He abandoned me

[samiha 3]

i was thinking just now about all the helpful answers i have got from this wonderful website,from VJ family , i know in side i'll tell my family what is happening to me, and in other side i have 2 choices between to dont show up in the interview or to contact the consulate and telling im cancelling my visa application by email or i can do that even in my interview day, i think to be present in my interview day and explain what the man i married with he did and showing my calls and telling them he disapeared and gone will make me really feel better , may be this will affect his futur plan to get married with any foreign women and cheat on them ,i know he like international foreign ladies, before going to any interveiw i better hire lawyer to apply for divorce based on absence ; what do you think ?

[aamirpearl 47]

hey everyone, am desperate, stressful, and unhappy, I have had real problems with the man I have married with since he left after our marriage in my country, starting by this visa process witch he wanted first to apply in a local office fiancé visa and to wait for 3 or 2 months before we apply for it because like he said the agency help a lot to have the wanted visa in a short time , he stopped the contact with me , while he understood I liked more the normal way with no agency or lawyer he stopped contacting me and answering my calls for almost 20 days and in the end after 4 months we applied for my visa, and got approved after 3 months , I was the one who send

forms to him to complete, making research, he dint show any effort since he didn’t apply for the visa the way he wanted first, he even tried and made purposed mistakes on forms at nvc stage while he feel mad, he told me this truth, I was surprised getting mistake checklists especially while we complete together online everything correct

He lied a lot, he lied about his divorce date witch I discovered while I have read some translated document, I discovered I was dating with him while he was legally still married (separated) with his ex wife which I didn’t like, and I forgave him, he said he have not been aware regarding his divorce date, I never expected from him to lie or change, especially after the big effort I made to make my family accept my marriage Due to differences in customs and traditions and religion,

Last time we have been chatting together, exchanging ideas concerning Islam and Ramadan one moment I felt he may felt am trying to test him or to know how much and why he reverted to Islam to marry me , we disconnected , and stop contacting each other , I have called him , and I got no answer .I felt desperate , tired and bored of the initiative to contact always, i stopped contacting him, and now 1 month i get no call from him or email, witch it never happened before marriage and during our relationship since 2009 , now i realized he is not going to call back anymore, especially after when i got my interview date and he got email too with the same info from nvc ; and after our first marriage anniversary witch it was few days ago, am in very difficult situation, i have not seen him from last year, and i see no affection and love like before , I can not shock my family after 1 year waiting for weeding and leave, that the man I chose was just a mistake in my life , and he abandoned me. i asked before for a divorce while i have seen how much he changed and how much i don’t feel happy with him like before but he refused

can you advice me , what do i have to do, my interview day is coming ,and i have no idea what i have to do, i was just thinking i may revoke this upcoming interview ,and this visa process !!! i don’t know what to do, call someone from his family ?Call him again ? He doesn’t answer! Thanks for advice,

Salam and Eid Mubarak, im really sorry wht you are going through its so hard and painful… Leave everything on God nd n jst move on, everything happens for a reason. And im glad you found out everything abt him before he wud abandon you in us… my advice is to take your time to tell everything to your family. Make yourself stronger before you tell your family or else your parents ‘ll be even more hurt to see you in this condition. I knw how hard it is for parents to see their daughter in this kind of situation. Let them knw you are happy and you are ready to move on..

[samiha 3]

My dear sister, I suggest the same as most above, remove yourself from this whole situation and try and forget this whole thing. It isn't worth it at all. May God guide you to what is good. Sorry for the troubles you've had! Aid Mubarak!

yes dear but first i need to do what i have to do,

[Cathi 5,614]

Not only offenses against you, but the law as well, a bigamist, apparent lying on your marriage license, and additional lying to the state department. You can press charges if you want to. .

In Islam it is legal for men to have up to 4 wives if they are living in Tunisia

Edited August 8, 2013 by mimolicious

[samiha 3]

Salam and Eid Mubarak, im really sorry wht you are going through its so hard and painful… Leave everything on God nd n jst move on, everything happens for a reason. And im glad you found out everything abt him before he wud abandon you in us… my advice is to take your time to tell everything to your family. Make yourself stronger before you tell your family or else your parents ‘ll be even more hurt to see you in this condition. I knw how hard it is for parents to see their daughter in this kind of situation. Let them knw you are happy and you are ready to move on..

wa alaikoum salam , thanks for your good advice

Eid mubark for you as well

[Joaozinho 15]

yes dear but first i need to do what i have to do,

Surely and I pray that your family will be understanding and everything will work out.

[samiha 3]

Surely and I pray that your family will be understanding and everything will work out.

i hope from my heart everything will work out

[Cathi 5,614]

I am sure your family wants you to be happy. Your mom and dad will understand when you explain to them what has happened, and how this man lied to you. You are their daughter and they want more anything for you to be happy.

[samiha 3]

I am sure your family wants you to be happy. Your mom and dad will understand when you explain to them what has happened, and how this man lied to you. You are their daughter and they want more anything for you to be happy.

Thank you mimolicious, no body in this earth wants us to be happy more than our parents , may ALLAH give them good Health and longevity,

[Rich and Wen 101]

If you feel up to it, go to the interview and explain to them, you may save some poor woman the heartache you are now experiencing. This will make something positive out of a negative situation. And you will no longer be a victim, but a survivor.

[samiha 3]

If you feel up to it, go to the interview and explain to them, you may save some poor woman the heartache you are now experiencing. This will make something positive out of a negative situation. And you will no longer be a victim, but a survivor.

Yeeeees this is exactly what i meant,

[bigdog 376]

Really sorry you are going through this, report him to USCIS so he cannot do this again.

[samiha 3]

Really sorry you are going through this, report him to USCIS so he cannot do this again.

I'm thinking of doing something similar ,

hi friends, I really appreciate all your support and advice, thanks so much ,do not hesitate to leave a comment , : ) i'll keep you updated , good luck to everyone,

with my love

samiha

[BigDaddy28 228]

Samiha:

Salam Alikom, that's the best way to do it. Go to your interview and explain your situation and tell them why you don't want to pursue this VISA. As of your family, tell your mother and tell her what happened the way you told us and your mother will know what to tell your dad. She knows better how to bring it up. But trust me a dads heart is not made of Rock. He will be mad true but not with you but with that man because he trusted him with his most precious treasure he had. As of divorce talk to a lawyer and see what you can do, I know the law is on your side.

Good luck sister.

To momiliciouse:

True that Islam give the man the right to marry 4 women. However it's not like you get in the morning and scratch your head and go and get married to the next woman you want. There are rules that need to be followed in order to be able to do that. I guarantee you more than 50% of man (Muslims or non Muslims) CANNOT do that because simply they can't be fair with all of them. As of marriage in Tunis, the government allows you only to get married to one woman. Please sister don't mix up religion to emotions, if you follow how the religion is supposed to be practiced you will find out the beauty of it.

I don't mean to get you mad or hurt your feelings or minimize your words and if I did I'm sorry.

[RightClicK 17]

I don't know if someone here told you this or not : You need to be patient. No one here in this forum or anywhere else or even a family member would live your life for you or take the pain for his/her self.Your the only one that will live with the decision your going to take or the choice your going to make.I seen some people telling you to get a divorce and so on and they show sympathy and i really appreciate that but telling you that is definitely wrong.They don't know your husband. They don't know you.Your husband might be upset or he just wants time for him self. You mighta have done a mistake without meaning to and he over reacted.He mighta have found another girl but he isn't sure about leaving you or he woulda have done so or told you so,he wouldn't be afraid would he ? have some patience, think calmly.Move away from the pc and think FAIRLY . Talk to a wise person and get his opinion. What if your husband had a medical problem suddenly and his at a hospital or something. you are going to regret all that if he did. Call the police and tell them that he suddenly disconnected and disappeared for 20 days and you can do nothing from there and you want them to check on him.They will check on him and you can call them back to know that at least his ok.and at least he would know that you care and even if he is with someone else. He might change his mind and see that your the real person or the one that cares the most. Since you are arabian am going to tell you this, If you got divorced you will hardly get married again to an arab or you will have a bad marriage since this is our traditions and so on.Don't ever forget these stuff. Happy Eid/Feast ...Wish you the best.