Feeling Low

[Adriene H 89]

I'm having a very low period lately. Please go under 'View My Content' and find my last post on the topic 'Birth Control'

Please

Edited July 21, 2012 by Adriene H

[X Factor 1,110]

You mean this thread http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/369313-birth-control/

You have had plenty of good advice. The relationship seems toxic.

[spookyturtle 9,465]

You are in a tough situation. It's good that you have realized that you need to do something about and get out. It sounds like you have done all that you could. If he's unreasonable there is nothing you can do about it. He's responsible for what he says and does, not you. He's trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Don't let him. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself. You deserve better. And I wish you the best for the trying times you are facing.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Adriene --

I replied to your PM. Spooky's advice above is spot on. You need to leave and take your life back. There is NO shame in walking away from something that's destroying your spirit.

Take courage, friend.

[TBoneTX 43,543]

Spooky's advice above is spot on. You need to leave and take your life back. There is NO shame in walking away from something that's destroying your spirit.

Si, man, and si, ma'am. When you're finally free of this, you may stand up very straight and say aloud, to no one in particular, "I'm free!" Trust this: There is NO better feeling, no man.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

You are in a tough situation. It's good that you have realized that you need to do something about and get out. It sounds like you have done all that you could. If he's unreasonable there is nothing you can do about it. He's responsible for what he says and does, not you. He's trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Don't let him. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself. You deserve better. And I wish you the best for the trying times you are facing.

Just to add to this wonderful piece of advice. Spooks and so many others are right. Don't feel isolated, Hon, we're always here for you!.

I've started formulating a plan for a smooth return back to where I came from.

I'm hoping to avoid a quick pack-n-dash exit and the stress that would come

with that. Good for you! Having an exit strategy will keep your mind occupied. No one likes to believe that they've made a mistake, you can't fix the problems of the past but you are working on a foolhardy plan for your future. Remember that there is no future with control freak hubby.

I don't know how to explain the different levels of pain I felt when he said

he doesn't enjoy sex enough to wear anything. Aww, Hon, look at who's saying it, meth head caveman loser! I feel ostracized for trying

to be responsible. You are a LADY and he's a punk, he needs to grow up, not you!!! I've been told I am evil and being disrespectful to my husband

when I try to talk to friends. Who told you this? Maybe it's the friends that he was "holding" drugs for. They think I'm bashing him. No, you are bending over backwards to try to work it out, you are not being unreasonable or vindictive, just remember who's playing emotional blackmail in this so-called relationship. You're giving and he's taking away your life! I'm just trying to get different perspectives and approaches, because I can see that the ones I'm

using Aren't Working. Nothing is working ... He's a sociopath, nothing will work with those types. He has no sense of decency or remorse, he makes excuses for his misdeeds and reverses the onus onto you, classic control freak and wife abuser behaviour!

Everyone has asked me 'Why don't you just talk to him?'

I have tried to talk. Over a year. He either tells me 'I'm sick

of pandering to your insecurities!' or 'These are Your issues! You Deal with them!' Yes, you WERE sick, you suffered under the delusion that this was a real man, now that your vision has cleared up, you can see him for the punk that he is. He's right about one thing, it is your issue that's why you're going to kick him to the curb with the trash!

We'll have terrible arguments. He acts all loving the next day. He is a controlling abuser of a husband! He displays all the classic symptoms. The carrot and stick routine is designed to keep you off balance. It allows him to confuse you and inflict even more damage! The idea is never let the victim gain her bearings!

I really can't think or talk about this stuff without crying and shaking,

and I know this isn't healthy, but I just don't know what to do anymore. You reached out to us and we all want the best for you. If you need a sympathetic ear or need to vent or maybe are looking at your options, then we are here for you! I really don't like caveman meth head controlling losers!

So if there's anyone out there listening, please talk to me. You need never ask, our common humanity unites us in this undertaking! Fear is clouding

my judgement on just about everything. I'm sorry. Don't be! Most of us are sorry that we can't help you take out the trash. If it takes a pep talk a day to steel your resolve, so be it. You are going acquit yourself as you always have, like the fine LADY you are!

[abner137 48]

You are in a tough situation. It's good that you have realized that you need to do something about and get out. It sounds like you have done all that you could. If he's unreasonable there is nothing you can do about it. He's responsible for what he says and does, not you. He's trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Don't let him. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself. You deserve better. And I wish you the best for the trying times you are facing.

[Adriene H 89]

You are in a tough situation. It's good that you have realized that you need to do something about and get out. It sounds like you have done all that you could. If he's unreasonable there is nothing you can do about it. He's responsible for what he says and does, not you. He's trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Don't let him. Stand your ground and stand up for yourself. You deserve better. And I wish you the best for the trying times you are facing.

He's told me more than once that he thinks 'emotional responsibility' is a bunch of 'psycho-babble BS'

This was after an argument with him telling me I made him miserable and the sound of my voice is

making him suicidal

[spookyturtle 9,465]

He's told me more than once that he thinks 'emotional responsibility' is a bunch of 'psycho-babble BS'

This was after an argument with him telling me I made him miserable and the sound of my voice is

making him suicidal

The only bs is his. He loves to blame others for his shortcomings in life. He doesn't have the balls to take responsibility for his own actions. He's not much of a man and needs to lash out at you to make himself feel better. Don't fall for it. You're much better off own your own than having him drag you down with him.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

The only bs is his. He loves to blame others for his shortcomings in life. He doesn't have the balls to take responsibility for his own actions. He's not much of a man and needs to lash out at you to make himself feel better. Don't fall for it. You're much better off own your own than having him drag you down with him.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[X Factor 1,110]

He's told me more than once that he thinks 'emotional responsibility' is a bunch of 'psycho-babble BS'

This was after an argument with him telling me I made him miserable and the sound of my voice is

making him suicidal

He is playing mind games with you. Prepare your exit skillfully and with care and caution.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

He's told me more than once that he thinks 'emotional responsibility' is a bunch of 'psycho-babble BS'

This was after an argument with him telling me I made him miserable and the sound of my voice is

making him suicidal

Hubby is playing emotional blackmail with you. I said it once and I say it again, he's not a man, just a punk trying to masquerade as one. With respect to his hissy fit all I can say is poor baby is having a temper tantrum. Emotional responsibility be damned, how about plain old responsibility, period. Narcissistic control freaks are like that, it's all about them. To him, you don't exist, you have no feelings and when you refuse to play their game they get upset. Your husband's arguments are full of the same substance as dirty diapers.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

This was after an argument with him telling me I made him miserable and the sound of my voice is making him suicidal

You MAKE him miserable? Oh dear then this of course means that you must fix yourself! The sound of your voice MAKES him suicidal? Well it sounds like you need to change the way you talk!

I am of course being totally sarcastic. What a complete child. He's not even a good manipulator because he's so transparent. He's trying to convince you that its YOUR fault that everything sucks. He's knocking down your self-esteem to where you will do what he wants when he want in order to make him happy (but he's not been too successful which is GREAT! You've stayed strong and realised something isn't quite right). My ex used to do the same thing. He started off slow so I didn't realise how bad it was until I was out. Sure I knew his behaviour wasn't normal, but as your husband is doing to you, he was grooming me to believe that if I just did this, or I just did that he wouldn't HAVE to yell at me and everything would be fine.

You have made the first step by deciding to leave. You are strong enough to leave him and that is where it starts. Then this is a little personal but I suggest you see a counsellor to talk about the issues you faced with him. You won't realise that some of his emotional bullsh*t is still holding you back until a situation arises. You need to build back up your self-esteem and you need to release some of the anger. When I stopped and though about it when I was finally out I was so so angry about it all.

Also, as another side note... you might want to consider ditching "the friends" that told you you were a bad person for putting your husband down (though I don't believe that's what you were doing). They are not your friends and they will damage your healing process. True friends would support you and your decision while providing a "devils advocate" opinion if required. They should have seen how emotionally battered you were feeling and told you that even if he IS a good guy (which again I doubt but if they're his friends that would be their opinion) he's obviously not the guy for you and they should have assisted you in getting out and being happy.

[Penguin_ie 5,988]

*** several posts removed for being off-topic and bickering. One post quoting such but with relevant info returned below. Keep it civil and on topic please ***

To some it might connote a reckless disregard for one's safety but given the rather dire situation of the OP and the fact that she has exhausted all reasonable options at this point it is best that she leave in as expeditious a manner as possible. She will not be safe in the current situation. Damn the torpedoes full speed ahead!

[Adriene H 89]

Now he is on his way to hospital in an ambulance.

About 15 minutes after he woke up today, he started having

immobilizing pain in his man parts region. He was doubled

over and having to lie on the floor.