Knope2012

Someone else's post says it better but the basis is this - he married you to better his life, that is all.
He gets upset about the dowry because he "married up" and has nothing to show for it, yet. The car would be his "see here's my dowry".
He didn't go fix his passport to help YOU, he did it to help himself... as you can see he's now demanding a portion of the return.
Regarding the debt.. I understand your husband feeling like this is YOUR debt and not his.. and here's why: My ex would have had over $250K in student loan debt (to his parents) by the time he finished med school (international student so much higher fees). When he told me he expected to send some of OUR income to pay back his parents I was ticked. I wasn't told about this before we got together and he expected to lower OUR income amount probably making me pay more of the house bills? Don't get me wrong, that debt needed to be paid but that's not a "household expense" in my opinion. It was "HIS expense" and he was still supposed to pay his share of bills. I shouldn't have had to "lose out" just because he had this insane debt (he didn't work while doing schooling). I don't think I need to tell you that our relationship ended with a LOT of anger and bitterness on my part toward him. He was lazy and did basically nothing around the house basically treating me like his mother. He was also emotionally abusive. He would say one thing then change his mind and refuse to admit he ever said any different. He is/was Indian (though raised in Malaysia).
Here's the "better relationship" difference. My husband also has student loan debt. It didn't even enter my head to challenge the fact that needs to be paid back and that "our money" would be used... this shows me the VAST differences in this relationship and my prior one (or maybe I've just grown ). He started schooling while we were dating and finished it a month before we were married. My husband pays the bills (well technically I do using his money ) and I'm presently not earning anything (wish that was different).
Yes it's harder to divorce than to break up with a boyfriend but if you would break up with a boyfriend over this why is a husband any different? You admit you were rushed into marrying... probably because he knew you weren't too interested in divorce and he wanted to "lock you in" before you got to know him too well. So now here you are talking about the important things you would have as a boyfriend and he's still trying to deflect until he's here. Once he's in the US you can't make him leave the country so he'll tell you exactly what he thinks/demands. He's got what he wanted out of you and can leave you to your own debt repayments.. and I'm sorry but I can basically predict that's what's going to happen. He's showing all the classic signs.
He will bring his parents to stay for a long period because you can't stop him. He will stay in the apartment because as your spouse you can't kick him out (once he's moved in) and you'd be on the lease so dropping lease would affect you badly. He will send however much of his income home as he wants because you can't stop him and he'll be unlikely to give you any share at all because again, he doesn't HAVE to. If he doesn't agree to you can't make him.
He's already shown that your opinion doesn't mean anything to him. He's already shown he holds grudges. He's already TOLD you what he plans to do with HIS money. He's shown you what he does when he doesn't get his way. He'll either do it anyway, or pout and cry like a child.
I'm sorry but I don't see this ending well. He hasn't shown any willingness to listen to your suggestions. You've asked him to do a budget and he doesn't want to. He's not interested in your life together here, because I doubt he'll hang around very long. First confrontation and he'll be gone to a friends house you probably weren't aware he knew.
**Edit - money issues are the #1 cause of divorce. Money is a BIG deal in a relationship. I'm not trying to be rude. Reading your posts you've done the majority of things anyone could suggest and he's just not interested. THAT big of a difference is just too hard to overcome... in my opinion anyway.

She's $200,000 in debt, he wants her to buy his family members a car, and you think people are being too judgmental?!?!?!
Attention people who are still wondering why the financial system and housing market in this country totally collapsed: look no further.

I keep wanting to tell you to wake up and see what you are saying to us, but I keep deleting it. I don't think you want to listen to your head, and you're trying to wish away all the red flags that are popping up in your head.

RKK, I have been reading your posts for a while now but I never really felt the need to reply because you are already getting wonderful advice from everyone else here. As a 3rd person, who has heard only your side of the story, here are the Red Flags I have observed so far:
1) You felt like he pushed you towards a commitment too fast and you felt uneasy about that. For crying out loud, he had to ask you 30 times before you said yes!!!! As a woman, you need to learn to trust your intuitions. If you have a gut feeling that something is not right, don't try to explain it away. You have no regrets now, but remember that you are still in the honeymoon phase. Of course everything is hunky dory when you go to visit him because you guys are going to be on your best behavior because it is another mini-honeymoon. And I strongly believe that this is not cultural. My Indian parents dated for 11 years before they got married, and this was back in the 70's. I know several Indian people who dated for many many years or had extended engagements and did not rush into marriage just because their parents approved and the stars aligned the right way.
2) You feel like he is too clingy and that makes you feel uncomfortable. Again, listen to your gut.
3)He holds grudges. This means that your fights never get resolved. It just gets buried till the next big fight for it to rear it's ugly head. Big no no.
4) He feels like he is being enslaved. This is a very dangerous feeling because whether his feelings are justified or not, he will eventually try to break free from his "enslavement". His feelings might not seem logical to you, but those are his feelings and they are quite real to him.
5) "But he loves me and treats me better than anyone else has in the past!" As a previous poster mentioned, love is not enough to hold a relationship together. The person who coined the phrase "love conquers all" needs to have their head examined.
6) He uses guilt to get his way with you. This is extremely manipulative, and normal people do not do things like that.
7) He has no qualms about changing the rules of the game whenever it suits him. This is called Bait & Switch, and I don't see how you can trust a person like that. Keep in mind, people change and grow as they become older & wiser. But it is a serious red flag where he will tell you one thing and change his mind a few days/months later when he decides that it is not in HIS (not yours & not both of you as a couple, but only his) best interests. I remember you commenting in your previous thread about his parents visiting that he agreed to you at first knowing that he can get you to change your mind after the wedding. Again, this is super manipulative.
8) He gets depressed & cries when his friends remind him that he got no dowry from your family. Seriously.. yuck. Read between the lines, he is marrying up and makes no balls about it. On top of that, he gets sad that he is not getting more out of this marriage?
9) Entitlement issues. I dont understand this.. You owe his family a car because your dad bought you one, and now he needs to get his family one to help them to keep up with the Jones? I honestly can't believe a grown adult man would say something like this to his wife. You owe him NOTHING. Even if he had to sell his left kidney to be with you, it does not entitle him to send you into more debt. As someone who has been paying student loans for 3 years now and still have not made a dent, I can tell you that you will end up resenting him for this later on. Trust me RKK, my loans are not nearly as bad as yours but it is extremely frustrating to see the balance inching down at a snail's pace.
10) ME ME ME ME ME: This whole saga seems like how it is always about his ego & his need to help his family rather than your needs or even his parents needs (unless they are secretly demanding he does all this behind your back).
These are just a couple of points I see aside from the most obvious things that everyone else has mentioned. Only you can decide how much you will put up. His family & friends might tell you how lucky you are to marry him, but remember only you get to see a side of him that nobody else does. Only you can decide what is best for you in the long run.
Edited for Grammar.

OP, you're digging yourself deeper than ever. On previous topics you were adamant not to even file for him yet you did it. Whatever happened to his TB anyways?
And now, even though you realize what you want him to be will never happen and he will never change - you're still not getting it. A year from now, he'll probably be in the US, possibly working and sending all his money to parents and brother. You'll be left alone paying for the entire household expenses and your students loans - no where near to having a child. Come naturalization time husband will get his parents over who will live in your apartment, soon brother will join too (student visa was talked about).
I'd take a double take before proceeding paying for his immigrant visa or sending in paperwork for NVC... Because once he has his immigrant visa and green card, you're on the hook.

I can understand. You love your husband, and I deeply love my husband as well. But I feel it is high time for our husbands to step up and be responsible for their wives, and be MEN rather than small boys. I understand that Indian/Pakistani culture places a lot of emphasis on a sense of duty and responsibility for one's parents. Even I have some responsibility towards my parents, as I want to help them someday if they are unable to help themselves. But I don't agree with feeling obliged to send money for unnecessary expenditures, especially when I'm in a financial hole myself. I want to see my husband have more concern about OUR life together, rather than just thinking what he will send back home. Even though my husband acknowledges that my parents paid for our wedding and accepted him as their son, he still gets depressed and cries when his friends make fun of him for not getting any dowry out of my family (as I was strongly against dowry). I don't like this entitlement at all. I care for my husband's happiness and will try to help him in any way I can after he gets here, but I need him to start by showing me that he can put me first.
You are having surgery, and your husband needs to step up to plate. If he can't put his parents aside for some time to do that, I don't think he is worthy of being your husband. I may be blunt, but that's how I strongly feel. This honeymoon period will end, and you will soon start resenting him and losing respect for him if he doesn't put you as first in his life. His income also should share your (yours and his) family's expenses not just go back home to his parents.

Run, don't walk away from this relationship. It screams of future pain and unhappiness. I think you already know this deep down inside.

Oh this. With brass knobs on.
If he's so concerned about doing his duty by his parents, and being Number One Son, and he so concerned about giving them money, and so anxious to see that they take a nice 6 month expense free holiday every year, and on and on...you can help with this. Leave him right where he is.
I'm sorry OP, but he's got dollar signs in his eyes, and you are the family sized meal ticket.

Y'know what? You're (still) fretting about and trying to tweak or micromanage what it would really take a bulldozer to do. I'd tell him to cram his greedy, selfish attitudes up his own ####### (immediately and with great force), repeat the process with each of his family members' asses, and find some other suckerette to soak.

I do not know anything about your case but I have three brothers who are physicians. The residency is long and hard and not high paying and requires a LOT of your time. Your husband sounds too selfish for this. One thing in marriage is that people must have a common goal and common beliefs on life in general. What will you work together toward? You will never be anything but competition for what he wants and you will both be miserable. Don't even think about the demands of children. There are plenty of men that would be happy to have a wife that is a doctor and be willing to sacrifice to acheive that and help her toward her goal. Especially a woman that is willing to reciprocate.
Cut your losses.

Oh, how royally magnaminous of him.OP, have you not yet studied leeches in medical school?

Making a successful effort to communicate clearly and understandably is half of one's contribution to a thread. The other half is contributing meaningful content.
Good grammar & spelling, and good list of red flags.

Seems to be more common when the foreign spouse comes from a country with less economic opportunity.
Not all foreigners want that GC lol
The USA is not that dream land you saw on TV, if it was up to me I would live somewhere else than in the USA

Anyone that doesn't even post what type of visa they are applying for is a troll.

well.. remember you also sent in tons of evidence originally proving your relationship was valid. I wonder what your reaction would have been had USCIS said "Sorry denied - we think this will end badly".
When someone goes through the process of getting a GC it is a long, painful, and for some a humiliating experience. Once they have a GC the burden of proof goes the other way (and rightfully so) - it should take overwhelming evidence that the person intentionally committed fraud.
Also.. when someone joins you in the U.S. and then leaves you for another person they meet later on that is not fraud.. They may be a rotten person (or just a person that did something rotten or did not realize their mistake until after they arrived) but if he/she had every intention of staying with you it is not fraud no matter how it turns out in the end.

Anybody realize that it is the government, in their infinite wisdom in doing thousands of interviews, ( ) that SOMETIMES can SAVE your butt?

Oh they all have an agenda all right.. My wife's was to be with her burnin' hunk-o-love full time

absolutely ignorant...

No, certain people from certain countries are much much more likely to be scammers. I would REFUSE to receive any correspondence from anyone from these countries unless I had lived there and met them in person or something. I'm sorry but, don't "meet" someone online and expect romance-film love. Spend lots of time with them, "real life" time, not time where you're both vacationing somewhere and it's a near honeymoon.
And yeah, before you all point out how much of a racist/xenophobe/unfair person I'm being, I filed a 129F before for an Australian guy who I found out (thankfully before we got to the embassy stage) that he was in it just for the chance to live in the States, and of course his country is not high fraud at all. Of course there are plenty of folks here who've only spent a few days or weeks with their significant others and have good relationships, but come on, pay attention to red flags. Chances are against you.

Mojority of forgein marriages are fraud? I get sick when i hear comments like that ... Sorry, but you have been misinformed! The majority are real, but there are also a few fraud ones, mostly from the same countries.

Majority...??? You actually believe that is true? How unfortunate.

I am so sorry this happened to you and I hope you will be able to heal quickly.
But If you think this is an international marriage problem only, then you are mistaken.
This kind of thing happens domestically everyday.

Most of the people applying for spousal visas are separated - your situation is same as majority of others out there.

wow...the guy's a complete sex freak. thats blackmail, i consider it emotional abuse. i wish the best for your friend. no woman should be treated like a sex toy

First, getting a divorce is not about getting revenge, so everyone needs to understand this. The lawyer only wants to deal with facts, and what will get the quickest and fair-ish outcome.
This is a very young marriage with little time invested, therefore why would anyone spend thousands of dollar to get out of it.
Again, if it makes you feel better, see if the language can be negoiated, both parties will have to go in front of the judge any how so the judge can and will have the final say.
Ask to have the papers sealed, that way no one but the courts can every see the divorce language. This infromation wouldn't be printed on the divorce creed either. Don't make something out of this that it isn't.
Everyone will write all the hype about what they would do, but the bottom line is what is it that you want.
Yes feelings are hurt and pride is shamed, but life does go on.