Need to break it off, but how?

[RosaMystica7 0]

It took so long because we first applied for a K3 visa based on a marriage in Mexico which was rejected because her divorce from a previous marriage was not finalized. But the marriage is still there, albeit probably invalid, and she has used that to threaten me as well.

If that divorce was never finalized then the K1 won't work, either - as I understand it, you both must have been free to marry at the time the petition was filed. She wasn't. Now you've got 2 good reasons why the visa wouldn't have worked out anyway, the waiver mentioned earlier and the same thing that killed the K3 will kill the K1. I think, anyway - can anyone tell me if I'm right about that?

[jetset55 0]

It took so long because we first applied for a K3 visa based on a marriage in Mexico which was rejected because her divorce from a previous marriage was not finalized. But the marriage is still there, albeit probably invalid, and she has used that to threaten me as well.

If that divorce was never finalized then the K1 won't work, either - as I understand it, you both must have been free to marry at the time the petition was filed. She wasn't. Now you've got 2 good reasons why the visa wouldn't have worked out anyway, the waiver mentioned earlier and the same thing that killed the K3 will kill the K1. I think, anyway - can anyone tell me if I'm right about that?

Well, the government did not consider the Mexican marriage valid for the aforementioned reason, and therefore MUST consider the K1 visa as a a valid application because they themselves rejected the K3 visa.

But in itself the marriage isn't much good because she does not have legal migratory status in Mexico and was still married when we married.

Beyond that I have no assets in Mexico, etc. etc.. I think this part is OK.

Just looking for a way to end it where I can still make it look like it wasn't my fault. But if there is none, I'll belly up and get it done. No harm in that, she'll get over it. I just feel bad for her. Even if she is a psychopath, she was very excited about the visa. She is like a little, spoiled kid, that's the best way to describe it.

[Ban Hammer 12,864]

Why make it complicated; looking for an easy way out?

Just say that after further consideration, "we" don't work as a couple. Goodbye.

If relationships didn't end badly, they would not end. The truth is always best.

that would work - but i'd still suggest he move - preferably to another state - right after he does that.

[Ban Hammer 12,864]

It took so long because we first applied for a K3 visa based on a marriage in Mexico which was rejected because her divorce from a previous marriage was not finalized. But the marriage is still there, albeit probably invalid, and she has used that to threaten me as well.

If that divorce was never finalized then the K1 won't work, either - as I understand it, you both must have been free to marry at the time the petition was filed. She wasn't. Now you've got 2 good reasons why the visa wouldn't have worked out anyway, the waiver mentioned earlier and the same thing that killed the K3 will kill the K1. I think, anyway - can anyone tell me if I'm right about that?

Well, the government did not consider the Mexican marriage valid for the aforementioned reason, and therefore MUST consider the K1 visa as a a valid application because they themselves rejected the K3 visa.

But in itself the marriage isn't much good because she does not have legal migratory status in Mexico and was still married when we married.

Beyond that I have no assets in Mexico, etc. etc.. I think this part is OK.

Just looking for a way to end it where I can still make it look like it wasn't my fault. But if there is none, I'll belly up and get it done. No harm in that, she'll get over it. I just feel bad for her. Even if she is a psychopath, she was very excited about the visa. She is like a little, spoiled kid, that's the best way to describe it.

as i understand it, she is still considered legally married, which is why your marriage in mexico was ruled invalid for a k-3. she is also therefore unable to be a k-1 as she's not divorced.

[jetset55 0]

With many tears I called the embassy Thursday and made my intention known to abandon the petition for the K1 visa.

I followed up with a fax on the same day. They were closed today and my significant other is very worried after not hearing from me since Wednesday evening.

I should have tried to get a receipt for her police record and send the affidavit of support but I have done neither.

The relationship is slowly slipping away, and I weep when I think of all the good times we have had together.

I composed a beautiful good-bye e-mail, but no longer have the heart to send it.

It is for the best, and for both of our futures, but I have never been very good at good-byes.

I really did love her, although she was a bit crazy. It was simply a mistake to join lives with someone who had a different vision and mentality.

And now I (and she) must pay the price for making "the two become one" only to later "put them asunder".

I need to get some sleep, anyone have any encouraging words to make this easier?

JetSet55

[mRx 16]

With many tears I called the embassy Thursday and made my intention known to abandon the petition for the K1 visa.

I followed up with a fax on the same day. They were closed today and my significant other is very worried after not hearing from me since Wednesday evening.

I should have tried to get a receipt for her police record and send the affidavit of support but I have done neither.

The relationship is slowly slipping away, and I weep when I think of all the good times we have had together.

I composed a beautiful good-bye e-mail, but no longer have the heart to send it.

It is for the best, and for both of our futures, but I have never been very good at good-byes.

I really did love her, although she was a bit crazy. It was simply a mistake to join lives with someone who had a different vision and mentality.

And now I (and she) must pay the price for making "the two become one" only to later "put them asunder".

I need to get some sleep, anyone have any encouraging words to make this easier?

JetSet55

some encouraging words would be for you to remember what you said. That she is controlling and violent. Remember there are plenty of fish out in the sea.

Good luck and im sorry your going through this.

[jetset55 0]

Wrote the letter, sent a prayer and sent it.

Sounds silly, but even like this, after being with someone for three years, you still hesitate before breaking it off.

Guess we're all human.

Thanks for the encouragement Matt85.

[jetset55 0]

Well, I told her and now she is hysterical and depressed.

She loves me, she can't live without me, how could I do this to her, if she only could have the visa everything would be different...even her family joined in to lambaste me by e-mail. It's just one big party. :S

I feel like just going ahead with the visa and alleviating her pain, but then what? Another 2 years of staying in the same place and not moving ahead?

Then I am married to her in the US and what would she do to me then?

Is it worth the risk?

She sounds desperate, almost suicidal. It's bad.

Anyways...

[mybackpages 0]

Well, I told her and now she is hysterical and depressed.

She loves me, she can't live without me, how could I do this to her, if she only could have the visa everything would be different...even her family joined in to lambaste me by e-mail. It's just one big party. :S

I feel like just going ahead with the visa and alleviating her pain, but then what? Another 2 years of staying in the same place and not moving ahead?

Then I am married to her in the US and what would she do to me then?

Is it worth the risk?

She sounds desperate, almost suicidal. It's bad.

Anyways...

You have a good heart to be so concerned about her, but only she is responsible for her words and actions. You can not save her from herself. I can't tell you what to do about this relationship, but to me it sounds like you would like to break apart and move on with your life. If thats true then take care of yourself and your needs. You wouldn;t be doing her any good anyway if you sacrifice yourself to give her something she wants.

Good luck.

Edited December 16, 2006 by mybackpages

[Ashleigh-Au 0]

remember how she treated you and how that made you feel when you were together before.....despite what she says now....she will not change.

You deserve....as we all do...someone who lifts us up.....not brings us down.

[Ladylethal 12]

There's no easy way out of this type of situation. Trust me, I've been there. I do say hang in there 'cus you probably made the right decision given what you've told us. You'll hurt, she'll hurt, but you'll move on. I'd stick to that.

[Alanlvsjudy 0]

http://www.cheshuntabc.co.uk/Headings/Lear...boxing_tips.htm

[RosaMystica7 0]

remember how she treated you and how that made you feel when you were together before.....despite what she says now....she will not change.

You deserve....as we all do...someone who lifts us up.....not brings us down.

Add to that what she could do to you after you file for AOS and sign the legally binding sponsor form... and then you two get into a fight and she runs off saying you battered her, and she gets to stay in the US that way...

It's not a decision that any of us could make for you. We don't know her like you do. We don't know the situation like you do. Only you, in the end, will know in your gut what's really right to do. But just think about her living in your house under a legally binding sponsorship form after AOS, with ways to be able to stay in your country forever where you don't have the comfort of the border seperating you two should she go beserk again. Does that thought make it worth this hardship while you break up?

[jetset55 0]

Well, I told her and now she is hysterical and depressed.

She loves me, she can't live without me, how could I do this to her, if she only could have the visa everything would be different...even her family joined in to lambaste me by e-mail. It's just one big party. :S

I feel like just going ahead with the visa and alleviating her pain, but then what? Another 2 years of staying in the same place and not moving ahead?

Then I am married to her in the US and what would she do to me then?

Is it worth the risk?

She sounds desperate, almost suicidal. It's bad.

Anyways...

You have a good heart to be so concerned about her, but only she is responsible for her words and actions. You can not save her from herself. I can't tell you what to do about this relationship, but to me it sounds like you would like to break apart and move on with your life. If thats true then take care of yourself and your needs. You wouldn;t be doing her any good anyway if you sacrifice yourself to give her something she wants.

Good luck.

remember how she treated you and how that made you feel when you were together before.....despite what she says now....she will not change.

You deserve....as we all do...someone who lifts us up.....not brings us down.

There's no easy way out of this type of situation. Trust me, I've been there. I do say hang in there 'cus you probably made the right decision given what you've told us. You'll hurt, she'll hurt, but you'll move on. I'd stick to that.

For people who don't even know me, you have been a tremendous help.

I want to write to her, console her, tell her everything will be OK, just like I always did...until the next blow up.

It was always a repeating cycle. She would become hysterical over something that I had done or not done, then it was the battle of the wills, then the battle of the minds, then who could yell the loudest, things that are not part of me--manipulation and violence. Never had that happen to me before.

But when she got her pacifier "papi loves you", then she would turn into the most beautiful and tender person, sucking away at it.

A little Jeykll and Hyde. But it's the Hyde part I remember in moments like this. I am a fool, but I remember how tender and caring she was (at times) and how much this must hurt her.

Like I say, even her family wrote me to remind me of how cowardly I am, more of the same.

Thanks for your help. I'm sticking to my guns and we'll see what happens. We have no future together, I am sure of that, I just hate to see my little baby hurting so badly. I know how awful this must be for her. I've been there and it ain't pretty. But I guess I survived, and she created this with her pattern of manipulation and threats to get what she wanted.

It was the only way...

Thanks again y'all, just pouring out my heart on a Saturday afternoon.

Thanks...Jetset55

[Ladylethal 12]

I was in a relationship that was the same. Well, not the psycho part but so much arguing and fighting that I wonder how it lasted so long, and it was simply 'cus I was afraid to break it off. I'd do it and come back, time after time, again and again, and the last time it was tough, but I kept in mind that even with good moments, we weren't happy all together. It was tougher on him who kept calling me at 3 am and so on and who hated me afterwards but time passed and now we've both moved on. You'll do the same.