Are you okay with your SO keeping old love letters from an ex?

[jundp 191]

Hehe, yes we are lucky, but I guess that is part of a good relationship, loving each other for your good qualities and putting up with each other for the rest

Btw, jundp, I see you're new to VJ, so welcome!

Karoline

Thank you. I really should be doing work, but I spend a lot of time reading guides and checking out timelines here so I know what I'm getting myself into, paperwork wise ;-)

[Blues Fairy 0]

I guess it depends on the content of the letters. Simple "love you miss you" kind of stuff is probably not worth keeping. But what about letters of high literary quality? I would never throw away the letters from my first boyfriend, because he was such a good writer, with perfect sense of style. In fact all of my best relationships started with long literary correspondences - this history is too precious, it's about me and the people who were my friends before they became my lovers - and many of whom are still my friends. It is indeed insecure and childish to resent your SO keeping memory of someone who was close to him - not just romantically but perhaps intellectually, emotionally - as a good friend, not just a lover. You'd be depriving him of an important part of his past, which surely contributed to what he is now.

[homesick_american 1]

I have a box of letters from my high school boyfriend who is now a prominent architect and is still a brilliant artist. I figure if he ever becomes famous they might be worth something. I didn't bring them with me to England, though; they're in a box in my old closet at my parents' house.

[Alex+R 0]

I have a box of letters from my high school boyfriend who is now a prominent architect and is still a brilliant artist. I figure if he ever becomes famous they might be worth something. I didn't bring them with me to England, though; they're in a box in my old closet at my parents' house.

Hmmm good point... my first boyfriend is a very gifted cellist... maybe I can sell our correspondence one day... hehehe that would be terrible

[chri'stina 190]

Really, we did not face this issue. I just had one short term BF years and years ago, and that didn't really involve love letters anyway. If I had anything from that person, I probably got rid of it soon after "breaking up"(haha so silly, so young).

It's not really common in India to have girlfriends/boyfriends before marriage, except maybe nowadays it's getting more common over there, but Sujeet did not have any love letters.

If he did have some, I would not want him to keep them. If I had some, he would not want me to keep them. I wouldn't see the point of keeping them.

[Mags 112]

I am not bothered by anything that my hubby may have that is to do with any of his ex-girlfriends. I am secure enough in my relationship to not feel threatened by stuff like that. But, everyone's different, so I guess I'm in the minority with that feeling!

I shipped over tonnes of photos when I moved over, many of my son's father. I'm not keeping them for me, however, I am keeping them for my son. I haven't looked at them properly for years. My hubby doesn't feel threatened by them being here, they are part of my past that I am keeping for my son's future.

[Fandango 1,439]

I shipped over tonnes of photos when I moved over, many of my son's father. I'm not keeping them for me, however, I am keeping them for my son. I haven't looked at them properly for years. My hubby doesn't feel threatened by them being here, they are part of my past that I am keeping for my son's future.

That's a different story altogether tho

[derekkj 0]

I shipped over tonnes of photos when I moved over, many of my son's father. I'm not keeping them for me, however, I am keeping them for my son. I haven't looked at them properly for years. My hubby doesn't feel threatened by them being here, they are part of my past that I am keeping for my son's future.

That's a different story altogether tho

Yup. For some reason my ex had the wedding album for his wife's first marriage long after she had died. It didn't bother me in the least that he had it, though I thought it strange that he had not passed it along to his step-children since it was their parents. The marriage might not have lasted, but it's their history never the less. So I suggested that they might like to have it and they were thrilled.

As for me, I have a few photos and letters from other exes. They are part of my history, who I was, and thankfully how far I have come. I figure when I am old and grey they will be a hoot to read!

[homesick_american 1]

I have a box of letters from my high school boyfriend who is now a prominent architect and is still a brilliant artist. I figure if he ever becomes famous they might be worth something. I didn't bring them with me to England, though; they're in a box in my old closet at my parents' house.

Hmmm good point... my first boyfriend is a very gifted cellist... maybe I can sell our correspondence one day... hehehe that would be terrible

Oh, I'd never sell them; I was only kidding about that. The artwork in them is exquisite; the guy is incredibly talented. When he was in high school he used to paint the windows at the mall at Christmas. If anyone used to visit the Galleria in Dallas in 1990-1991, my HS boyfriend did those. He was a sweet guy (still is), and we do talk to each other from time to time.

[Alex+R 0]

I have a box of letters from my high school boyfriend who is now a prominent architect and is still a brilliant artist. I figure if he ever becomes famous they might be worth something. I didn't bring them with me to England, though; they're in a box in my old closet at my parents' house.

Hmmm good point... my first boyfriend is a very gifted cellist... maybe I can sell our correspondence one day... hehehe that would be terrible

Oh, I'd never sell them; I was only kidding about that. The artwork in them is exquisite; the guy is incredibly talented. When he was in high school he used to paint the windows at the mall at Christmas. If anyone used to visit the Galleria in Dallas in 1990-1991, my HS boyfriend did those. He was a sweet guy (still is), and we do talk to each other from time to time.

I was kidding too! Besides, no matter how successful he is, I doubt someone is going to want to read his "omg i miss u" emails from 18 years of age. We are still really good friends anyway.

[waiting for her 0]

What happened in my SO's life before me does not matter. It's the present that matters. There are some caveats. A few years ago, I was at the house of my then girlfriend's mother. She had been married for a few years more than 20 years ago. Her mother still had his pictures on the wall. That felt a little strange (we had been together more than a year).

Another time, we're at the mall and a boyfriend of hers from about 15 years prior passes us on the escalator going the other way. Got a strange vibe from the way they greeted each other.

This isn't exactly the question asked, but there is a place for everything. I see nothing wrong with keeping the old stuff, but.......

Some time later, my SO and I are having dinner on the deck. She tells me her old boyfriend (with whom she had had very little contact for many years) is in the hospital and she wants to go see him. REAL bad vibe.

We break up a while later, I go to a friend's wedding and......my ex-SO is there with the old boyfriend.

Moral of the story: old stuff is not a problem unless the SO sends you some bad vibes.

[TracyLuis 0]

Out of respect for the SO, letters, photos and other memorabilia should be promptly disposed of.

That's what I did...all of it, in the trash!

[Knobby_Wheezer 0]

My SO has tons of stuff from his ex. They were married for 15 years and had children! He doesn't keep pictures of her, per se: his son does in his room. She's his mother.

I have the very last card/letter (letter came inside the card) from my 3rd last BF. I keep it as a lesson on how to remember not to be duped.

From each of these people, my SO and I each have a material object that is not likely to be replaced until a better version can be obtained. My SO has a rice cooker from when he lived with his ex. He has tried out other rice cookers since and they really suck compared to this particular one. I have a sewing machine from the 3rd last boyfriend. Too long a story as to how I ended up with the thing, but I don't see the point in replacing it now until there's a good deal on a better model. (Unfortunately, the good deal on the better model is part of the problem of how I ended up with the thing).

So, I voted yes, it's okay with me. With us, there usually is a point behind each thing that is kept no matter its origin.

[Nikita2Charles 31]

BYGONE Be BYGONE

I made sure to get rid off any thing that would make my wife unconfortable, and even with the best intention and the best cleaning, there are stuff that still manage to fall in the crack, as long as your partner knows you are the ONLY person that means the world to you. They know you had a past and not reminiscence that past it should be ok.

[raymaga 25]

My husband and his ex-wife talk at least once a week and there's no problem whatsoever with that. It is usually due to situations with their daughter and she also gets us all our paint free and we are currently repainting the whole house. I personally really like his ex-wife and her and her new husband even came to our house-warming party.

If he was keeping love letters from her, that would be a totally different subject.