An odd CFO meeting?

[Balamban 113]

My fiancee (with the help of many here) made an appointment for 8AM in Cebu City.  For some reason she was sent outside and told to come back at 2PM which she did.

 

Her meeting lasted almost two hours.  Clearly she enjoyed the meeting and liked the woman who "was a Filipina who had lived in Germany."  I'm twice my fiancee's age and am divorced, so I understand the matronly concern and think that wise.  This is not a complaint.

The part that bothers me was my fiancee was told various illogical terror stories.  "One Filipina came back to visit her family and her Green Card expired and three months later she was thrilled to receive a communication that she thought was her new Green Card--but it wasn't it was a notice that she had been divorced."  This bothers me on many levels.  In any state in the US (note: divorce laws are ruled by state law) notice of divorce proceedings must be proven.  Even if a one in a married couple decided to "get rid" of their spouse by getting that person somehow go and visit in such a way that the Green Card expired (it's possible if the immigrant spouse makes no effort to understand the law) and then the USA spouse files on the basis of abandonment (which would be granted if notice was served and no response occurred) then the spouse in the Philippines would never obtain any notice.  IF notice of divorce did somehow occur, and the Philippine immigrant notified the Court that they were never notified such a divorce would always be overturned.  It would not necessarily "stop" divorce proceedings, but it would require a new set of proceedings with representation by the Immigrant spouse.  My opinion: If such a story would occur and the now in the Philippines spouse did not show up, if I were a Judge I would slam that fellow so hard (because he broke the law by telling the court she had been notified when in fact she had not) he'l likely find alimony/support payments of 75% of his income.  The story, as it was told, makes no sense and seems very strange to me.

 

Then another "terror" story about the German who married a Filipina, and get this "he had been divorced nine times, and nobody knew?"  Impossible.  Divorce records are searchable and as USCIS does research so do the German equivalent.  It is not possible to hide even one divorce much less 9--absurd.

 

These stories are not real. 

 

I have no issue at all with the CFO and think they are a good thing--domestic violence is, and has always been an issue and at least in the USA today, there is zero tolerance, as it should be.  But to tell either seriously warped or made-up stories?

 

My fiancee also was given a multi-page questionnaire that she is required to fill out and return to the CFO within "two weeks to three months."  I have not read it nor asked what's on it for I really don't care.

 

Is this strange?   Note I"m not complaining about the CFO because even though it took a full 8 hours from the time her appointment was (8AM) to 4PM she seemed happy with the class.  Papa, waiting outside for 8 hours, I'm sure was not happy. 

 

Now it's: get a bit of dental work done (which I fear might involve a molar extraction) in which case I think it unwise to fly for the week after, so I'll wait till tomorrow to see if the tooth was fixable or must be extracted and buy a ticket.   Woo woo... thank you all here for so much useful advice over the past year!  I might have completed the process without the wise folk here at VJ but you all made it so much easier!

 

Now with that questionnaire hovering over my head I'll have to treat her like a Princess... but then I would have anyway.

 

Thoughts?

And no, for all will wonder.  I have no axe murder history, no history of domestic abuse, nor any criminal history or drug, or alcohol abuse,--not even a parking ticket in the post 30 years, and I'm a licensed RN in two states.  Squeaky clean, I am.

Edited April 22, 2018 by Balamban

[Greenbaum 12,259]

So in the end she got the CFO certificate placed inside her passport? After reading your long story I was still without the answer to that question.

[Balamban 113]

Sorry about that, yes stamped oh so very clearly with a smile and a "good luck."  Clearly the MRO took her job seriously.  Yes, we are good to go.  And yes, it was long, such is my nature, but the details might be useful to someone here thus my sharing it.  Sorry I hurt your eyes Greenbaum....

Edited April 22, 2018 by Balamban

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

They will make up any story to fit their agenda at CFO.

 

CFO is a joke and only there to give a job to someone and to extract some more money from someone leaving the country, just like the tax people have to pay in Philippines just to leave their own country.

 

Just another song and dance you must do in Philippines, the people are too conditioned to put their foot down and all CFO a money making scheme.

 

They are conditioned to "Fall In Line",  "Never question authority" and do what you are told.

[SB5130 88]

4 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

They are conditioned to "Fall In Line",  "Never question authority" and do what you are told.

haha. This is funny. True. We, filipinos know better. Complaining and Questioning Authorities will only lead nowhere. You can complain all you want. But complains will never be heard and things will never be done. 

[SB5130 88]

4 hours ago, Balamban said:

My fiancee also was given a multi-page questionnaire that she is required to fill out and return to the CFO within "two weeks to three months."  I have not read it nor asked what's on it for I really don't care.

This was meant to be filled up by the Filipino immigrant after moving. Just a survey of how they are doing. Is their living conditions good and what are the major adjustments they are going through after moving. I never bothered sending my survey back and it hit the trash soonest I got my CFO certificate. 

 

I could understand the intent of the survey. A lot of Filipinos have never been to U.S. and have never seen their fiances/spouses living condition prior to moving. And it's Philippines, majority assumes all foreigners are rich only to be surprised with the realities in U.S. 

 

I don't know how your fiancee's seminar was delivered. How things are interpreted will always be subjective. But, I'd say I wasn't surprised. CFO always tells horror stories not to terrorized you but to tell you what are your options in case you face the same issues. (It tells you of VAWA too and so don't get surprised if there are quite a number of filipinas in this forum going for self petition on the basis of VAWA).

 

It's a reality. Some decided to get married with just 7days of being together physically and later on realized that they didnt fully know their fiancee until the move. There will be adjustments both for the petitioner and the beneficiary. It will be more difficult for the beneficiary though because they will be the one moving. 

[Hank_ 9,174]

4 hours ago, Balamban said:

My fiancee (with the help of many here) made an appointment for 8AM in Cebu City.  For some reason she was sent outside and told to come back at 2PM which she did.

 

Her meeting lasted almost two hours.  Clearly she enjoyed the meeting and liked the woman who "was a Filipina who had lived in Germany."  I'm twice my fiancee's age and am divorced, so I understand the matronly concern and think that wise.  This is not a complaint.

The part that bothers me was my fiancee was told various illogical terror stories.  "One Filipina came back to visit her family and her Green Card expired and three months later she was thrilled to receive a communication that she thought was her new Green Card--but it wasn't it was a notice that she had been divorced."  This bothers me on many levels.  In any state in the US (note: divorce laws are ruled by state law) notice of divorce proceedings must be proven.  Even if a one in a married couple decided to "get rid" of their spouse by getting that person somehow go and visit in such a way that the Green Card expired (it's possible if the immigrant spouse makes no effort to understand the law) and then the USA spouse files on the basis of abandonment (which would be granted if notice was served and no response occurred) then the spouse in the Philippines would never obtain any notice.  IF notice of divorce did somehow occur, and the Philippine immigrant notified the Court that they were never notified such a divorce would always be overturned.  It would not necessarily "stop" divorce proceedings, but it would require a new set of proceedings with representation by the Immigrant spouse.  My opinion: If such a story would occur and the now in the Philippines spouse did not show up, if I were a Judge I would slam that fellow so hard (because he broke the law by telling the court she had been notified when in fact she had not) he'l likely find alimony/support payments of 75% of his income.  The story, as it was told, makes no sense and seems very strange to me.

 

Then another "terror" story about the German who married a Filipina, and get this "he had been divorced nine times, and nobody knew?"  Impossible.  Divorce records are searchable and as USCIS does research so do the German equivalent.  It is not possible to hide even one divorce much less 9--absurd.

 

These stories are not real. 

 

I have no issue at all with the CFO and think they are a good thing--domestic violence is, and has always been an issue and at least in the USA today, there is zero tolerance, as it should be.  But to tell either seriously warped or made-up stories?

 

My fiancee also was given a multi-page questionnaire that she is required to fill out and return to the CFO within "two weeks to three months."  I have not read it nor asked what's on it for I really don't care.

 

Is this strange?   Note I"m not complaining about the CFO because even though it took a full 8 hours from the time her appointment was (8AM) to 4PM she seemed happy with the class.  Papa, waiting outside for 8 hours, I'm sure was not happy. 

 

Now it's: get a bit of dental work done (which I fear might involve a molar extraction) in which case I think it unwise to fly for the week after, so I'll wait till tomorrow to see if the tooth was fixable or must be extracted and buy a ticket.   Woo woo... thank you all here for so much useful advice over the past year!  I might have completed the process without the wise folk here at VJ but you all made it so much easier!

 

Now with that questionnaire hovering over my head I'll have to treat her like a Princess... but then I would have anyway.

 

Thoughts?

And no, for all will wonder.  I have no axe murder history, no history of domestic abuse, nor any criminal history or drug, or alcohol abuse,--not even a parking ticket in the post 30 years, and I'm a licensed RN in two states.  Squeaky clean, I am.

 

4 hours ago, Balamban said:

Sorry about that, yes stamped oh so very clearly with a smile and a "good luck."  Clearly the MRO took her job seriously.  Yes, we are good to go.  And yes, it was long, such is my nature, but the details might be useful to someone here thus my sharing it.  Sorry I hurt your eyes Greenbaum....

 

All that woman needed was a campfire and a beer .. isn't that where ya tell "scary stories"  ...  ?    

 

Questionnaire hanging over your head?    To be returned in two week to three months ... or never .. as in circle file it??     Your fiancee has her certificate, and sticker in her passport?   Then CFO is just fading headlights in the review mirror.

 

Obviously this woman at CFO was on uppers or worse...   

[Balamban 113]

7 hours ago, Chris Duffy said:

They will make up any story to fit their agenda at CFO.

 

CFO is a joke and only there to give a job to someone and to extract some more money from someone leaving the country, just like the tax people have to pay in Philippines just to leave their own country.

 

Just another song and dance you must do in Philippines, the people are too conditioned to put their foot down and all CFO a money making scheme.

 

They are conditioned to "Fall In Line",  "Never question authority" and do what you are told.

 

You mean that the Philippine people are being conditioned just as most in America already are?

 

The corruption there is tangible, and sometimes so petty.   Now, in America even before you cry the first time (as a newborn) you are deep, deeply in debt...this from usdebtclock.org 

 

 

America "was" the holy grail...not so much these days... our corruption is simply better hidden than that of the Philippines.

 

[Balamban 113]

3 hours ago, SB5130 said:

This was meant to be filled up by the Filipino immigrant after moving. Just a survey of how they are doing. Is their living conditions good and what are the major adjustments they are going through after moving. I never bothered sending my survey back and it hit the trash soonest I got my CFO certificate. 

 

I could understand the intent of the survey. A lot of Filipinos have never been to U.S. and have never seen their fiances/spouses living condition prior to moving. And it's Philippines, majority assumes all foreigners are rich only to be surprised with the realities in U.S. 

 

I don't know how your fiancee's seminar was delivered. How things are interpreted will always be subjective. But, I'd say I wasn't surprised. CFO always tells horror stories not to terrorized you but to tell you what are your options in case you face the same issues. (It tells you of VAWA too and so don't get surprised if there are quite a number of filipinas in this forum going for self petition on the basis of VAWA).

 

It's a reality. Some decided to get married with just 7days of being together physically and later on realized that they didnt fully know their fiancee until the move. There will be adjustments both for the petitioner and the beneficiary. It will be more difficult for the beneficiary though because they will be the one moving. 

VAWA is, these days, (my opinion only) a very good thing.  Around 2009 a study was done and USCIS found that tens of thousands of mostly Russian block, mostly ladies (but also some mid-Eastern male) severely abused the system.  From what I understand these days USCIS now requires that there be some history, police reports, shelter reports, medical/doctor/psych notes, even neighbor notes.  I've heard that most of the abuses have stopped and that's a good thing all-around.

 

My fiancee was concerned, there was no doubt about that.  But there can be absolutely no "9 unknown divorces," not with centralized record-keeping.  I did confess about my 7 "hidden divorces," and explained that the one axe murder victim really, really deserved it.... she seemed to understand....

[John & Rose 7,239]

3 hours ago, Balamban said:

VAWA is, these days, (my opinion only) a very good thing.  Around 2009 a study was done and USCIS found that tens of thousands of mostly Russian block, mostly ladies (but also some mid-Eastern male) severely abused the system.  From what I understand these days USCIS now requires that there be some history, police reports, shelter reports, medical/doctor/psych notes, even neighbor notes.  I've heard that most of the abuses have stopped and that's a good thing all-around.

 

My fiancee was concerned, there was no doubt about that.  But there can be absolutely no "9 unknown divorces," not with centralized record-keeping.  I did confess about my 7 "hidden divorces," and explained that the one axe murder victim really, really deserved it.... she seemed to understand....

Sometimes those women need to be taught a lesson!!!  LOL

Edited April 23, 2018 by John & Rose

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

7 hours ago, Balamban said:

VAWA is, these days, (my opinion only) a very good thing. 

 I think VAWA is probably abused more than it is used correctly, it is basically a way for a person to come to USA and be able to adjust.

 

From my understanding USCIS will never disclose to the Petitioner what was filed for a VAWA, and this to me is wrong

[Jemilyn 159]

Well when i had my cfo counselling it creeps me out really ( coz the counsellor tell us some stories about domestic violence) i trust my fiancé and i love him and i know he will not do it to me... I realised after the attending cfo counselling they are just caring Filipina that will going to marry a foreigner and they want us to realise how big responsibilities we will face once we get married 😊 all in all they are just doing their job.... 

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

it's just another gate to through, no sense to complain or argue. If it prevents one person from being abused it served it's purpose, it's relatively cheap in the greater scheme of things and is more time consuming than money consuming

[lierre 224]

The way it’s delivered is obviously questionable. But, I’d rather have a “seminar” that teaches people about VAWA and how to not be victimized, than nothing at all.

 

i remember my biggest takeaway from CFO was that I should talk about finances with my new husband. That I should sort that out and make sure I have a say in it. And we did, and that has prevented a whole lot of confusion about money in our 6 years of marriage.

 

But then again, CFO is merely a harm reductive measure. I’m not deluded that it’s perfect. Real change to stop trafficking and abuse needs to go beyond just the relationship level. And attending CFO is not gonna stop abusive people from abusing Filipinos.

 

 

[Chris Duffy 1,257]

2 hours ago, ivyanddan said:

i remember my biggest takeaway from CFO was that I should talk about finances with my new husband. That I should sort that out and make sure I have a say in it. And we did, and that has prevented a whole lot of confusion about money in our 6 years of marriage.

 

That's kinda odd. 

 

I don't discuss money with my wife or finances.  I have one joint account with her that we started as soon as she got her for immigration and AOS paperwork. She doesn't have access to any of my bank accounts.  She has her own checking account where she keeps her money she earns in, I told her I don't want to be a signer on her account.

 

I have purchased my wife 2 cars since she has been here for 3 years, I don't discuss it with her,  I am the man as head of the household it is my decision and duty to control the finances.