Expiring J1 Visa. Should we Marry or apply for K1 Visa?

[didopage 337]

If she's an au pair, her return ticket is paid by her agency/host family, right? Sounds like you have a difficult choice to make here: you don't want a rushed marriage/she wants. I'm always a little concerned when I hear stories of the non-US citizen wanting to rush things/stay in the US. There are so many sad stories on VJ where the US citizen got manipulated by a not-so-caring foreigner who wanted to stay/go in/to the US. I'm not judging your girlfriend, far from that, I don't know you and her personally, but that's something to be aware and careful of as you don't know each other since very long. There are for sure also some beautiful and long-lasting stories about people getting married after few months of knowing each others.

The K-1 route would still be my best advice. The temporary long-distance relationship is tough, but it may also a good way to "test" your relationship. I'm kind of a risky person but not when it involves marriage... this is a huge commitment, especially when it involves immigration. If you plan to get married soon, keep you inform of the "affidavit of support" part. Basically, you will have to sponsor your wife (and have a co-sponsor if you don't make enough) and the sponsorship won't be annulled if you guys divorce (read about it). I'm the foreigner in my couple, but I showed those papers early in the process to my husband (fiance), and asked him to read them carefully just so he knew in what he was going to be involved.

I don't want to scare you at all, just to warn you to be inform of everything if you decide for a rushed marriage.

Edited June 18, 2012 by didopage

[LeftCoastLady 441]

Didopage brings up some great points for you to consider. There are so many stories posted in the "Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits" of couples rushing into a relationship only to have it turn sour because they don't know one another.

Again, not saying that any of those situations will happen to you, but both parties should be 100+% certain they want to marry one another and it sounds as if you're not there yet. Because she would be dependent upon you financially for a while until she's authorized to work in the U.S., be absolutely certain you're ready to take that on.

[L+T 71]

Hi everyone! A quick update. We are still figuring things out but it sounds like she doesn't want to go the k1 visa route. Her reasoning is because it'll be hard for her to find a job, a place to stay (her parents place is very small and doesn't seem like an option) and is a little worried of distance hurting our relationship. This all makes sense. I guess I didn't take into account of her situation back in the Ukraine as she doesn't have much saved up. A k1 is still on the table but as a last resort I guess. Her main thing is that she is already here and it seems more costly to go back to her country, then back again later. If she overstays, she wouldn't be able to work in the US or get a valid driver's license if I'm not mistaken correct?

My question is, is there another route we can take aside from getting married literally in less than a month, without her overstaying her j1 of course. My main issue is that i personally like to take my time and don't want to feel like we rushed into a marriage a year or two down the road because we were pressed for time, but at the same time I don't want to prolong her from actually having a life out here. It seems the faster we get married the better it is for her, so she can get a job etc. She made two good points that we can always have an official wedding with friends/family at the end of the year like i initially wanted, it's just the paperwork that is important. Also, she brought up the fact that she doesn't care how the USCIS views a "rushed marriage" so close to her j1 expiring, since it is real and believes there isn't nothing they can really do because they would not find anything to prove it was a sham, which is true (we have plenty of pics, some old restaurant and movie receipts etc.).

I guess it comes down to me wondering why there isn't a type of visa that allows you to remain in the US longer when something like a j1 expires and there are no other options. Like a k1 would be perfect for our situation I think if it didn't require her to go to the Ukraine and she could stay here during that process. At the end of the day, I just want the process smooth and unrushed; wanted to enjoy being engaged, having a bachelorette/bachelor party for each of us and all the joys leading up to an actual wedding like her showing off a ring and me introducing her to people that have never met her due to distance etc. It would be ideal if they allowed us to be fiances/engaged while she is already here and file for a future marriage in the year. I just want to get us a few more months for both of us to really make sure we are both ready for this type of commitment.

Thanks again everyone, I'll keep this thread posted when a final decision is made!

If she can show the means to pay for it, she can switch to student visa. I had au pair for hire for my son, and my aupairs friend switched to student visa after her time was up. Though you still can't work, except maybe for the school. But you could sponser her for community college and give her place to stay. Or her current family could help out a bit for living ect............. Good Luck!!

[Alijah 0]

you can apply for a waiver to lift the 2 year band.

[Alijah 0]

or home residency requirement

[ashleyphilly 70]

I was in a very similar situation 6 months ago. I am the benefiary, was living in U.S. under H1B work visa. Last year, my work visa expired. My fiancee (BF at that time) and I were wanting to get married (we were in a relationship for 7 years.) However, when we just were planning to get married, he lost his job. And he certainly did not want to get married being unemployed. After my H1B ended, I switched to B2 visa to spend more time with him, and were waiting on whether he got a new job, but he couldn't. So, I had no choice but to leave my fiancee and the U.S.

Right after I came back to my country, my fiancee get a very good position at a pharma company, and he started the I129 petition in February. What I am trying to say is I could have pressured him to marry me, but I did not, because he told me that he certainly didn't want to get married being unemployed. So I had to respect his decision. From being in such a long relationship, all I can say is respect and understanding are the key factors for its success. I'm hoping that we will not encounter problems in the K1 process, we have together for over 7 years, and we love each other. Probably we will be asked why we did not get married before...1 month already passed since the receipt of our petition, and we are expecting another 7-8 months hopefully for the visa approval.

Of course this is your and your fiance's decision, but I agree with the posters in this forum, and say that marriage is a process which should be initiated with both parties being ready. Good luck

[KayDeeCee 4,900]

The OP has not been on VJ since June 2012.