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Sarah K

Advise: want to leave wife not my kids.

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My wife is abusive, I believe she has a borderline personality and I want to leave her but I don't want to leave my kids. What can I do?

Background:

Married for 7 years

Wife is USC.

I have overstayed Visa, no legal status..

2 kids 5 and 4.

My wife is in complete denial, she honestly believes she is the victim. We have seen marriage councilors 3 times but no change. Police have been called 4 times. VAWA path is too difficult. Her parents won't help, they say that she will not listen to them either.

I would leave her tomorrow and go home but I don't want to leave my kids behind. I did say that when my kids could talk I would leave her, then I would leave her when my kids are 18, but its getting unbearable. Tonight she went into a rage and threw all the bathroom toiletries on the bathroom floor.

We are now behind with our rent and I believe it will not be long before we get an eviction letter. She expects me to pay the rent $800 rent while she spends her her money on luxuries. She refuses to give me any money towards the rent, her excuse is that I should be the man and pay the rent regardless. She has been evicted twice in the past.

I have suggested that she asks her parents if she can live with them and take the kids, while I get some cheap apartment in the hood. Even if I was legal and earning a good wage I believe that she would find a way for us to be penniless, I think she unconsciously wants to sabotage our marriage and family.

What can I do?

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Sandranj gave you good advice in the past: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/516792-industry-of-domestic-violence-and-immigration/?p=7270959

John Devon you are wrong ,Vawa Law protects men and women abused. Read the Vawa threads you will find over 50 men approved .JUst yesterday the male member caruguy had his Vawa approved .

Yes a scratch qualifies for Vawa because any act of.violence is considered abuse ,even mental abuse is ground for Vawa. Some scammers fool the system ,but in general Vawa is saving lives.I had over 6.000 Vawa cases approved And 20% were men.

Just to.clarify here before some jerks post some. BS. I never charged one single dollar for Vawa fillers just in the VJ I helped over 500 people and all were approved .

This country provides shelters (2.200) for victims of DV.Any abused person can seek shelter,nobody has to endure.abuse.

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Wife may be a misnomer, she never divorced her previous husband.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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Trying to do VAWA in the past was difficult I did not want mail sent home in fear my wife read them and called the cops on me as this as happened to others. I had no money to pay for a post box number. Trying to leave home for an appointment with a shrink was a no go, way too risky, that is for people that have safely left their spouse.

I did try to get to an abused spouse shelter 3 times (so I could safely do VAWA from there), once I backed out the next day, second time they said they were full and third time they said they were full, cops took me instead to a homeless shelter that was similar to a crack head party (not that I've ever been to one).

My next plan was to get ICE to take me into detention and do VAWA from there, but the cops came and took me to CPAP, while there I watched some of the 2012 Olympics with some bipolar guys, ironically when my wife and I were dating she suggested that we go to London to watch the London Olympics. Oh and the reason the cops took me to CPAP instead of ICE was because my wife called the cops and told them I was suffering from a paranoid personality.

I do have a cash under the table job now so I have much more freedom, to get a mailbox and visit a psychiatrist for VAWA, without being detected.

I was hoping that the new Executive Order for Parents of US citizens was going to come into force this May and could go through that but that has stalled. My wife wasn't helpful with this either, when I asked her for my kids birth certificates she said she could not find them and when I asked if we could get copies she seemed like she didn't want too. It is like she never wants me to become legal, its my guess that she feels if I become legal she will not have a grip on me.

I'll have one last attempt at doing VAWA.

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John you can use any other address to receive mail from USCIS , even your workplace address.

Psychological evaluation is recommended in case the alien has no police report and/or restraining order,you called the cops 4 times,it means you should have at least 3/4 police reports.The police reports you have may be sufficient to file VAWA,without the need to have a psychological evaluation done.

Your attempt to be placed in removal proceedings was a bad idea!.If the Judge does not set up a bond the alien will have to fight the removal from inside the immigration detention for months,sometimes 1/2 years,until the Court schedule a hearing. No one should attempt "to turn herself/himself in",and file for cancellation of removal or Vawa cancellation of removal without having an attorney.

VAWA is a process that the alien can submit without an attorney, but cancellation of removal is extremely complex.I know you are afraid to file VAWA ,but man your wife can kill you,period! and then your kids will be raised by this lunatic and abusive woman.

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John have you found out about mental-health issues in your area

I think Sandra gave you good advise, but with the police coming out

and she acting out that even her parents is overwhelm why cant you

have the cops issue I918B..this is no good for the kids what you have

explained, now there's 2 sides to every story, and you paying the

rent is not for her, but for those precious kids, why did you wait so

long to get your papers right...are you frugal & it drives her nuts? make

sure you stay in the kids lives because they need U especially if there are

some issues with her...good luck bro

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He said in a previous thread he is a bigamous marriage, VAWA not possible.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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From memory she married in Jamaica and so it did not count!, I thought he knew but that is a long story.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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Jawaree in order to apply for a U visa he has to demonstrate that he has suffered substantial physical or mental abuse.I truly believe he is suffering substantial mental abuse,but the police will not give him a I918 certification based in mental abuse at all.He did not mention here if he was battered, and in case of physical abuse he needs the police or prosecutor gives him a I918 certification showing he cooperate with the police

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OP is not legally married to his wife, as she is already married, he is in the US illegally and have been for many years plus the wife don't seem to eager to petition him. How will he be able to get any kind of immigration visa? As far as I understand, VAWA is only for battered spouses to adjust status on their own?


Met online October 2010


Engaged December 31st 2011


heart.gifMarried May 14th 2013 heart.gif



USCIS Stage


September 8th 2014 - Filed I-130 with Nebraska Service Center


September 16th 2014 - NOA1 received


March 2nd 2015 - NOA2 received :dancing:



NVC Stage


March 28th 2015 - Choice of agent complete & AOS fee paid


April 17th 2015 - IV fee paid


May 1st 2015 - Sent in IV application


May 12th 2015 - Sent in AOS and IV documents


May 18th 2015 - Scan Date


June 18th 2015 - Checklist received


June 22nd 2015 - Checklist response sent to NVC


June 25th 2015 - Put for Supervisor Review


Sept 15th 2015 - Request help from Texas US Senator Cornyn and his team


Sept 23rd 2015 - Our case is moved from supervisor review to NVC's team for dealing with Senator requests


Nov 4th 2015 - CASE COMPLETE!!!! :dancing:



Embassy Stage


Dec 16th 2015 - Medical exam


Dec 21st 2015 - Interview


Dec 21st 2015 - 221(g) issued at interview for updated forms


Jan 13th 2016 - Mailed our reply to the 221(g) to the US Embassy, received and CEAC updated the next morning


Jan 20th 2016 - Embassy require more in-depth info on asset for i-864


Feb 1st 2016 - Sent more in-depth info on assets as requested. Received the next morning


Feb 16th 2016 - Visa has been issued :dancing: :dancing: :dancing: :dancing: :dancing:



In the US


April 5th 2016 - POE Newark. No questions asked.


April 14th 2016 - SSN received


May 10th 2016 - First day at my new job :dancing:


May 27th 2016 - Green Card received


June 7th 2016 - Got my Texas driver's license

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By claiming to a battered spouse, very common, loads of threads on here.

Or the U Visa route.

Maybe DAPA if it comes into force.

And probably a few others.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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From memory she married in Jamaica and so it did not count!, I thought he knew but that is a long story.

I remember this now , nut did he have that many kids....did they? Jamaica

is in N America.... hour 15 mins flt time from the USA and practises the

marriage & divorce laws as the US.....a decree absolut from the court in

JA must be presented to the US.....Rumor says a divorce price there starts

at JMD$140,000, but the divorce can be done in the US, but he just needs

an annulment ...correct me if wrong.

Sandra thanks for the added info I am always willing to be better informed.

OP also has to help financially or things will get worst, pay the rent te kids lives

there, then she piks up other expenses.....unless the new/old usband lives there too

Edited by Jawaree

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I have read this person's posts before.

I would worry my legal status first, so he can care for his kids.

You, need a very good attorney.,.,.,AND, tell him/her everything!

This is a terrible position to be in.,.,you need very good professional help with the legalities of this mess.

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mallafri76 considering everything the OP mentioned here it seems he is a victim of extreme cruelty(mental abuse).If he got married without knowing his wife was not divorced he still qualifies to file VAWA, since there is the "bigamy exception" provision for VAWA cases. It doesn't matter if he is illegal in the USA and that his wife doesn't want to sponsor him, he still can file VAWA.

VAWA is to protect battered victims and victims of extreme cruelty(mental abuse).

Edited by sandranj

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