Time Spent Apart

[LesleyRyan 4]

The only good thing about that is USCIS has supposedly gotten much faster at processing I-130's. We, along with so many others on this website, got caught in the backlog last year. We filed in May 2013 and didn't get approval until February 2014. Now, we are are the NVC, and he still doesn't even have an interview scheduled! It's like a cruel joke, but the best thing you can do is get it filed as fast as possible and keep checking back here on this site to make sure you have the resources to get through each stage quickly. I honestly wish I knew about it sooner when I was tearing my hair out after months of silence from USCIS. But believe me, it gets better. And if you're in love, it's worth it. Just support each other and stick through the rough times. You WILL get there

I'm wating on a new passport to file my I-130.. I wish I was in the waiting phase.. I see the time lines on here.. but I don't really understand them.

[London2Boston 59]

Find work and make saving money your obsession. You will love watching your balance grow and thinking of how great it will feel to let your husband know what you've saved.

I found after about 8 months that this forum wasn't really comforting anymore since there started to pop up the K1 ''just got approved in 10 days, can't believe it!'' type posts were making me bitter and it's not my place to think negatively about other's good fortune.

Seriously if you find work it will keep you sane, put you in a routine and meeting new people is a great distraction to pass the months.

Good luck.

You have a point there...it took me a while to keep myself from getting bitter and upset all the time seeing that stuff about "wow...only 7 days and i got an approval!!!" Even now in the NVC thread when I see October filers (I'm a May filer) I can get upset that we had to wait unnecessarily for 5 extra months to be in the exact same spot. But now I have to think "Good for them, they were spared all that torture" because I'd never wish that on anyone! But those of us who went through the long haul are stronger for it I think

[London2Boston 59]

I'm wating on a new passport to file my I-130.. I wish I was in the waiting phase.. I see the time lines on here.. but I don't really understand them.

For USCIS, NOA1 is the notice date that they receive your I-130 petition. Then, you wait for a Transfer to a service center, Request For Evidence (RFE) or Approval. Other than that, you hear nothing from USCIS. NOA2 is the approval of the petition, when it gets shipped to the National Visa Center (NVC) which moves faster but has multiple stages that you should research ahead of time to get through as fast as possible. You can check my timeline to see the time between stages, and hopefully yours will go faster.

At this point, prepare all paperwork for the I-130 as thoroughly as you can to avoid an RFE (if you make mistakes on the form or forget paperwork). That will get you through as fast as humanly possible!

[Brit Abroad 166]

Six years down the line from the K1 process, let me share a tip with you.

If you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this person who lives in America, spend time building and mending relationships in your life at the moment. Once you make the move, it's incredibly easy to lose touch, to feel homesick and lonely, even when you're with the one person who makes you feel whole.

Trust me ... take the time to enjoy the family and friends that you have NOW. Planning for tomorrow is great, knowing how the process works before and after you arrive in the US is even better, but the best thing is building a lot of memories of the loved ones that you are going to see much less of once that visa is in your hands.

Best of luck in your process, but please don't wish your life away. The time will come.

[CanGirl 95]

Six years down the line from the K1 process, let me share a tip with you.

If you're planning on spending the rest of your life with this person who lives in America, spend time building and mending relationships in your life at the moment. Once you make the move, it's incredibly easy to lose touch, to feel homesick and lonely, even when you're with the one person who makes you feel whole.

Trust me ... take the time to enjoy the family and friends that you have NOW. Planning for tomorrow is great, knowing how the process works before and after you arrive in the US is even better, but the best thing is building a lot of memories of the loved ones that you are going to see much less of once that visa is in your hands.

Best of luck in your process, but please don't wish your life away. The time will come.

Aww this is the best advice I have seen on this forum. I'm just starting to realize this now. I've been spending a lot more time with my parents and my family and building relationships. I want to be with my husband but at the same time I am so sad about having to leave my home and my family. I'm just trying to appreciate the time I have with them now and I don't want to wish it away at all.

[QueenOfBlades 224]

We pretty much played video games for a lot of it. Skype was on every second I wasn't at work, I even slept with it on with my laptop facing me every night while I slept so he could watch me and if I woke up, I could see him so I didn't feel alone. We played lots of Steam games, Orcs Must Die 2, I played games and streamed them to him. We watched movies together and had "movie nights" where we both ordered Papa Johns and watched movies on Netflix together. We just tried to do everything together that we could while living apart.

[Ryan H 3,795]

Moved from Process & Procedures to Progress Reports.

[BeataO 2]

just raising our daughter all by myself

I feel your pain, I'm raising my daughter all by myself and I know how hard and painful it is, stay strong.

[Laspoxaroumeni 68]

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[*Snowdrop* 603]

You want to find some way to maintain your relationship over the months - I also recommend finding a good routine you can do together - phone calls or Skype dates every week for example. For now as he has no computer or phone, how about writing letters or even postcards to each other each week?

We were apart for the whole first 16 months of our marriage because of the backlogs back in 2007/8 and it was very hard. Here are the things I wish I could go back and tell my 2007 self...

1. Stop comparing yourself to friends and family. Yes, it's not the usual path to take and you feel a bit different from your other married friends but it's going to be a distant memory one day and you'll be able to have the daily rows about the washing up and sock on the floor like the rest of them.

2. Save money. Save money. Save money. Get a second job or second form of income. Sell all your old stuff you don't want to take with you. Create the biggest nest egg you can to take with you. There are so many expenses associated with moving to a new place, it's a buffer if you don't get a job asap, and even if you don't need it for those things you can use it to take some trips and travel around the US with your new spouse and get to know your new home.

3. Declutter and sort through your stuff. Reduce to only the stuff you really want to take with you. Get rid of or preferably sell the things you don't need to take. This will save you both the financial effort but also the emotional effort of moving or storing your belongings.

4. Take advantage of all the things in your home country before you leave it, and tie up all loose ends. Great health benefits? Have all your medical needs, yearly physical, well woman tests, dental appointments etc taken care of while you can. Perform some housekeeping on all aspects of your life there. Double check all bank accounts, savings accounts, portfolios etc. Check everything is in the right name if you changed your married name. Close any accounts which are not really useful to you once you move (although it's nice to keep one open for future travel etc). Make copies or order copies of all essential documents - get really organised with binders to keep this stuff together. Consider leaving a copy of everything with someone you trust at home. (I left a binder like this with my parents)

5. Research your future home - make a list of all the things you want to accomplish in your first year there and then work out what you need to know etc to make those things happen. How to get your driver's licence, maps of the area, recommendations for doctors, dentists, hair salons, the job market etc.

6. Say long lovely goodbyes to friends and family - make sure you have everyone's contact details and you discuss good ways to stay in touch.

7. And did I mention saving money?

Edited April 24, 2014 by *Lynne*

[fridgewater 15]

Awww, I really feel your pain... We've been married 419 days, and we are finally in the 2nd stage of the visa (1. I-130, 2. Affidavit of support and DS-260, 3. Interview), we submitted our petition after being married 154 days, and the petition took 232 days.

I have an excel spreadsheet of our timeline, that I keep updating for myself, counting down the days. We've gotten stuck with gathering tax information, but hopefully will be back on track shortly.

It's been a long and excruciating wait. And I hate to tell you, that it doesn't get easier, it gets harder. I can't imagine how awful it must be with such lack of communication, I find texting everyday nightmarish, as you simply can't have a real conversation this way. My husband is also between a 6 and 10 hour time difference between us, and he works odd hours too, so facetime also becomes problematic. He's also a 20 hour flight away at $1,500 a shot. At times I want to throw in the towel, and I'm sure he does too.

But with all this waiting, I've had plenty time to make sure I have all the necessary visa documents, (I had to self-school my way through the process), and I've had time to sort out my personal admin (you are moving to a new country, albeit be across the border). It really is an opportunity to spring clean your life, so that when you do move, you have everything ready to go. Another thing, is that I've been saving every cent I can whilst I wait, so that the financial burden once I arrive is not monumental, and will hold us over until I find a job.

Canada might be similar to the US, but it's not the US. You are going to have to get a new drivers licence, get health insurance, car insurance, etc, etc. Use this time to do your homework, plan your life.

Try enjoy this alone time, because before you know it, you are going to have a husband 24/7 and a handful of new things to deal with. It's an exciting time!

[EarlyMorningHours 4]

I work 2 (sometimes more) extra jobs and take any overtime that comes my way. Usually I'll work more than 80 hours a week. It passes the time and it's necessary to keep our financial debt from growing any further and to allow me to visit about every 8 to 12 weeks. The side jobs don't involve any heavy lifting so I usually spend the time at those listening to Pimsluer audio language lessons or using various flash card programs, etc on my phone so that I can better communicate with my in-laws. One bit of advice I would give to anybody here.. hit the gym. I still wake up at 5am every weekday and spend 1.5 to 2 hours in the gym. It's a massive help with stress relief and is hopefully helping to counteract the negative effects of this process and working too much.

[Abby&Mario 100]

LesleyRyan,

So from what I gather you are the Canadian beneficiary and your spouse is the American petitioner. Who told you to wait for your new passport before sending the I-130? Look here and you won't see anything about that being a requirement: http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide1

(A tip as well: Always try to verify what you see here on the USCIS/NVC web site if possible just in case.)

I just got my I-130 petition approved. I included a copy of the bio page of my husband's expired passport and the page that had entry stamps to the U.S. from when he visited me as evidence of a bonafide marriage. Other than that, we didn't send a copy of any I.D. for him because it's not a requirement at this stage. Is something different for Canadians in this regard? I'm not sure why you'd have to wait for your new passport to come in to send off your I-130.

[CanGirl 95]

LesleyRyan,

So from what I gather you are the Canadian beneficiary and your spouse is the American petitioner. Who told you to wait for your new passport before sending the I-130? Look here and you won't see anything about that being a requirement: http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide1

(A tip as well: Always try to verify what you see here on the USCIS/NVC web site if possible just in case.)

I just got my I-130 petition approved. I included a copy of the bio page of my husband's expired passport and the page that had entry stamps to the U.S. from when he visited me as evidence of a bonafide marriage. Other than that, we didn't send a copy of any I.D. for him because it's not a requirement at this stage. Is something different for Canadians in this regard? I'm not sure why you'd have to wait for your new passport to come in to send off your I-130.

There is a requirement for a copy of the bio-data page of the beneficiary's passport. Maybe she just wants everything in her husbands last name and is waiting on that?

She might not have the expired passport anymore either. When you apply for last name change in Canada you are required to submit for a whole new passport. Unless you request to keep the old one they will take it from you.

[THETIMEISNOW 37]

just raising our daughter all by myself

My daughter will be 3 years old this year and my hubby has never met her in person...it is not easy. I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but it doesn't. You just learn how to exist in the midst of the heartache and pain of not having your spouse with you.