Living Conditions in Manila, Philippines Bad for Her

[POA 178]

I don't mean to offend anyone in any way but I guess, the lady who worked as a nanny has been in a really bad situation before going to SG. If she was not, I wouldn't think she would want to work as a nanny. Anyway, she probably found someone who is willing to spend money without her working and he is too in love to give her tough love. She knows he is always there for her which is good but it tend to look like an abuse if she can't find a job. I always tell my husband that in the PH, if you want, you can get a job. There are a lot of companies to work for as long as you are not hoping to get the highest paid and I am talking about decent jobs. Too many factories hiring people with no experience young and old, with pleasant personality and not so so. I would not complain about not having enough if I am not doing anything to have enough. If she doesn't have the will to make her living situation better, then there is nothing that the OP can do. She's an adult, probably born and raise in the PH so she should have an idea how to have a better life with so much help. I am the pinay but I hate to say it that sometimes, Filipino mentality about relying on someone to better your life is annoying. It makes me happy thinking that my kid will grow up here having that independent mentality that most people here have.

[TheResistance 6]

smileslovesninj, heh. Thankfully, she not do spas or salons. She lives within her means. I appreciate the info.

23dave, thanks.

Pinkrlion, yes, it is all true. Just for FYI, I Skype with her every possible second at any hour of our days and nights. I see what she sees.

As for an update, she is out of that place. I appreciate all the "helpful" info. I got to see a lot of Manila online as so I was able to do my part in researching places and jobs for my mate. I have seen the place she is at online. Clean, safe, and has security. She in a valid apartment complex. Now, as long as things work out without worrying about noise from all hours or day and night and waking up at 3a to people laughing, bugs crawling all around, she can spend time looking for a proper job that does not involved being out of the house for 18h a day.

Everyone else, stop thinking this is a scam please. Really the criticism was not needed. I do not question if your lives are scams, right? If I say mine is not, do not push it anymore please. I come here for help and advice. I am sure you want to question things, but at times you just need to take someone's word, as they take yours. You do not know the situation or what happens between the lines, and I am not going to give every bit of detail of other lives just to convince anyone. She is not looking for money and it would really be helpful for me to feel comfortable coming here for help, advice, and suggestions on a positive nature without feeling I am going to be attacked or questioned anymore. Up until now, I never felt harshness from people on this site. Lots of us have to go through many trials and tribulations. Easier when people can be more supportive and encouraging with words and prayers to Jesus, instead of a lot of what I have read on this post. Even if you think what you said was supposed to be helpful, it really was not, but I understand you were trying.

Again, thanks for the help as I have use a lot of that to research to help figure out what to do.

I just want to move on with my next set of questions...

Edited December 30, 2015 by TheResistance

[Unidentified 2,930]

smileslovesninj, heh. Thankfully, she not do spas or salons. She lives within her means. I appreciate the info.

23dave, thanks.

Pinkrlion, yes, it is all true. Just for FYI, I Skype with her every possible second at any hour of our days and nights. I see what she sees.

As for an update, she is out of that place. I appreciate all the "helpful" info. I got to see a lot of Manila online as so I was able to do my part in researching places and jobs for my mate. I have seen the place she is at online. Clean, safe, and has security. She in a valid apartment complex. Now, as long as things work out without worrying about noise from all hours or day and night and waking up at 3a to people laughing, bugs crawling all around, she can spend time looking for a proper job that does not involved being out of the house for 18h a day.

Everyone else, stop thinking this is a scam please. Really the criticism was not needed. I do not question if your lives are scams, right? If I say mine is not, do not push it anymore please. I come here for help and advice. I am sure you want to question things, but at times you just need to take someone's word, as they take yours. You do not know the situation or what happens between the lines, and I am not going to give every bit of detail of other lives just to convince anyone. She is not looking for money and it would really be helpful for me to feel comfortable coming here for help, advice, and suggestions on a positive nature without feeling I am going to be attacked or questioned anymore. Up until now, I never felt harshness from people on this site. Lots of us have to go through many trials and tribulations. Easier when people can be more supportive and encouraging with words and prayers to Jesus, instead of a lot of what I have read on this post. Even if you think what you said was supposed to be helpful, it really was not, but I understand you were trying.

Again, thanks for the help as I have use a lot of that to research to help figure out what to do.

I just want to move on with my next set of questions...

It's not criticism. We have been around here on VJ long enough to see the pattern with people (mostly men) who regularly send money to their fiance and end up realizing they're in a scam relationship and I think people just want to point out you should be careful sending money every month.

[minions2 24]

maybe she can work in call centers? they get paid better

[Boiler 47,514]

It's not criticism. We have been around here on VJ long enough to see the pattern with people (mostly men) who regularly send money to their fiance and end up realizing they're in a scam relationship and I think people just want to point out you should be careful sending money every month.

Sadly many many stories of this type.

[madtownguy 164]

Yeah man everyone just is trying to point out the harsh possibility of what could be going on. If you were wealthy and the money meant nothing to you I doubt you would hear much, but it seems like you are sending her all that you can and there is a high possibility whether you believe it or not she may not really be into it for the relationship. My wife had plenty of friends the strung guys along for money, it's sadly so normal and so easy I would probably do it myself if I were in their same situation. Just be careful, she did fine when you weren't there it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense that now all of a sudden she needs 100% of living expenses paid for. As long as you've met her and spent weeks with her you should have a fair idea of who she is. I personally think meeting the family should be a requirement also, but sadly a lot don't even see where their wives are from.

[Boiler 47,514]

Yeah man everyone just is trying to point out the harsh possibility of what could be going on. If you were wealthy and the money meant nothing to you I doubt you would hear much, but it seems like you are sending her all that you can and there is a high possibility whether you believe it or not she may not really be into it for the relationship. My wife had plenty of friends the strung guys along for money, it's sadly so normal and so easy I would probably do it myself if I were in their same situation. Just be careful, she did fine when you weren't there it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense that now all of a sudden she needs 100% of living expenses paid for. As long as you've met her and spent weeks with her you should have a fair idea of who she is. I personally think meeting the family should be a requirement also, but sadly a lot don't ever see where their wives are from.

Happens the world over.

[oliviaalexandra88 9]

I don't mean to offend anyone in any way but I guess, the lady who worked as a nanny has been in a really bad situation before going to SG. If she was not, I wouldn't think she would want to work as a nanny. Anyway, she probably found someone who is willing to spend money without her working and he is too in love to give her tough love. She knows he is always there for her which is good but it tend to look like an abuse if she can't find a job. I always tell my husband that in the PH, if you want, you can get a job. There are a lot of companies to work for as long as you are not hoping to get the highest paid and I am talking about decent jobs. Too many factories hiring people with no experience young and old, with pleasant personality and not so so. I would not complain about not having enough if I am not doing anything to have enough. If she doesn't have the will to make her living situation better, then there is nothing that the OP can do. She's an adult, probably born and raise in the PH so she should have an idea how to have a better life with so much help. I am the pinay but I hate to say it that sometimes, Filipino mentality about relying on someone to better your life is annoying. It makes me happy thinking that my kid will grow up here having that independent mentality that most people here have.

Amen to this.

[TheResistance 6]

I understand, but the harsh reality is, I have no money. I have a temp job. My credit went down from 800s to 300s from 2011 layoff. Owe taxes because of no proper job (even with a BS). I am defaulted on school loans. Child support. I struggle as is. I pass the poverty guidelines by $15k, but that does not mean I can support so much in another country. She knows I have no money and I am risking daily resources to help her because of our situations and she hates to ask, and this was not the original plan. She never asked for a single cent from me, for over a year, until I encouraged her to get out of the hellish job she was being abused at. Her family were supposed to help, but they turned tables.

I appreciate people trying to look out. I will leave it at that. She is in a safer place now.

I am trying to get as much OT as possible (about 10h a week, which i can sometimes get by without them telling me to stop) and still hoping to save for large lump sums or times of interviews and stuff she needs help with, plane ticket (hopefully) to here, etc. Still all a matter I have even this job. I learned after my fifteen year job, no position will always be there for you and can be gone the next day. No job is secured and all this is a risk.

But again, thanks for wanting to look out, but she is not trying to scam me. I hope the air is clear about it now.

[The Conqueror 47]

I understand, but the harsh reality is, I have no money. I have a temp job. My credit went down from 800s to 300s from 2011 layoff. Owe taxes because of no proper job (even with a BS). I am defaulted on school loans. Child support. I struggle as is. I pass the poverty guidelines by $15k, but that does not mean I can support so much in another country. She knows I have no money and I am risking daily resources to help her because of our situations and she hates to ask, and this was not the original plan. She never asked for a single cent from me, for over a year, until I encouraged her to get out of the hellish job she was being abused at. Her family were supposed to help, but they turned tables.

I appreciate people trying to look out. I will leave it at that. She is in a safer place now.

I am trying to get as much OT as possible (about 10h a week, which i can sometimes get by without them telling me to stop) and still hoping to save for large lump sums or times of interviews and stuff she needs help with, plane ticket (hopefully) to here, etc. Still all a matter I have even this job. I learned after my fifteen year job, no position will always be there for you and can be gone the next day. No job is secured and all this is a risk.

But again, thanks for wanting to look out, but she is not trying to scam me. I hope the air is clear about it now.

Hi,

I know you don't want some questioning, however I just want to understand how you met her and were you able to visit her in the Philippines? You are very generous man, obliging yourself to support her. As you mentioned you are not financially stable as well. I certainly understand, it's not easy to find work in the Philippines but with perseverance and hard work, I'm sure she can find a decent and nice paying job. I'm not from Manila but based from other VJ'ers, she can find a nice, cleaner and cheaper place to stay. You are helping her but she needs to help herself too. With the money you are sending her, it's enough to support her while looking for a job or looking for a place to stay.

Good luck to you and to your girlfriend.

Cheers!

Edited January 5, 2016 by dahlia0811

[Ted & Janine 31]

I'm definitely not here to criticize. One thing that I did take note of was that some of the criticism came from people that actually grew up in Philippines... lived there all of there lives. That's constructive criticism based on first-hand life experience.

Short story:

I talked to many many many ladies from phils before meeting my fiance. We became friends first (the best way). She was warning me about different money games and scams that girls there play. She educated me on how to tell if I was being played. Her son had a birthday coming up and I wanted to send some money for a gift and pizza or Jollibee. She wouldn't accept it and told me she was fine. I could tell that she was very independent and Hell-Bent on raising her son. Of course I became interested in her. I admired her. To this day she does not like me to send money and I send very little. Frustrating because she is my lady and I want to do my oart. It was a major act of congress to give her a decent phone. I had to demand it so we could communicate better... She lives decent on less than 300 a month. There are all kinds of ladies there, some very good at acting (yep, I fell for the no rice story). Some are very independent and other that are more lazy than me!! Some are honest and some redefine the cheating game. Kind of like here in the good ole USA. That goes for men and women all over the world.

Conclusion: I want to defend the fellow VJ'rs for their opinions. They know the game as do I. I think the ladies from there that replied have the best insight and the men (perhaps) have the "been there done that" experience(s).

They are looking out for you.

At the same time, I will defend you. Can't tell you how irritating it is when I'm asked if she might be after a green-card. Been asked how much she is soaking me for. I've been there, spent time there. My fiance lives without air-conditioning. She rides the tricycles and makes a scene if they try to charge her one extra peso. She won't ride a cab. In fact, she wanted to take a jeepney somewhere and I said "NO, I need air" haha. We got in a cab and she exchanged words with the driver then she told me to get out. I asked why and she said he pre-billed the meter (convenience fee?).

So I know my fiance' and I know her environment (somewhat). I have a feeling and/or hope that you know your fiance very well. Glad your fiance is in a better situation now. My fiance is in the Laguna area. If your lady still needs work, shoot me a message

[dianecmea 1]

I know my response is a couple months late, but I have to say that $200-$300/month should be more than enough. I lived in Metro Manila when I started college at 16 until I left to move to the US 10 years later. I've lived in dormitories, boarding houses (or what they call as a bed spacer), and condo sharing. They were not bad. Places were clean and no bed bugs and lice and stuff. I have to agree with some people to question if she tells you that $200-$300 is not enough or if she can't find a decent place. And forgive me if I didn't follow the thread as well as I should, but what's up with not using the jeepney? In Manila (or anywhere in the world), if your're gonna get mugged, you're gonna get mugged, in a jeepney or not.

Now that I've said that, I don't know if you are still looking for a place, hopefully she's found one by now. But just in case... Search the internet for any bed spacers or condo sharing or boarding houses or females looking for roommates. Try www.olx.ph. Typical cost is between Php 1500-5000. She does not have to live close to the embassy. When I was working on getting my Visa, I lived in Quezon City and in Makati City, I did not find it hard to commute to where I needed to go to get it done.

[SennaBrigante 92]

I'm late to the story as well but I just want to point out that taking the cab to everywhere will run her dry quick. She has to learn how to take other forms of public transport to stretch her money. Jeepneys and cabs aren't the only options. There's the MRT, LRT, FX, collorum, etc.

Even with my full-time job back then (I lived in QC) and my office was just 15 mins away by car, the cab fare added up.