Extremely premature question about red flags...

[mymarriagejourney 112]

This isn't about my relationship. My husband has his 10 year GC and will be applying for citizenship in 6 months.

A friend of mine (USC) became FB friends with a friend of my husband (Jordanian) a while back. Normal enough. Well, last night my friend told me that she has a bit of a crush on him. (I don't think he knows that yet...but I suspect he might feel likewise.) I seriously almost told her to forget about that little crush and stop communicating with him. Why? Because I fear that if this little crush actually progressed as far as a serious thing, that the fact that they met through friends, one of them being also Jordanian, would be a major hurdle.

I feel like she'd actually listen to my advice at this stage because she's nowhere near in too deep yet. But, the flip side of the coin is that I actually believe they are quite well suited and I don't want to interfere with what could have the potential to be a good thing. If they actually aren't going to go to hell and back based on the introduction circumstances, I won't try to dissuade her.

Red flag? Not red flag?

[Unidentified 2,930]

I am not an expert on the issues of being with someone from Jordan and how difficult the whole visa process is if you are so I can't tell you red flag no red flag. But I do know that love can overcome everything.

So instead of telling her to not have contact with him anymore, maybe let her know all the things that could happen and let her be prepared IF they would actually get to a stage where they feel there is more than just a crush? At least then she knows what she is getting herself into and she can decide if it's worth it or not.

[mymarriagejourney 112]

That's what I meant by "dissuade." If it was a red flag and it would mean a lot of mess, I know her well enough to know that she would decide to dismiss a "crush" and simply not pursue anything further. She actively avoids highly troublesome situations. That doesn't mean that if her heart became involved that she wouldn't go through them. But, seriously, if this introduction thing is a big red flag and she has the potential of being crushed because of immigration issues, I'd like to give my 2 cents in an effort to spare her.

This is coming from me, who had a zillion red flags with my husband...but she and I are different people. I'm actually not a control freak and stay out of stuff 99% of the time. I just know her well and I'm just trying to be a good friend to her and warn her if this is a nasty hurdle. She can do what she wants, obviously, and I will fully support her.

Edited December 20, 2014 by mymarriagejourney

[Soloenta 2,218]

That's what I meant by "dissuade." If it was a red flag and it would mean a lot of mess, I know her well enough to know that she would decide to dismiss a "crush" and simply not pursue anything further. She actively avoids highly troublesome situations. That doesn't mean that if her heart became involved that she wouldn't go through them. But, seriously, if this introduction thing is a big red flag and she has the potential of being crushed because of immigration issues, I'd like to give my 2 cents in an effort to spare her.

This is coming from me, who had a zillion red flags with my husband...but she and I are different people. I'm actually not a control freak and stay out of stuff 99% of the time. I just know her well and I'm just trying to be a good friend to her and warn her if this is a nasty hurdle. She can do what she wants, obviously, and I will fully support her.

I disagree I think because she was introduced to this gentleman it removes the red flag and is more of a normal way to meet someone on the net or in person. One thing they see as a red flag is randomly meeting on the internet, which to me is foolish but you have to have tons of proof of a relationship when you meet this way. But to be introduced to someone on the internet, you know her well and he is your husbands friend removed that stigma. So I would just leave that part alone and maybe let her know what you went through with out saying this might happen to you. If she already knows then your job is done. Just my cent and a half.

[Cathi 5,610]

I met Moath online and we have big HUGE red flags and we have had a relatively easy time with immigration. As long as they meet and have a lot of evidence to prove their relationship they should be fine. Jordan isn't as high fraud country as countries in the Middle East go. If you want to direct her to me on FB I would be glad to talk to her

[Boiler 43,429]

Is she Jordanian?

[mymarriagejourney 112]

Is she Jordanian?

No, like me, she is a born and raised midwesterner.

[mymarriagejourney 112]

I met Moath online and we have big HUGE red flags and we have had a relatively easy time with immigration. As long as they meet and have a lot of evidence to prove their relationship they should be fine. Jordan isn't as high fraud country as countries in the Middle East go. If you want to direct her to me on FB I would be glad to talk to her

Thank you for that offer. If the time every comes, you KNOW I will take you up on that! It's not nearly to that point yet. At all. They just have a very casual friendship right now and she told me she has a little crush. Maybe it will never progress to anything at all, but I almost opened my mouth to try to nip it in the bud. My mind started racing because back when we were getting ready to AOS, everyone was telling me that the fact that I was introduced to my husband through his brother was going to send immigration screaming. Well, that didn't happen at all. But, he was also already in the US on an F1 visa, and I think we had a lot easier time with the kindly Columbus, Ohio IO than one might have when they are trying to get visas from the consulates.

[berber_wife 90]

I think you're overthinking it. They've only talked online at this point, right? Their crush might not turn into a relationship. If it does turn into a relationship, they might break up before getting married. And even if they get married, they might decide to live in Jordan instead of the US.

At the same time, I would encourage her not to put all her eggs in one basket too soon. Intercultural, long-distance relationships have a fair number of hurdles and visa issues are the least of them.

[mymarriagejourney 112]

I do overthink things, true enough. But, I do have my reasons this time: namely, that I know my friend pretty well. I'd kinda prefer not to get into specifics on the reason I asked this question so prematurely. But, I really just know and care about my friend.