Cold Feet and Second Thoughts

[rlogan 2,036]

. he is absolutely right that I am a selfish person and that I only think about my own life and how things affect me and not him. I have been told my entire life that I am selfish so it must be true.

Uh-oh.

Most have caught the big waving red flags regarding him. This one is a big red flag about you.

We absolutely ARE supposed to think about our own life and whether marriage improves it. We don't guilt-trip and shame ourselves into marriage. This comment signals the strong possibility of having been manipulated abusively while growing up, and we tend to find warm familiarity in our adult relationships with such things - to our detriment.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Uh-oh.

Most have caught the big waving red flags regarding him. This one is a big red flag about you.

We absolutely ARE supposed to think about our own life and whether marriage improves it. We don't guilt-trip and shame ourselves into marriage. This comment signals the strong possibility of having been manipulated abusively while growing up, and we tend to find warm familiarity in our adult relationships with such things - to our detriment.

Bingo

[terri_blake 10]

to those of you who think that I am a fake person I am sorry to inform you but I am absolutely 100% real. do you think I would be dumb enough to use my own real name on a message board filled with complete strangers? No way! My real name is not even Terri Blake! Its a shortened version of my middle and last names! By the wsy, this is my real picture, too. and this is my real story. I'm sorry if my life is not picture perfect like your stories but I came on here looking for help and most of you have been pretty awesome enough to share your opinion with me and trust me I have been listening to everyone which is why I am now having second thoughts. Thank you.

Stop with the insults and false accusations, PLEASE!!

[terri_blake 10]

Having read through this thread I have to say that much of OP's story doesn't make sense. I'm smelling a pretty poor troll.

1) the picture taken from elsewhere

2) the use of an apparently real name - unlikely when you're posting such personal stuff (same goes for the pic)

3) the rather extraordinary story (a meeting in Morocco where they weren't allowed to meet in person so spoke on the phone from a balcony, etc)

I lived in the Middle East. Even in the Gulf men can meet women - they just need a chaperone... and Egypt is generally more liberal than the Gulf States.

I'm sure OP gets some kind of satisfaction from this game in some way. The posts seem deliberately crafted to elicit a response (making "Basim" out to be a pretty obvious fraud, and OP taking the role of gullible victim).

before you come on here calling me names please get your facts together first and do a little bit of investigation and ask questions before you jump to such an asinine conclusion. you have no right coming on here calling me names and suggesting that I am a fake person, a troll, lying, looking for attention, gullible, whatever! stick to the topic of the original post which is the reason why I am having cold feet and second thoughts to begin with. it is not your place to go around spreading falsehoods about me and things you think but have not done any type of research to find out if your theories are true. I am a real person, get it? If you're looking for a problem you need to go elsewhere!

[terri_blake 10]

I've read through most of the posts with terri_blake and I must say as entertaining as they all were, my heart goes out to this girl. Terri, guessing from your photo and how you view things, you are probably a few years younger than myself - I'm 27. I have been reading over posts on this site for a while preparing for my own visa journey and when I saw your posts, I was stunned. My mouth dropped because I can not believe what I have been reading.

First of all, I know someone from Boston who married an Egyptian guy with the same name as your guy in Hurgada. He was pretty much a scammer and made her fly all the way to Egypt to marry him. Mind you, they had never met before. She left her kids to be with this man and was there for about a month. She ended up coming back to the states and started to try to find a way to petition for him to be here. No one would help her or sponsor him because she doesn't make good decisions. Long story short, he ended up marrying ANOTHER WOMAN (American, of course) two months later.

I would just like to ease my intuition here. Is your Basim a tall, lanky guy? I could possibly find a pic the one I know of if it's okay to post it here. I would really hope it's not the same one.

What? I don't understand what you are talking about! are you suggesting that the guy you know is the same guy that I am engaged to? I highly doubt it's possible. I think you're just another person trying to get a rise out of me and make fun of my situation.

Hey I wouldn't have believed it either but I know a guy named Basim in Hurgada, Egypt who does this to women. A sucker is born every minute so I would not be surprised. I also did a reverse image search of her pic and didn't find anything other than VJ referrals so not sure if that pic is stolen or not. Someone said she is Alyson Hannigan but cleary that is not Alyson in the pic so, IDK.

Name calling?

[terri_blake 10]

Check out the posting names on this forum, eg just on this page... you're "BrittWitt", I'm "Limey". People use nicknames, not real names, even though we don't have these embarrassing stories to tell of falling in love with someone and meeting them 2 stories apart on a hotel balcony LOL it sounded like a sketch from a comedy show. Yet OP has used a name that is supposed to appear real... that is classic trolling.

I didn't find any of it convincing, but after reading the bit where OP says "who says he's a muslim" when she'd previously said "he's a muslim" - I'm surprised anyone took any more bait from her/him (real OP could be either but my money is on a him). There is also the bit where she/he claimed to be a pentacostal christian, and then exclaimed "Jesus Christ" at the beginning of one of the posts. As a troll I'd have to give a 3 out of ten (and that is mainly for effort)

just who do you think you are trying to analyze me and sum up my life by reading a few posts on a message board? Get real! You don't know me you don't know my situation you're nothing but a judger! ask a few questions first before you jump to conclusions when you're absolutely wrong! get over yourself.

1.I am a Christian. I am a proud Christian. I was raised to be a Christian and believe in my Savior the Lord Jesus Christ! If I want a shoutout Jesus Christ name when I feel I need to call upon Him, that's what I shall do! It's not up to you to be the judge and jury on how much faith I have in my religion. Who do you think you are? Are you even religious? Have you even studied Pentecostal Christianity? I don't think you have! I think you are nothing but a person on here who is looking for a problem and you think that you have found one in me. Get over yourself!

2. my name is not Terri-Blake. those two names are part of my real name. Do you think I would be that much of an idiot to come on here and put out my real name? Get over yourself and get your facts together.

3.are you really putting a score on my love life? Let's talk about your love life shall we. It must not be so great since you're on here trying to read and judge mine. Where's your other half? Where is your spouse? Where is your soul mate? Evidently, they must be missing in action because you're on here trying to judge Terri Blake, a person you claim to be a troll and fake and using a fake picture. Some life you have!

[Boiler 43,505]

I believe your case.

But I also second the comments somebody else made, you need to be very careful.

[terri_blake 10]

Even in Ultra liberal turkey and semi liberal Jordan , I was asked to not sit next to a woman. Didn't happen to me in Egypt butI did meet a lot of scam artists.

Thank you! Some Muslim families are very old fashioned just like some Christian people. In my family, some of my super religious cousins who are Christian cant even talk to men unless an older brother or cousin or something is present.

[terri_blake 10]

Real life often writes scripts that no one can copy, no TV show can come up with.

Having been on VJ for almost 10 years (with a previous different username/ email account)

I have seen more here on VJ and in real life with all kinds of immigration stories that were very real, hard to believe and just plain crazy,

however they were real. I have seen and heard and personally know people whose stories made me sick, but are true.

To question all unbelievable stories as troll activity is a waste of time, some are and many aren't. Some we will never know.

IMO in it best to proceed and advice according to what the topic is or skip it and read another thread.

Here is a true story from someone that lives near my town and whose relative I know very well.

Woman travels to meet her new found love who said he is white but is really black ( West Africa).

He uses the old story about being stranded and can she visit him blah blah....

She does and sees not a single white guy at the airport, just some guy who she thought her BF send to help with the luggage.

She asks where is Soje and he says "It's me !"

She says what do you mean you are Soje, Soje is white.

He responds by saying " If I were black would you have come all this way to see me ?"

She married that guy on that same trip.

She is a Superintendent at a school. Yes ! Never skyped and believed all his fake photos.

So the guy comes over on a CR1 and they have been together for several years.

I was so ticked off when I heard all that but it is the truth.

I shared this to let people know that just because a story sounds off the wall it is not always invented by a troll. Unfortunately.

She loved the guy. I would do the same if i were in her shoes.

[jola83 19]

I worry about your safety Terri ,I've briefly read through some of your posts to get the background story and everything I read pulls up a red flag ,the fact that you have so many posts questioning your fiance and if you are doing the right thing,makes me think that deep down all of this is the wrong thing to do.

Please be safe if you are travelling alone to meet up with him ,I have a friend in UK who was dating a Egyptian guy for a few months and when she went to visit his he held her hostage for a week when she wouldn't agree to marry him and take him to live in England,I don't normally comment to posts like this but my friends experience is kind of what is making me .please remember you don't really know this guy and some people will do anything if they are desperate to leave the country.if you do go to visit I agree with what others said .suggest to him that you think it would be a good idea for you to come live in Egypt for awhile or a country where neither of you needs a visa and see what his reaction is.I truly hope we are all wrong but it has pulled up so many red flags it's almost unbelievable

[Lemonslice 4,559]

She loved the guy. I would do the same if i were in her shoes.

From what you said, I have no doubt you will do that. Even if "love" is based on lies/hidden truths. Be safe. Love does not alway conquer all. Manipulators are good at manipulating and scammers are good at scamming - good people get caught too.

[Elle&Kev 120]

When anyone comes to a public forum they put themselves at risk. Your story has been nothing less than... far fetched if you will. I'm not saying it's not true, but it's also not very convincing at times. When you add a photo that is looks like it could of been ripped off of any website that just adds to the doubt readers have when reading your posts. Why not use a more believable photo if you want to shoot down the doubters? If it bothers you so much. My point is you put yourself out there for these types of reactions. To get back on topic, before the Mods shut down yet another one of your threads, I'm curious as to the advice your Sister gives you? What does she think of all of this? Does she know of this child? Are you traveling alone to Egypt? How do you communicate with his Mother if she doesn't know English? Do you speak Arabic?

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

She loved the guy. I would do the same if i were in her shoes.

Why would you marry someone who lied the whole time claiming to be of another color, claiming to be something he is not ?

Do you not see the danger of deceit and manipulation, with lies upon lies and fake photos in my example ?

You would really marry him too ?

Love is not enough to chose a partner, there must be truth and trust to build on. Love is honesty, not a mere feeling.

[WalterC 1]

Uh-oh.

Most have caught the big waving red flags regarding him. This one is a big red flag about you.

We absolutely ARE supposed to think about our own life and whether marriage improves it. We don't guilt-trip and shame ourselves into marriage. This comment signals the strong possibility of having been manipulated abusively while growing up, and we tend to find warm familiarity in our adult relationships with such things - to our detriment.

Sometimes good advice is hard to hear. Some of the most complicated relationships you could imagine are debated on here, and the war between the heart and the mind is apparent in many of them.

I don't know what you should do, but you seem to have a very clear idea of what you must do, even if it does expose your heart to a repeat of past sorrows.

Good luck and safe travels.

[jola83 19]

Just to add to what I said marriage or engagement have no room for doubt,you are starting off on a negative before anything has even begin .people take marriage too lightly these days,I don't understand why anyone would even consider marriage even if they had one small doubt in their head .I don't know how old you are or what you're whole backgrounds story is on this but I do know if I was your sister or any family member and I knew the whole story I'd be telling you to run as fast as possible and if you wasn't running I think I'd be giving you a tug in the right direction.

Step away from your situation and re read everything you have said what would you think if it was someone else .the fact your sister was scammed by his own family member should be enough,if that plus everything else wasn't the fact he failed to tell you his taking care of his niece really should be nail in the coffin