Feeling sick and overwhelmed - LPR husband walked out yesterday

[Jahwaree 83]

Listen not all break-ups meant it was only for GC. I know from what you told us here you are a beautiful

lady, dont ever let no one make you feel as if they are your last chance, dont grovel, if he wants to ever

talk soon mention counseling (you say his mom died & outside influences) if its over move on & dont be bitter

that will sap your strength and beauty. US couples break up too with no GC benefits involved...good luck

[TBoneTX 43,422]

Good things end, too.

He has told you that it's over, and he has shown you that it's over, by moving out. Actions plus words.

Be the first to file for divorce -- (s)he who files first has most of the control.

Look ahead and forward. Everything happens for a reason. He's actually saved you a lot of time by doing this now instead of dragging it on for years more.

[MIRICK02 5]

I have been on VJ since '08 when I applied for my husband's CR-1 visa. He came in '09 and I thought we had a good but not perfect marriage. I did have some suspicions that he only married me for the GC but was hoping that was not true. Unfortunately we live in an area with a large population of people from his country and as soon as he came he found a job working with them, networking with them, sometimes getting together with them outside of work and even after he found another job keeping in contact with them. I wonder if he had no community in the area if we might have had a chance to work things out. He got his 10yr GC in July '11. This past year his mom died from lung cancer, 5 months from diagnosis. She never smoked so it was a huge shock. This last month(Dec. '12) he seemed to really change and I wonder if he met someone else. He stayed out late several times('with friends') and wouldn't answer his phone. I got very angry that he didn't answer and I wonder if this might have set him off. The last couple of weeks he has been more distant, rarely wanting to have sex, reluctant to kiss me, etc. We booked a trip to Thailand back in late Sept. and he seemed excited about it then but lately did not want to do any planning and showed no enthusiasm. We are supposed to leave tomorrow but I guess it will just be me going away - I am feeling very depressed. I came home yesterday from work and he had taken all his possessions, clothing, laptop, etc. He left a note saying he had no feelings for me, no idea of a future. I called him and he said we were finished. I am simply numb. I think he must have met someone else otherwise why didn't he try to milk me through the citizenship process - might as well go all the way, no? I am just feeling numb, have no idea what to do next, could not sleep last night and haven't eaten since I came home yesterday. I am 45, not very attractive and feel like he might have been my only chance at love - feeling so much despair right now. :crying:

I believe you have such inner beauty and gentleness. You will be fine. Your true love will find you . I hope this guy that did this to you is not from my country. God bless you as you seek His will for your life.

[islandgal 74]

In most if not all states LPRs are barred from receiving public assistance for the first 5 years they are residents. -So the time period you would need to be concerned about would be after he hits the 5 year mark until he reaches 40 credits of work with the SS admin (which if he works cash jobs may never happen)

(there was a post a while ago where the USC had a clause in the divorce relating to the 864- I might have misunderstood the OPs post about what her specific clause what about but perhaps you could try something similar?(since hes not working on the books and will never outlive his affidavit of support) a clause in your divorce where he agrees not to collect welfare benefits that you will be sued for and forced to repay and if he does you have the right to sue him to get the money back?)

I agree with having such a clause in the decree. He'll sign it if he wants to be divorced. Even if does nothing, I understand the intent and reason for having it.

[islandgal 74]

I have been on VJ since '08 when I applied for my husband's CR-1 visa. He came in '09 and I thought we had a good but not perfect marriage. I did have some suspicions that he only married me for the GC but was hoping that was not true. Unfortunately we live in an area with a large population of people from his country and as soon as he came he found a job working with them, networking with them, sometimes getting together with them outside of work and even after he found another job keeping in contact with them. I wonder if he had no community in the area if we might have had a chance to work things out. He got his 10yr GC in July '11. This past year his mom died from lung cancer, 5 months from diagnosis. She never smoked so it was a huge shock. This last month(Dec. '12) he seemed to really change and I wonder if he met someone else. He stayed out late several times('with friends') and wouldn't answer his phone. I got very angry that he didn't answer and I wonder if this might have set him off. The last couple of weeks he has been more distant, rarely wanting to have sex, reluctant to kiss me, etc. We booked a trip to Thailand back in late Sept. and he seemed excited about it then but lately did not want to do any planning and showed no enthusiasm. We are supposed to leave tomorrow but I guess it will just be me going away - I am feeling very depressed. I came home yesterday from work and he had taken all his possessions, clothing, laptop, etc. He left a note saying he had no feelings for me, no idea of a future. I called him and he said we were finished. I am simply numb. I think he must have met someone else otherwise why didn't he try to milk me through the citizenship process - might as well go all the way, no? I am just feeling numb, have no idea what to do next, could not sleep last night and haven't eaten since I came home yesterday. I am 45, not very attractive and feel like he might have been my only chance at love - feeling so much despair right now. :crying:

What country is he from? Was he younger than you? Did you guys meet online? Just trying to see if there were red flags...

You're beautiful! Don't ever say you're not or let anyone make you feel otherwise. Follow the advice of others here and do what you have to do. All the best to you and I'm sorry this happened to you.

[bigdog 376]

Sorry to hear this, good luck in the future.

[Xanax 349]

I'm really sorry that you're going through this.

[Imua 0]

post canceled

Edited January 11, 2013 by Pattu Rani

[little_dreamer 11]

Im sorry to hear this!! He sounds like a real douche....forget him....and you will find true love. Its never too late!

Good luck and you are better off without him!!!

[what2donow 0]

I came back from Thailand on Wednesday. I called my husband and he said he hadn't changed his mind, it was over. He even said he had bought a microwave and a bed for the new place - that really hurt. He also took a lot more things from the apartment, not just his things but things that I would use, even the toaster. He has not called me or sent any messages. Like a fool I have been IMing him almost daily. I do not think it is immigration fraud and I am not sure if there is another woman involved. One of our major disagreements is he wanted to stay out late with friends and I am a homebody - he would come home late and not answer his phone - I said I wouldn't bother him about that anymore, he could even spend some nights there and some nights here and he said no. He chatted with me twice in Thailand and was very curt and cold but just focused on things I did which bothered him. He said he hated when I would ask if he was with another girl when he was out late(I didnt really believe it, just said out of anger) and I am wondering if he would bring that up if there really was another girl. On Wednesday I said I trusted him, I knew he didn't have another girl and he said 'how do you know?'. I have read a lot of stories of runaway husbands coming back and I pray he will be one of them. I think he has an immature view of marriage - 'feelings' come and go but marriage is a commitment. He and I do have a big age gap. If there is any way to turn his heart I wish I knew. I have read to stop contact completely but wonder if that will work. He never replied to any of my IMs so can't work any less than what I have tried. I am praying he will not file papers. I am a child of divorce and do not take it lightly. Personally I have always said the only reasons I would divorce would be abuse, alcohol/drugs or infidelity. I guess despite coming from a very traditional culture he doesn't feel the same - though he has not mentioned divorce. He had not told his father or sister that he had left me - wonder if he felt ashamed.

[InHisTime 110]

I came back from Thailand on Wednesday. I called my husband and he said he hadn't changed his mind, it was over. He even said he had bought a microwave and a bed for the new place - that really hurt. He also took a lot more things from the apartment, not just his things but things that I would use, even the toaster. He has not called me or sent any messages. Like a fool I have been IMing him almost daily. I do not think it is immigration fraud and I am not sure if there is another woman involved. One of our major disagreements is he wanted to stay out late with friends and I am a homebody - he would come home late and not answer his phone - I said I wouldn't bother him about that anymore, he could even spend some nights there and some nights here and he said no. He chatted with me twice in Thailand and was very curt and cold but just focused on things I did which bothered him. He said he hated when I would ask if he was with another girl when he was out late(I didnt really believe it, just said out of anger) and I am wondering if he would bring that up if there really was another girl. On Wednesday I said I trusted him, I knew he didn't have another girl and he said 'how do you know?'. I have read a lot of stories of runaway husbands coming back and I pray he will be one of them. I think he has an immature view of marriage - 'feelings' come and go but marriage is a commitment. He and I do have a big age gap. If there is any way to turn his heart I wish I knew. I have read to stop contact completely but wonder if that will work. He never replied to any of my IMs so can't work any less than what I have tried. I am praying he will not file papers. I am a child of divorce and do not take it lightly. Personally I have always said the only reasons I would divorce would be abuse, alcohol/drugs or infidelity. I guess despite coming from a very traditional culture he doesn't feel the same - though he has not mentioned divorce. He had not told his father or sister that he had left me - wonder if he felt ashamed.

hi Girl, while reading your post, it really touched my heart out. You seems to be very loving and good woman. Sometimes, I do ask myself, why this thing needs to happen to a very good woman -- who has a good heart? Everytime I ask myself about this, the only answer I get is God loves you truly. Yes it is devastating and embarrassing to be in this situation, but it is better to know it now than later. Please consider it still as a blessings from God. We all want our relationships to work out and last a lifetime. But, we cannot do it alone. Marriage is a union of two persons who have commitment to love each other forever. The way I see you have tried your very best to work out on your marriage. I am not sure if going to seek counseling would help bring back the reason why you both got married -- "love" is important in a relationship. It seems you have not known well your husband before marrying. I understand that as it is really hard to fully determine one's character especially when the relationship is long distance. But never regret about this, it's a way to learn great lessons in life. Important is you have tried to give your best.

I think after you have given enough time and made up all possibilities to work on your marriage, if your husband still not recognizing it, then I guess you have to start moving forward. If getting divorce will finally settle you at peace, then you have to be strong, face realities and file divorce. You deserve to be loved the way it should be. You have so much love to give. I'm sure you could find true love in time. Just know your self-worth -- stay beautiful, enjoy life and take care of yourself. God bless you.

[TBoneTX 43,422]

he wanted to stay out late with friends

Nothing good happens after midnight.

[carocaro 22]

Run don't walk away from him. Change the locks.

Trust what your gut instinct was telling you about him out late and not answering the phone.

Girl, don't be a fool. He couldn't be more clear. Actions speak louder than words.

[lillakatoussa 12]

Nothing good happens after midnight.

Run don't walk away from him. Change the locks.

Trust what your gut instinct was telling you about him out late and not answering the phone.

Girl, don't be a fool. He couldn't be more clear. Actions speak louder than words.