AKSinghSingh79

Some people on this thread seem to be misinterpreting my original post. I did not start this post to say the U.S. is "the most racist, intolerant, and xenophobic country in the world". Not sure where that is coming from. Also posting that "racism and intolerance exist everywhere" is not pertinent to my original topic as I specifically mentioned how people have experienced intolerance in the U.S.
This forum is a U.S. immigration forum intended for individuals or their spouses/families who are intending immigrants to the U.S. That being said, I started this thread to discuss those said immigrant's experiences integrating into U.S. society. I shared the negative experience my fiance has had and how he personally compared it to the other countries he has lived and worked in. It did not impact his perception of the U.S. or change his mind about moving here permanently but he was certainly shocked when he heard them. More of a "huh, did he really just say that?" than actually offense. He did ask me though if I think these comments will go away or if its something he will always have to prepare to deal with. I think because it happens more than we Americans like to think, it is worth discussing to your spouse about the possibility of ignorance and how to properly deal with it. Same thing my fiance would do for me if I were moving to India.

Thank you for the advice. I am well aware of the caste system in India. However since this is a U.S. immigration forum and my fiance is immigrating to the U.S. I didn't find it pertinent to discuss how much worse the caste system is in India.

I have heard insulting comments all my life but only in the US I let it get into my head. I don't have an explanation why but I had never had problems with my accent and far from perfect English or my origin before I came here. My confidence is definately affected by the issues I have and until I deal with them even the smallest remark could ruin my day. Another thing that ruins my day are those darn automated customer service systems that don't catch a word I'm saying but then again my husband hates them too.

Sure, racism is everywhere. But why is it such a taboo subject to talk about racism and xenophobia in AMERICA? (Or ignorance/fear, to be more exact) This is a US immigration forum, is it not?

I never said it was only isolated to America. My fiance's personal experience is he experienced more negative comments being directed at him in the U.S. than any other westernized country he has been to. I was just curious if any other immigrants had the same experience when they moved to the U.S. and if it interfered with their transitional stages.
There is still a lot of tension here that does not exist in other countries. Post-911 tension and fears of American workers losing their jobs to foreign immigrants to name a few.

Even though the U.S. is a self-proclaimed "melting pot", I still find many people to be abrasive toward foreign nationals looking to establish themselves here. My fiance himself is a very well-traveled man and has said to me that the U.S. is much more intolerant than the U.K. by comparison. People here have not been shy about directing racial slurs, comments about his accent, and other "tart" comments.
Other actions have been less subtle but still insulting such as giving him dirty looks when he speaks Hindi or telling him to "speak American" when he answers in English with a strong pronounced Indian accent.
Most of the time, we both just brushed these comments off but it's extremely difficult for me to control myself when someone is being so disrespectful to the man I love. Most of the time, I believe that the comments stem from ignorance rather than contempt or spite.
I'm just curious if anyone else has had issues adjusting to American life because of comments directed at that they were not intended to be rude but came across as insulting.

First i want to address everyone getting their back-up that this is a post saying that the US is the worst for racism, I don't see it that way and nor do i think you FEEL that way but you are instead speaking from your husbands experience that he has experienced more racism here than in the UK. That is his experience so there is nothing wrong with you saying that and people need to chill out.
I personally yes have suffered from some... I won't call it racism, more... ignorance. That said though I am in Iowa and my husband (native Iowan) admits that Iowa is a little more isolated than some other areas of the country in terms of different races/nationalities. For example I've called the local radio station a few times, I am the ONLY Aussie they have ever heard from... it's a big town where that station is located so that shocked me. There is no "Australian society" or group I can meet with, there are no stores where I can buy food from Australia (only online), there are no other Aussie immigrants that I have either heard of, or met myself. Sure lots of people around but there you go.
My first job though MANY people I spoke to on the phone loved my accent, love Australia, love asking me questions, there were a couple of "bad egg" co-workers that liked to yell "speak American" at me anytime I didn't say something they understood. Who liked to correct emails I sent, or memos I wrote to say particular words didn't exist (like "learnt") and correcting me saying "Zed" instead of "zee". Most of it was done in a nasty way, sometimes not, but mostly nasty so of course this bugged me. I don't mind learning, the "zed vs zee" thing actually helped because my bosses name is hard to spell, has a "zee" in it and when I said "zed" every, yes EVERY person was confused.
You are not alone but remember that not everyone is bad. The US DOES have a lot of different people and unfortunately you seem to live in a bad area for someone like him. it's sad but it seems to be the truth. I know if I moved somewhere else I would probably be treated a WHOLE lot differently. Some places (anti-immigrant areas) would hate me, some (pro-immigrants and more liberal types) would love me.
I'm sorry he's feeling this way.

But only in the US is your right to blaze hate on your bumper protected by the government.

I agree with this 100%. There are plenty of twenty-something year old Indian males perusing the internet in search of unsuspecting vulnerable American women whom they can scam for a quick ticket to the U.S. It's common enough today that COs will look at out of the norm cases through very suspicious eyes. Online meetings, significant age differences, minimal time meeting face to face all throw up more indications that this relationship is a scam and is only seeking immigration benefits. The more the relationship veers from a typical relationship in India, the more your relationship will be scrutinized.
It's important to step back and look at your relationship from an outsider's perspective. It was hard for us to do this and VJ has helped a lot in that regard.
I completely agree with previous member's posts who have suggested going to India for some time and building your relationship with your fiance. It's not the easiest decision to undertake by any means, but we all must make sacrifices in such complex relationships. I suggest preparing yourselves now for a back-up plan, in the event that a visa to the U.S. is not a possibility. IMO, India is an amazing country. I enjoy every second I spend there with my fiance and would be up for moving if things did not work in our favor for immigrating to the U.S.

I agree with this 100%. There are plenty of twenty-something year old Indian males perusing the internet in search of unsuspecting vulnerable American women whom they can scam for a quick ticket to the U.S. It's common enough today that COs will look at out of the norm cases through very suspicious eyes. Online meetings, significant age differences, minimal time meeting face to face all throw up more indications that this relationship is a scam and is only seeking immigration benefits. The more the relationship veers from a typical relationship in India, the more your relationship will be scrutinized.
It's important to step back and look at your relationship from an outsider's perspective. It was hard for us to do this and VJ has helped a lot in that regard.
I completely agree with previous member's posts who have suggested going to India for some time and building your relationship with your fiance. It's not the easiest decision to undertake by any means, but we all must make sacrifices in such complex relationships. I suggest preparing yourselves now for a back-up plan, in the event that a visa to the U.S. is not a possibility. IMO, India is an amazing country. I enjoy every second I spend there with my fiance and would be up for moving if things did not work in our favor for immigrating to the U.S.

This song is in A minor, right? Wait, I'm tuning my guitar...

This is horrible! I'm so sorry . A good friend of mine also went through Mumbai and her fiance was grilled in a similar way and also told false misleading information in an attempt to intimidate him.
It just burns me up that they are allowed to pull false information out of thin air and throw it back in the beneficiary's face.
It really is unfortunate that they do not allow USC petitioners inside the Mumbai consulate for the interview.

This is horrible! I'm so sorry . A good friend of mine also went through Mumbai and her fiance was grilled in a similar way and also told false misleading information in an attempt to intimidate him.
It just burns me up that they are allowed to pull false information out of thin air and throw it back in the beneficiary's face.
It really is unfortunate that they do not allow USC petitioners inside the Mumbai consulate for the interview.

I would have married my wife in Vietnam and filed a CR1 petition. If that was denied then I would have moved to Vietnam to live with her while we went through the appeals process. If we had exhausted all possible chances of getting a visa then I would have lived in Vietnam the rest of my life.

Wrong. Adjustment under 245(a) requires a legally enforceable affidavit of support. That minimum requirement has not been met because the primary sponsor withdrew their affidavit of support. This is not related in any way to Choin v. Mukasey. Choin met the statutory requirements when the adjustment of status was filed, and would have been eligible to remove conditions based on the divorce if USCIS hadn't dragged their butts approving her adjustment of status. The OP has not met the statutory requirement to adjust status under 245(a) because section 213A is standing firmly in his way. He has no affidavit of support from the petitioner. Nothing else is relevant here. If the minimum statutory requirements are not met then the application cannot be considered on it's merits.

One-way for immigration visas including K-1.
Round-trip for visas where you aren't allowed to stay, proving that you intend to return home.
It's not a conspiracy, just get the one-way. And it doesn't matter if the reply is from an India or non-India VJ member - no one at the immigration desk cares where you came from or has a different rule book that they pull out for Indians only.

Your American wife fought hard for you to be with her for 4 years?
And you decided it took its toll on you but you came to usa to "Be with her"
This has fraud written all over it. If I was the CO I would revoke it also.
How long did you live with the american wife in the USA before this toll forced you to divorce her
and she petitioned for you, paid alot of money because she belived in you.
And it took 3 longs months to get over her and this divorce before you married a woman who has known your family for years
How old are your children?
It sounds arranged
It sounds that you are a bad man
It sounds like you had planned this all along
It sounds like you should make a life with your arranged love in another country
It sounds like you found a good strong american woman with some money to get you to usa so you used her for immigration purposes and married your arranged wife as quick as you could.
If she fought to bring you here for 4 years and then you just up and left her.... you are a cruel user. You could have tried harder if you loved her. But you had to marry someone else your family chose so you had to dump this american who sacrificed and suffered for you and fought hard to bring a Pakistan guy to USA. Pakistan men have to be in AP a long time because there are a few bad seeds that show their true colors when coming here.
I wish embassy could have seen the TOLL this was taking on you and should have had you stay in Pakistan so you would not be burdened with the toll of divorce and relocating to the USA. I hope during citizenship they feel the same. I hope you are your wife have a beautiful life....... back in Pakistan
You forgot to answer some questions
How long have you known the 2nd wife?
Was it an arranged marriage?
How long have you been married now?
You said you have 2 kids?
How long have you been divorced?
Were you talking to this wife when you were still married to first wife? I think yes and this might be an issue.
You said you were married 4.5 years to first wife. Was she an american born woman? Did you meet her online or were you already her on a student visa?
How long were you separated before you started speaking to a woman from your country?

The OP has left the building and he forgot to answer some simple questions. (BIG SIGN OF FRAUD_Can't handle the heat)
Maybe the Pakstan (family approved) wife could not answer those simple questions in her interview.
Maybe you can call your ex-wife (the American which took a toll on you to get here) and she can tell you how she was able to finally get you here and you can learn something from her?

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. Marital troubles are never fun.
As an American of non-Indian origin engaged to an Indian man I will try to offer an outsider's perspective.
I agree with previous members who have said the source of your marital difficulties have a large cultural basis. I am quite aware of the fact that many Indian males are expected to support their parents indefinitely and also that their immediate family is often placed at a higher priority than their wives. However, his statements to you appear to be largely exaggerated for a more dramatic effect and for him to gain more sympathy from you. If it were that "urgent" he would not continue to change his mind about amounts of money, things he's said, etc... If he is so concerned about finances and sending money back home, how is he going to afford to pay for his parents to come for 6 months of every year? Sure he wants to give them the opportunity at a more comfortable life, but at what price? He should decide whether he wants to send money back home on a monthly basis or pay the expensive round trip plane fare for both his parents to come to the U.S. and this is not including visa fees, travel insurance, etc... Sending money AND paying for his parents to come every year? That's just not doable on your salary or even a combined salary.
I see this being a lack of perspective on his part. He has never been to the U.S. or any other western country for that matter so in his mind he already has a preconceived notion of what life in the U.S. is going to be like.
I guarantee my fiance would have a different point of view if he had not traveled so much. (He has lived and worked in the UK, U.S. and Thailand for at least a year at a time). He even told me that coming to the U.S. was a huge eye-opener for him as he had a completely different idea in mind of how the U.S. would be. He was shocked when he saw run-down areas stricken with poverty and people struggling to get by.
Your husband strikes me as the type of person who is too stubborn to consider this until he's experienced it himself. I feel that you attempting to explain to him that not everyone in the U.S. is "rich" would be a waste of time as he has already decided for himself what life in the U.S. is like.
You two should not be having such bitter arguments this early in your marriage. You haven't even experienced a full year of marriage yet. What's going to happen when you actually live together? Little problems may not seem like a big deal now but they can quickly manifest into much larger problems. You already have a foundation of disagreement underneath your marriage. A simple bad habit of his that you don't like may very well be the tipping point for you. I see you drawing a line and him continuing to cross it. How many times are you going to re-draw the line? Before you know he will have the ball in his court 90% of the time with you having little to no say in everyday decision making. That may work for some time, but soon you will come to deeply resent him and at that point your marriage will reach a critical point.
You mention having kids but have you seriously considered what having kids with this man may entail? What will you both do about your careers? Will he expect you to quit your job to take care of the children? This is the medical career that you and your parents have worked so hard for it to be possible. Does your husband expect you to give all of that up, at least for a few years, so you can take on the role of a typical Indian housewife? Would he be comfortable with hiring a nanny, sending them to daycare, or having your family pick up the slack when possible? I don't see him as the type of man that would be willing to quit his job in lieu of taking on childcare responsibilities. He's much too conservative in his nature to do that. I don't mean to bring up a topic of potential conflict with your husband but this is a huge deal. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate that children complicate a weak marriage.
How is his family life? Have you observed his interactions with his mother? Does he sit back and let her take care of the housework, bringing him meals, etc.? His home life is going to be a good start to see how your future life together is going to be. What are his expectations for a wife? Does he expect you to take care of all the household duties, prepare a hot meal, and hold down a job? Or is he willing to share the responsibilities evenly? Will he wash the clothes, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, or cook dinner when he sees you exhausted and burned out? This is what you would want and expect out of him but what are his thoughts? Will he care what "the neighbors think" if they see him running the vacuum or preparing a meal?
He also needs to stop comparing your lives and to stop keeping a "tally" of all the things he's done for you versus all the things you've done for him (such as getting his passport apostilled). Marriage is not a competition to see who's done more, how many times the bathroom has been cleaned by him, or how many things you've had growing up that he didn't. Yes he is giving up a lot by moving to the U.S. but don't let him use that as ammunition against you in disagreements. Remember, he accepted that fact that sacrifices would have to be made when he decided to marry an American woman. Right now he wants it all: money, money to send to his family, and for his family to be with him as much as possible. He will realize on his own that his expectations are too high and that he was being unreasonable. Once again, he is too stubborn to understand this coming from you. He has to find out for himself.
In my opinion, it's time to be frank with him. It's harsh but he needs to realize the seriousness of his actions. Tell him honestly and truthfully that you do not like his behavior and his unwillingness to come to a neutral zone. Because of this, you are considering divorce because you cannot deal with his stubborn attitude and resistance to compromise. Do not let him manipulate you any further. If you mention divorce, he's going to get scared and start filling your head with things he thinks you want to hear. As soon as the muddy waters calm, he will again revert to his old behavior. Tell him you will not reconsider your decisions until he has made an honest effort to come to a mutual agreement on tough issues. He has to prove to you that he is willingly to modify his behavior for the sake of your marriage. Avoiding the problems by not giving you a clear answer will not suffice. He will be angry and possibly hurt but don't let that discourage you. Remember he has hurt you as well in the past. Why should you have to take more hurt to spare him his feelings? That's not fair. You deserve respect as much as he does.
I will like to end with I in no way condemn him or think that he is a bad person by any means. He is NOT a terrible man out to hurt you. You two simply have different ideas in mind for the future. It really takes two to make a marriage work, two people to disagree but also two people to give a little bit of way so that they can come to a mutual agreement. He obviously is very very attached to his parents largely because that is the way he was brought up. Have you talked to him about petitioning for his family after he becomes a citizen so they can move here permanently? That may help with some of the anguish he feels about leaving his family behind and leaving them in a potential financial bind. I would say because he is so attached to his family, you really are going to have to give a little bit of way if you want your marriage to work. I'm not saying allow them to stay in your small one bedroom apartment for 6 months but maybe you could come up with another solution. Here's one: Are you in a city where there is a significant Indian population? (5,000 + Indians) If so, many Indian families offer a sublease on month to month basis for a reasonable price. I'm sure gossiping may occur followed by thoughts of "what the neighbors think". Try to phrase in a way so they can see that they will be extremely bored in your one bedroom apartment while both you and your husband are at work. Therefore they would be more content with an Indian family to talk with and enjoy chai together rather than thinking negatively about you.
I understand the huge cultural component of this and I accept that as the way he feels. At the same time I know that I could never deal with my fiance being the same way. Our marriage could never work if he was this unwilling to compromise. You seem to be on a similar page. I truly respect you for making an honest effort to nurture your marriage. In today's modern American society where marriage is no longer sacred and its far too easy to get a divorce, I truly commend your spirit on attempting to make this work.
I truly wish you the best of luck on the path you decide.

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. Marital troubles are never fun.
As an American of non-Indian origin engaged to an Indian man I will try to offer an outsider's perspective.
I agree with previous members who have said the source of your marital difficulties have a large cultural basis. I am quite aware of the fact that many Indian males are expected to support their parents indefinitely and also that their immediate family is often placed at a higher priority than their wives. However, his statements to you appear to be largely exaggerated for a more dramatic effect and for him to gain more sympathy from you. If it were that "urgent" he would not continue to change his mind about amounts of money, things he's said, etc... If he is so concerned about finances and sending money back home, how is he going to afford to pay for his parents to come for 6 months of every year? Sure he wants to give them the opportunity at a more comfortable life, but at what price? He should decide whether he wants to send money back home on a monthly basis or pay the expensive round trip plane fare for both his parents to come to the U.S. and this is not including visa fees, travel insurance, etc... Sending money AND paying for his parents to come every year? That's just not doable on your salary or even a combined salary.
I see this being a lack of perspective on his part. He has never been to the U.S. or any other western country for that matter so in his mind he already has a preconceived notion of what life in the U.S. is going to be like.
I guarantee my fiance would have a different point of view if he had not traveled so much. (He has lived and worked in the UK, U.S. and Thailand for at least a year at a time). He even told me that coming to the U.S. was a huge eye-opener for him as he had a completely different idea in mind of how the U.S. would be. He was shocked when he saw run-down areas stricken with poverty and people struggling to get by.
Your husband strikes me as the type of person who is too stubborn to consider this until he's experienced it himself. I feel that you attempting to explain to him that not everyone in the U.S. is "rich" would be a waste of time as he has already decided for himself what life in the U.S. is like.
You two should not be having such bitter arguments this early in your marriage. You haven't even experienced a full year of marriage yet. What's going to happen when you actually live together? Little problems may not seem like a big deal now but they can quickly manifest into much larger problems. You already have a foundation of disagreement underneath your marriage. A simple bad habit of his that you don't like may very well be the tipping point for you. I see you drawing a line and him continuing to cross it. How many times are you going to re-draw the line? Before you know he will have the ball in his court 90% of the time with you having little to no say in everyday decision making. That may work for some time, but soon you will come to deeply resent him and at that point your marriage will reach a critical point.
You mention having kids but have you seriously considered what having kids with this man may entail? What will you both do about your careers? Will he expect you to quit your job to take care of the children? This is the medical career that you and your parents have worked so hard for it to be possible. Does your husband expect you to give all of that up, at least for a few years, so you can take on the role of a typical Indian housewife? Would he be comfortable with hiring a nanny, sending them to daycare, or having your family pick up the slack when possible? I don't see him as the type of man that would be willing to quit his job in lieu of taking on childcare responsibilities. He's much too conservative in his nature to do that. I don't mean to bring up a topic of potential conflict with your husband but this is a huge deal. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate that children complicate a weak marriage.
How is his family life? Have you observed his interactions with his mother? Does he sit back and let her take care of the housework, bringing him meals, etc.? His home life is going to be a good start to see how your future life together is going to be. What are his expectations for a wife? Does he expect you to take care of all the household duties, prepare a hot meal, and hold down a job? Or is he willing to share the responsibilities evenly? Will he wash the clothes, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, or cook dinner when he sees you exhausted and burned out? This is what you would want and expect out of him but what are his thoughts? Will he care what "the neighbors think" if they see him running the vacuum or preparing a meal?
He also needs to stop comparing your lives and to stop keeping a "tally" of all the things he's done for you versus all the things you've done for him (such as getting his passport apostilled). Marriage is not a competition to see who's done more, how many times the bathroom has been cleaned by him, or how many things you've had growing up that he didn't. Yes he is giving up a lot by moving to the U.S. but don't let him use that as ammunition against you in disagreements. Remember, he accepted that fact that sacrifices would have to be made when he decided to marry an American woman. Right now he wants it all: money, money to send to his family, and for his family to be with him as much as possible. He will realize on his own that his expectations are too high and that he was being unreasonable. Once again, he is too stubborn to understand this coming from you. He has to find out for himself.
In my opinion, it's time to be frank with him. It's harsh but he needs to realize the seriousness of his actions. Tell him honestly and truthfully that you do not like his behavior and his unwillingness to come to a neutral zone. Because of this, you are considering divorce because you cannot deal with his stubborn attitude and resistance to compromise. Do not let him manipulate you any further. If you mention divorce, he's going to get scared and start filling your head with things he thinks you want to hear. As soon as the muddy waters calm, he will again revert to his old behavior. Tell him you will not reconsider your decisions until he has made an honest effort to come to a mutual agreement on tough issues. He has to prove to you that he is willingly to modify his behavior for the sake of your marriage. Avoiding the problems by not giving you a clear answer will not suffice. He will be angry and possibly hurt but don't let that discourage you. Remember he has hurt you as well in the past. Why should you have to take more hurt to spare him his feelings? That's not fair. You deserve respect as much as he does.
I will like to end with I in no way condemn him or think that he is a bad person by any means. He is NOT a terrible man out to hurt you. You two simply have different ideas in mind for the future. It really takes two to make a marriage work, two people to disagree but also two people to give a little bit of way so that they can come to a mutual agreement. He obviously is very very attached to his parents largely because that is the way he was brought up. Have you talked to him about petitioning for his family after he becomes a citizen so they can move here permanently? That may help with some of the anguish he feels about leaving his family behind and leaving them in a potential financial bind. I would say because he is so attached to his family, you really are going to have to give a little bit of way if you want your marriage to work. I'm not saying allow them to stay in your small one bedroom apartment for 6 months but maybe you could come up with another solution. Here's one: Are you in a city where there is a significant Indian population? (5,000 + Indians) If so, many Indian families offer a sublease on month to month basis for a reasonable price. I'm sure gossiping may occur followed by thoughts of "what the neighbors think". Try to phrase in a way so they can see that they will be extremely bored in your one bedroom apartment while both you and your husband are at work. Therefore they would be more content with an Indian family to talk with and enjoy chai together rather than thinking negatively about you.
I understand the huge cultural component of this and I accept that as the way he feels. At the same time I know that I could never deal with my fiance being the same way. Our marriage could never work if he was this unwilling to compromise. You seem to be on a similar page. I truly respect you for making an honest effort to nurture your marriage. In today's modern American society where marriage is no longer sacred and its far too easy to get a divorce, I truly commend your spirit on attempting to make this work.
I truly wish you the best of luck on the path you decide.

A parent of a US citizen is an immediate relative visa category. Immediate relative visas don't allow for derivative visas. This means that no other family members can immigrate based on the same petition. You can't even group the parents together on the same petition - you need to file a separate petition for each parent.
You can file a separate petition for your sister. It will be a family preference F4 category visa. When your parents arrive in the US and become permanent residents then either of them can also file a petition for her. It would be an F2A family preference visa. The F2A has a considerably shorter wait than an F4, but they can't file the petition until they arrive in the US and become permanent residents, whereas you could file a petition for an F4 visa at the same time you file petitions for your parents. Be sure to add the extra wait time for your parents to immigrate when comparing the time it will take for both visa categories.
I don't know what your financial circumstances are, but if the filing fees aren't going to break the bank then it never hurts to have multiple petitioners file separate petitions. That way, if circumstances change that would invalidate one of the petitions then there are other petitions to fall back on. For example, if you file a petition for your sister as an F4 then it will take a long time before she'll be able to get a visa, but she'll remain eligible for that visa even if she's older than 21, and even if she's married. On the other hand, if your parents file a petition for an F2A and she turns 21 before her priority date is current then she'll convert to F2B, which means a longer wait. If she marries then the petition will be invalid - permanent residents can't petition for married children. Likewise, if a petitioning parent dies then the petition dies with them. It never hurts to have a backup plan.

Many people prefer the K1 over the CR1 because it's usually a bit faster, the up-front costs are lower (i.e., the fees before the visa is issued), and the sort of evidence needed to prove the bonafides of the relationship are different (e.g., having physically spent a few weeks together might be more believable for an engaged couple than a married couple). When you do a side-by-side comparison, the K1 has some advantages over the CR1 that are very appealing to some people.
Many people want to marry before coming to the US because they want their families involved in the wedding, and bringing their families to the US for a wedding is never going to happen.
Some people will try to game the system so that they can have their cake and eat it too. How much suspicion the CO will have depends in part on how often this happens in that particular country. My understanding is that this is or was a significant problem in India, so the CO's there look closely for it.

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. Marital troubles are never fun.
As an American of non-Indian origin engaged to an Indian man I will try to offer an outsider's perspective.
I agree with previous members who have said the source of your marital difficulties have a large cultural basis. I am quite aware of the fact that many Indian males are expected to support their parents indefinitely and also that their immediate family is often placed at a higher priority than their wives. However, his statements to you appear to be largely exaggerated for a more dramatic effect and for him to gain more sympathy from you. If it were that "urgent" he would not continue to change his mind about amounts of money, things he's said, etc... If he is so concerned about finances and sending money back home, how is he going to afford to pay for his parents to come for 6 months of every year? Sure he wants to give them the opportunity at a more comfortable life, but at what price? He should decide whether he wants to send money back home on a monthly basis or pay the expensive round trip plane fare for both his parents to come to the U.S. and this is not including visa fees, travel insurance, etc... Sending money AND paying for his parents to come every year? That's just not doable on your salary or even a combined salary.
I see this being a lack of perspective on his part. He has never been to the U.S. or any other western country for that matter so in his mind he already has a preconceived notion of what life in the U.S. is going to be like.
I guarantee my fiance would have a different point of view if he had not traveled so much. (He has lived and worked in the UK, U.S. and Thailand for at least a year at a time). He even told me that coming to the U.S. was a huge eye-opener for him as he had a completely different idea in mind of how the U.S. would be. He was shocked when he saw run-down areas stricken with poverty and people struggling to get by.
Your husband strikes me as the type of person who is too stubborn to consider this until he's experienced it himself. I feel that you attempting to explain to him that not everyone in the U.S. is "rich" would be a waste of time as he has already decided for himself what life in the U.S. is like.
You two should not be having such bitter arguments this early in your marriage. You haven't even experienced a full year of marriage yet. What's going to happen when you actually live together? Little problems may not seem like a big deal now but they can quickly manifest into much larger problems. You already have a foundation of disagreement underneath your marriage. A simple bad habit of his that you don't like may very well be the tipping point for you. I see you drawing a line and him continuing to cross it. How many times are you going to re-draw the line? Before you know he will have the ball in his court 90% of the time with you having little to no say in everyday decision making. That may work for some time, but soon you will come to deeply resent him and at that point your marriage will reach a critical point.
You mention having kids but have you seriously considered what having kids with this man may entail? What will you both do about your careers? Will he expect you to quit your job to take care of the children? This is the medical career that you and your parents have worked so hard for it to be possible. Does your husband expect you to give all of that up, at least for a few years, so you can take on the role of a typical Indian housewife? Would he be comfortable with hiring a nanny, sending them to daycare, or having your family pick up the slack when possible? I don't see him as the type of man that would be willing to quit his job in lieu of taking on childcare responsibilities. He's much too conservative in his nature to do that. I don't mean to bring up a topic of potential conflict with your husband but this is a huge deal. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate that children complicate a weak marriage.
How is his family life? Have you observed his interactions with his mother? Does he sit back and let her take care of the housework, bringing him meals, etc.? His home life is going to be a good start to see how your future life together is going to be. What are his expectations for a wife? Does he expect you to take care of all the household duties, prepare a hot meal, and hold down a job? Or is he willing to share the responsibilities evenly? Will he wash the clothes, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, or cook dinner when he sees you exhausted and burned out? This is what you would want and expect out of him but what are his thoughts? Will he care what "the neighbors think" if they see him running the vacuum or preparing a meal?
He also needs to stop comparing your lives and to stop keeping a "tally" of all the things he's done for you versus all the things you've done for him (such as getting his passport apostilled). Marriage is not a competition to see who's done more, how many times the bathroom has been cleaned by him, or how many things you've had growing up that he didn't. Yes he is giving up a lot by moving to the U.S. but don't let him use that as ammunition against you in disagreements. Remember, he accepted that fact that sacrifices would have to be made when he decided to marry an American woman. Right now he wants it all: money, money to send to his family, and for his family to be with him as much as possible. He will realize on his own that his expectations are too high and that he was being unreasonable. Once again, he is too stubborn to understand this coming from you. He has to find out for himself.
In my opinion, it's time to be frank with him. It's harsh but he needs to realize the seriousness of his actions. Tell him honestly and truthfully that you do not like his behavior and his unwillingness to come to a neutral zone. Because of this, you are considering divorce because you cannot deal with his stubborn attitude and resistance to compromise. Do not let him manipulate you any further. If you mention divorce, he's going to get scared and start filling your head with things he thinks you want to hear. As soon as the muddy waters calm, he will again revert to his old behavior. Tell him you will not reconsider your decisions until he has made an honest effort to come to a mutual agreement on tough issues. He has to prove to you that he is willingly to modify his behavior for the sake of your marriage. Avoiding the problems by not giving you a clear answer will not suffice. He will be angry and possibly hurt but don't let that discourage you. Remember he has hurt you as well in the past. Why should you have to take more hurt to spare him his feelings? That's not fair. You deserve respect as much as he does.
I will like to end with I in no way condemn him or think that he is a bad person by any means. He is NOT a terrible man out to hurt you. You two simply have different ideas in mind for the future. It really takes two to make a marriage work, two people to disagree but also two people to give a little bit of way so that they can come to a mutual agreement. He obviously is very very attached to his parents largely because that is the way he was brought up. Have you talked to him about petitioning for his family after he becomes a citizen so they can move here permanently? That may help with some of the anguish he feels about leaving his family behind and leaving them in a potential financial bind. I would say because he is so attached to his family, you really are going to have to give a little bit of way if you want your marriage to work. I'm not saying allow them to stay in your small one bedroom apartment for 6 months but maybe you could come up with another solution. Here's one: Are you in a city where there is a significant Indian population? (5,000 + Indians) If so, many Indian families offer a sublease on month to month basis for a reasonable price. I'm sure gossiping may occur followed by thoughts of "what the neighbors think". Try to phrase in a way so they can see that they will be extremely bored in your one bedroom apartment while both you and your husband are at work. Therefore they would be more content with an Indian family to talk with and enjoy chai together rather than thinking negatively about you.
I understand the huge cultural component of this and I accept that as the way he feels. At the same time I know that I could never deal with my fiance being the same way. Our marriage could never work if he was this unwilling to compromise. You seem to be on a similar page. I truly respect you for making an honest effort to nurture your marriage. In today's modern American society where marriage is no longer sacred and its far too easy to get a divorce, I truly commend your spirit on attempting to make this work.
I truly wish you the best of luck on the path you decide.

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. Marital troubles are never fun.
As an American of non-Indian origin engaged to an Indian man I will try to offer an outsider's perspective.
I agree with previous members who have said the source of your marital difficulties have a large cultural basis. I am quite aware of the fact that many Indian males are expected to support their parents indefinitely and also that their immediate family is often placed at a higher priority than their wives. However, his statements to you appear to be largely exaggerated for a more dramatic effect and for him to gain more sympathy from you. If it were that "urgent" he would not continue to change his mind about amounts of money, things he's said, etc... If he is so concerned about finances and sending money back home, how is he going to afford to pay for his parents to come for 6 months of every year? Sure he wants to give them the opportunity at a more comfortable life, but at what price? He should decide whether he wants to send money back home on a monthly basis or pay the expensive round trip plane fare for both his parents to come to the U.S. and this is not including visa fees, travel insurance, etc... Sending money AND paying for his parents to come every year? That's just not doable on your salary or even a combined salary.
I see this being a lack of perspective on his part. He has never been to the U.S. or any other western country for that matter so in his mind he already has a preconceived notion of what life in the U.S. is going to be like.
I guarantee my fiance would have a different point of view if he had not traveled so much. (He has lived and worked in the UK, U.S. and Thailand for at least a year at a time). He even told me that coming to the U.S. was a huge eye-opener for him as he had a completely different idea in mind of how the U.S. would be. He was shocked when he saw run-down areas stricken with poverty and people struggling to get by.
Your husband strikes me as the type of person who is too stubborn to consider this until he's experienced it himself. I feel that you attempting to explain to him that not everyone in the U.S. is "rich" would be a waste of time as he has already decided for himself what life in the U.S. is like.
You two should not be having such bitter arguments this early in your marriage. You haven't even experienced a full year of marriage yet. What's going to happen when you actually live together? Little problems may not seem like a big deal now but they can quickly manifest into much larger problems. You already have a foundation of disagreement underneath your marriage. A simple bad habit of his that you don't like may very well be the tipping point for you. I see you drawing a line and him continuing to cross it. How many times are you going to re-draw the line? Before you know he will have the ball in his court 90% of the time with you having little to no say in everyday decision making. That may work for some time, but soon you will come to deeply resent him and at that point your marriage will reach a critical point.
You mention having kids but have you seriously considered what having kids with this man may entail? What will you both do about your careers? Will he expect you to quit your job to take care of the children? This is the medical career that you and your parents have worked so hard for it to be possible. Does your husband expect you to give all of that up, at least for a few years, so you can take on the role of a typical Indian housewife? Would he be comfortable with hiring a nanny, sending them to daycare, or having your family pick up the slack when possible? I don't see him as the type of man that would be willing to quit his job in lieu of taking on childcare responsibilities. He's much too conservative in his nature to do that. I don't mean to bring up a topic of potential conflict with your husband but this is a huge deal. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate that children complicate a weak marriage.
How is his family life? Have you observed his interactions with his mother? Does he sit back and let her take care of the housework, bringing him meals, etc.? His home life is going to be a good start to see how your future life together is going to be. What are his expectations for a wife? Does he expect you to take care of all the household duties, prepare a hot meal, and hold down a job? Or is he willing to share the responsibilities evenly? Will he wash the clothes, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, or cook dinner when he sees you exhausted and burned out? This is what you would want and expect out of him but what are his thoughts? Will he care what "the neighbors think" if they see him running the vacuum or preparing a meal?
He also needs to stop comparing your lives and to stop keeping a "tally" of all the things he's done for you versus all the things you've done for him (such as getting his passport apostilled). Marriage is not a competition to see who's done more, how many times the bathroom has been cleaned by him, or how many things you've had growing up that he didn't. Yes he is giving up a lot by moving to the U.S. but don't let him use that as ammunition against you in disagreements. Remember, he accepted that fact that sacrifices would have to be made when he decided to marry an American woman. Right now he wants it all: money, money to send to his family, and for his family to be with him as much as possible. He will realize on his own that his expectations are too high and that he was being unreasonable. Once again, he is too stubborn to understand this coming from you. He has to find out for himself.
In my opinion, it's time to be frank with him. It's harsh but he needs to realize the seriousness of his actions. Tell him honestly and truthfully that you do not like his behavior and his unwillingness to come to a neutral zone. Because of this, you are considering divorce because you cannot deal with his stubborn attitude and resistance to compromise. Do not let him manipulate you any further. If you mention divorce, he's going to get scared and start filling your head with things he thinks you want to hear. As soon as the muddy waters calm, he will again revert to his old behavior. Tell him you will not reconsider your decisions until he has made an honest effort to come to a mutual agreement on tough issues. He has to prove to you that he is willingly to modify his behavior for the sake of your marriage. Avoiding the problems by not giving you a clear answer will not suffice. He will be angry and possibly hurt but don't let that discourage you. Remember he has hurt you as well in the past. Why should you have to take more hurt to spare him his feelings? That's not fair. You deserve respect as much as he does.
I will like to end with I in no way condemn him or think that he is a bad person by any means. He is NOT a terrible man out to hurt you. You two simply have different ideas in mind for the future. It really takes two to make a marriage work, two people to disagree but also two people to give a little bit of way so that they can come to a mutual agreement. He obviously is very very attached to his parents largely because that is the way he was brought up. Have you talked to him about petitioning for his family after he becomes a citizen so they can move here permanently? That may help with some of the anguish he feels about leaving his family behind and leaving them in a potential financial bind. I would say because he is so attached to his family, you really are going to have to give a little bit of way if you want your marriage to work. I'm not saying allow them to stay in your small one bedroom apartment for 6 months but maybe you could come up with another solution. Here's one: Are you in a city where there is a significant Indian population? (5,000 + Indians) If so, many Indian families offer a sublease on month to month basis for a reasonable price. I'm sure gossiping may occur followed by thoughts of "what the neighbors think". Try to phrase in a way so they can see that they will be extremely bored in your one bedroom apartment while both you and your husband are at work. Therefore they would be more content with an Indian family to talk with and enjoy chai together rather than thinking negatively about you.
I understand the huge cultural component of this and I accept that as the way he feels. At the same time I know that I could never deal with my fiance being the same way. Our marriage could never work if he was this unwilling to compromise. You seem to be on a similar page. I truly respect you for making an honest effort to nurture your marriage. In today's modern American society where marriage is no longer sacred and its far too easy to get a divorce, I truly commend your spirit on attempting to make this work.
I truly wish you the best of luck on the path you decide.

She doesnt waste her day trying to achieve as many posts as possible to get a higher rating.