After you got married on a K1....?

[dakz 3]

Long distance for over a year is really hard, I think that people who stick together and don't give up on each other during that K1 process would be more inclined to work harder on staying married and communicating with their partner. Am I naive in thinking that?

Would like to hear from people who already married someone on a K1 Visa. Do you feel that marriages that start out this way have a good or better chance of staying solid than say a conventional relationship? After you got married, was the relationship happier, stronger, etc? Any feedback would be fantastic. I would be interested in hearing all angles and opinions. Thanks!

[ChicagoSarah 127]

I'd say it has the same chance as any conventional relationship. If it was entered into for the right reasons with the appropriate level of commitment, it should be successful. As long as the K-1 is petitioned due to true compatibility and love and not just a desire to have a spouse or get a green card, it should be successful.

I think that, as with any conventional relationship, it comes down to how committed each partner has been throughout the process. If the distance means that the couple rarely saw each other and rarely (if ever) Skyped/FaceTimed, then I would think the marriage would be more difficult. You have to be used to prioritizing your partner - during the LDR, this means prioritizing phone chats, emails, video chats, and physical visits to see one another.

Going through a long distance relationship and the K1 process will bring some couples closer together. It is hard work, it's expensive, and it's frustrating. But if you face it together because you have found your soul mate, then you'll be a stronger couple and go into your marriage having learned to face adversity together. Other couples will be torn apart by the stress and frustration. If one partner does all the legwork and makes all the sacrifices, the marriage will be starting off on rocky ground.

Your marriage will be built off the type of relationship you've built to this point. Marriage itself will not make the relationship any happier, stronger, etc. If anything, it could make it more challenging because now you are able to be together 24/7 and must face the co-habitating and cultural differences head on, not just in spurts now.

Anyway....that's my opinion. It's totally dependent on the individuals, not the K1 process itself. Just as with conventional relationships. There's no magic answer and no guarantee of anything.

To answer the question - my husband and I are definitely happier now. But it wasn't the marriage itself that did that so much as being able to be together and integrate into one another's lives. Not having a time difference and living together instead of 4,000 miles apart makes building memories so much easier and more rewarding. The K1 was a means to an end. We wanted to be together, and that was the best way to do that. We were happy before and can now build on that as we build our future together.

[ChicagoSarah 127]

Sorry...my response double-posted for some reason!

Edited December 17, 2013 by ChicagoSarah

[baron555 934]

Long distance for over a year is really hard, I think that people who stick together and don't give up on each other during that K1 process would be more inclined to work harder on staying married and communicating with their partner. Am I naive in thinking that?

Would like to hear from people who already married someone on a K1 Visa. Do you feel that marriages that start out this way have a good or better chance of staying solid than say a conventional relationship? After you got married, was the relationship happier, stronger, etc? Any feedback would be fantastic. I would be interested in hearing all angles and opinions. Thanks!

the long distance forces people to make concessions and to work at communicating, if they choose to. That in itself can lend itself to a stronger working relationship between the couple and that can lead to a stronger relationship.

I can say for my wife and I since we couldn't be with each other, it forced us to communicate on a regular basis and to talk and talk......rather than sit in the back seat and steam up the windows.....we feel that this communication and talking about everything and anything allowed us to better know each other and to vet each other out prior to being together. Our relationship is better now than before.

The difficulties we encountered also strengthened us as we worked through then, together, and that in turn we feel made us stronger as a couple and stronger to understand and give each other the benefit of the doubt when we encounter new difficulties, both external and internal to the relationship.

Edited December 17, 2013 by baron555

[christeen 966]

All true.. However, one pitfall I have seen happen to many K1 couples has to do with unrealistic expectations... Throughout the waiting period couples talk about how amazing life will be together, rainbows, unicorns we will do this and that together... Then, once over here and in USA REAL life sets in... Work, tired, being alone, fights, getting used to living with someone for the first time and not able to work while the USC spouse is gone working... Add the stresses of adapting to a new culture and homesickness, language barriers and it can be a recipe for issues...

All this can be overcome, but the work only just begins when your fiancée/ spouse arrives and you should expect some bumps... Hopefully the good communication that most long distance couples have developed can aid in the transition and happy married life... Good luck and remember, marriage is work, compromise and understanding...

[TBoneTX 43,057]

*** Thread moved from K-1 Process forum to the General Immigration Discussion forum -- not a K-1 process topic. ***

[Luthien 9]

Very interesting thread! And all the posts I read were very intelligent and well argumented. Kudos to all the people once again proving that this is one of the best forums out there.

dakz - this is actually something I was thinking about. After all the time and effort and money one puts into this process, one (or at least I) is bound to try harder to make the marriage work. Right now it feels like a gamble (putting my money on "yes, this is the person I'm going to spend my life with") and if it doesn't work out I would feel like I failed and made a really bad choice.

[AleGwi 11]

Long distance for over a year is really hard, I think that people who stick together and don't give up on each other during that K1 process would be more inclined to work harder on staying married and communicating with their partner. Am I naive in thinking that?

Would like to hear from people who already married someone on a K1 Visa. Do you feel that marriages that start out this way have a good or better chance of staying solid than say a conventional relationship? After you got married, was the relationship happier, stronger, etc? Any feedback would be fantastic. I would be interested in hearing all angles and opinions. Thanks!

I think there are arguments for both sides.

Yes you/we have worked so hard before and been committed and gone through all of this together learning to trust each other and love each other whilst so far apart. It's hard!

However, the downside is how long have potential K1 applicants (who will ultimately marry) really spent "together" not just two week holidays here and there but actually spent time together and LIVED together everyday. This can make or break couple in my past experience. It's great until people move in together and then can be even better! Or terribly irritating.

For this reason, I took 3 months sabbatical and went and LIVED with my fiancée this year for 90 days from May until mid August. Before that the longest time we spent together as a couple was 3 weeks. As before that it was study abroad, we weren't together so it doesn't really count.

Living together day in, day out for that 3 months taught me a lot about her and her me, we learned a lot about our relationship and were happy safe in the knowledge that we are for keeps. Despite kicking off at each other now and again arguing like there's no tomorrow. Usual relationship stuff! Thankfully, in that three months, that happened less than can be counted on one hand.

Then she came here for 6 weeks in September. Again, day in day out pretty much in each other's pockets. I don't even think we had one bust up during that time. The good thing is, during that three months. I learnt a lot about her that I wouldn't have know until after we married. I know what pushes her buttons. I know ALLL her had points, and it love her still just fine and have also worked out how to react to her bad points as she has with me. No one is perfect, but I suspect a lot of relationships break down fast once they start learning these things (as any relationship could) difference is, with this process people might not find those things out until they're married!

[dakz 3]

Wow - these are some great responses, and very good food for thought!!! I appreciate everyone's input and honesty!!

[Operator 1,925]

I don't know about the relationship but the sex sure is better in person.

[bettypentiér44 12]

Here's my opinion - tale it or leave it! Whilst I am not married yet (February!!!!) I have lived with my fiancé for over 5 years, so I have a good idea of where you might be going with this.

We did long distance for a little less than a year at the beginning of our relationship - we visited each other 3 times, but for the most part it was long distance. We got to know each other very well in that year as our relationship was built on friendship and communication, and I think this is really important. When we moved in with each other everything was great for a bit as it was all new and exciting, but then you are faced with living with a person you have never lived with before and times can be a little rough while you try to figure each other out. You both are inevitably going to irritate each other with things that you do or don't do.

A long distance relationship u\is very different to an in-person relationship. The dynamics change completely. I personally think if you can make it through a long distance relationship and then the 1st year of living together without breaking up then you're probably on to a good thing (not obviously in all cases!).

For me personally, I could never marry someone without living with them first or at least spending a lot of actual time with them as, like I said, it's way different from a long distance relationship.However, for some it does work so if that's the route you choose to go down, then that's fine. Just my opinion!

[NickD 202]

K1 is a means to give a 90 day visa to a potential immigrant to spend that very little time together, that without it, that person could not get a visa to come here.

And in that very short time period, have to decide whether to get married or not, and if not, have to send that person back. And for that reason with the money already spent, force a couple to get married without sufficient time to really get to know one another. Know of at least three couples whose marriages have failed on a K1 visa for this reason, the USCIS just doesn't give you the time to be together.

Should be more like six months or even a year instead of just 90 days. And even carrying on a one year long distant relationship over the phone or the internet, while waiting, how much of this is a part of your imagination and how much of it is real? You have to spend this time together.

Other factors enter the equation, like each others family, one will have to leave their family and will they be accepted into your family. In my case not only my wife to be was involved but a potential step daughter as well. Could we live together as a family? Then the cultural shock of them coming here. How well would they be accepted into your community? Just can't stay locked up in a very small area.

Just saying, a whole lot more to marriage and learning if you can live happily together, this takes time, and 90 days is not enough. I was fortunate in that my intended had a tourist visa, so we could spend this time together. I could fly down there, meet her entire family, and she and her daughter could come here.

In our case, we could spend at least six months together over a two year period. The absolute worse part of our relationship, is when we had to part.

So why can't the USCIS give this couple more time? Another very stupid law, and a law without any common sense involved as most of them are.