ijay

We seem to have moved off topic, the OP wants to know how to get a GC out of this. Not reconnect with his spouse.

I would leave if any mental disorder caused me physical or extreme mental harm (though with the latter I guess it would be harder to leave what with mind games etc). Not everyone can deal with a mentally ill spouse, especially if they somehow didn't know they were mentally ill before moving in together. Even with the best intentions it can become too much for some people. If my husband made me stare into his eyes for 30 minutes and wouldn't let me leave like what happened to OP then I would be very scared and want to leave.

When 2 people make an agreement to share a life (in sickness and health, richer or poorer) ... it MUST be based on honesty. Each person decides to accept (or not) the challenges facing their relationship. But when a condition is hidden and never discussed -- it is unfair to expect the spouse to blindly accept the "Surprise!! I'm Bipolar - I hate you". Not everyone is equipped physically or emotionally to deal with the rollercoaster ride.
It starts with honesty and transparency.
PS - insert any condition (bipolar, PTSD, borderline disorder, sexual addiction, alcohol, drugs, ....)

I was thinking the same thing. Recently there was a thread of someone who had brought a fiance on K-1, they had married and then divorced, in the OP's thinking because she had gone off her bipolar medication before coming to the US and didn't act like the person he had known before, when she was taking the medication. He wanted to remarry and bring her back (she had returned to her home country) and was asking what difficulties he might face with the visa. A great deal of the advice that he received on this forum was that he should stay away from, that people with bipolar are too difficult to live with. Pretty much the opposite of what people are saying on this thread about PTSD.
People may point out that in that case they were already divorced, and that she hadn't been honest with him about her need for medication prior to marriage/immigration. But the OP in THIS thread is in the same boat, based on what he's told us: He didn't see/wasn't told about the crazy behavior till after they got married, and from his point of view the relationship is so badly damaged he can't imagine going back to her. How does that make him not "a real man?'"
I'm wondering if commenters are downplaying what he experienced as abuse because they themselves or others with PTSD are not abusive, and so they don't think his wife is? I would imagine that abusive tendencies can co-exist with PTSD and maybe be influenced/increased by them? Does anyone out there know about that?

People who believe in 'throwing out' someone with a mental illness is just ignorant and cruel. While I do think there are some mental illnesses that are really hard to deal with, I think that with the right people around, someone with a mental illness can improve drastically. No one should advocate for leaving someone with one. I'm happy that the comments here have been mainly caring

I am really interested since I see the reaction by many members to PTSD in this case and it's completely different from the reaction to similar situations where the cause is other mental illnesses such as bipolar or BPD. Many more "kick them to the curb and get out of there" comments in those cases, but here there is much more sympathy to OP's wife's situation.

Why is everyone suggesting an appeal and to re apply ? Geez people.
This was a spousal visa. It was refused and was or will be returned to USCIS.
Once USCIS has received it they will send out a NOID/NOIR letter to which the petitioner has to respond in 30 days.
It can take 6 months or longer to receive the letter and in it the reason for the refusal will be mentioned.
If it is just the usual lack of relationship evidence then it should be fairly easy to submit that.
Do not appeal anything and do not re apply. It was not denied by USCIS, it was refused by the CO.
If the petition is still at the embassy (and only if it is still there) request a second interview and have the petitioner be there with a
boat load of evidence.
If it has left the embassy and has been returned to USCIS already then there is nothing they can do except wait for the
NOID/NOIR letter.
If USCIS is satisfied with their response they will send it again to the embassy with recommendation to approve.
If not then the petition will be denied by USCIS, the only agency who can deny a petition.
The embassy can only refuse to issue a visa and return it to USCIS with recommendation to revoke but they can not deny a petition.

You would have thought that the embassy would show him the steps to correct the mistakes.
I bet you might be really pissed now.
But Stay calm and get it resolved...people make mistakes..even the silliest ones. *don't kill him*..lol
Please update here for us to know how it went.

Yes you can reschedule. Email the visa scheduling section of the embassy, it is not a big deal, mistakes do happen, when you do email, explain in detail what exactly happened.
Hope this gets sorted in time.
Good Luck to you!

Yea, using the VJ search tool would have supplied a quick easy answer to this question also. Rarely used I believe.

I'm curious how you have over 3,000 posts but don't already know the answer to this question.
Many visa couples, if not most, end up going with courthouse weddings.

You only make $300 a week.
Total sum = $300 + $950 = $1250
You could offer to pay 300/1250 x 100% which is roughly 25% of the total household bills
or pick a few smaller bills which you FEEL comfortable to pay.
And you have to make him add your names to the bills / rental leases so that you have something to show for co-mingled marriage life during ROC (which I-751 removal of conditions on green card).

The OP doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want her husband to treat her this way either. So what advice can we really give her?
She ignored my advice to divorce and acknowledged that she is not asking anything immigration-related. Maybe she just wants to vent and gain sympathy. In some aspects she deserves sympathy but in others she does not.
So again OP, divorce, move on. This is not the relationship you thought it would be. Stop with the stupid "I don't believe in divorce" story. You married a jerk. Leave him.

This.
I've been the immigrant, and also the spouse of an immigrant. The first few years in a new country can be difficult, disheartening and baffling. If the OP's tale is true, her husband is a selfish ####. There is nothing out of the ordinary in expecting one's spouse to contribute to the household economy. What is bizarre is the husband's refusal to assist her in getting situated in this country, by helping her navigate the healthcare system and at the very least establishing a joint account for household expenses. One can keep separate accounts for individual use, while still having a joint account for those expenses incurred jointly. This isn't brain surgery.
I just can't wrap my head around the idea that there are husbands who do not wish to assist their wives, and vice versa, when times are tougher for one spouse than the other, and that this is okay, because "that's just how some people are." Marriage is a joint enterprise based on trust. Trust that the other spouse will be there for you when times are hard, or you're sick, or frustrated, or need moral support. Without these interconnections, the marriage is little more than a roommate situation with benefits. Marriage is more than two individuals -- it is the creation of a new entity formed from the love and labour of the two who came together. Why even bother to get married if you're not willing to actually form a union?

Wow, VJ never ceases to disappoint me.
OP, your husband is a jerk.
That is all.

Bwahahha, what??? That's below the poverty line.

I agree that you can't afford it. What city do you work in? Massachusetts has a ride share and carpool program that you might be able to utilize. The link is below. Is there anyone from your work that you could maybe get a ride from in exchange for gas money?
https://blog.mass.gov/blog/transportation-2/carpooling-and-ride-share-options-in-massachusetts-2/

It truly is cruel to take someone away from everything they've ever known their whole life including family and friends and then when they get here give them little to no support in making a life for themselves.

Okay, but if he make $90/week are you going to ask him to pay half your rent? It doesn't matter the gender of the spouses, he is not helping her get her feet steady in the US.

She is contributing. She already says she is paying for her clothes, phone bill, etc. You are acting like OP has refused to pay anything at all, which isn't the situation.
But expecting her to figure out health insurance when she was working part time and making $90 a week, pay half of the bills when she likely is not making as much as he is, and just the generally callous attitude he has towards the person he married and pledged his life to does not seem reasonable.
It's wonderful that you and your husband came to an agreement before hand that you both understand and honored, but from what OP said it seems like the agreement her and her husband made, were he said he would support her, is not being fully held up on his end.
Not sure why you brought gender into it.

i see two kinds of perspectives here. one from the western culture and one from a culture where divorce is not common and emotional support and financial support are very common. i can understand OP is coming from the latter. it may seem strange for the people brought up in western culture about op's wording regarding the paying bills etc. there is more here than that. like someone mentioned its about the warmth and companionship and a feeling of belonging to each other. that is what is lacking in Op's situation as per her posts. its not just about splitting the bills. many people from western culture suggest getting a divorce and i understand & support that perspective , but for women from many countries their marriage is tied into their family honor. i know no one should stay in a abusive situation . and abuse is not just physical , it totally can be emotional disconnection and cold treatment of a wife or a husband who came to another country trusting their spouse. abuse can take many silent forms. and for someone who grew up in a culture watching long lasting relationships and very minimum divorce rates and financial support and warmth , divorce may feel like more than just freedom. it may feel like how can they face their family and culture. so Op i believe is asking for some sort of emotional support here to make that choice. she has figured out that her husband is not affectionate towards her and does not probably care about her as she had thought . and her family might not get this, her culture might not get this, she feels going back with this truth is more painful and staying , divorcing , starting her own life can be a choice but that does not mean OP is not scared about such a choice. we all can offer her the right advice while sparing the harsh judgement about her life or making it seem like something is fishy or she is dishonest etcetc. we dont know her situation fully , but with compassion we can try to understand without jumping harsh judgement as some of us have done here. we probably should encourage her to get out of marriage and start her life and telling her that its fine she can do it instead of scolding her for her fear about this. she is from a different culture . if we were in her shoes we would know too. compassion and true advice to help is what is needed here. I am sorry op you are experiencing lack of love in your marriage , but you must listen to your own heart in this matter. if you decide to stay in this country and get out of marriage , you must file for divorce and use appropriate steps to make sure you to extend your GC . good luck! it may indeed bring you a freedom from any cultural repression you may have faced in your own country .

Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership where both spouses help each other the best they can. Based on what's been posted by the op, the husband is definitely not holding up his end of the bargain. If the husband doesn't want to be helpful and loving to his wife, then why get married at all?
I agree completely with your last sentence in that she didn't really know this man before marrying him. I wouldn't call what he is doing abuse, but it sure as heck isn't nice either.

From what's been posted about the husband, I wouldn't be surprised if he made her pay for her own immigration too.

I'm not sure where it was made clear that OP didn't help with immigration fees or didn't pay for her plane tickets. Did I miss that post?

Sounds like the husband is a loser who only cares about himself, and or that other word that Sandra used that begins with a "d".
The financial planning deficiencies are mostly the husband's fault as well, imo. Sounds like the guy brought his wife here and basically threw her to the wolves.