divorce....still upset..any thoughts

[unknownnn 0]

Hi all

its the Off topic category so im hoping that my story will be fit.

I would like to talk about my ex and the current divorce pending case and the Anger.

Whenever i think about my soon to be ex i get so mad the anger starts kicking in.

is it the normal thing to get mad like this over the ex?

I need to think rationally but it is still hard.

My ex appears to be all smart and nice to the public but i knew the real of my ex. He confessed me that he once marries before to obtain the greencard for him and did not treat me well before.

He cheats at the same time i loved him.

Now i asked him to divorce and he was missing in an action when i tried to serve him with the summons and ran around for few times and excused for being busy in order to postpone signning to be served.

My ex married before and he said hus marriage was for him to get a greencard but recently he was backing it up to reverse his words saying he never did it for the greencard. I am just spechless and felt betrayed because qhen i first met him he lied that he was single and he also lied of his hometown. I founs it out by myself that he was not single so i was upset and asked him to leave me but then he said his marriage was not real. Now he is backing it up just because he is mad that im getting a divorce from him or if not then i do not know.

He did also not sign the divorce paper in the first place and this was what his first wife did it to him. When i was so into him i left my family and ignored what my mom said she said my ex and his life are under dramas and he is used to live that type of drama but i am not. I ignored my mom which i regret so much now.

I am still mad at him for all this. What makes me the most upset is that people do not know who he really is. I felt like i should have filed supposal support or somethibf to really hurt him just like he did it to me but i did not file for any support because i just wanted the divorce to come faster.

How can i let it go though what are somethings to do is the time only the key to release this anger

thanks in advance

[GBCW 397]

You got used. You're not the first person this has happened to, nor will you be the last. As for hurting him by hitting him in the wallet, go for it if you think it is deserved. If nothing else, it will be a longer-term reminder to him of the consequences of his actions. It's hard to forget the people you hurt when you end up with a gift that keeps giving (alimony checks are just like herpes, except herpes is forever).

[NikLR 13,227]

it's pretty normal to be angry and mad about being lied to and cheated on.

[Darnell 8,478]

Mad and Angry are normal. There are phases of emotions around/during divorce/divorcing, IMO what you're experiencing is normal.

It can eat at you, change you, be wary.

You used to have hobbies that you enjoyed, suggest you get back to them, to fill your time. I find that when I'm alone, no one around, I dwell on stuff, hindsight and pain, and it's not healthy.

For me, I find that exercise, daily exercise, helps to release the anger. Perhaps you could do the same, or do something similar ?

There's also a good cause to see a therapist, at this point, as well - but it's your decision to go or not.

Edited September 15, 2014 by Darnell

[Dan and Judy 614]

Did he bring You here from Albania?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

As others have said, being angry is normal, especially when the split is new. Heck, I still get angry on occasion when I think about how my ex cheated on me, and that was over five years ago! We tried to get back together for a year, but eventually I realised I just didn't care enough about it any longer. There was so much drama, so many tears, so many outright lies that one day I was over it. I took my ring off and it was over.

For me, the moment I understood I could really live with everything he had done, all the pain he had brought into our lives, was when I chose to forgive him. It was my choice -- no one made me do it -- but when I did, it was like the heaviest weight in the world had started to be lifted from my back. I could breathe again. It was wonderful! And in the intervening years I have let go of more and more. First, I stopped obsessing over the other woman. Then, I didn't care when he started dating someone else. Then one day, I stopped feeling responsible for his happiness and let go of all my pity for him. Sometimes these things were conscious, others were more organic and I hadn't even noticed they'd happened. But letting go will happen, must happen in order for your life to go on and for you to keep growing as a person.

I also chose not to exact any revenge. I knew that even if it would have felt great for a moment, I'd have to live with my actions for the rest of my life. I chose the high road and have zero regrets.

I'm now happy, healthy and sane, and in a long-term relationship with the best man I have ever met. We're moving in together soon. My life isn't perfect, but I have so much joy to be thankful for. All I can do is to encourage you to understand your feelings are normal, and that living well is the best revenge.

[ZAMA 6]

You can never win from a liar, but as they say " what goes around comes around". I would suggest the following quote from ^ the maven^

The best quote "I also chose not to exact any revenge. I knew that even if it would have felt great for a moment, I'd have to live with my actions for the rest of my life. I chose the high road and have zero regrets"

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Sometimes, when we have been used and/or abused by someone else, we also become angry at ourselves for getting 'caught' like that, for believing in this person and their lies, and for them putting us in the position of feeling where we gave them our honest love and didn't see that they were undeserving. This may not be part of your very legitimate anger at him - but it also may be part of why you are so very angry. Only you will know for sure.

If you believe that this may be part of why you can't let go of the anger, then allow yourself to be angry - and then forgive yourself for being taken in. There are some very experienced 'con' men (and women) out there and it is easy for them to prey on others who don't have that same level of guile and dishonesty, who believe in their love and who don't see that their loved one doesn't deserve their honesty, trust or love until they are betrayed.

Good luck to you.

[rlogan 2,036]

How can i let it go though what are somethings to do is the time only the key to release this anger

thanks in advance

First of all, congratulations. You have a right to be angry. Furious. But you have expressed no feelings of a need to get even. You are already focused on exactly the right thing! How to now let this anger out and let it go.

It shows you are a good person that got hurt, not a bad person that wants to get even.

Time heals all wounds, and this is what you need. But with a network of friends, family, work cohorts or whatever. People who aren't going to stab you in the back and trample on your feelings.

Then go kill him. Take him out with a hi-powered rifle, hidden in a sniper position where you can get away quick. Watch the round go straight through his forehead. I'm Kidding! A joke to make you laugh.