Feeling guilty...

[tmma 467]

What's the deal? Tmma was offering you good and sound advice. I guess some people don't like to hear the truth sometimes. Wowzers.

Yes lisa

Yes sarah

Edited December 1, 2006 by tmma

[sarah and hicham 3]

What's the deal? Tmma was offering you good and sound advice. I guess some people don't like to hear the truth sometimes. Wowzers.

Come collect your prize!

yay! What is it? I hope it's a goat!

[Necrotica 0]

Ok, perhaps "bite me" was a bit out of line. However, it pissed me off. I feel bad enough about feeling this way the way it is without someone throwing it in my face and then telling me something that I had already mentioned to begin with in what I perceive to be a very snarky attitude.

As for me "humiliating" him, that was definitely NOT my intention. It was actually quite the opposite. He feels bad enough about it the way it is, so I came here to try and get ideas on how to cope with it because I felt that this is the place where the most people could relate. My intention was merely to try to get some advice on how to deal with this because I already know that it is wrong for me to feel this way.

Would I choose my fiancé over a ring? Hell yes I would!!! He's more precious to me than anything in this world and beyond, and I am very, very happy that we will be able to be together. As much as I love him, though, this issue still bothers me. I had had the whole big wedding dream ever since I was a child, and I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away. I wish I could, BELIEVE ME.

Also, I never even wanted some extravagant, multi-thousand-dollar ring. I'm not into gaudiness or big diamonds, and I'm not one to show off. Hell, I like attracting as little attention as possible to myself.

Edited December 1, 2006 by Necrotica

[sarah and hicham 3]

Ok, perhaps "bite me" was a bit out of line. However, it pissed me off. I feel bad enough about feeling this way the way it is without someone throwing it in my face and then telling me something that I had already mentioned to begin with in what I perceive to be a very snarky attitude.

As for me "humiliating" him, that was definitely NOT my intention. It was actually quite the opposite. He feels bad enough about it the way it is, so I came here to try and get ideas on how to cope with it because I felt that this is the place where the most people could relate. My intention was merely to try to get some advice on how to deal with this because I already know that it is wrong for me to feel this way.

Would I choose my fiancé over a ring? Hell yes I would!!! He's more precious to me than anything in this world and beyond, and I am very, very happy that we will be able to be together. As much as I love him, though, this issue still bothers me. I had had the whole big wedding dream ever since I was a child, and I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away. I wish I could, BELIEVE ME.

Also, I never even wanted some extravagant, multi-thousand-dollar ring. I'm not into gaudiness or big diamonds, and I'm not one to show off. Hell, I like attracting as little attention as possible to myself.

You have to understand that in a public message board/forum that people are not going to give you the answers you always want to hear. SOme people are blunt and honest and others like to be a cheerleader and nothing more. You posted a thread asking for advice and tmma gave you her opinion in a very clear manner. You need to be a little more patient if you're going to make it here. If you can't handle someone telling you their opinion then you can ignore that person or choose not to reply. Or you can reply and tell them to bite you in which case people might start losing respect for you.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I might trade my husband for a really expensive diamond, something along the lines of the hope diamond. .. but only if I knew he was going to be well cared for

[Alex+R 0]

I took a look at that Bidz.com site... it's pretty amazing if it's to be trusted.

Some cheap-azz-cheap diamond rings on there.

(Although you may know my feelings on diamonds..) There are also many other pretty gems on there.

[pedroh 21]

buy it from a... damn whats the word.. a jewel crafter? well, the people who actually make the rings and stuff, not the ones who sell them.. u can get up to 50% off the price of the wedding ring.. thats how i got mine.. mine was a dealio.. the regular store price was 1k dollars.. i got it for way less than that.. lawl

[Kathryn41 3,205]

My husband and I went in to the jewellers together and selected inexpensive plain gold bands - his a little wider than mine but identical in all other ways. Looking at all of the expensive lovely rings was nice, but we felt we would rather spend the money on something else later on. These plain gold bands are perfectly beautiful to me as they are the symbol of our marriage. Why not go together now and select something simple and inexpensive with the intention that when finances allow it, you can select something more elaborate or unique, if you still want to. Afterall, it is the love and your commitment to each other that is important - and there isn't a ring on this earth that can ever be as beautiful as that no matter how incredible it is:-).

[mrc 0]

Set your priorities...if you are having problems affording items now, the ring can wait. Even after he gets here, you'll have to send in some money to process his Adjustment of Status.

If you still have to have something, check out some local pawn shops. You may find some very nice deals.

[sophyie 0]

Coming from Germany, I've never had the picture of a big bling on my finger- in Germany, it's very common to just wear plain bands as wedding rings... However, the brainwash has started here, too...

But my husband, having grown up in the US, felt bad about not being able to buy me the ring he wanted.

When we decided to get married this year instead of next (as it was originally planned) a LOT of our ideas about our wedding had to change, too. We sat and talked and decided that the money was way better spent on the whole visa thing, buying flights and moving stuff than on a ring.

The night we made the decision to get married we went online and searched and found rings made from titanium which were exactly the ones we wanted! They are a bit unusual in color, very very light (which is good for him cause he has a bad back) and mine has a little diamond in a tension setting. And they were VERY affordable.

There's nothing I miss (I think I'd rather feel uncomfortable wearing a big diamond on my finger), I love our rings, and (just in case he really feels like he has to buy me THE ring): I do have 9 more fingers...

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I am wearing a silver band that we picked out together. It was extremely cheap and I could care less. People constantly comment on my ring and inside I am laughing because I know how much it cost. I never got comments on my rings from a previous marriage, that cost him his left arm. We talked about replacing our bands later on, well it is later on and I haven't even had the inclination to look for anything else. Maybe I am a minority, but diamonds are nothing more than a sparkling rock and anymore the only people that can tell the difference between them and cz is a jeweler. Its all flash and for show in my opinion.

Besides, hubby and I are always holding hands so no one can see a ring anyways!

[Aymerlu 3]

I have a very pretty silver band that Khallid got for me in Egypt. He had the inside engraved and this ring as inexpensive as it was is my favorite. Sure I'd love to have a little diamond, which I know in time I'll have, but most importantly I have him with me now and that means much more to me than any piece of jewelry.

[Mags 112]

I don't care that I might not have the most expensive ring in the world. What matters the most to me is that my wonderful fella bought it for me. It was bought because he loves me and wants to marry me. What the ring means is far more precious than it's price tag.

[MaryandMian 1]

This is my second marriage and my first husband and I were married in a long and loving relationship that ended with his death. When we got engaged and married I did not have a ring because we could not afford one at the time. In a few years time he suprised me with a very lovely ring and I appreciated it as much then as if it had been given to me prior to our marriage.

In this marriage again cost was a factor and my husband got me a small dainty ring with my birthstone in the center and a few diamond chips. It was all he could afford at the time and to me it came from the heart and that is all that matters.

I think a ring is a nice symbol but it does not show any more significance than not having one it is the love the couple has that really shines through.

[tmma 467]

Ok, perhaps "bite me" was a bit out of line. However, it pissed me off. I feel bad enough about feeling this way the way it is without someone throwing it in my face and then telling me something that I had already mentioned to begin with in what I perceive to be a very snarky attitude.

Well, no snarkiness was intended in my post. Anyway if you already had the answers, then why ask the question?

As for me "humiliating" him, that was definitely NOT my intention. It was actually quite the opposite. He feels bad enough about it the way it is, so I came here to try and get ideas on how to cope with it because I felt that this is the place where the most people could relate. My intention was merely to try to get some advice on how to deal with this because I already know that it is wrong for me to feel this way.

Would I choose my fiancé over a ring? Hell yes I would!!! He's more precious to me than anything in this world and beyond, and I am very, very happy that we will be able to be together. As much as I love him, though, this issue still bothers me. I had had the whole big wedding dream ever since I was a child, and I can't just snap my fingers and make it go away. I wish I could, BELIEVE ME.

Also, I never even wanted some extravagant, multi-thousand-dollar ring. I'm not into gaudiness or big diamonds, and I'm not one to show off. Hell, I like attracting as little attention as possible to myself.

When you were a child I bet you never thought that thrown into the mix would be the expense of a visa for your fiance before marriage. I am not saying " snap your fingers" and make it all go away. Not at all. Everyone has dreams and visions of how they want things for themselves. No one is dogging you for that; My point was that if HE already feels bad about not getting you a ring-like you say- ( and that's understandable...I know if we were in yours and your fiance's position; Mark would feel bad too--old fashioned like that), then why make it worse by complaining about it and his financial situation to a bunch of strangers on here? I would be hurt if I were him. I am just trying to pose a different point of view. We are all different here; different opinions does not ness. mean automatic insult or snarkiness just because it's a different viewpoint from yours or not the fluffball/canned/standard response you were maybe expecting. Yes, I am blunt. Sometimes being direct is ness. because of the nature of the written word ( without facial expression or voice inflection words and meanings have to be clear). I make no apologies for clarity or bluntness.

Forget about your " bite me" response-it takes more than that to "piss me off"