunds the first $15 worth of fees each month, so I save a little there. In the long run, I think an ATM card is the better way to go. It's too bad you can't just scan an emailed check into your bank in the PI like we can in the USA... now THAT would be the cheapest, fastest, easiest way to go!

I have read that the best time to go was after lunch. No lines, no waiting. My asawa was in and out in no time.

So you COULD have been helpful, but chose a hateful approach instead? Ouch.

Not very helpful...

Not very helpful...

Of course, but in approx 30-40 days, he will have met that requirement. After that, DCF is THE FASTEST way to get a visa, right?

I think it is harder for women than for men (in most cases) to make a big change such as a move, leaving family behind, particularly to another country. Marriage is ITSELF a big move, and some people stay in their own home town, or close by, or just move a few states away. YOU, however, are changing countries, cultures, lifestyles, joining with a stranger from another land, and leaving EVERYTHING you know behind you. It's nothing short of incredible what you are doing, and I am sure it's overwhelming... But look at how many people you know who never even leave their own province, or barangay. Wow, what an adventure you have set out upon!
I trust it will get better with time. Use Skype or YM or email to stay in touch with family, and just make progress each day with starting and growing your NEW family. Lots of good advice above, I think especially seeking out fellow Pinays/Pinoys to help you stay in touch your past, and to encourage to grow in your future. Hopefully you guys can go back and visit your family from time to time, and that will make it better for you.
Best of luck to you guys in your new life!

Perhaps it's just me, but I think expensive weddings, church weddings, are just a waste of money. The less spent, the better, because that leaves more money for NEEDS of the family.
I have a friend who's GF started making EXPENSIVE wedding plans just after they started dating. I told him to RUN AWAY!! He is new in the military, and she was planning a wedding and reception and honeymoon that would have cost him over $15,000... RIDICULOUS!! Good thing for him he broke up with her and her sayang ideas.
Why start off a marriage with a huge debt? I mean, if you have the money (cash) to spend, and won't miss it, then fine, have an expensive wedding. But if you don't already have 2 cars (she needs to drive to work right?), or if you have bills to pay off, then WHY spend lots of cash on a wedding? Dress up, take pics, and have the family around, but there are cheaper ways to do it. Or, since you are ALREADY married (in this case), anyone can act as the priest conducting the ceremony, including her mother or father. It's just symbolic for the family, right?
Me, I plan to have a friend conduct the ceremony (free), with very few friends (neither of us will have family present) attending. If we go with her plan, then there will be 4 people... her, me, our friend who marries us, and the helicopter pilot who is flying the bird. Pretty simple, and cheaper than a reception hall!!

Perhaps it's just me, but I think expensive weddings, church weddings, are just a waste of money. The less spent, the better, because that leaves more money for NEEDS of the family.
I have a friend who's GF started making EXPENSIVE wedding plans just after they started dating. I told him to RUN AWAY!! He is new in the military, and she was planning a wedding and reception and honeymoon that would have cost him over $15,000... RIDICULOUS!! Good thing for him he broke up with her and her sayang ideas.
Why start off a marriage with a huge debt? I mean, if you have the money (cash) to spend, and won't miss it, then fine, have an expensive wedding. But if you don't already have 2 cars (she needs to drive to work right?), or if you have bills to pay off, then WHY spend lots of cash on a wedding? Dress up, take pics, and have the family around, but there are cheaper ways to do it. Or, since you are ALREADY married (in this case), anyone can act as the priest conducting the ceremony, including her mother or father. It's just symbolic for the family, right?
Me, I plan to have a friend conduct the ceremony (free), with very few friends (neither of us will have family present) attending. If we go with her plan, then there will be 4 people... her, me, our friend who marries us, and the helicopter pilot who is flying the bird. Pretty simple, and cheaper than a reception hall!!

Have you checked out these threads?
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/221658-st-lukes-medical-exam-walkthrough/
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/261031-some-useful-links/
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/321960-do-we-need-to-wait-for-manila/page__view__findpost__p__4813496__hl__medical__fromsearch__1
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/293624-after-noa2-detailed-summary/page__view__findpost__p__4735776__hl__medical__fromsearch__1
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/302765-documents-requirements-questions/page__view__findpost__p__4576237__hl__medical__fromsearch__1
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/233815-does-my-filipino-fiance-really-need-a-pre-departure-orientation-seminar/page__view__findpost__p__4802419__hl__medical__fromsearch__1
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/320247-police-clearance/page__view__findpost__p__4790353__hl__medical__fromsearch__1
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/202435-cfo-exit-seminar/page__view__findpost__p__4810272__hl__cfo__fromsearch__1
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/320222-cfo-at-st-marys-and-cof-extension-office/page__view__findpost__p__4794750__hl__cfo__fromsearch__1
Took me about 2 minutes to gather those using the ADVANCED SEARCH feature, and typing in CFO & MEDICAL

Of course you should let her eat!! To no do so would be inhuman, right? but if she gains a kilo.... back to once helping of rice a day and all the water she can drink...

It's all in the interpretation, and unfortunately, it's up to the reader, as well as the CO, to interpret. A clear intent to marry could be your fiancee telling the CO that. Or it could be email prints. Or it could be just about anything. A person who wishes to defraud the process could just as easily type a letter saying "I intend to marry", sign it, and use it as evidence as one who is sincere, right?
In the instructions for the I-129F, it clearly stated the requirement for both parties to sign a letter if intent to marry. We did that. Nowhere for the USEM part can anyone show this requirement. As I said, if it makes you feel better, there is no harm in doing it. But spreading the word that it is required when it clearly is not just adds a burden to future applicants that they don't need. It's unfortunate that the instructions are not better written, but it is what it is.
As for challenging the CO... if your fiancee gets to the interview, and they say they want to see a current copy of the USC's birth certificate, what would you say to that? I would have her point out that it's not in the instructions as a required document, and inquire as to why they asked for it? Same with the letter of intent.

Well, in my experience in dealing with the government (for over 18 years now), you give ONLY what is asked for or required. I only put in my I-129F exactly what was asked for, and was approved. The requirements above say nothing about a letter of intent to marry, that was required in the I-129F. If it makes someone feel better to include it, there is nothing wrong in doing so. If the CO at USEM asks my asawa for something that is not in the list, she will simply point out that it is not a required document, or ask them to show her where it is required. There is already WAY TOO MUCH "fluff" people add to the requirements, IMHO.

But it says nothing about a letter of intent to marry, updated or not. That was in the original I-129F packet sent to USCIS.

I'm curious... what "certain types of women" are drawn to us via dating services?

Yes, kind of like someone who knows very little of the Philippines making broad statements about there, huh?
"re-read what the op said originally... he did not say the PI... he said the TA said NON US PASSPORTS.. which is BS"... but it was posted in the PI forum, correct? Perhaps you have some knowledge to add to the discussion about the rules in the Philippines?

It's not arrogance... when I first saw you trying to correct the post, the first thing I thought was, "Now, why is someone who is not even from the PI trying to tell someone how flights or rules in the PI work?"
That would be like me trying to tell you or your wife the rules in the Ukraine (of which I know nothing).

First let me say, you are a tad full of it for saying that. I was with my ex wife (USC) for approx 5 months before we got married. And were married for 18 year. I have Indian friends who NEVER MET until they were standing at the altar, and they are still married, 50 years later. And another one whose family is currently choosing his wife for him, and all he asks of them is that he get to meet her and talk before the wedding, and to have a final say in actually getting married. (I'm not saying it is a wise idea to meet and get married right away, just that waiting and "getting to know each other" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's what a couple puts into a relationship that matters, whether they are married or dating).
I am curious... why are you always harping on standards, double standards, Fil-Am relationships, online dating sites, etc., when you are yourself married to a Pinay? It's almost like you think it's a bad thing, and yet you did it. So why always harp on it? Why not just wish people well, regardless of HOW they meet, or of how quickly they choose to get married, or of their age differences? Are you that unhappy with your marriage, that you feel the need to warn others away? It would be interesting to hear your wife's thoughts sometimes on here. How come she never posts?

First let me say, you are a tad full of it for saying that. I was with my ex wife (USC) for approx 5 months before we got married. And were married for 18 year. I have Indian friends who NEVER MET until they were standing at the altar, and they are still married, 50 years later. And another one whose family is currently choosing his wife for him, and all he asks of them is that he get to meet her and talk before the wedding, and to have a final say in actually getting married. (I'm not saying it is a wise idea to meet and get married right away, just that waiting and "getting to know each other" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's what a couple puts into a relationship that matters, whether they are married or dating).
I am curious... why are you always harping on standards, double standards, Fil-Am relationships, online dating sites, etc., when you are yourself married to a Pinay? It's almost like you think it's a bad thing, and yet you did it. So why always harp on it? Why not just wish people well, regardless of HOW they meet, or of how quickly they choose to get married, or of their age differences? Are you that unhappy with your marriage, that you feel the need to warn others away? It would be interesting to hear your wife's thoughts sometimes on here. How come she never posts?

I'm curious... what "certain types of women" are drawn to us via dating services?

I'm curious... what "certain types of women" are drawn to us via dating services?