The child I left behind

[Fetaria 0]

How about some advice to those of use who will be sending our babes home to visit family when we move? My kids will see their dad lots I'm sure- it's up to him...but having them away for a whole summer etc, what do you do to keep focused and not be sick with worry? I am really worried I won't be able to function without them, let alone focus on a new marrige and life. Any advice, we will get a camera phone for the computer, I was thinking of making them some photo albums to bring of new house etc. It will make me nuts--- proud of you guys that do the whole long distance parent thing, good job.

I am usually nervous from the moment they leave my sight to be with their dad until the moment they return. It is hard not to be when I don't agree with his "parenting techniques" if you can call them that. How old are your children? I started a scrapbook for my daughter so she could show her family and friends her new home and school and things like that, she worked on it while she was there to add things she does while she is there. We talk on the phone a lot, as well playing games online with each other. Some nights they would call at bed time so I could kinda lull them to sleep with my voice, a way to tuck them in from afar. Those calls are hard though, I find them to hurt my heart more than any. Stay positive for them and talk lots about all the good things they will get to do while away as well as what to look forward to when they return. Another thing I do for them is to hide a note or surprise in their carry on bag for the flight. That is all I can remember at this time. Good luck to you

[DenisBlack 0]

i know this is an old thread, but i just want to bump it for those who might be going through a similar experience. it was amazing for me to find this thread because people (understandably) tend to not talk about this. reading all these stories and the way people deal with this really helps a bit.

we just need to stay strong and believe that everything is happening for a reason and things will work out for the best.

[densusan 0]

Well said........ I have 3 grown children and 3 grandchildren I left behind and miss them terribly but they are always in my heart & thoughts and I love them so very much. I didn't realise until I read this old thread that there were so many other parents out there having the same feelings of guilt I have experienced and still do at times after 3 years. I visit every year and talk to them at least weekly and hope one day to retire back in Australia but it's not the same as being present in their lives on a day to day basis. When I left I left with their blessings because they loved me enough to say " Mum you deserve to be happy...we will miss you and we love you but we want you to be happy and we understand". I feel very proud that I have raised 3 wonderful, loving and unselfish young men and I make sure they know how very proud of them I am.

There are many VJ'ers facing the decision of having to leave behind children, grandkids, parents and other family and friends and I want to wish all of them the best of luck. I'm sure you will find wonderful support from most people on here.

[NArocks 13]

When I meet my now husband ( I am the USC ) I had a hard choice as he lived and worked in the New Jersey and I lived and worked in Miami. However I made a choice to try and live up here in his area. Let me tell you I am not coutries away from my daughter ( she was 16 1/2 ) but the feelings of missing her are still there. However in making this choice my daughter has become a memeber of the working class she may not have become if mom was still there. She lives with my mother ( who is 75 ). It was a heart tearer that is for sure. However as I am still her and in love and my daughter is doing pretty good it was a good choice. It is very hard to leave ones child behind. My husband left his 3 boys and now 2 of them are with us and hopefully in a few years the other will be here also.

AS a MOM this is a very very touching subject. Not to say that dads so not feel that way either.

[justashooter 430]

Our 9 yr daughter moved here with me, our 11yr old son stayed with his dad. We have had to deal with a great deal of scrutiny already over the decision to separate them, so I do not need any more of that.

so the parents each got a slice of the pie, and it's financially and emotionally as neutral as can be. sounds fair.

except for the children. when they go into adulthood they will be two seperate people, strangers.

sure, each of the parents got their needs me, but soon enough they will be gone, and the isolation of the children will remain. the children will have a great big hole where they know a sibling relationship should be.

speaking as a man with 4 siblings whose parents died young, i can say that only my wife and children do i value more. siblings are those who know us best, and see our lives en totem. they are our best friends, if we know them.

i have to speak for the children on this one, just like i spoke for mine with the same words. not only your children, but children of those who may read this thread and be influenced by your choice.

[Sandrila 1]

I have 3 children and although I didn't permanately relocate to a foreign country to be with my spouse, I have taken 5 trips there. I spent as much as 4 months at a time away from my children. I feel you. I am relieved to have someone with whom I can share the same issue. Lucky for you it is only 1 kid and not 3.

I am still suffering the consequences of my decisions.

If you want to talk more about PM me.

Take care

Edited July 1, 2009 by Sandrila

[sasha414 0]

i know how you feel, trust me. i will soon be leaving behind 2 children and i know it will be gut wrenching.

[BokkieandGuapo 4]

Hello all,

I went through a divorce last year and although the ex and I had discussed all that would be done WRT the kids and assets and stuff as soon as the divorce went through and I started my new life there was a significant change in the attitude and things turned ugly, needless to say the dragged me through legal proceedings and denied me reasonable access to the children, two girls and a boy 11,10 and 6. I have tried to explain that I will be moving and they are free to come and visit whenever they wish, but it is still hard. Julie is worried that I will not cope but I think I will soldier through like I have done with so many challenges before.

Just putting it out there.

Shelby

[BokkieandGuapo 4]

thanks for that...i was wondering if anyone would acknowledge that there are fathers going through the same situation.

matt

ps: best of luck to everyone going through this.

I am going through it as a father, it does hurt.