Need to break it off, but how?

[pj1959us 0]

This kind of reaction should be expected...since this is part (of the reason (or main) you are ending the relationship. She is used to you giving in and probably feels if she continues that the cycle will continue. Don't let the emotional manipulation tug at your heart strings. You made a decision that you felt was right and should stick to it. Don't respond to the emails and let you both move on.

Take care and with time you will feel better about your decision and know you did the right thing.

[boboroad 0]

There must fifty ways to leave your lover

[RosaMystica7 0]

There must fifty ways to leave your lover

Read the current comments.

[jetset55 0]

Wanted to ask for more quick help--girlfriend is desperate and says that if I stop the petition that she won't be able to get another one:

"I know that you are sufficiently intelligent and mature to find a solution to reopen the petition, but I still wanted to give you information that some immigration professionals gave me here, they said there are two ways, the first is that you come and talk to the embassy personally saying that when you cancelled the petition you were nervous or that we had had a fight and a misunderstanding which we fixed, that you didn't know what you were doing, were confused and stressed and that you were unsure because you were so far away, they say you can also say that by telephone.

With regards to whether the consulate will believe me enough to give me the visa, they say that the history of your relationship together is more than sufficient to convince them.

What they all agree on is that if you don't reopen the petition, it is improbable that they would give me a fiancee visa in the future, that they have seen cases where the people get married and then after a time divorce, but it is almost never the case that someone cancels a petition and that might make them think that it is fraud."

I AM NOT GOING TO MARRY THIS WOMAN, but I don't want to destroy her.

QUESTION: If I cancel the petition, does this affect her negatively for future visas with other persons?

I stated in the fax I sent last Thursday "without predjudice"?

Thanks, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!!

[Ashleigh-Au 0]

she is panicking.......not about you....just about the visa.

Ignore her pleas.....and get outta Dodge!!

[featherB 1]

Um... you remember what you said about this woman being manipulative...?

What's she saying here? First of all she loves you sooo much and can't possibly live without you, and now she's moved on to 'you'd better bring me to the States and marry me, because if you don't I might have trouble getting a visa next time I want some guy to marry me and bring me over'? That's what it sounds like to me, at least.

As for whether she'd have trouble getting another visa in future (I suspect she's exaggerating at best about this... someone else will know more but if USCs are allowed to petition for more than one foreign fiance(e), I can't see that having had a cancelled petition would bar her from ever getting a visa in future, even if the application might be scrutinised more closely), that is really not your problem to worry about. But why is she so concerned about it, heartbroken as she supposedly is? You cancelled the petition without prejudice, that's all you can do - relationships end all the time, and this one isn't right for either of you. You're a good person to be so concerned about her, but this just sounds like sheer manipulation to me. You shouldn't feel guilty - and if you do, just remind yourself that the longer she has hope she might be able to change your mind, the longer it's going to take her to move on. You're not doing her any favours by even discussing it with her, she'll just think she can find a way to change your mind, as has happened in the past.

Good luck... it's a horrible situation to be in, but if you know this relationship is not going anywhere and isn't right for either of you, you're doing the right thing.

[RosaMystica7 0]

I, personally, think this shows something about her intentions. Now she's not upset about losing you... she's only upset about not being able to get to the US if some other guy petitions for her. So what's that mean, once she realizes you won't budge she'll go woo someone else and get THEM to bring her to the US instead?

And the "I know that you are sufficiently intelligent and mature to find a solution to reopen the petition", in my opinion, is a low blow. Seems like she's calling you unintelligent and immature if you don't re-open the petition. Such a kind thing to say to a person who feels as bad for her as you do.

You're a good man for feeling so bad for her. But don't put yourself in a compomising situation. She needs to move on.

Edited December 17, 2006 by Angilla

[Dinha 0]

Well, I told her and now she is hysterical and depressed.

She loves me, she can't live without me, how could I do this to her, if she only could have the visa everything would be different...even her family joined in to lambaste me by e-mail. It's just one big party. :S

I feel like just going ahead with the visa and alleviating her pain, but then what? Another 2 years of staying in the same place and not moving ahead?

Then I am married to her in the US and what would she do to me then?

Is it worth the risk?

She sounds desperate, almost suicidal. It's bad.

Anyways...

You have a good heart to be so concerned about her, but only she is responsible for her words and actions. You can not save her from herself. I can't tell you what to do about this relationship, but to me it sounds like you would like to break apart and move on with your life. If thats true then take care of yourself and your needs. You wouldn;t be doing her any good anyway if you sacrifice yourself to give her something she wants.

Good luck.

I agree totally with MyBackPages!

And you JetSet55 has a good heart, this is clear!

Do what you should do it, I am sure you will meet someone as good as you are! With your good heart!

Now it's just to wait the time passes by... Time is a balm that will cure your heart.

Good luck from Brazil.

[rebeccajo 14]

Holy moly.

#1. A cancelled petition never affects a second petition, other than having to explain it now under IMBRA. It won't cause a future denial.....just an explanation.

#2. She wants you to come over there and explain it to the Embassy? Oh that's really not even very clever....

#3. She's got a serious overstay. She won't make it past Border Control. Your butt is safe.

#4. She's not suicidal. She's a drama queen. Believe me she doesn't want to be dead.

[jetset55 0]

OK, thanks guys.

You can't imagine how much it cheers me up to have this support.

Thanks for slogging through the loooooooooong thread to the end, hope it was worth it.

YES, in fact she is a real drama queen, and this is real life, happening the very same day and as we speak...

Will call the embassy tomorrow to confirm the cancellation and then get a lawyer to work on the rest. Can you say "restraining order"???

THX!!!!

[heishe 2]

Congratulations! She will survive.

[Boulder Eric 0]

OMG! This sounds so much like something I went through about 5 years ago that it's not even funny. An emotional manipulator - check; Had immigration trouble in the past - check; Threats of "suicide" - check; Threats/pressure from her family - check; Suddenly was more worried about losing financial support and getting into the US than she was about my well-being or our recently ended relationship - check! Guess what? Less than two weeks later, she had herself posted up on dating sites again after a year long relationship. Wow, she must have really cared about ME! Wanna bet your ex does the same? Why feel sorry for someone who can be so abusive to you, and then only be concerned about hurting her chances of entering this country. Love bites, I know. But you have to buck up and get some self-esteem.

My advice, as much as it hurts, and because you seem like a nice guy, is to cease ALL communication with this person NOW...and I mean, like yesterday. Change your number and get a new email address. Let your friends and family know what the new contact info will be, and cease checking the old email address. Also, let them know- if they happened to be close with her - not to have any communication with her either. I did the same, and I don't regret it for a moment.

You made a sound choice in getting her to go back while trying to make up your mind about this situation. Why change it now, when YOU know that you were so very correct about ending this thing? It's going to be rough on you for awhile...weeks, maybe months. But you are going to be SO FAR better off in the long-run. It seemed like hell at the time for me too, but all things soon will pass. And now I am going to be with the woman of my dreams very soon, someone who I have tremendous respect for, and has respect for me...and we show it to each other every single day without any question of reciprocity.

Sounds like you are starting to get it under control. Believe me, you're doing the right thing.

Good luck mate...we're all here for you

Edited December 18, 2006 by Boulder Eric

[jetset55 0]

OMG! This sounds so much like something I went through about 5 years ago that it's not even funny. An emotional manipulator - check; Had immigration trouble in the past - check; Threats of "suicide" - check; Threats/pressure from her family - check; Suddenly was more worried about losing financial support and getting into the US than she was about my well-being or our recently ended relationship - check! Guess what? Less than two weeks later, she had herself posted up on dating sites again after a year long relationship. Wow, she must have really cared about ME! Wanna bet your ex does the same? Why feel sorry for someone who can be so abusive to you, and then only be concerned about hurting her chances of entering this country. Love bites, I know. But you have to buck up and get some self-esteem.

My advice, as much as it hurts, and because you seem like a nice guy, is to cease ALL communication with this person NOW...and I mean, like yesterday. Change your number and get a new email address. Let your friends and family know what the new contact info will be, and cease checking the old email address. Also, let them know- if they happened to be close with her - not to have any communication with her either. I did the same, and I don't regret it for a moment.

You made a sound choice in getting her to go back while trying to make up your mind about this situation. Why change it now, when YOU know that you were so very correct about ending this thing? It's going to be rough on you for awhile...weeks, maybe months. But you are going to be SO FAR better off in the long-run. It seemed like hell at the time for me too, but all things soon will pass. And now I am going to be with the woman of my dreams very soon, someone who I have tremendous respect for, and has respect for me...and we show it to each other every single day without any question of reciprocity.

Sounds like you are starting to get it under control. Believe me, you're doing the right thing.

Good luck mate...we're all here for you

you're the best...thanks.

YOU'RE ALL THE BEST!!!

[Donna A 4]

really u sound like a nice guy and u do desearve a nice girl also. hang in there and be strong. dont look back just look forward. i know u loved her and probably still do but she just wasnt the right one for u. good luck in finding the right one.

[jetset55 0]

Just to give you guys some feedback, I spoke to the young lady today with the intention of finding out if she had gone to the interview, if in fact the fax had arrived and the petition had been cancelled, I didn't get a chance to confirm because the embassy was closed on Friday for a Christmas party.

She did in fact go and tried to convince them that it was a mistake, fortunately they stuck to their guns and I confirmed again this afternoon.

This girl is really desperate and it just reminds me of everything that I dislike about her.

I confirmed again with the staff here that it was indeed cancelled, and will follow up with another fax confirming the verbal confirmation.

It's really sad because this young woman knows what she wants, but she goes about getting it all the wrong way.

She prefers to make other people's lives miserable in order to enrich her own, has not gotten hold of the golden rule yet???

So I lied and told her I would call the consulate to see if the problem could be straightened out, I hate to do that but otherwise she would have been hysterical again. I needed to find out if she had gone and what had happened. Thank goodness the embassy responded to my request so quickly.

Thanks to all your help, I am very content alone at home, by myself but at peace with the world, no longer hating it...

God bless,

Jetset55