Need some moral support for the visa process

[Texas2016 18]

Hi everyone, I have got so much information about the K1 visa process already which I want to thank everyone for. I just wanted to start this topic because I really could use some moral support. I am going to start the process soon, but my boyfriend and I are already experiencing so much difficulty being apart for a couple months, so we are dreading that we will have to be apart for approximately 6 months while we process the K1 visa...

I would be interested in finding out how everyone coped and dealt with it when you were in the visa process. I honestly haven't had a decent night sleep since a while because this whole process and being apart for a long time is stressing me out a lot.

Thanks everyone. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

A worried Dutch girl.

[BecomingMrsHods 3]

Both of you are able to travel during this process. it's long and very stressful time, if you can make time to visit each other, I highly recommend it.

Edited September 22, 2015 by BecomingMrsHods

[acgmph 42]

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it will be easy and it will be fine. I can tell you from experience that this past year it has not been easy. Probably it will be greatest test your relationship will ever go through. Many of our friends and relatives told us marriage is easy compared to what we've been through this past year... We were fortunate enough that we could visit each other every month and the entire summer this year. So travel! I now it's expensive, but I sold my car here in The Netherlands so I can travel every month. We both made lifestyle sacrifices to be able to be together. If your relationship is strong, you will be stronger on the other side when this will be behind you. Hang in there!

And expect the process to take more like 9 months, not only 6

Edit: I wanted to add that whenever we were both home we had FaceTime on all the time. Even if we were not talking, just having it open helps a lot. Midnight calls, sleepless nights, all on FaceTime.

Edited September 22, 2015 by acgmph

[heo luoi 206]

I look at it as certainly a good test of relationship, and could be a lot worse/longer....so just try to keep things in PERSPECTIVE.

Its clearly not easy and certainly one person arguably will have an even bigger adjustment after coming over so look at the 6mos as a good way to buffer and ease that in a bit. Chats, facetime/skype whatever. It is most frustrating and stressful but upon hindsight it goes faster than you think, just doesnt feel like it all the time.

You're still really early to be stressed out yet without having started yet Try not to worry about what you can't control, (ie the response times, the timelines, the waits, the busy signals....it will come. )

Just take care of what you need to take care of. Find some friends on this community and stuff and know that other people are in it too, trust me its a BIG relief. And let some other people in your circle know whats going on so they know how u are doing and just so u dont internalize it all. Focus on your new life here, things you want to do/ learn if you need help/support, probably less than others from Netherlands (i assume english wise), schooling, employment...etc

GL to us all.

Edited September 22, 2015 by coldhands

[Amhara 460]

Great advice, coldhands.

Miss Dutch, you don't have a timeline filled out, so I don't know where you are at in the whole process. It's been seven months since I've seen my guy. I was really thinking he'd have his visa by August and when I first started, I thought the USEM's were faster than USCIS. Thankfully, our case was CSC, but our USEM is painfully slow. In the meantime, we had put our 'goal date' for his arrival late in the year - either October or November (still not really sure yet) - just to avoid disappointment. Good thing we did that.

In the meantime, we talk on the phone - a lot!! We try to not talk about the visa much. Maybe a little bit here and there, but we don't want it consuming our relationship. Our love is the important part, not the visa. We can always go live in another corner of the world! We talk about what our day was like, what our plans are for that day, what we will do when he gets here, and what our Dubai trip was like. We have a 9.5 hour time difference, so he's waking up when I'm about to go to bed and his evening is when I'm waking up. The time difference is hard, but we will enjoy waking up in the same time zone again soon.

Also keep learning about the visa process and try to be one step ahead of everything. It helps you feel prepared, and I found that we often had to discuss things a few times to make sure we understood the next step well. I already have my AOS forms filled out with as much information as possible! I have found out what we need to do for him to get his driver's license and ID. I downloaded the Texas driver's handbook. I registered us in the Texas pre-marital counseling for the Texas TwoGether thing. That may be a while away for you, but take things one step at a time.

We feel frustrated by our current status lasting so long, but I feel confident we will look back and be grateful. In our journey so far EVERYTHING has happened at the perfect time. EVERYTHING!!!!

[Izor 79]

Well i try and think of it like this; it is time that is going to pass anyways. What does 6 months mean when you get the opportunity to spend your entire lifes together. What woukld have you have done those 6 months otherwise?

It is a hard process but also a beutiful one, a true evidence of real love and devotion.

Time moves faster than we think, and in a year you are going to look back at these months and wonder why you even dreaded the process from the beginning.

[Izor 79]

Great advice, coldhands.

Miss Dutch, you don't have a timeline filled out, so I don't know where you are at in the whole process. It's been seven months since I've seen my guy. I was really thinking he'd have his visa by August and when I first started, I thought the USEM's were faster than USCIS. Thankfully, our case was CSC, but our USEM is painfully slow. In the meantime, we had put our 'goal date' for his arrival late in the year - either October or November (still not really sure yet) - just to avoid disappointment. Good thing we did that.

In the meantime, we talk on the phone - a lot!! We try to not talk about the visa much. Maybe a little bit here and there, but we don't want it consuming our relationship. Our love is the important part, not the visa. We can always go live in another corner of the world! We talk about what our day was like, what our plans are for that day, what we will do when he gets here, and what our Dubai trip was like. We have a 9.5 hour time difference, so he's waking up when I'm about to go to bed and his evening is when I'm waking up. The time difference is hard, but we will enjoy waking up in the same time zone again soon.

Also keep learning about the visa process and try to be one step ahead of everything. It helps you feel prepared, and I found that we often had to discuss things a few times to make sure we understood the next step well. I already have my AOS forms filled out with as much information as possible! I have found out what we need to do for him to get his driver's license and ID. I downloaded the Texas driver's handbook. I registered us in the Texas pre-marital counseling for the Texas TwoGether thing. That may be a while away for you, but take things one step at a time.

We feel frustrated by our current status lasting so long, but I feel confident we will look back and be grateful. In our journey so far EVERYTHING has happened at the perfect time. EVERYTHING!!!!

I think what you wrote here is very important, it is very easy to let the stress consume your relationship. Sometimes it is great to take a break and remember why you even started the process from the beginning. I try and work on that everyday!

[heo luoi 206]

Also don't force things.

Dont talk JUST because you have to or padding your logs. I have to call/talk to him or her every day or every am/pm...etc.. Just be natural. You both have a lot going on with e process as well as your lives outside of it.

I agree with amhara, you just want to be prepared w/ the step(s) ahead help out others and be aware but yeah Im getting down to the nitty gritty part and the stress hasn't helped our exchanges recently. Also its pretty one sided as alot of the paperwork is petitioner based early and then obviously alot of is off into the beneficiaries hands as interview steps approach so be sensitive the the person carry the loads during those times as the stress will be a bit more heightened possible for one person vs another.

I dont think my finance has any clue to the amount of prep i have been reviewing for paperwork, her interview, her travel, flights, logistics, POE, ESL classes, transportation, insurance, financials, passport renewals..., additional USCIS/NVS process/paperwork...etc

Ive kept busy.

I just know people have it a lot worse off, w/ less technology, worse connections, more expensive communication, farther / longer travel ,problematic immigration. So just like travel abroad, Appreciate what you can, just take it in and try to learn from things and take them for what they are, its hopefully before you know it, its 6 mos. Thats like a hockey season.

Edited September 22, 2015 by coldhands

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

It takes a made up mind and true commitment. It took us 5 years to be together so 6 months would have been a joy for us.

Keep it all in perspective.

[TBoneTX 43,477]

*** Thread moved from K-1 Process forum to the General Immigration Discussion forum -- topic can apply to more than one visa process. ***

[BlackBee 3]

I agree with the above posters. Try to keep your mind off it. We are 9 months into the process after receiving our NOA-1 and anxiously awaiting the NOA-2. Get ready for a very long process.

[Maritah 77]

You will need patience, tons of patience. I've been there, it's difficult, but in the end worth it.

Good luck with your journey.

M.

[Adil & Jeanne 296]

We went thru 6 years

i made 5 trips and stayed there 1 to 3 months / some can't do this

but try to talk every day even if you only say had a hard day and am tired and just wanted to say "I love you and we'll talk longer tomorrow"

Listen to each other about everything. / talk about everything / our hardest year was the year he had 3 family deaths and i had 6 / that was hard to go thru without hugging and crying on someone's shoulder

Be patient / be confident in your relationship

and when he gets the visa, you will feel the big weight lifted from your shoulders and neck

i never slept good till he got here and now, i sleep like a log

you will make it / you have a whole community here going thru the same processes as you / get one or two here that seem to know their facts and rely on them / the rest of us just have opinions

[crazyworld 54]

Wow! Agree with everybody!

Since we met we have only been apart for 3 months maximum and that was hard! Trying not to think about 6 months

We call or Skype in the morning and do the other one in the evening usually on a daily basis with texting go on all day long. Its tough sometimes as we have a 5 hour time difference between us. Shes wide awake in the mornings 10am her time and I'm still in bed 5am my time but always nice to wake up to her phone call. In the evenings I'm wide awake at 6pm my time and she is sleepy 11pm her time. Its nice to talk or Skype when we both are awake on the weekends.

Skype has really helped, we plan dinner dates where we set the laptops on the table and eat together and talk. I go shopping with my phone in hand and using Facebook messenger I take pictures and send them to her and she tells me if she likes it or not, we did this then picking out the furniture for our new apartment. And then again with the laptop on the table, I prepare my dinner with her couching and watching me make it. She is usually laughing watching me cook as the pans are boiling over! This time we are going to watch some TV series on the internet and then talk about them afterwards. Its not the same as being with each other but it helps.

Remember time never stops! Seconds add up to minuets and minuets add up to hours and hours to days

Edited September 23, 2015 by crazyworld

[SanneQ 2]

I agree with all the above: keep things in perspective, Skype, write, send each other cute things by post, and travel as much as you can.

Also, cherish family, friends, and the Netherlands. I am incredibly happy being finally together with the love of my life. But, when we started the K1 process, I also knew my time with family and friends would be limited significantly, so I made a real effort to spend some extra time with them.

Also, I ate a lot of Dutch stuff. Dropjes, kaas, hagelslag, haring you name it .