PLEASE HELP , I NEED HELP

[sara82 4]

Hi everybody, i wished if i have a good news, but i just have bad news.

since i moved to US to live with my husband , he don't stop insulting me, he treat me bad even in a public places like markets/stores/restaurant, loud voice, bad words,

today morning when he woke up he wanted to cause a problems with me , he beated me in my arm, he trough my clothes in the bathroom,

, i tried to call the police to help me, but i don't want to do something like that, im alone and no body will be with me to support me, to follow any police process or something like that, plus one in my family is sick and i don't want to bother my family , kill them , i just tell them im FINE since i came here

.

he came to me again, , he wanted to call the police, against me, but i dealed the number 911 and houng out, they called back and they came , they take him to the jail, im now at the house, i have no idea what to do , i told them i forgive him , but they told me it doesnt mutter ,until he pay something and see what will happens ,

what do i have to do now ? go talk to them in their office to forgive him , or what ? please help

[TeaCup 65]

If your husband is abusing you, get out of the relationship. Seek local free help if possible.

[belinda63 2,981]

Now you will probably have to talk to an investigator. Normally in cases of domestic violence a restraining order is temporarily issued against the person who was arrested which means, if one is issued, he won't be able to come home or be around you. Sounds like you are a victim of domestic violence and you need to figure out what you want to do. Do you want to remain in the US and divorce our spouse or do you want to divorce him and go home?

For now you have time to think about your options. I suggest you calmly speak to a domestic violence worker. If you can't find a phone number for one call the police station (not the 911 number) and ask if they can give you the information for domestic violence. They should have given it to you when they arrested your spouse. Speak with a worker there and have her help you decide what your options are and what will happen with your spouse.

[sara82 4]

Now you will probably have to talk to an investigator. Normally in cases of domestic violence a restraining order is temporarily issued against the person who was arrested which means, if one is issued, he won't be able to come home or be around you. Sounds like you are a victim of domestic violence and you need to figure out what you want to do. Do you want to remain in the US and divorce our spouse or do you want to divorce him and go home?

For now you have time to think about your options. I suggest you calmly speak to a domestic violence worker. If you can't find a phone number for one call the police station (not the 911 number) and ask if they can give you the information for domestic violence. They should have given it to you when they arrested your spouse. Speak with a worker there and have her help you decide what your options are and what will happen with your spouse.

I TOLD THE POLICE HE INVERSTIGATE with me , that i forgive him , i dont want him to go to jail , im musulmane it never happened in our society something like that, i told them where they were in the house i just want him to never violence me again, but now in my situation do you mean it illegal for me to stay around him , that means i have to find place where i will live ? or he can come back home ?, i wanted to call them to tell them if there is possibility to speak to him , but i think this is not allowed , i never wanted to get divorced now

[belinda63 2,981]

He is in jail. He has been charged with a crime. He will most likely not be permitted to return home or be near you until he appears in court. You can remain in the home, he cannot. There is no way for you to call him in jail. At this point you have a legal situation. You need to call a domestic violence number, there should be one in the phone book or you can get the number from the police. They can act for you in contacting the court and the police to find out what is happening.

Most people who commit domestic violence have mental issues that need to be addressed. Just telling them to stop will not work. They need counseling and help to learn their actions are wrong. Even then most of them do not reform. I suggest you begin making plans for a life without your spouse or else a life of being abused.

[sara82 4]

the police gave me a paper with victims name ; my name , and case number and i asked them for number to call, he wrote it down .can i call them now to ask , they already know how many days he will stay in jail, or not yet ?

[belinda63 2,981]

You need to understand what you are asking is specific to the area you are in. Some places bond is set within a few hours, some places you have to see the judge first which would be Monday morning. Some places they will release you without paying a bond. I don't know what the number is you are referring to. Call it and explain your situation and find out how they can help you. In any case he will not be permitted to return home at least until he appears in court. If you attempt to go to him or contact him it could create more problems.

[rhein 451]

Hi everybody, i wished if i have a good news, but i just have bad news.

since i moved to US to live with my husband , he don't stop insulting me, he treat me bad even in a public places like markets/stores/restaurant, loud voice, bad words,

today morning when he woke up he wanted to cause a problems with me , he beated me in my arm, he trough my clothes in the bathroom,

, i tried to call the police to help me, but i don't want to do something like that, im alone and no body will be with me to support me, to follow any police process or something like that, plus one in my family is sick and i don't want to bother my family , kill them , i just tell them im FINE since i came here

.

he came to me again, , he wanted to call the police, against me, but i dealed the number 911 and houng out, they called back and they came , they take him to the jail, im now at the house, i have no idea what to do , i told them i forgive him , but they told me it doesnt mutter ,until he pay something and see what will happens ,

what do i have to do now ? go talk to them in their office to forgive him , or what ? please help

You seem to be in San Diego. Go to this site: http://www.sandiego.gov/sandiegofamilyjusticecenter/ for domestic violence hotline. Number is: (888) DV-LINKS (385-4657)

Here is another 24 hour San Diego domestic violence hotline number: 619-234-3164 from this site http://www.ywcasandiego.org/inquire/24-hour-domestic-violence-hotline.html

[sara82 4]

You seem to be in San Diego. Go to this site: http://www.sandiego.gov/sandiegofamilyjusticecenter/ for domestic violence hotline. Number is: (888) DV-LINKS (385-4657)

Here is another 24 hour San Diego domestic violence hotline number: 619-234-3164 from this site http://www.ywcasandiego.org/inquire/24-hour-domestic-violence-hotline.html

yes, im in san diego

[rhein 451]

yes, im in san diego

You have a lot to think about, and I know you're scared and confused right now. I really think that if you call one of those numbers and talk to someone, it will help you to be calmer and sort out your options. I hope you will make that call - please?

[sara82 4]

You have a lot to think about, and I know you're scared and confused right now. I really think that if you call one of those numbers and talk to someone, it will help you to be calmer and sort out your options. I hope you will make that call - please?

You dont know how i feel, scared, confused, sad, im not sure what will happens, if he appears in the court and they let him come to the house, do i have to leave the house? i think i have to do because he will not come to drink coffee with me, he may come to his house ,to take out everything and stop the rent , and i have no idea how my feeling will be when i will be leaving in a shelter,

do i have and MUST divorce him in this case because he violent me? or he will have to divorce me, i just dont know what is happening right now, the only thing i know , as soon as i saw him looking for his phone because he want to call the police , he gave me the courage to dial the police number

[belinda63 2,981]

Calling the police was the correct thing to do. No man has a right to hit or degrade another person. I know it is very difficult for you. You are in a country where you do not know how the police or courts work, you don't know what rights you have, and the worst is you don't know what will happen next. All I can give you is a general idea of what might happens because it is all specific to your area.

Please, Please call the number jon and sol gave you. They will be able to calm you down and explain the process to you. Don't borrow trouble by imagining what might happen. You have the phone number to call to get help and find out what will happen. Take it one day at a time and have someone (called an advocate) explain everything to you.

[sara82 4]

Calling the police was the correct thing to do. No man has a right to hit or degrade another person. I know it is very difficult for you. You are in a country where you do not know how the police or courts work, you don't know what rights you have, and the worst is you don't know what will happen next. All I can give you is a general idea of what might happens because it is all specific to your area.

Please, Please call the number jon and sol gave you. They will be able to calm you down and explain the process to you. Don't borrow trouble by imagining what might happen. You have the phone number to call to get help and find out what will happen. Take it one day at a time and have someone (called an advocate) explain everything to you.

i dont know how to thanks you, for your appreciate answers, i dont stop craying, and im some kind of persons, i love to sleep in peace , and i love to sleep without thinking* because of me someone is in jail or in a bad place, i just dont know from where i start, call the number they gave ? i need to know when he will be back to the house to know what can i do ? what kind of questions can i ask them ? i dont drive, how can i meet the investigator, or the domestic worker , i wish if my family are here, i even can t tell them my mother is sick, i just told my sister about what s happened

[Sandra G. 5,016]

sara82 your husband is not in jail because of you, he is in prison because of his abusive behavior against you!. Stop blaming yourself. He is the only one responsible for his wrong doings.Anyone capable of inflict violence against another human being should face jail time.

We can't change or control other people's actions, we can only control how we react,and you reacted properly .You should see some counselor/psychologist to help you understand what's going in your life. My dear love is not enough, because a relationship without respect means ANYTHING. Respect yourself enough to walk away.

Edited April 27, 2014 by sandranj

[Sirliner 26]

i dont know how to thanks you, for your appreciate answers, i dont stop craying, and im some kind of persons, i love to sleep in peace , and i love to sleep without thinking* because of me someone is in jail or in a bad place, i just dont know from where i start, call the number they gave ? i need to know when he will be back to the house to know what can i do ? what kind of questions can i ask them ? i dont drive, how can i meet the investigator, or the domestic worker , i wish if my family are here, i even can t tell them my mother is sick, i just told my sister about what s happened

You should at least make the phone call. Be aware that your spouse can bail out of custody prior to any court appearance. Meaning it could be tomorrow. All he has to do is have someone aware of his arrest(allowed collect phone calls from the county jail) contact a bail bondsman and pay the 10% of total bail(usually $10,000 in San Diego County if no serious injuries and charged as a misdemeanor) by credit card.

You should also be aware that an accuser cannot have the charges dropped once they have been made. Once turned over to the District Attorney Domestic Violence unit, it is solely within the prosecutor's power to bring charges, if any. The prosecutor is under no obligation to drop charges if the accuser changes their mind.