Must I visit??

[mounir412 101]

yes

[christeen 966]

Aside from the uscis reasons and the scam reasons (as others have pointed out) I will speak to the relationship part...

Say, If all is legit and he is approved (big "if" there) One thing that I feel is of MAJOR importance in inter-cultural marriages is actually experiencing the other persons culture! How can you know what your husband/wife means when they say "it's not like that in ......." Or we don't do it like that in......" If you have not seen and experienced their country for yourself? Investing time in learning about and visiting and experiencing your significan others country will go a long way in understanding them. Plus, in most countries, family plays such a vital role in their lives, to not take the time to meet them and for them to meet you would be a huge disservice to you both. There are many threads dealing with problems that adjustment to the USA and non-approval from family back home can cause. Family and where they are from shapes who they are, you should have a NEED to see and experience that as part of understanding who they are on a human level!

Marriage is difficult... Marriage between people from different cultures can be downright brutal... The love at first sight is the easy part, the seeing each other every day, living together and melding two drastically different realities is where the real challenge begins.

The way i look at it, Jobs.... in your lifetime, you will probably have many... Spouses, if you choose wisely and make the effort to really get to know them, there will be only one! Take the time and do it right, it will not be time wasted I can guarantee!

[F&Z 8]

I think you can experience the culture of another person while you're married. You're going to anyway, and it's not like I'm going to be so surprised by my wife's culture that I'll decide there's no way I can marry somebody who does this or that. My fiancee's culture doesn't eat babies or drink blood so I think it's a voyage of discovery we can take with each other. And even if I go to experience her culture, she cannot come experience mine until we are married anyway. So it must be nice to take your time to discover other cultures first, but some of us don't have the money or the time.

[christeen 966]

Everyone should MAKE the time to at least visit, meet their family and get a basic understanding of where your life partner comes from...not blood drinking or baby eating, but there might be other things that would be good to experience... As much as Internet and Skype is great, youCANNOT compare it to actually being there and spending face to face time together and in the midst of THEIR world... Voyage of discovery.. great, but part of that discovery is YOU going to see THEIR world....

My experience tells me the time and investment to do this will be the best investment you can make in a marriage! Marrying someone is a BIG step, not something that you jump into... Read many of the threads here and you will see that adjustment is difficult and if you are thinking it will not be, you are kidding yourself. I don't question loving someone you have not met and knowing that person (at least the part they show you when the camera is on), I do however know there is a BIG difference loving someone from afar and living with that person with all their facets. Perhaps this is something experience and time will teach.

[F&Z 8]

I agree with everything you say, I think it is best to visit much and really learn and understand the culture and meet their family, etc. But for some of us, this is simply not possible. But we can't just give up on our dreams so we do the best we can.

[F&Z 8]

I also want to say that I knew my US citizen wife for 3 years before we got married. I knew her family very well and of course her culture. To put it lightly, she turned out to be a she-beast. So knowing somebody for a long time doesn't guarantee anything. The thing I have found in my Zhenya that I didn't find out in my ex-wife for the 3 years we knew each other before marrying is that she understands my expectations, and I understand hers. We understand there is a male role and a female role, and before anyone gets uptight I'm not talking about maid service here, just that we understand each others expectations. So I feel more prepared going into this after 6 weeks than I ever did with the she-beast in 3 years.

[Moomin 292]

Everyone should MAKE the time to at least visit, meet their family and get a basic understanding of where your life partner comes from...not blood drinking or baby eating, but there might be other things that would be good to experience... As much as Internet and Skype is great, youCANNOT compare it to actually being there and spending face to face time together and in the midst of THEIR world... Voyage of discovery.. great, but part of that discovery is YOU going to see THEIR world....

My experience tells me the time and investment to do this will be the best investment you can make in a marriage! Marrying someone is a BIG step, not something that you jump into... Read many of the threads here and you will see that adjustment is difficult and if you are thinking it will not be, you are kidding yourself. I don't question loving someone you have not met and knowing that person (at least the part they show you when the camera is on), I do however know there is a BIG difference loving someone from afar and living with that person with all their facets. Perhaps this is something experience and time will teach.

This is so true indeed! I wish USCIS would emphasize this as much as possible for couples as the step before thinking about immigration.

[christeen 966]

I also want to say that I knew my US citizen wife for 3 years before we got married. I knew her family very well and of course her culture. To put it lightly, she turned out to be a she-beast. So knowing somebody for a long time doesn't guarantee anything. The thing I have found in my Zhenya that I didn't find out in my ex-wife for the 3 years we knew each other before marrying is that she understands my expectations, and I understand hers. We understand there is a male role and a female role, and before anyone gets uptight I'm not talking about maid service here, just that we understand each others expectations. So I feel more prepared going into this after 6 weeks than I ever did with the she-beast in 3 years.

Yes, you might understand your significant others intentions and feelings... But do you understand their FAMILY's feelings and pressures they might be putting on them? This is something that ONLY going there and being a part of their world can really teach you. What is her daily life like? What is the typical attitude, challenges, problems faced within her family, friends, town, region? What is a typical day in the life? They can TELL you, but better to experience this for yourself so you can better emphasize and understand when they have adjustment issues (everyone has adjustment issues)!

I am in no way trying to imply that what you have is not real (besides, the OP is speaking of a Nigeria interview which is notorious for denial, doubt and riddled with issues) but since you hijacked the thread I will say,I totally believe in love at first site and a deeper connection with someone from the moment you meet. Happened to me and my husband. However, love alone does not a home make and there are many other pressures that come with an inter-culture marriage and many of these pressures stem from the cultural difference between a home country and their new life... I would venture to guess that many a misunderstanding could be addressed if some time and money were invested in visiting with a significant other in their own country and getting to know their family and world. I know not everyone can go traipsing off for months at a time to foreign lands, however, I don't believe that saving up and taking at least ONE trip to the homeland of the person you will be spending the rest of your life with is an unreasonable request! (Which is in part WHY it is a requirement fromUSCIS).

So don't get defensive as everyone has their own she-devil and a$$hole guy stories... You just arm yourself with as much information, patience and love to get through the rough times!

[F&Z 8]

The thread is called "Must I visit?" Sorry I hijacked, I thought we were talking about if we have to visit. The poster asked his question and it got answered, right? Sorry I'm new around here, should I start my own "Must I visit" thread? Sorry I came across as defensive, I was just trying to tell my story and my reasons.

[christeen 966]

Yes, you must visit within 2 years

[F&Z 8]

Or get a waiver.

[christeen 966]

Given that waivers are only given for religious reasons and were it will cause extreme hardship on the petitioner (which fyi, in my years on this site I have seen many try for a waiver to this including a wheelchair bound lady on dialysis with a very sick child, all turned down for a waiver ) I would seriously start saving for a trip! Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. But technically, yes, unless you get a waiver.

[F&Z 8]

Well I cannot afford the trip so I will probably be getting a lawyer to help with that, and maybe even speed things up. I really do appreciate the advice to go and visit, and if I had the money and vacation time to do it, I would jump on an airplane tomorrow. But I have to be realistic and work with what I've got. It's nice that you are finished with your process, I hope to be where you are some day.

[didopage 337]

Well I cannot afford the trip so I will probably be getting a lawyer to help with that, and maybe even speed things up. I really do appreciate the advice to go and visit, and if I had the money and vacation time to do it, I would jump on an airplane tomorrow. But I have to be realistic and work with what I've got. It's nice that you are finished with your process, I hope to be where you are some day.

If you don't have the money for one trip, how will you get money for the petition, the trip to make her come, the money to pay the visa fee, to pay for her adjustment of status process,... And you want to hire a lawyer to get a waiver because you can't afford to pay one trip? Save the money you want to give to a lawyer, some vacation time, and invest it in a trip to go visit her. I really don't want to bother you but you should seriously think about the fees to come. It's very important.

A waiver in your case has close to no chance to be approved...

Oh, and a lawyer has no power to make speed things up. Lots of time, they even slow things up as some people who hired them got a RFE during their process, because of a missing document( which can be easily avoided if you read carefully all the USCIS instructions by yourself).

Good luck.

Edited April 24, 2013 by didopage

[christeen 966]

Well I cannot afford the trip so I will probably be getting a lawyer to help with that, and maybe even speed things up. I really do appreciate the advice to go and visit, and if I had the money and vacation time to do it, I would jump on an airplane tomorrow. But I have to be realistic and work with what I've got. It's nice that you are finished with your process, I hope to be where you are some day.

A lawyer will not cost you less than $1500-$2000... Which is about what plane ticket will cost. Money better spent to visit than to pay for a lawyer to file a waiver that you have next to 0% chance of getting... So after paying the lawyer for the waiver, then having the waiver denied, you will STILL have to buy a plane ticket and go visit to fulfill the meet in 2 years requirement (with $1500 less in your pocket I might add)... So instead of trying to circumvent the system, just do what is required as I think you are just making things harder on yourself... And lawyers DO NOT speed up the process... Spend a bit more time reading info here on VJ and you will learn that. We are a DIY type of a group.... However, you seem stubbornly determined to do it "your way" however, you will learn that it is "USCIS's" way if you want success!