Cheating - What would you do?

[LostLover 0]

I've been reading these forums for a few months now and I feel like I already know some of you. This is a lame first post but I had to join today to ask a question. I need some input.

I'm in long distance relationship with a man from the Caribbean (I don't want to specify which country). I'm pretty sure he's cheating on me. This might make me sound like a loser but I'm thinking of hiring a private investigator to confirm or deny my suspicions.

Has anyone ever done this before? How much would you pay for this type of thing? I'm at a financial loss already if he's cheating on me but it would be worth a little extra dough to know for sure. :(

[X Factor 1,110]

What makes you sure? And this has happened before to others who are being scammed and taken advantage of.

Edited February 22, 2013 by Mr Smiley

[LostLover 0]

I'm not sure, that's why I want to know. But it's the usual suspicions anyone in an LDR has I suppose. Not calling when he says he will. I've had a random number call my phone and hang up a few times from his area code. I don't want to come across as stupid and uninformed which is why I have refrained from posting on here earlier. But I just want to know if anyone has paid money to have their partner trailed. I have no idea how much this should cost so I wanted to know if anyone's done it.

Do I sound like a lunatic?

[UK-USA-K1 128]

I'm not sure anyone could give you an idea of cost since you don't want to say the country. Each country has it's won economic system and rates would vary greatly depending on the country. I would also guess in some countries there may be issues of legality as to what you can actually do or not do.

If it were me, I'd either trust my partner, or move on. I know it sounds easier said than done, but without trust, you cannot ever be happy. Even if you hire someone and they tell you they find nothing, can you really trust they did the work?

Anyway, just my two cents. Sorry you are going through this, and whatever the outcome, I hope that in the end you do whatever is best for you and your continued happiness

[LostLover 0]

Yes I would require proof. That's what I'd be paying for.

I guess I want to know what it would be worth to the average person to know this information.

Thanks for your reply UK, it makes a lot of sense.

[rlogan 2,036]

I've been reading these forums for a few months now and I feel like I already know some of you. This is a lame first post but I had to join today to ask a question. I need some input.

I'm in long distance relationship with a man from the Caribbean (I don't want to specify which country). I'm pretty sure he's cheating on me. This might make me sound like a loser but I'm thinking of hiring a private investigator to confirm or deny my suspicions.

Has anyone ever done this before? How much would you pay for this type of thing? I'm at a financial loss already if he's cheating on me but it would be worth a little extra dough to know for sure. :(

I've done it, and it can be well worth the money regardless of the outcome. I've had to hire them for other reasons too, business related, and there is high variance in quality. So check out the background of your investigator as best you can. If they're good they will give you references and you can talk to them. Price is going to depend on the standard of living for the country in question. I did it in Peru for about 1/10th the cost in the USA.

The more information you give them, the less time he has to spend watching. Like when your man goes to work or school, when they come home, where they hang out etc. My wife had a profile on myspace and didn't use it much, but I created a fake profile and sent her a message from a rich handsom young man. She said she was committed already and tried to set "him" up with her sister.

There are some basics here that should be followed. Do you have full access to his facebook or other social media sites. His email. Cell phone. My wife has had all my passwords and watched all of my correspondence in the beginning, and I encouraged that because I had nothing to hide. She was soooo certain her international playboy was going to cheat on her and it never happened. Then she decided it would be OK if I did it anyway - and it has still never happened. Just too lazy.

[UK-USA-K1 128]

Yes I would require proof. That's what I'd be paying for.

I guess I want to know what it would be worth to the average person to know this information.

Thanks for your reply UK, it makes a lot of sense.

Well personally, I'd not pay for it, but that's just me. I am prone to trust those who give me no reason not to, and those who give me reason to, I've found that eventually I find out that I was right not to trust them. I guess it just depends how you want to live your own life, and nobody here can tell you that, I can only say I'm much happier when I put those I trust at a distance and keep those whom I trust close to me.

Best of luck to you

[LostLover 0]

No he's not really online (that I know of). For him it's not a big deal to hang on the internet like we do lol. However I do know where he works, what his hours are, his extracurricular activities etc. He wouldn't be a hard person to follow based on his schedule.

[LostLover 0]

I've found that eventually I find out that I was right not to trust them.

Guess I would like to speed up the process rather than wait for eventually. What if I could find out by next week that I'm right and cut ties and move on! Rather than it drag out for months waiting for "karma" to take place lol.

[together4evr 360]

Cheaper to fly there, hire a lie detector tester and be done with it and have all your questions answered

[sherryandyashpal 7]

I've been reading these forums for a few months now and I feel like I already know some of you. This is a lame first post but I had to join today to ask a question. I need some input.

I'm in long distance relationship with a man from the Caribbean (I don't want to specify which country). I'm pretty sure he's cheating on me. This might make me sound like a loser but I'm thinking of hiring a private investigator to confirm or deny my suspicions.

Has anyone ever done this before? How much would you pay for this type of thing? I'm at a financial loss already if he's cheating on me but it would be worth a little extra dough to know for sure. :(

First of all your post isn't lame, you have a valid question, I wanted to say I am sorry for your situation and I'm the wrong person to ask because I'm super vocal and usually say what i'm thinking... so I will censor my opinion and leave room for those who likely have more balanced input:) wish you the best in whatever you decide.... ON THE OTHER HAND..... can you tell us a bit more? what specifically makes you think he's cheating?

Edited February 22, 2013 by sherryandyashpal

[LostLover 0]

First of all your post isn't lame, you have a valid question, I wanted to say I am sorry for your situation and I'm the wrong person to ask because I'm super vocal and usually say what i'm thinking... so I will censor my opinion and leave room for those who likely have more balanced input:) wish you the best in whatever you decide.

I totally appreciate that because usually I'm the one ranting at my friends for the stupid relationships they're in.

Edited February 22, 2013 by LostLover

[UK-USA-K1 128]

Guess I would like to speed up the process rather than wait for eventually. What if I could find out by next week that I'm right and cut ties and move on! Rather than it drag out for months waiting for "karma" to take place lol.

I understand, I should have been a bit clearer. I meant that when I don't trust someone, I push them away, and later it has always turned out to be the right decision. I didn't wait around until I knew for sure to do so.

You are likely different than I and will need absolute proof to move on, so it may well be worth your while for personal ease of mind to hire someone. If so, then you should do it. The dollar amount really doesn't matter if it makes you happy and you can afford to pay it.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Honestly, if I had enough doubts to consider hiring an investigator, I would just end things. Here's why: If I ever found out my husband had me followed while we were dating, I wouldn't be worried because I had nothing to be worried about, but I would feel extremely violated and untrusted. I would wonder why my word wasn't good enough. Why he didn't need to prove to ME that he wasn't cheating so why did he have to hire someone? That's a big step to take. I understand though how you won't want to end things without know "for sure" whether he is or whether you're being suspicious.

What does he say when you ask him about it? I know sometimes I would be late to call my husband (then fiance) because I got caught up at work, or my phone had died so the alarm didn't go off, or I was already on the phone, internet was out.. etc etc.

If you're committed to hiring one though, how much I would pay, as others said, depends on where he's from. It also depends on what service you need. As in, do you want him followed all day for a week? Just specific days? You would think you'd only want him followed after work, but maybe he's doing something with someone FROM work so you'd want maybe one entire day (but what if it's the wrong day and turns out its the next day?).

Also, what if they don't find anything and the behaviour continues? Are you going to assume that something IS going on but must have been when the investigator didn't follow him? Are you going to hire the investigator again? Are you going to blindly assume whatever he didn't find means you're not being cheated on?

LDR's are hard, and this process is long and hard. If you don't think you can do it, then don't. It doesn't make you less of a person. It's not easy. Trust is integral to a relationship. If he isn't making you feel secure and loved, he might not be cheating, he just might not be the right guy.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

You know, you just want confirmation. If you suspect than you know the answer.

Save your money to spend on building back up your self esteem.

Edited February 22, 2013 by LIFE'SJOURNEY