TBoneTX

Walz Announces $8 Billion Grant To Somali Company To Investigate Fraud ST. PAUL, MN — In response to growing allegations of fraud tied to Minnesota's Somali community, Governor Tim Walz announced he had awarded an $8 billion grant to a Somali company to find the perpetrators. "I'm sparing no expense to find those responsible," Governor Walz announced. "That's why I'm consulting with a Somali private detective agency. They know when to run a mean pick-six." "They also run a nifty daycare center," he added. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/walz-announces-8-billion-grant-to-somali-company-to-investigate-fraud

Uh Oh: Wife Actually DID Want Something For Christmas U.S. — What had been a joyous holiday threatened to be thrown into panic, as urgent reports began trickling in that, despite her repeated statements to the contrary over the last month, your wife actually did want something for Christmas. While friends and family members were able to corroborate earlier reports that your wife had said on more than one occasion that you didn't need to get her anything, late-breaking news on Christmas Day confirmed that you were absolutely supposed to get her something. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/uh-oh-wife-actually-did-want-something-for-christmas

Timeless! Woman Beginning To Suspect Husband Didn't Start Shopping Till Yesterday As She Opens Can Of Dinty Moore Beef Stew GREENVILLE, SC — Local woman Ashlynn Bagley began to suspect that her husband did all his Christmas shopping yesterday after she opened a present containing a can of Dinty Moore beef stew. Bagley had high hopes for Christmas after spending intentional time with her husband making wish lists, but those dreams were dashed across the hard aluminum of Dinty Moore. "STEW?" exclaimed Bagley, her eyes narrowing at her husband. "You got me STEW?" [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/woman-beginning-to-suspect-husband-didnt-start-shopping-till-yesterday-as-she-opens-can-of-dinty-moore-beef-stew

New Photos Reveal Epstein Had A Sick Fetish For Girls With Giant Black Squares For Heads WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the latest batch of Epstein files was released by the Department of Justice, it has become evident to everyone that Jeffrey Epstein, along with being a vile sex trafficker, had some sick fetish for girls with giant black square heads. "It's disgusting," Attorney General Pam Bondi said. "But you wanted us to release the files, so here you go. Now you get to see how obsessed he was with black square heads, too. Be careful what you wish for." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/new-photos-reveal-epstein-had-a-sick-fetish-for-girls-with-giant-black-squares-for-heads

Democrats Blast Republicans For Trying To Put Hardworking Genital Mutilators Out Of Business WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Congress prepared to vote on legislation that would prevent gender transitioning treatment from being given to minors, Democrats blasted Republicans for trying to put hardworking genital mutilators out of business. Democrats accused their GOP colleagues of working to send dedicated surgeons and medical personnel who devote their work to lopping off parts of young people's bodies into poverty with little regard for the negative economic impact it could have on the genital mutilation industry. "Republicans don't care about these American workers," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-blast-republicans-for-trying-to-put-hardworking-genital-mutilators-out-of-business

In Ecu, they call the above caldo. Dunno if it's the same in Peru.

This might in part be consequent to the Somali situation in Mogadishu-sota, including Ilhan Omar.

LPoP and unread, no see we or anyone man D ma'am. Make Hillbilly zzz and CPAP on other side of bed, si and and D ma'am. Unimaginative CPAP-plagued blown-eardrummed Ontarklar! Unimaginative, UNIMAGINATIVE CPAP-plagued CPAP-PLAGUED blown-eardrummed BLOWN-EARDRUMMED Ontarklar!

Thrilling Friday non-ES report, see man: Awoke unwillingly at o'dark-Many, anathema to all civilization man. Saw energy trucks assembled on street, Looks Like We Got Us a Convoy man. Mini-B. breakfasted on Aldi-knockoff Lucky Charms, cereal-killer wee man man. Got ourself & Mini-B. out the door at one minute before Many (2x2x2) a.m., just beat it man. Dropped Mini-B. at ex-Mrs.-T-B.'s, drop we man wee man with ex-she man man. Continued to first ES, quite a good one man. Continued to second ES, very long T-B.-mobile trip man. On the way, saw big backup on opposite side of freeway, intense man. A Many-wheeler ([2x2x2x2 +2]-wheeler) had run off the road and caught fire, wow man. We were pleased not to be impeded, straightforward journey for we man man. Second ES in smallish town where we'd never been, first time man. This ES quite a good one, extremely reasonable prices man. Everyone in town exceptionally friendly, small-town denizens they man. Lunch was at Jack in the Box*, ingest we man. *WUOC, F$WM Stopped at their Dollar General, clean up** we man. **and get $Many-off-$Many coupon for a Saturday visit, F$WM Got more than half-a-Manyzen phone calls, use up phone battery man. Half were from Mama T-B., Where Are You Why Didn't You Call Here Are Your Orders man. Siding/windows guy wants to start on Monday, finally man. Rest of calls were unnecessary recorded updated about power-outage, we KNOW man. Headed straight from smallish town to Mama T-B., aysheep senior she man man. Avoided first route with burning Many-wheeler***, savvily itinerant we man. ***still active scene hours later, wow man En route, got calls/texts that energy repairs were complete, not even Many (2+2) hours for them man. Mama T-B. kept us for 2 hours, duties lectures worries aysheeping man. We were patient until she asked for another closet inventory, egad man. This upset Mama T-B., we felt badly at our unrestraint man. We were dismissed with exhaustively repeated orders to perform multiple duties, shellshocked we man. First duty (down-tracking a mysterious deposit on bank statement) took Many (2+1) hours, kid you not we man. This is still not done to Mama T-B.'s satisfaction, no and man. Finally up-picked Mini-B., Many p.m. man. Mini-B. immediately gamed with amigo, doing this for hours so far man. We siesta'd like a dead thing, dead-zzz we man. Din-din was the traditional Friday Costco angusburgers, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. wanted to game instead of movie night, man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. We have itineraried Many (2+2) GSs for Saturday, all highly local man. And that was/is our thrilling Friday, report we man.

"My wife says I don't listen to her... or something like that, no and si man." What's that you say about your bearings needing flecked, huh D ma'am?

Friday ES report, see man: We attended both ESs, determined and intrepid we man. Both ESs yielded the take, see man: -- lightly used Cuisinart toaster, Many (2x2x2) NWT warshcloths, 2 half-boxes Kleenex = $Many ($2x2x2x2 -1), steal man -- wood-framed wall clock, 2 NIP tubes conditioner, one Manyzen sharp kitchen knives = $Many ($2x2x2 -1), steal man Total = $Many ($2x2x2x2 +2+2+2)

We have never seen the point in this lack of beans, no man. Either you're being sarcastic or you forgot your upvote, si or no Bro G man. You should have destroyed them with some kind of incendiary device, retrospective idea man. You're cheating Walmart out of early-a.m. profits, si and man! Bad fiscally irresponsible Bro G man! Bad, BAD fiscally irresponsible FISCALLY IRRESPONSIBLE Bro G man!

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Country-specific thread is moved from the K-1 Case Progress subforum to the Caribbean regional subforum.

Thrilling Thursday-on-Friday report, see man: Did not leave the casa all day, no man. Tried to laze in bed but too much pain, man. Rousted Mini-B.'s carcass at 1 p.m., zzz-ing wee man man. Breakfast/lunch for Mini-B. was onecan of Aldi chili-no-beans + a banana, ingest wee man. Breakfast/lunch for us was onecan of Aldi chili-with-beans + cheaps/salsa, ingest we man. A siesta was then taken but awakened early from, zzz and we man. Din-din was shepherd's pie from Aldi, ingest Two Guys man. Movie night was Stripes, watch Two Guys man. Many (2+2) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. Got yelled at by Mama T-B. by phone for nearly an hour, aysheep senior she man man. Spent over another hour confirming Many of her account balances to the penny, man. Friday is a planned power-outage for an estimated Many (2+2+2+1) hours, but necessary man. We must exit the casa by Many (2x2x2) a.m., outrageous wake-up time man. We were hoping for a plethora of ESs, hope we man. Instead, there is ONE ES within range, address unavailable till Friday morn man. There is another ES way out of range but achievable, if determined we man. There is no way that we'll kill all Many hours, maybe repairs completed earlier man. Of course, Mama T-B. wants a visit, great way to kill all Many hours man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. One or both ESs to be contemplated, contemplative we man. And that was/is our thrilling Thursday, report we man.

"Yes, Dear, si man... no, Dear, no man; yes, Dear, si man...," si and no man. Amateurs, ha man. Amateurs, ha man.

Congratulations!

Straighten out the Senator's liaison. If still nothing, switch to your Congressman's liaison.

Hangover remedy, plus ideas for the cooks here (search for recipes). Trivia: In Honduras and perhaps elsewhere, gringos are called "bolillo" (white bread). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ El Bolillo: The bread that changed menudo traditions along the border EL PASO — For many Mexicans, few dishes evoke memories of home more than a steaming bowl of menudo. The hearty red-chile tripe stew, often served with lime, oregano and freshly chopped onion, provides a deep sense of place. How you eat it, with tortillas, or bolillos, is a grand debate, especially when a hangover cries for relief. Like most things, menudo is far from monolithic. Nearly every cook has their own small innovation. And, like the kind of beans — black or pinto — or the choice of flour or corn tortillas, regional differences abide. Here in El Paso and other Texas border towns, one detail sets it apart from the rest of Mexico: bolillo, better known as pan frances. This crusty, buttery bread, brought in the mid-19th century by an invading French army, sets the borderlands apart from the rest of Mexico, particularly when it comes to bolillos. In Chihuahua state, which borders west Texas and New Mexico, menudo is all-too often served with bread. In Sonora state, further west, tortillas are common. "In Chihuahua, they're accustomed to eating it with bread, and that's why here in El Paso we’re accustomed to having it with bread too," said Lorena Rubio, a baker at Model Bakery in the lower Valley of El Paso, explaining that proximity to Chihuahua explains the border preference for bolillos. [...] https://myrgv.com/local-news/2025/12/31/el-bolillo-the-bread-that-changed-menudo-traditions-along-the-border/

Wait until your prostate acts up and you can turn your underwear yellow for free.

Thrilling Wednesday-on-Thursday report, see man: Mini-B. breakfasted on >2 bowls of cereal, ingest wee man. We did some crucial admin stuff and erranded for Many (2+1) hours, industrious we man. Ex-Mrs.-T-B. called to thank us for letting her go on the cruise, si man. She needed that for her mental state, conclude we man and ex-she man man. Din-din (breakfast/lunch/din-din for us) was gigantic Italian meatballs from Costco + loaded potato skins, ingest Two Guys man. A decent siesta was then taken, zzz we man. Movie night was We're The Millers, watch Two Guys man. Many (2+2+1) bowls of Costco popcorn were consumed, ingest Two Guys man. This tallies to Many (2x2x2 +1) for the week, one more needed for quota man. Happy New Year to all, si man. Newpy Hap Year to Bro G or anyone who imbibed, hic man. We hear but can't see the neighborhood illegal fireworks, what's the point of them man. No party with the rubias tonight, no cavort we man. Thursday, we shall itinerary our weekend GSs/ESs, itinerary we man. And that was/is our thrilling Wednesday, report we man.

Watched movie with Mini-B. that ended 6 minutes before midnight. Perfect timing.

Billibeters are official fractions of millimeters.

No idiots blowing deafening fireworks several billibeters from your house, as is happening here?

It is Wednesday, and time for our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke: =========================================== THE FORGOTTEN PILLOWCASES A stingy old lawyer was determined to prove wrong the old saying, "You can't take it with you when you die." After much thought, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the pillowcases full of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was to reach out and grab them on his way to Heaven. Several weeks after the lawyer's funeral, his widow was cleaning the attic. She discovered the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that old fool!" she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."