2 Years in America

[Lights 56]

I’ve been in and out of this forum for many years. First when my husband and I embarked in our K1 Journey, then our AOS and now our ROC. I come here often to read, but don’t always post. I’m feeling a bit warm and fuzzy inside because it’s July 1st (Canada Day) and I’m missing home, but also sitting in my office and thinking how incredible these last 2 years have been.

I hope it’s okay to share some thoughts and if it helps you, then great and if it doesn’t, then I wish you best on your journey.

After 2 years of being in the good ole US of A, there are a few things that I’ve learned.

1. Don’t compare your journey to other people. I use to come here and read threads about how terribly hard it is to move and it would scare the heck out of me. Transition is always hard, but you don’t need the extra pressure. There is no ‘normal’, whatever is natural to you is normal. Remember that…
2. Trust yourself and the process. Remember that things aren’t ‘in place’ right away and have patience to see it through.
3. I was the foreign spouse and my husband is the USC. As much as it’s expected of them to support us because we are the ones doing the moving, remember they are human too. That it does hurt them to see you in pain, and sometimes they do feel helpless because they cannot provide something that you’re missing.
4. Communication IS key. Instead of asking what is normal to everyone else, talk to your spouse. A lot of what is new to you, is new to them as well. You are a team and although you may feel like you’re in this alone, you certainly are not.
5. ADAPT - Find a way to adapt versus reflecting on how things are “at home” and expecting something similar. I was born and raised in Canada. I LOVE my home country, even our politics and there are many things that I find gut wrenching here in the US. However, you must learn to adapt or it’ll eat you up inside. Don’t expect perfection or how it use to be. It's okay to have a different view. People here can be different. Remember the reasons you moved. You may not live in a perfect place, where you are from isn't perfect either, but the point of it all is to be with the one you love.
6. You can change, grow, and THRIVE. Things being different can actually be a good thing. When I moved to the US, I had a long standing career (11+ years) in a field that I thought I was passionate about. I was so scared that I could not pick up from where I left off and would have to ‘settle’ for a job I didn’t care for. When I moved to the US and my life changed, lifestyle changed, etc. So did my passion. Moving has given me the opportunity to CHANGE my course and jump into a new career that I thought I’d never be in. Within 2 years, I was able to start my own business and I thought being foreign would hinder me somehow. I use to upset myself over thinking how I went from 52 weeks mat leave in Canada to 6 weeks if I were lucky. It created a lot of unwanted anxiety... but you don't have to settle. Make a decision and go for it. I never think of it as starting from scratch again. Create your own opportunities, there are so many here in the US.

Lastly, be kind to yourself and to those around you. If you entered in good faith and are committed to the vows you made, there will be ups and downs, but have faith in yourself and the process. When I first moved, the first month was tough. I missed my family and my home so so much. 2 years later, and I feel at home. Yes, there are still cultural and societal things that I’m not use to, but I feel at home. Embrace your move, expect the bumps... and enjoy what we all waited so long for - to be with our loved ones.

Wishing you all a happy 4th of July!

[p-ana 933]

This is reassuring. Good luck in this step of your journey.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

Your post is sums up everything I have in my mind. Well said. And happy 4th of July to everyone.

[NovaSprings 89]

"amen sis'ta" (Spoken in my newly learned southern dialect). Thank you for the post!

[aminah 6]

Good Advice. Happy Belated Canada Day to you

[Roy&Chanel 109]

Thank you for sharing! I would be interested to know your journey on how you go about starting business as a foreigner! Do share more about it!

[caliliving 606]

AMEN!!! thanks for sharing this!

[vanee 13]

Thanks for a great post! I'm also from Canada, and I can relate to a lot that you said. Especially #5.

I'm adapting to the current political situation by becoming a US citizen (I've been here long enough) so that I can vote. The way I look at it, every country has imperfections, and for problem situations to improve, its citizens need to act. Being indifferent doesn't help anyone. My life is in this country now, so I'm putting my energy into life here.

[Lights 56]

"amen sis'ta" (Spoken in my newly learned southern dialect). Thank you for the post!

Canada to Mississippi!? That must be a change. Thank you!

[Lights 56]

Good Advice. Happy Belated Canada Day to you

Thank you! We did a little Canada Day celebration and then ended off the weekend with July 4th. I won't be eating for the next 3 days!

Thank you for sharing! I would be interested to know your journey on how you go about starting business as a foreigner! Do share more about it!

Sure! I'm happy to share.

I spent 11 years in digital. I started with developing websites to apps and then worked with some of the worlds largest brands to create strategies and systems that bring them more sales through digital channels. I loved it when I was in Canada and when I moved to California, my experience was still very much needed. I received an offer letter before my EAD came in. I was very transparent (I networked a lot when I first came here, just to create a community) with my immigration and the company that offered me a contract was okay to wait. They waited 2 months before I was able to officially start.

When I started, I spent about a year with this company until I got headhunted. It was amazing, at the time, because the company offered nearly 3x my salary at the previous company based on my client experience. Shortly after starting at this company, things went downhill. I was working for someone who was ruthless with other people. He made it impossible for any of us to get our work done. And he was very "you should be lucky you have a job" kind of attitude. Now, I've worked with some crazy clients and terrible employers in the past, but nothing to this level.

I had already been thinking about the difference I would have in Canada versus in the US (such as maternity leave etc.) and was really at a cross roads. One day, while we were in his office for 6 hours working on a report and he had gotten his assistant to bring HIM lunch only, while the rest of us sat there all day with no bathroom breaks, I realized that this wasn't the way for me. I just didn't know how and or if I could do anything different... The following week, we went on a business trip. It was then that I realized I had to go. He humiliated one of my staff at the airport and laughed about it, then expected me to do the same. Which I refused. The following day, I quit.

At first, I thought "what am I doing??" but my survival instincts kicked in. Within my first week, I picked up a contract client to do consulting for. Over the last year, I picked up business for things that I had done previously (digital work) because that's what I have a track record in, and it held me over (without a consistent paycheck). Slowly, I started to lower my hours on what I use to do and started focusing on building what I wanted to do. Once I got out of that survival mode, I started to look at my life and think what it is that I really wanted to do. I realized moving didn't mean picking up where I left off, it meant I could pivot and create a new normal IF I wanted to.

Canadians work very hard but we also understand balance. Something that I struggled with here. I talk to a lot of working moms and they feel like they have to choose one or the other. Many of them, who have had C-sections, are back to work well before they are healed. This just did not work for me. I decided to get involved and build a business around the life I wanted, but also understanding that I live in California and that it's not cheap. Once I went down this road, I realized just how many others were in my position but felt stuck and couldn't really change their course like I could. It's not easy and i'm still building but you can do it.

I'll be coming up to one year of being my own boss shortly. People who say it can't be done, really haven't tried. I had an idea, consulted a lawyer, created an LLC and went to a bank and got my business banking accounts opened. I went back and took some licensing courses. I worked hard and within a few months I had banks trying to give me loans up the wazoo (which I declined).

You can always PM me for details but wasn't sure how detailed I should be on here . I'm not a citizen, I'm a permanent resident and I was able to start a business. America is still a land of opportunity, but I think it's almost an advantage being a foreigner. I find, although it works for some, that Americans have a "if I work many hours, I'll be productive" mentality. Whereas, I have a "you do focused worked for less hours but you actually produce more"

Thanks for a great post! I'm also from Canada, and I can relate to a lot that you said. Especially #5.

I'm adapting to the current political situation by becoming a US citizen (I've been here long enough) so that I can vote. The way I look at it, every country has imperfections, and for problem situations to improve, its citizens need to act. Being indifferent doesn't help anyone. My life is in this country now, so I'm putting my energy into life here.

Ahh! I wish I could vote, I'm not there yet but soon. I hear you... my thing is the resistance... I've encountered a lot of people who haven't traveled outside of their state, let alone country and have such strong opinions of why certain things cannot be done. I agree with you, the citizens need to act. I can tell you that I am the most political in the family and my in-laws are like "but I thought you were Canadian and Canadians are so neutral". The way I see it is exactly like you. If I'm living here, I want to act on behalf of the society and community I live in. Maybe I'm a bit crazy, but I think even my small voice can make a different.