Cheating & Deleting VJ Account

[Private Skylark 0]

All bought, I paid for it.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

is it refundable M.

[Private Skylark 0]

Yes, but I'd lose 70% =/

I've told him, as I've said above, that he's got 1 month to prove himself to me. If he can do it and I feel myself starting to forgive his mistake and trusting him again then I'll go over and we will start our relationship anew from then on. If he can't prove that he's sorry, will never do it again etc etc, then he has promised to pay me back 100% for the plane tickets and we will go our separate ways. He seems quite adamant to prove himself to me and has already booked his appt to go see his therapist. It may not sound like a lot to people here, but I know it is one of the hardest things for him to do, so already I can see a change. I guess we'll just have to wait and see really. I'm being careful, and, as I've also said above, a wedding is now off the plans for the foreseeable future.

And I guess I also have to change my sig o.o;

Edited April 10, 2007 by Private Skylark

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Awww...really am sorry for what you're going through, but I think you're approaching things very rationally. This is *such* an important step, and as others have said, life changing for you on so many levels...so don't rush it whatever you do. Best of luck to you.... M.

[rebeccajo 14]

Personally, I wouldn't go. He'd have to fly over to me.

And....I probably wouldn't consider moving to America. If he wants a new life, maybe he should make one over there.

[Jasman0717 8]

if serious just contact ewok

Sorry to hear of your situation

[isleta521 5]

Skylark,

Just sorry to hear what you are going through. As Becca said, make him come visit you but even then maybe let some time go by first. Even if the ticket is 100% non refundable, I think that you are much better off NOT going to see him at this time - just my two cents but I know it really hurts now. This is the person that is supposed to love and support you through ALL of lifes bounces and changes.

Good luck with whatever you do and never feel embarrased and always hold your head up high.

[Ban Hammer 12,861]

Personally, I wouldn't go. He'd have to fly over to me.

And....I probably wouldn't consider moving to America. If he wants a new life, maybe he should make one over there.

agreed - and i think she's wasting her time anyways due to he's already shown what he's made of.

[babybunny 2]

Yes, but I'd lose 70% =/

I've told him, as I've said above, that he's got 1 month to prove himself to me. If he can do it and I feel myself starting to forgive his mistake and trusting him again then I'll go over and we will start our relationship anew from then on. If he can't prove that he's sorry, will never do it again etc etc, then he has promised to pay me back 100% for the plane tickets and we will go our separate ways. He seems quite adamant to prove himself to me and has already booked his appt to go see his therapist. It may not sound like a lot to people here, but I know it is one of the hardest things for him to do, so already I can see a change. I guess we'll just have to wait and see really. I'm being careful, and, as I've also said above, a wedding is now off the plans for the foreseeable future.

And I guess I also have to change my sig o.o;

if the tickets are not used.. apply the diffrence to another ticket and maybe go to some place with your friends. you have a year to use them. however, in the event of weather your tickets maybe refundable.

[Caladan 19]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

My opinion? Don't let the chat room door hit him in his cyberass. Your relationship is primarily online. That can be completely genuine -- many people meet that way, C. and I included -- but it is very very very hard to repair a broken relationship from a long way away. It's hard to repair a breach as big as cheating when couples are married, adult, have kids, and have counselling and an entire support network of family and friends.

Maybe you can repair it. But I wouldn't lay odds on it. You're 19. He's a young guy with a mental illness that is either giving him poor impulse control or an easy excuse for screwing up. You can do so much better.

I wouldn't give him a minute, let alone a month.

[CarolineM 0]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

My opinion? Don't let the chat room door hit him in his cyberass. Your relationship is primarily online. That can be completely genuine -- many people meet that way, C. and I included -- but it is very very very hard to repair a broken relationship from a long way away. It's hard to repair a breach as big as cheating when couples are married, adult, have kids, and have counselling and an entire support network of family and friends.

Maybe you can repair it. But I wouldn't lay odds on it. You're 19. He's a young guy with a mental illness that is either giving him poor impulse control or an easy excuse for screwing up. You can do so much better.

I wouldn't give him a minute, let alone a month.

VERY sage advice. I met a guy online once...and he cheated on me AGAIN AND AGAIN online...of course he did meet some of the IRL - but the point is, after he did it ONCe I was always so suspicious. I had forgiven him but a part of me honestly NEVER let it go. I'd always be wondering what he was doing online...at work, at home...it's really hard to rebuild the trust, IMHO.

I think Caladan's post really sums it up well.

[sereia 0]

here's my very blunt answer. sorry if i offend anyone (especially those of you who are bi-polar) this is just my experience and is not directed at any of you. i know each case is different but i am saying my opinion purely based on my experiences.

there is history of bi-polar and other mental illnesses in my family. and i briefly dated a man who was bi-polar before. and my advice? run for your life. unless he really has it under control and takes his meds i would seriously get out of this while you can. for that reason alone! AND you have him cheating on top of it? AND you are the one who's supposed to fly there? IF i was going to try to work it out i would definitely make him come to you. and he needs to show you for more than one month that he has changed. but really, i would move on if i were you. can you ever trust him again? or will you always be suspicious of what he does? the k-1 process takes quite a while. can you feel confident he won't be looking for other women in the meantime? what about when you are married? you need to trust this man if you want to spend your life with him. and being bi-polar is no joke. most people i've read about and know refuse to take their medications and see a therapist. they are very, very hard to live with. my entire family life was turned upside down because of this disease.

anyway, good luck with your decision. i know its hard to let go of someone you love and had such high hopes for. i wish you the best in your future!

Edited April 10, 2007 by abdounjen

[Nikita2Charles 31]

Once that trust is broken it will take awhile to get it back, I wouldn't visit him now try to see if you can postpone the ticket to another day, you might have to pay $100 fees plus the difference between the new fare later on, speak to your travel agent or wherever you bought the ticket. Sorry that has happen to you, He wants to prove himself, let him do it for himself, not for you then as an observer you can notice if the change if for real.

[almaty 19]

here's my very blunt answer. sorry if i offend anyone (especially those of you who are bi-polar) this is just my experience and is not directed at any of you. i know each case is different but i am saying my opinion purely based on my experiences.

there is history of bi-polar and other mental illnesses in my family. and i briefly dated a man who was bi-polar before. and my advice? run for your life. unless he really has it under control and takes his meds i would seriously get out of this while you can. for that reason alone! AND you have him cheating on top of it? AND you are the one who's supposed to fly there? IF i was going to try to work it out i would definitely make him come to you. and he needs to show you for more than one month that he has changed. but really, i would move on if i were you. can you ever trust him again? or will you always be suspicious of what he does? the k-1 process takes quite a while. can you feel confident he won't be looking for other women in the meantime? what about when you are married? you need to trust this man if you want to spend your life with him. and being bi-polar is no joke. most people i've read about and know refuse to take their medications and see a therapist. they are very, very hard to live with. my entire family life was turned upside down because of this disease.

anyway, good luck with your decision. i know its hard to let go of someone you love and had such high hopes for. i wish you the best in your future!

excellent advice....some of my clients do not like lithium or other meds, due to the fact, they like when the mania feeling and do not want to lose.it..mental illness like bi-polar does not go away..

[JohnK 0]

Thought I'd just chime in again...

First of all, over here (USA) you can cancel a ticket and the airlines will basically "hold" the money for you to use on a later flight. There is a fee involved, but I've never seen it approach 30%. Can you do that over there? If you can, DON'T come now... come later if the guy can prove he's worthy.

Second, my future SO's first husband was bi-polar. When they met and got married he was on his meds and everything was OK. He promised he's always take them, yadda yadda yadda. But of course he didn't always take them and he turned into a lying, cheating, abusive a-hole.

I'm not saying that's the way all bi-polar people are. But he said he'd into therapy for YOU. He needs to go into therapy for HIMSELF. If he's only doing it for you I can guarantee that one of these days he's gonna get tired of therapy and meds and stuff and he's going to quit. And that's going to make YOUR life a living hell.

You're only 19 !! Live a little first... get out into the world and meet a bunch of different people. Go to college, get educated. After you've spent some time out and around you'll have met so many different types of people... you have no idea what you are missing. Then, after all this experience, decide what you are looking for in a mate and find a good, stable one.