Moroccan divorced

[JeanneAdil 6,217]

1 minute ago, Kissablestyles said:

Does it help if I tell you I spoke to his now ex wife? I'm an open book I can tell you anything that would help with your suggestion.

Why the ex wife?  Never going to get things truthfully

 

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

Why the ex wife?  Never going to get things truthfully

 

Because she's the source. I heard his story and hers was the same. She was married 5x and looking for a younger guy, he was looking to get out of Morocco. She didn't say anything bad about him except one thing. That is what I am scared for. She told him she wanted a divorce and I think thats when he punched her. He says he didn't, she removed the charges but he still had to pay a citation. 

 

She thought she would keep him home, take away the internet, she didn't trust him. After he got the card he left her or she kicked him out. Either way it's not the truth it's just her story and his. The truth will never be known.

[JeanneAdil 6,217]

Not going to talk you into or out of this

It's your decision

you can see problems  

Can you live with them?

and raising a child alone is better than raising one with an abusive man /just my opinion

 

 

I happen to have a good one

but i know of many who come for the green card and divorce/  like many 

American marriage that don't make it because they know very little about the people they marry and/or how to manage money

Edited January 5, 2021 by JeanneAdil

[Kissablestyles 1]

1 minute ago, JeanneAdil said:

Not going to talk you into or out of this

It's your decision

you can see problems  

Can you live with them?

and raising a child alone is better than raising one with an abusive man /just my opinion

I agree, she did say he was emotionally abusive but she was also a severe alcoholic and she never denied that. What would make a muslim want to marry a 20 year older woman who can't have children ? My Theory is he was bad in his country and his parent would rather see him go be with an American to help raise and teach him right then let him live selling Hashish and being on the street.

[milimelo 4,226]

13 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

I'm just afraid of raising a child on my own. I do not have the help from family which is why I waited this long to find a right partner. The problem is I don't think anyone is "right" it's what you are willing to deal with. I couldn't imagine doing it on my own. Sure friends and I joke about sperm clinics and honestly thought about it but it's not my faith, beliefs, or anything else other than wanting a child to be set up to live a good life with both parents. Which is why I feel I need more time to know him. To see what his agenda holds, and what his plans are with me. I think maybe I should tell him if he is serious we can not have sex until we are married and that will be that.

And you think this guy will help raise a child??? Move on while you can, sounds like you dodged a bullet. 

[Adventine 3,187]

24 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

Yep, because I decided to slow things down break it off and become friends, he went psycho calling me names, saying all American women are the same, I was just like his ex wife, and he sees why my ex's broke up with me. He truly hopes I find the help I need stuff like that....

Sounds like gaslighting and an abusive relationship to me. Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into thinking you're the problem, and not him.

Edited January 5, 2021 by Adventine

[JeanneAdil 6,217]

10 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

I did and he played it off like he's emotional because he quit smoking (I told him I don't like it) and partly because I broke it off with him. What does any rejected man do when they are being rejected? I would assume it's a natural reaction

So . play it off yourself and run the other way

not emotional just protecting yourself 

better to stop now than have to run to a shelter later 

[Kissablestyles 1]

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

So . play it off yourself and run the other way

not emotional just protecting yourself 

better to stop now than have to run to a shelter later 

Thank you guys so much for your advice. I really do appreciate it and really nothing else is out there on multi cultural relationships. I didn't want to be the one person who comes on bashing or saying things but I couldn't find anything else out there

[JeanneAdil 6,217]

7 minutes ago, Kissablestyles said:

I agree, she did say he was emotionally abusive but she was also a severe alcoholic and she never denied that. What would make a muslim want to marry a 20 year older woman who can't have children ? My Theory is he was bad in his country and his parent would rather see him go be with an American to help raise and teach him right then let him live selling Hashish and being on the street.

Well i am an older woman 

but don't drink alcohol

and if she does and he smokes weed /  their abuse of these drugs was the attraction

 

anyway,  some of us are for real and some aren't

[Beth & Achraf 328]

Run, fast and don't look back,   he has already shown you his true side, & he  hits a woman.      Don't be any mans door mat or punching bag!!

 

 

[dzmichellebkt 22]

On 1/4/2021 at 9:56 PM, Kissablestyles said:

I did and he played it off like he's emotional because he quit smoking (I told him I don't like it) and partly because I broke it off with him. What does any rejected man do when they are being rejected? I would assume it's a natural reaction

The difference is, you're dealing with a man from another culture, mindset, religion, etc... Islam does not every condone any type of abuse towards women. It's a natural reaction to what most women are used to but someone who is mature and has self dignity wouldn't act like this. What you tolerate now will set the bar later for when issues arise. 

 

Plus what's he going to do during Ramadan when he can't smoke? 

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

Are you dating my ex????

 

Ha ha haha

 

 

[Kissablestyles 1]

4 hours ago, Shoot Em Straight said:

Are you dating my ex????

 

Ha ha haha

not anymore lol. I'd rather be single than constantly have to worry if my husband is going to cheat or leave me for a someone of their homeland. Don't get me wrong, I do think the few people on here do break the mold with statistics but actually being with someone from another country before, most of the people from what I have seen are extraordinarily patriotic to their homeland (which is great by the way!). Sometimes that patriotcy can go as far as and including marriages. That was my biggest concern. It will always be as long as these countries  less advanced than the US continue to follow these belief systems. It's a good bet if you think about it too, in the end, what always happens, they marry of their faith and culture. I did my research, unfortunately some other countries don't publish the statistics, but every scholarly article I've read, every forum I've looked up, everyone says the same thing. 

Yeah do I think people break that mold, sure. I bet it's far and few between like most on here. Dating American men is hard enough, why add to that with dating someone from another country who's parents have such influence on the patriarch's of the family and the constant reassurance that a "wife" from "your country" would be better than an American because we hit men here, and we're too liberal. <---that being said by 2 men from 2 totally different countries. 

4 hours ago, Shoot Em Straight said:

 

 

[JeanneAdil 6,217]

On 1/4/2021 at 9:26 PM, RJandHamid said:

I guess I'm not really understanding your question/post. I'm married to a Moroccan man, and while he fits some of the cultural stereotypes that we often see on these forums, not all Moroccan people are the same. You don't need to covert if you don't want to, there are plenty of Muslims who are married to non-muslims. Yes, many Moroccans will send money home, because the US dollar can go very far in Morocco, and he probably wants to provide a more comfortable life for his parents/family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as the terms of the amount and frequency of money sent are discussed and agreed on by the couple. Not really sure what you are talking about regarding family shame. It sounds like you are looking to confirm any possible suspicions or fears you may have, which unfortunately we can't really help you with because we don't really know the full situation.

 

He can remove conditions on his green card and even potentially become a US citizen all on his own. You won't really be able to "help" him in this regard. Maybe take a little more time getting to know this man, and definitely take your time deciding if you really want to convert or not. Don't convert just to please another person.

Like RJand Hamid

I, too, am married to a muslim and when he asked me to marry ,  I said "do i have to convert"    no,  in Morocco a Muslim man can marry Christian or Jewish woman

But reason i accepted the proposal besides "being in love" was the way he treated all the women in his family

when they needed him (or his brothers ) to do anything,   they jump and do it  /  they don't say "when i finish this TV show"  , etc

 

and Adil worked and handed over his money to his Aunt and she controlled and paid household expenses for the family

 

and i knew when we married that helping his mom would be part of what is  expected in that society /still Moroccans think "have lots of kids to care for me in my old age" 

 

but OP u do ot have to put up with abuse / it will not just go away 

[Beth & Achraf 328]

I still stand by what I say, be no mans punching bag!!!!  and let No Man control you or your heart.

 

Take care and best wishes.

 

Beth