Need to break it off, but how?

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

He's not finished with this relationship, probably gonna drag it out a few more years.

[no name 1]

did I miss the part about you being married?

It took so long because we first applied for a K3 visa based on a marriage in Mexico which was rejected because her divorce from a previous marriage was not finalized. But the marriage is still there, albeit probably invalid, and she has used that to threaten me as well.

What A MESS. The enabling, lying & co-dependency here makes me sick.

[jetset55 0]

Just wanted to say thanks again for all the people that supported me through this.

The person in question is back in her home country, the relationship is ended and the appointment with a divorce lawyer is for Tuesday.

Everything worked out thanks to some GREAT advice and support.

Couldn't have done it without some very CARING and WISE people.

THANKS AGAIN TO ALL!!!

Jetset55

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Definitely did the right thing by getting out..that part was a no brainer. Just make sure you're not speaking to her AT ALL anymore now!! (not sure if you're still soliciting advice here or not?) Anyway, good luck to you in your future...but ...DON'T talk to her anymore! M.

['my_destiny' 0]

...and also I felt responsible for her. She always said that it was my fault that she had fallen so hard for me, and that I needed to keep my commitment to marry her.

This was certaintly one of the worst decisions I have made, one that I have learned volumes from and hope that I don't live to regret...

PLEASE, DONT LOCK YOURSELf IN YOUR OWN JAIL...Free yourself now!

She is just trying to corner you and make you feel guilty which you must not.

['my_destiny' 0]

...and also I felt responsible for her. She always said that it was my fault that she had fallen so hard for me, and that I needed to keep my commitment to marry her.

This was certaintly one of the worst decisions I have made, one that I have learned volumes from and hope that I don't live to regret...

also I read about her email to you that she worry that she cant get another K1-visa..see she only worries about it, but not concern about you and about your feelings. I know that you are a nice guy and a nice girl is really meant for you, not someone who will threat you and too violent in your relationship because if it is always will be, the relationship will not be healthy and for sure, will lead to divorce.

I hope 2007 will be a great blessing for you..leave all the past bad experiences and memories of 2006 and face 2007 with great positive and happy and meaningful relationship

Edited January 2, 2007 by 'my_destiny'

[Lizzy 0]

Bloody hell.. what a farce.

Glad you got it sorted mate.

[sen 0]

Beat me up, but I feel so sorry for this poor woman. She was simply

used.

While she was illegal, the man lived with her, and used her: she

either worked for him and he paid her nothing, or something like this,

or he just liked to have somebody submissive and in his power around.

She is evidently emotionally unstable, and he took pleasure in what

children call "teasing": making her agitated and violent, and then

soothing her, then again, never leaving her alone, playing with her

feelings, emotions and fears to be discovered. He needed her, so he

even entered into an invalid marriage, knowing that it will be

nothing, but that she will stick around.

When he finished with her, he sent her out, promising a "fiancee

visa", submitted all the papers, and played with her like cat with the

mouse, knowing full well that he never intended to have her back.

Then, a short time before the interview, he called her and announced

that it was over. She became hysterical, cried, threatened, he

listened and enjoyed it, but then decided that he needed an audience

and came here to post his "grievances". She understood that she was

used and fooled, and made went to her feelings.

I noticed how he first said that he wanted to cancel with prejudice,

and when there was no support he changed his intention. And that post

"shh, someone may be reading", is altogether not a post of a person,

stricken by grief and apprehension, but someone exceedingly pleased

with himself.

Then, if he was so much in "love", why keep her there and not send her

back sooner, to go through the legal procedure? Because he liked to

have her as a dependant, someone to play emotional games with and use

for all the might.

Sure she went to the embassy, they had typical victim/prosecutor

relationship, and she loved him, hated him and wanted to be back

"home", where she lived for many years. So, she threatened, begged and

cried.

I feel really sorry for her, and hope she will find a decent man.

This is my opinion on this story.

[Captain Oates 910]

Is that country part of the visa waiver system ?

When our petition was cancelled I was able to enter later with visa waiver from the (UK)

If it isnt then I reckon she would struggle to get a 'real' visa - say a tourist visa.....

I dont think that advising you to tell her you have formed a relationship with a very large woman who is in jail for serial murder and who is being paroled to live with you next week helps at all......I am joking - I have been the subject of female violence and its no joke - like a 140 lb wild cat - I would rather fight a man any day.

Cancel the interview then write to the USCIS to have her named flagged on the computer for the overstay and the withdrawn visa ..

[Anastassia 0]

I don't understand what difference it would make for you just to cancel versus starting this whole hide n seek play.

What are you afraid of ? That she will hurt you ? She can't get to you without visa.

Ana

[moelarrycheese 0]

Call the embassy in Bolivia and report the visa as a fraud. Send a letter as a follow-up, including all the usual identifying numbers. Since you are the sponsor, that will effectively kill the process.

[Fandango 1,439]

Just to give you guys some feedback, I spoke to the young lady today with the intention of finding out if she had gone to the interview, if in fact the fax had arrived and the petition had been cancelled, I didn't get a chance to confirm because the embassy was closed on Friday for a Christmas party.

She did in fact go and tried to convince them that it was a mistake, fortunately they stuck to their guns and I confirmed again this afternoon.

This girl is really desperate and it just reminds me of everything that I dislike about her.

I confirmed again with the staff here that it was indeed cancelled, and will follow up with another fax confirming the verbal confirmation.

It's really sad because this young woman knows what she wants, but she goes about getting it all the wrong way.

She prefers to make other people's lives miserable in order to enrich her own, has not gotten hold of the golden rule yet???

So I lied and told her I would call the consulate to see if the problem could be straightened out, I hate to do that but otherwise she would have been hysterical again. I needed to find out if she had gone and what had happened. Thank goodness the embassy responded to my request so quickly.

Thanks to all your help, I am very content alone at home, by myself but at peace with the world, no longer hating it...

God bless,

Jetset55

No offense, buddy, but before you get involved in another relationship, you've got some serious issues that you need to deal with. Forgive my bluntness, but your an enabler and you've just used dishonesty to make things 'easier'. You seem like a nice guy, but seriously get some counseling so you can recognize the destructive behavior within yourself that contributes to such a volatile relationship.

Well I just read this thread, and I can't believe I'm saying this but...I agree 100% with Steven. The only reason why I'm bumping this is because I think the bigger picture of the problem lies within the OP for not being upfront and honest in dealing with this woman. Regardless of how 'crazy' she is, she deserved the upfront truth..no hiding behind 'oh the embassy this that or the other'.

I'll leave ya with summat to chew on:

If you cannot be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your actions, then you don't get my respect...

Does that include your own inability to take responsibility for your own actions?

I do wish you well, I hope the situation has calmed down & both of you have a chance to move on with your lives. But in future, honesty is always the best policy!

Edited January 28, 2007 by LisaD

[Rob and Melinda 0]

What is the worry if she is back in her country? Just cancell the petition and let it fall where it will.

Rob

[ivona 0]

After reading through the whole thread there are only two things I want to say:

1. YOUR MARRIAGE IN MEXICO IS INVALID, stop thinking about it, stop talking about it, it's like it NEVER happened... the woman was still legally MARRIED at the time to a man that was NOT you

2. STOP ALL communication with her NOW... don't use excuses like checking up on how the "interview" went to communicate with her, if you need to be sure that the process is indeed cancelled talk to the Embassy, they have no reason to lie and manipulate to you and you will know exactly where you stand.

Send her one last email if you wish in which you state very bluntly that you have realized the relationship was a mistake and that that is a reason why YOU CANCELLED the petition process. Period, Hasta la vista, DONE!

Cut this whole, boo-hoo I'm sorry stuff. Find some b**** man.

I'm sorry if this post is too blunt, but my husband has an ex wife that is the same psycho paranoid that this fiance of yours seem to be, and she went ballistic when she found out he remarried even though they divorced way back in 2001. She has not stopped harassing us yet, and unlike you, we do not have the great fortune of having the psycho be in another country half way around the world.

Ours is in the same town, and after experiencing what we have from her already I'm sorry but I have very little sympathy for you in terms of how hard cancelling the petition is. Just do it...

[KarenCee 3]

Um....this thread is like two months old. The OP hasn't been back.