32 year age gap - older American woman

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I know you are feeling sad and upset with all this new information to process but you seem like an intelligent woman and I believe you will get through

this with or without him just fine.

I can give you some tips on how to test him on some things and how to investigate him if you want to feel sure about his motive and see how sincere he

really is. Anyone should investigate a potential new partner that they met online and there is nothing wrong with it, be it here in the US or abroad.

I petitioned someone about 10 years ago whom I closely investigated online and off line and found he definitely had someone on the side and was not sincere.

It hurt but I got over it. The investigations worked out well for me and I am glad he never made it here.

Later I petitioned my now husband and we are very happy. It took 16 months in AP, then a denial, then a re filing to get him here, 5 years total.

He is worth every single day that we had to wait ! All the heartache and seemingly impossibilities of this journey were horrible to endure but we made it !

His CO gave us hell the first time around. We had 12# of quality relationship evidence and I visited 4 times. We had everything but the kitchen sink.
She refused to issue the visa and when I asked why she said "I have a feeling your marriage would not be a lasting one."
I asked why did she think that and she shrugged her shoulders as if she was caught with her finger in the cookie jar and replied : " Just a gut feeling."

Yes, we were denied on her gut feeling. There was no factual reason only personal bias.

Everything this CO said was carefully gathered and submitted for the re filing, her and my emails and my face to face meeting with her.

I wrote a 3 page detailed relationship letter and submitted even more evidence. This time around we were approved and the new CO said

he could see our love just from the photos alone.( The previous CO had disappeared.)

This CO had sincere personal questions about the age difference which we both overcame with flying colors.

The CO did a Stokes interview with me on the phone 4 hours after my then fiance's interview. He was kind, respectful but wanted to be convinced

that we are the real deal. So you see....I am saying all this because I really feel for you. I wish you all the happiness you deserve,

want to let you know that this is all about endurance and want to encourage you in a positive way to do a little investigative work to be sure

he is the one you are meant to be with before you spend a small fortune. Give it all enough time to get to know him better.

Things don't end if or when he gets here either.

There is the $1070 fee to file AOS, his maintenance until he can find a job. His first job will likely be a low paying job and he will then have to get an education and a degree.

Is he willing to work and pay for his education for several years and not depend on you to also provide an education for him ?
At his age he will just be gearing up to "make something of himself" while at your age you may think of winding down and looking to take it easy.
The age difference will come into play here in everyday life, in expectations, wishful thinking and realities.

Again, if he is truly the one then make it happen, with a loan perhaps but always put your little one's needs ahead of this journey.

Feel free to inbox me for a listening ear and to bounce ideas off with.

I wish you the best and I appreciate your kind spirit in which you have received all these tough comments of truth and reality and that will

take you far. So many get a chip on their shoulder and storm off. You didn't. You are listening, processing and learning.

God bless

[Boiler 43,771]

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/545397-need-advice-on-egyptian-fiance/

This thread has just started and looks relevant.

[InHisTime 110]

The whole scenario is one where he is highly frustrated at not getting educated or having outlets for employment. I saw the way people struggle for a living when I was there. I'm just learning so much today on this site, and I'm kind of overdoing all these replies, I know. I just feel shell shocked at how uninformed I am about the way I filed my petition, and now I'm not seeing practical options for as much face time as everyone says we'll need. Facing a possible break up is now something we have discussed. Break up? - broken hearts, dashed dreams and dazed head. I just highly underestimated the time and expense it will take to acheive our desired plans. Just really mistaken... He is quite intelligent, and I pray he gets the right opportunities in life to fulfill his potential. My life is winding down, and finding love would be quite a nice thing - that would be for both of us. So today I try to rest for a moment. Thanks for your input!

You are welcome madam. It's always your choice. VJ friends are just giving their insights, some are helpful, indeed and can lead to a wise decision. Of course there are things that we don't want to hear about, but that is how it is, everyone has different perspectives. At least now you get to know some facts and realities.

I admire you for listening and considering some ideas. It may really hurt but in the long term you will be thankful for. A wise man knows how to listen and reflect. You sound a very good woman and trusting. I pray that God will guide you with your decision and reveal to you the truth in time. Stay strong.

For now, just take it one day at a time, no rush, get to know more and more. If he is really true, I am sure he will find ways, and will be patient enough to wait. The finest cuisine takes time to cook, isn't it ?

Again, take care good care of your heart and your daughter. After all, I am sure you will be fine and happy even without a man in your life -- just in case.

I wish you good luck in whatever option you make.

[rhein 451]

Thanks Matt. That's some good, free legal info there. Just not good news! 30 years would be problematic. Yikes! Can expensive legal help illuminate such a problem, after all? Just don't have those funds, anyway. I love your concept of gender discrimination - also age discrimination comes to mind. Definitely not wealthy enough to pursue suing the USCIS though. ?

And, you know, Sovereign Immunity. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sovereign_immunity

[hawaiilove2015 0]

hi bro i am also in the same situation as you are my wife is 30 years older us citizen. but we are in 3 years of true relationship and married already waiting for my interview dont worry for the age gap if u have true love you already know about your wife everything so just prepare yourself for the paperwork

[jessiepatt 7]

To InHisTime. Your encouragement is heart felt and received. Thank you.

[jessiepatt 7]

Ebunoluwa. Wow, so much to take in from your last post. Bucket loads of experience and wisdom, I see. Thank you for all you shared, I believe it is from a place of genuine care. I would like to begin a private conversation at some point. Thanks for the offer. ? I hope your marriage continues to be blessed and stands up to all challenges that come.

[jessiepatt 7]

hi bro i am also in the same situation as you are my wife is 30 years older us citizen. but we are in 3 years of true relationship and married already waiting for my interview dont worry for the age gap if u have true love you already know about your wife everything so just prepare yourself for the paperwork

Hi Brother. I am the woman in the couple, just so you know! Your words are encouraging and true. I pray blessings for your marriage, interview, and success in your entire process. Thanks again.

[jessiepatt 7]

Filing the I-129f is not your problem at the moment. The worst is that it gets turned down but you can always file again or get married and file the I-130 petition. To me the bigger issue is whether this man is being honest with you. Your daughter has not been impacted yet but she will be if your fiance does not have honest intentions.

I have an honest fiance, thank you for your concern. What I'm trying to communicate with you is that my daughter is invested in him becoming her step dad, already. She is very excited, and though they've only communicated via phone and Skype, she already feels love from him and for him. So a false intention on his part is not the only way she could be impacted. Frankly, BaronB, we have moved past the question of suspicion.

[BaronB 42]

I have an honest fiance, thank you for your concern. What I'm trying to communicate with you is that my daughter is invested in him becoming her step dad, already. She is very excited, and though they've only communicated via phone and Skype, she already feels love from him and for him. So a false intention on his part is not the only way she could be impacted. Frankly, BaronB, we have moved past the question of suspicion.

You might have moved past that question but I can guarantee you that USCIS has not. USCIS doesn't care what you feel or what your daughter feels. What they care about is evidence of a bona fide relationship. At the moment you have one very short visit to back that up. The poster upthread who is in a similar age difference seems to have three years of relationship evidence. Those are the kinds of things USCIS likes to see, not love at first meeting.

[jessiepatt 7]

You might have moved past that question but I can guarantee you that USCIS has not. USCIS doesn't care what you feel or what your daughter feels. What they care about is evidence of a bona fide relationship. At the moment you have one very short visit to back that up. The poster upthread who is in a similar age difference seems to have three years of relationship evidence. Those are the kinds of things USCIS likes to see, not love at first meeting.

Point taken. We are now planning for a second and possibly third trip. We didn't know that our story, and genuine process, was not going to satisfy the criteria of the USCIS, until now.

[asisflyer 47]

How US feels about TRUTH in GHANA -- B2 VISA DENIAL RATES ( Prepare for Tough Talk so buckle down)

( sorry if I'm brusque OP - 100 countries later mostly developing world - I've seen and heard of so many scams and what

you describe sounds like textbook scamming. Also that region is specifically known for this age mismatch targetting aimed at caucasian american women principally and its hard to fight the stereotyping when you have 72 hours of physical presence together irrespective of online chit chat. You should 6-months living together, adopted children together, travelled the world together, people will stop talking. But 72 hours. CO will think similarly.

Love has a way of blinding people from common sense and there is nothing that anyone can say that can break the belief.

I've seen the guys Reject Photos and sound bytes from Private investigators with their fiances and wives up to no good. Yelling at the friends, the PI, establishing

nearly every constructive delusion you can think of to avoid facing the reality that there was a problem.

Often people push away their friends and friends who try to caution them along the way.

Years later with a clear head, one can see it and laugh at themselves.

It's on the TOP 10 LIST for HIGHEST DENIAL RATE BY COUNTRY FOR TOURIST VISA at 59.8% Denial !!!!

Even Nigeria is only 33%.

Somalia is only 52% Syria is 60% Afghanistan 47.8%

Whereas Columbia 12.3%, Botswana 16.9%, Bolivia 13.6% as examples.

The B2 visa weighs Ties to Country and Likelihood to Return Home, so what does at 59.8% Denial Rate tell you to expect from this Consulate?

IDEA: Let him get a Tourist Visa somewhere inexpensive and fly there. You fly there with your daughter. You spend time together (common travel). Family etc.

IDEA: Your family and his family - some level of interaction.

With the history you have with him, he could be Canadian and setting off red-flags.

Side note: are their PI's available in Ghana to check-out these guys background with this sort of thing?

Have you ever tried to communicate with his online profile as a different women ??? see what happens ?

[LoveinGhana! 55]

I have read all of the responses to jessiepatt. This is why I love this site. Everyone tries so hard to give positive advice and help someone who needs it most. My fiancé is from Ghana and it is very hard to get a visa there. However we have been together almost two years. He proposed 8 months after we were together. Love can not be rushed and it will be there forever when it's real and true. I have been to Ghana three times to see him (3rd trip will be in June for his interview). It is expensive but no amount of money adds up to being with someone you love. The K-1 process from beginning to interview for us has been 326 days. It isn't easy to deal with all of it, but here we are...so close but yet so far from the end (LOL). We can only pray all goes as planned.

Jessiepatt...I wish you and your daughter the best. I pray all works out for you. Stay strong and happy!!

God bless

Edited April 19, 2015 by LoveinGhana!

[Mike-eeh and Odie 192]

Just remember, this process is not about convincing yourself or your friends and family that your relationship is legitimate, it's convincing the US Consulate, which is a difficult entity to convince. That said, much like a case in court, it's not what you say, it's what you can prove. My advice, do the following:

Proof you met and communicate:

1. Save every text, every Skype conversation, every photo.

2. Save every receipt for gifts you send him. Also save receipts from your travels to Africa.

3. Send your letters via certified mail, so you have a record of your hand-written contact. Additionally save receipts from packages you send.

4. Save records of any money wire transfers.

5. Hopefully you took lots of pictures together with not only him, but his family as well.

6. When in doubt, save it!

Other Prep:

1. Make wedding plans. You don't need exact dates, but you should have an idea how you will get married: in a church, how many relatives, reception, etc.

2. Be certain he knows everything about you and your family. Including but not limited to, your parent's full names, their birthdays, your education, your job, what your house looks like and how many rooms it has, any pets, friends, other relatives/siblings, etc. C.O.s ask these kinds of questions.

3. Set aside money now for both the K-1 fees AND the AOS fees. Too many couples I see only plan the K-1 Fees and forget about having the fees for AOS. In addition there are also medical fees you need to plan for as well for both K-1 and AOS.

Interview:

1. Research online what questions they may ask at the interview.

2. Do a mock interview with him a day before the interview.

3. For the K-1 interview, I think it would be a great idea to schedule some vacation time so you can be at the embassy. Even though it's not necessary, it will look a whole lot better if you are there

[jessiepatt 7]

GREAT advice. Thank you so much!?